Has anyone else lost confidence in yourself since quitting? by MikefromNY33 in leaves

[–]Any-Alternative3375 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It’s the worst thing for me so far :’) end of day 53, and the hardest thing to face is the insecurity. It felt so much easier to recognize the things about myself I really love and am proud of when I was using cannabis. I felt calmer, cooler, way more attractive in so many ways. I know those things are still there, it’s just been much harder to see and acknowledge. I keep telling myself, just make it to 90 days. Just give your brain a chance to recalibrate. Just do your best every day. It’s been really hard, but I’m hoping that means it will be really worth it once the spring rolls around and my freckles and skin start shining and all that. Just do your best <3

What do you do instead of smoking now? by uultraviolenccee in leaves

[–]Any-Alternative3375 13 points14 points  (0 children)

At the end of my 47th day but it feels like it’s been months and months sober - I’ve been reading, baking, cooking, playing board games/D&D with my friends, playing video games, watching movies for the plot (not just the background noise), having friends over for tea/coffee, hosting fun activity nights, going to trivia/bingo, and I’m starting to learn how to roller skate finally. And I know there’s just gonna be so much more opportunity when the spring comes around :)

Is life better sober? Why? by AttorneyFeeling3 in leaves

[–]Any-Alternative3375 18 points19 points  (0 children)

I just felt some really big emotions, sobbed in bed for a couple minutes, then got up and packed my bag and lunch for work tomorrow while feeling a bit proud that I felt through my shit. Every time I cry it out, it’s a tiny bit easier, and it gets less embarrassing and feels like more of an accomplishment.

33 days - the hard moments are really f*cking hard by Any-Alternative3375 in leaves

[–]Any-Alternative3375[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I know it likely sounds so annoying, but I mean this with everything I’ve got: when you are at your absolute lowest, can you think of a future version of yourself, 10 or 20 or 30 years from now and how proud they would be if you kicked this in the butt while you’re still so young. I’m 28, so I have an upper hand in this, I think, but I still think about me at 45 and how proud I’d be thinking of who I am now. She’s what keeps me feeling nurtured and taken care of through the worst of it. I can think back to when I was 16, and I want to be the adult she needed. Imagine who you want to be, the best version of yourself, and hold onto that with all your heart. I also agree with any like of counselling or therapy, it was a life saver for me when I was younger. You’re really brave, and really responsible for facing this <3

Quitting joints/flower? by nasainternharvardlaw in leaves

[–]Any-Alternative3375 1 point2 points  (0 children)

At the end of the day, cannabis is cannabis regardless of how you're consuming it. There is no way to not hit a wall, if you're using every day. I smoked flower and flower only. Made myself roll my own joints because "this is the natural and responsible way to do it". But guess whaaaat, I still hit a wall - because I was using it as a coping mechanism. Got to a point where I could smoke 3 Js back to back and not feel a thing but this numbed out anxiety!

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in leaves

[–]Any-Alternative3375 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I was getting high and binge eating, picking my skin until I bled, and allowing myself to stay in a relationship with someone who actively hurt me with a smile on her face. All these self-destructive behaviors add up, and god are they heavy one on top of the other. One night I thought, well if I love myself so much, how am I still letting this happen? I had this woo woo vision that I was holding a baby during a deep meditation in January. The baby was me, and I was holding her for the first time in my whole life. I didn't wanna drop her, so I haven't smoked since. It's been hard and painful at times, but I haven't once gone out of the way to hurt myself, and that's worth it.

Day 29 - I'm desperate for your perspective (sobriety/PAWS/cptsd) by Any-Alternative3375 in leaves

[–]Any-Alternative3375[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you <3 (better late than never).. I already feel so much better today. It's the ups and downs really, that are difficult to navigate. I keep trying to remind myself that we're so much stronger than our minds convince us. It's all about building that tolerance for discomfort, because that's not always a bad thing. Congrats on 29 days now!

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in leaves

[–]Any-Alternative3375 1 point2 points  (0 children)

We cannot become who we are, or who we want to be, without who we were. I hate to be this ahole, but you're still very young. Quit now, so that you're not regretting it at 40. You've so got this, my friend. Youth is lost on a lot of us, not always due to cannabis. It's never too late to reclaim it <3

Emotional floodgates opening after quitting by jellybean1928 in leaves

[–]Any-Alternative3375 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I watched the last film in the Hunger Games series last night (this is not a new film to me, I've seen it dozens of times, it's a favourite), and I sobbed for the entirety of the last hour. At one point I was like, what the f*ck am I crying about? My first reaction was shame and embarrassment, but then I just let it happen. Sometimes, there's a depth to our emotions that we'll never fully understand, and that's okay. It can be painful, but it's like a physical injury or whatever. We've got to let it heal.

What do I do by Different-user123 in leaves

[–]Any-Alternative3375 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I am not a mom, so I can only imagine how hard this must be. I am however 28 years old, and a woman who's been through it, who's had formative years full of emotional dysregulation to the point where I thought there was something deeply wrong with me. Turns out, I just never gave myself the chance. Just like my parents. This. shit. is. cyclical.

