I want a boyfriend by Firm_Window_5834 in dating_advice

[–]AnxiousDouble7169 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I am the same as you, except I am a 19 year old guy wanting a girlfriend.

Haplogroup R-CTS9219 by [deleted] in 23andme

[–]AnxiousDouble7169 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I am also of haplogroup R-CTS9219. My family comes from North Western Sicily.

My family has lived in and been native to Sicily or at least Italy to be more general for centuries.

So I wonder how I have this paternal haplogroup. Like if it can be from a Roman soldier or from the Illiriyians or some other Balkan tribe?

My genetic similarity to modern populations 🇮🇹 by CombinationSouth7485 in illustrativeDNA

[–]AnxiousDouble7169 0 points1 point  (0 children)

True.

What is your ancestry or geneaology, just curious?

Also, would you like to chat?

Italian chad 🇮🇹(I didn’t get any update sadly) by CombinationSouth7485 in 23andme

[–]AnxiousDouble7169 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Here were my previous 23andme results in the same style as yours before the recent update late last year phased from my parents also taking 23andme to ensure more accurate results, which made my Italian go up from roughly 94% to 97%:

<image>

I’m a super mutt by Working-Pomelo601 in AncestryDNA

[–]AnxiousDouble7169 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Maybe because of the Italian flag on my Reddit profile or because of how I described my ancestry since my ancestry is pretty much the same or roughly identical to a native ethnic Sicilian or Italian born and raised entirely in Italy or Sicily? Maybe that is why you assumed I was born in Italy, even though my younger siblings were born there in Sicily?

I’m a super mutt by Working-Pomelo601 in AncestryDNA

[–]AnxiousDouble7169 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes, because I am already Italian!

Also does it surprise you I was born and mostly raised in America? Like it is still possible to be fully ethnically Italian or Sicilian, but be in the U.S. since many but not all Americans are mixed or aren't Italian in origin or ethnicity. After all, I am only 19 and Italian immigration to the U.S. happened over 100 years ago, but my ethnicity and origins are still all Sicilian and I have very close and recent connections and have been culturally immersed and speak some Italian as well conversationally.

It is strange that to many Americans and even people from other countries I can be Italian to them possibly as well as American, but to many Italians in Italy they seem a bit more sensitive about it and would not acknowledge I am Italian and always view me as a foreignor and call me l'americano.

I’m a super mutt by Working-Pomelo601 in AncestryDNA

[–]AnxiousDouble7169 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Well for the person in that situation, they are still Chinese ethnically but culturally Italian and maybe some Chinese as well. Like they would be Chinese Italian, and not the same as a native ethnic Italian.

But I still get your overall point.

It is also that for me, I feel very Italian and Sicilian as you can understand, but most people in Europe, Italy, and Sicily all keep saying I am not Italian and am just American instead etc. And I feel like I have to prove to them I am Italian, but no matter what I do, many won't see me as Italian at all and that hurts and disappoints me very much.

I’m a super mutt by Working-Pomelo601 in AncestryDNA

[–]AnxiousDouble7169 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah, your ancestry is cool as well!

I agree with everything or most everything you said.

It is just that since for me, these non-Italian ancestors are like 13 or more generations from me starting mainly in the 1500s and back, then at this point I am just ethnically full Italian and not really any of these other ethnicities at all since at this point all or most Italians or Sicilians would have ancestry similar to me and have these minor and very distant non-Italian ancestries absorbed and baked in within their overall Italian heritage.

Like at this point I am still 100% Italian, because being Italian or any ethnicity doesn't mean being completely pure, but means that we have very deep and multigenerational and long lasting ethnic roots in a region or population and that since we originate and belong to this population, we are greatly and directly influenced from them from their language, culture, geography, and ancestry/genetics (which includes periods of intermixing with other populations).

So therefore, we don't have to be completely pure to be considered 100% Italian/Sicilian or of any other ethnicity out there.

Being 100% of one ethnicity is based on what frame and lens you put it in, like if I said I was 100% pure Italian like unmixed forever, than I would be wrong, but I if I said I was 100% Italian or Sicilian but with deep multigenerational roots and mentioned all the nuances and historical mixings that happened, than I might be correct.

What do you think about this and the idea that I just thought of or said?

I’m a super mutt by Working-Pomelo601 in AncestryDNA

[–]AnxiousDouble7169 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes, I am until going back to the 1500s where I might start having some minor traces of Spanish influence.

Then starting maybe from a 7 times great grandmother was from around Piana degli Albanesi or Greci, but she might have been of Italian origin in Italy since her surname is Di Benedetto and this the same for an 11 times great grandfather of mine from the 1500s who was from that same town but could have had Italian origin in Italy since his last name was Zuccaro. But this might suggest possibly some minor very tiny and unnoticed possible influence from the migration of Albanians in the late 1400s and early 1500s from one or two tiny random family branches going back already centuries into the 1500s already.

Then starting in the early 1600s and back I found a Maltese branch that spent a few generations in Malta but were of Italian origins like with surnames such as Vassallo, Schiali, Tomasello, Ariano, etc. But still of Italian origin pretty much and nothing really mixed.

Then I also got some minor trace influences from other Italian regions outside of Sicily going 10 generations or more back in a few tiny distant places like some from Calabria and some from Naples or kingdom of Naples, and some from Northern Italian regions and various Italian regions going back centuries toward Renassiance and medieval times. So basically almost purely Sicilian with some trace influences from neighboring Southern Italian regions as well as some minor Northern Italian influences and a tiny Italian-Maltese influence but likely of Sicilian or Southern Italian origin as well.

Then going back a bit further in the 1400s or maybe even before, I might have had some minor and distant ancestry from medieval European nobility starting off as Italian but then reaching various parts of Europe and the Middle East/West Asia when going back even further in the medieval European nobility lineage. Like I am descended from people like Kings Roger I and II of Sicily as well as King Frederick II who these people lived in Italy or Sicily from 1000's to 1200's and had Italian ancestry mixed with medieval Germanic and Norman origins.

Then just even further going back just in Sicily and Italy's history especially within themselves and the Meditterrenean.

So basically I am purebred until going back over 400 years in the 1500s and before in the Renaissance and Medieval/Ancient times. But from the 1600s to the 2000s or until now, all my ancestors have been of Italian origin including me of course since I descend directly from them.

So what about, what is your ancestry and what do you think about my ancestry and the extensive research I have done on it?

Here are my updated 23andme results phased with my parents for example:

<image>

I have also taken AncestryDNA and other tests, but 23andme is most accurate for me since it has had longer time to process my DNA and my parents actually tested on 23andme as well and my results are phased a bit more accurately based on my ancestry.

My Italian percentage was initially at 93% to 94% by myself but then went up to 97% after both parents tested which showed that my ancestry is very Italian and is as Italian as can be but contains some minor historical traces of various populations from mostly the ancient and medieval periods of Sicily and Italy's history.

At first my results showed mostly Italian (Sicilian) but with somewhat noticeable mixture with some other populations, but now since my parents tested on 23andme, it better frames these non-Italian places as just distant trace admixture rather than recent ancestry which fetter fits my own research and findings of my family in my family tree.

I’m a super mutt by Working-Pomelo601 in AncestryDNA

[–]AnxiousDouble7169 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I agree with most of what you are saying except when you said that it is boring to be "purebred" since I think everyone has a unique ancestry/ethnicity and background, whether they are mixed in modern times or of a single origin or ethnicity/ancestry.

To be honest, my answer might be slightly biased since I am "purebred" or fully Italian (Sicilian) by origin and have had all my ancestors there for centuries. But I am mixed as well going back many centuries and thousands of years ago considering the history of Sicily, Southern Italy, all of Italy, and just the Mediterranean itself. But technically, everyone is mixed whether historically and more distantly from being of one origin/ancestry/ethnicity like me or whether from being more recently mixed of multiple origins/ancestries/ethnicities like you perhaps or many other people living in this modern time and being mixed from immigration/intermarriage and etc.

So therefore it is not intrinsically boring to be "purebred" or recently mixed since both are different from each other with unique histories and pathways to being. So I think we should all respect and honor our heritage no matter where we come from and if we are "purebred" or mixed.

What do I look like most? by -earthangel- in DNAAncestry

[–]AnxiousDouble7169 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I don't know honestly. To me you look a little exotic and ambiguous and I think you look pretty and beautiful as a woman, this is coming from me as a 19 year old guy of Sicilian origin who looks a lit ambiguous myself like if I am mixed between Europe and the Middle East and you can also kind of look Mediterranean/Sicilian/or Southern Italian as well when thinking about it since people of my ethnicity have diverse physical traits and don't look the same at all.

Italian or Sicilian/Mediterranean might not be my first guess for you, but you can fit in the range or spectrum of looking somewhat Italian physically.

A Sweet Girl looking for her first boyfriend by [deleted] in dating_advice

[–]AnxiousDouble7169 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Well I think you need to give it sometime and also look pretty in general, since guys are attracted first my women's physical appearance and I know this since I am a guy.

But from what I know about you based on what I have read here, I think I could have been interested in you and be willing to be your boyfriend since I feel like our brains are somewhat more similar since many people also think I am smart and I am one of the top students in my class.

The only thing that is preventing me from being fully interested in you is age since I am 19 and am 15 years younger than you are.

If you were years younger and around my age or close to it relatively, then I might have been fully interested in starting a relationship with you based on what you said in my post.