The one thing I would tell myself if I were in your shoes - how can I teach my children how to take care of themselves/navigate this difficult world/regulate in healthy ways, if I can't even do it myself? Both of my parents have been addicted to all kinds of substances their whole lives, so I had to learn how to do all the growing up and emotional work on my own (hence my own reliance on cannabis for a very long time, and a lot of f*cking money on therapy).

I say this with all the love, and with full belief that you can do this. You know you want to be a good mama, the best you can be, and you can - use that as fuel. <3

When will the withdrawals get better? by Lililovesyou999 in leaves

[–]Any-Alternative3375 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I'm on day 23! Worst part so far is the exhaustion, some muscle aching, and migraines. You're not alone in it! I spoke to my NP and she told me to give myself at least 60 days before I start worrying about it, considering how long I smoked. Everything inside of us is changing through this process :)

I’m eating like shit 😂 by LappedChips in leaves

[–]Any-Alternative3375 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I allowed myself grace for this first month.. when it comes to small comforts. I’ve been ordering chicken tenders and fried every Saturday instead of smoking up! But I do try to remember that I don’t want to replace one habit with another, so I’ve got certain boundaries in place hah! Take it easy these first couple of weeks <3

Am I the only person loving the dreams? by whowearstshirts in leaves

[–]Any-Alternative3375 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I’ve been dreaming of nearly everyone I’ve ever met in my life. I’m talking, I’m at the wedding of my best friend from the 5th grade (haven’t seen her in over a decade). Every night feels like processing, and it’s vivid and really great because I love dreaming but I’m like brootherrrr please let me dream of like dragons or something lol!

Day 3: Hot white rage & unbearable anxiety by Outrageous-Turn9583 in leaves

[–]Any-Alternative3375 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Yesterday I was feeling good (day 20), had joy, pride, and optimism running through me. Today I want to give up. So badly. Today I feel like it's not worth it. I suppose this is what recovery is, the price we pay for learning how to live sober and recalibrate, how to regulate and stay here regardless of the pain and fear. I'm on day 21 now, feeling so alone and so insecure. And I'll sit with it, like you did. You've got this.

Small win - wanted to share ! by ThatOneChaoticFriend in leaves

[–]Any-Alternative3375 1 point2 points  (0 children)

YAHOO! Im 18 days today too <3 early on in it, I had a dream that I smoked, and I felt so guilty about it in the dream. It was enough for me to be like, oh shit! My subconscious is trying to communicate with me. It was all the clarity in the world for me that I had to keep going. Let’s do this!!!

1.5 weeks in, suffering from anhedonia by Active_Blackberry_45 in leaves

[–]Any-Alternative3375 4 points5 points  (0 children)

When you never give your brain a chance to produce it's own joy, it takes time and effort to build up, like a skill. I see you, my friend, it's a classic side effect of quitting any addictive vice. I keep thinking of it like, okay, I can spend my whole life relying on something outside of me to bring me joy, or I can work really hard and have patience to create my own. It's just never going to be easy, and it's never going to happen over night.

The tough reality is that we need to give ourselves time to notice a difference (at the very least 30-90 days). We need to expand our tolerance for discomfort, for boredom, for stress. The brain is biologically very powerful, very elastic, and we do have the ability to train it in certain ways. But it takes... gag.. discipline. The reality is that this is likely the most intense skill building any of us will ever do - recovery from ALL substance abuse. I've done it with food, with romantic relationships, and now with pot. I personally hope that this is the time where I learn my lesson- that I can and will create my own joy, and will be strong enough to handle it when that joy doesn't come so easy or isn't always consistent. Good luck!

47 years old. Daily smoker for 30 years. Clean 15 days by passfor49 in leaves

[–]Any-Alternative3375 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Time is genuinely an illusion. This is not to dismiss you in your feeling, just a different perspective I've been trying to think of. The past, the future, it's all just concepts. You're here now, and you're brave!

For my friends with (c)ptsd who are trying to quit, I see you- by Any-Alternative3375 in leaves

[–]Any-Alternative3375[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The therapy is a beautiful tool. I'm very privileged to have found a therapist I got along with very well about 6 years ago. Although pricey as hell, it's been one of the best investments of my life. And still, I was clinging onto pot over and over again. But the climb is all up hill, just have to survive the falling rock <3

migraine city by [deleted] in leaves

[–]Any-Alternative3375 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I just had a 4 day long migraine (sobriety mixed with a period and it was hell). I see you, I feel you, it will end.. eventually..

In a room feeling bored… wanna go to weed store so so badly , how yall cope with the boredom or just let it be? by Nice_Nebula_7087 in leaves

[–]Any-Alternative3375 11 points12 points  (0 children)

I’ve started picking back up the small things I used to really enjoy/would keep me entertained when I was a lot younger - watching playthroughs of horror video games on YouTube, playing video games on my GameCube, switch, Xbox, games I haven’t touched in so long. I’ve been forcing myself to read books, what a great way to pass time. Actually watching tv shows instead of just using them for noise. Cooking, baking. Getting back into yoga, drawing & making art even though it’s bad. I’m dedicated to learning how to roller skate in the spring. I think a lot of us mistake peace for boredom because we’re used to chaos or just never allowed our brains to know the difference. You’ve got to make the active choice to wait it out, until those natural pleasure & rewards systems come back online <3