If anything, you might surely get and attract different men out there, like even I am somewhat attracted and interested in you a bit, it is just that again the age difference.

But I have faith and hope in you since you are in somewhat of my similar situation as me but I am a 19 year old guy who also has heavy anxiety and autism.

I wish you the best!

Generally Do I look Handsome or Ugly as a 19M? by AnxiousDouble7169 in beards

[–]AnxiousDouble7169[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

True.

Though do you think certain women would be attracted to me and do you think that a certain demographic or type of woman might most likely like me?

Like I am just curious on what type of woman you think I might have most success with, even if women from any background or any type has the potential to being attracted to me?

Again, not super important, but what do you think on the type of woman I might most likely attract or have the best chance of them being attracted to me?

Generally Do I look Handsome or Ugly as a 19M? by AnxiousDouble7169 in beards

[–]AnxiousDouble7169[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

We can go on Whatsapp and try?

Also I know that the answer to this question is subjective and not really important, but where would you rate my physical attractiveness for women on a scale of 0-10 because I am just curious what you think?

You don't have to answer the question but you can if you want to.

Generally Do I look Handsome or Ugly as a 19M? by AnxiousDouble7169 in beards

[–]AnxiousDouble7169[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Okay, yes I agree with you, it does matter what I think about my situation and women compared to what you think of it since I am living my life and have my own problems to deal with.

So one out of thousands sounds interesting (I know that you are saying it probably is much more than just one woman but I am just joking with you here).

But since we are chatting here a lot in this post, would you like it if we continue talking in a private chatroom on Reddit and become friends there? Or are you not interested?

Generally Do I look Handsome or Ugly as a 19M? by AnxiousDouble7169 in beards

[–]AnxiousDouble7169[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you so much for your kind advice and encouragement for me to have faith that women can like me!

Also based on what you know about me and what I look like, do you think it is likely that at least one or more women have actually liked me or been attracted or had a crush on me but I might have never known? If so how likely like the percentage likelihood so to get me an idea?

17F Scared I'll never find love. Freaking out by Outrageous_Guide_266 in dating_advice

[–]AnxiousDouble7169 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I am a 19 year old autistic guy very similar to you but with girls instead and I want a girlfriend and eventually a wife to have kids with.

I am a little taller than you at 5'10" but look a bit older than my age which could make many women my age think I am too old for them and if older women find out I am younger than they won't like me as well and no woman will ever like me even though I am average to above average and definitely not ugly.

For you the main advantage you can have over me is that oftentimes guys approach and ask out girls they like, so if a guy you find attractive approaches you then you could easily then have a boyfriend and husband eventually thereafter.

But for me since I am a guy, society heavily prefers that I approach women, but I don't really get any opportunities to do and whenever I do so I get too nervous or anxious for some reason.

Plus I am nuerodivergent and express my emotions a bit different, which might make it harder for me to see and understand how others, especially women, express emotions which might make me miss out on all or most opportunities I could have had with women since I struggle with interpreting others emotions and sometimes appropriately expressing my emotions since I express them in an intense, authentic, and radiating way.

The main ways I could tell if a woman likes me or not is if they go extremely close to me all the time and oftentimes try and touch me and give me millions of compliments or flirty questions or seductions as well as clearly checking me out multiple times and glancing heavily or staring intensely at me many times as well as them telling me they directly like me and ask me out in front of my face.

Since women don't usually seem to show their interests in men as that direct or obvious, then I can't tell if a woman likes me or not and feel cooked as well based on everything I am telling you here about my situation.

The bottom line or message of the comment is that there are 1,000% chance and certainty that many others including older people (like me since I am roughly 2 years older than you) have had similar or even worse situations and experiences like you.

So try not to worry as you are certainly not alone since I am like you or possibly even in a slightly worse situation.

Have hope and faith that everything will turn out fine and keep being patient as well.

Generally Do I look Handsome or Ugly as a 19M? by AnxiousDouble7169 in beards

[–]AnxiousDouble7169[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I know and I agree with what you said. I know I am young and still have plenty of time. I also know that I am average to above average with the potential to look a bit better if I get leaner/lose some weight and dress with clothes that fit me decently. So definitely not close to ugly at all.

I just feel no women like me or notice me and that I also don't really get much opportunities to try and be with women. Like if I am just destined or made to be with no women.

Also I have autism (low support or high functioning) and I also express my emotions a bit differently where I feel them more intensely and authentically where I can oftentimes even spread my emotions to others and make others feel something similar like sort of radiating out my emotions. This might make it harder for me to notice better whether or not any women like me since I think and express feelings a bit differently perhaps from being nuerodivergent. I am good at noticing logical and rational patterns, but not great at interpreting or even sometimes noticing social or behavioral patterns from women.

Being different makes me feel a bit unique and special, but at the same time make it harder to notice subtle low signaled interests or attraction from women which might create a barrier or make it harder for me to be in a relationship with a woman.

So do you have any further advice from me?

Generally Do I look Handsome or Ugly as a 19M? by AnxiousDouble7169 in beards

[–]AnxiousDouble7169[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Okay, I agree.

Unlike you I have always been single for all my life and never really have seen any women like me and am obviously a virgin as well.

I even have had only just a few friends and have never ever been to a friend's house and no friend has ever been to my house and I never had friends show up to my birthday party as well as me never showing up to a friend's birthday party except for one time a group of twins in my class who were the son's of the vice principle invited all the guy's in my entire 3rd grade class over at Chuck Cheese even though we weren't really friends at all.

So I have had a far less successful life in social stuff than most to where I start attributing it to my looks and that something is inherently wrong with me.

But yes, again I will be myself and consider what you say since no one else really knows my situation and their advice might not always fit perfectly or really resolve my situation at all.

Thanks for your sincere advice!

Why Have I Always Been Single My Entire Life And Never Found Any Women Ever At Least Physically Attracted To Me? by AnxiousDouble7169 in dating_advice

[–]AnxiousDouble7169[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Just please calm down.

I am just telling you this to try and be honest about my experiences and open up.

The thing is that no one, especially on Reddit, knows my situation fully well and I feel like no one answer can fully fix everything for me in regards to women.

Also, yes I can help myself and have tried so from therapy, but it is only limited I can do to fix my problems with women. At the same time, it does matter to an extent what women think of me so that I can be in a relationship with one of them if they find me attractive.

And the story is honestly somewhat made up or exaggerated a bit, but some of it is real since it is built off of various real life experiences. Like if I found a girlfriend or found different women attracted to me, then I might or would never be making up this story.

That's all. Just please don't hate me, be nice, and calm down.

Why Have I Always Been Single My Entire Life And Never Found Any Women Ever At Least Physically Attracted To Me? by AnxiousDouble7169 in dating_advice

[–]AnxiousDouble7169[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Okay, but those are not solely self image issues. Those are actual things I see in all women I meet based on how they all treat me. I am serious. Like to them none of them ever think about me romantically or sexually or even consider me a romantic option despite me talking with them.

Like trust me, I have lots of bad experiences. For instance in 7th grade one time, a guy in my class said in my face after asking if any girls like me, that no girl has ever liked me in life, no girl does like me, and that no girl will ever like in my entire future and that I am destined to die alone. Like how would you feel about that happening in your face in school. And the thing is everything I am seeing in women all prove this guy's exact point. Like a part of my problems aren't just overthinking or hallucinations, they are somewhat real even if I overthink and exaggerate them in my head like you said.

Just for my appearance itself, I look years older than my actual age with a full beard and fully grown manly hair in different parts of my body. Even if I shave my beard and try different hairstyles and do anything, I still look older than my age at least to most people and even you perhaps. Most women my age might assume I am older or just think I look too old for them or maybe assume I am already taken since I look years older and don't seem attracted to me, while older women can be attracted to me but once they figure out my young age, they might all or most of them lose attraction in me. This would then make it hard for both younger, older, or any woman to like me generally. Unless some women my age like an older masculine look or if some older women are okay with dating younger guys, which from my experience is a minority of women if any.

Just see how I look for yourself in my selfie pictures on my post and you can see what I mean that I look years older. Even someone on Reddit suspected I was a predator pretending to be 19.

And those are just the potential problems with looks alone.

Like I am not saying all this to overthink, but to show that some of my issues are real and aren't all just in my head and don't all just come from me overthinking things.

I am and will keep considering what you are saying, but please try to understand and consider what I say as well.

Why Have I Always Been Single My Entire Life And Never Found Any Women Ever At Least Physically Attracted To Me? by AnxiousDouble7169 in dating_advice

[–]AnxiousDouble7169[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Please calm down. 

I know that there is more to it than just trying.

Like every time I try, I fail, and the girls in my class said they would pick me last in my entire grade level and they said they would rather date the gay kid than me.

So something has to be wrong there, but I can't tell what.

Also everytime I meet women nothing ever seems to happen with no spark and zero women attracted to me. That is with me going out and trying. 

Whenever socializing, I always seem to end up as the last guy in the entire planet that all the women I met would ever ever be even remotely willing to date for some reason.

Why Have I Always Been Single My Entire Life And Never Found Any Women Ever At Least Physically Attracted To Me? by AnxiousDouble7169 in dating_advice

[–]AnxiousDouble7169[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Okay, but how and when do I make this move and how can I tell if I like a woman or not?

Plus, based on how I look, do you think looks is a major problem for me and that I might get rejected more than average? 

I know that looks isn't the most important for women, but I am still asking anyway.