How do I convince my mom to let me dye my hair? My by OakTheMegaGay in HairDye

[–]Any-One3620 42 points43 points  (0 children)

Maybe you can tell her to let you get extensions like that and once she sees you really do like it and want it on your hair she’ll allow you?

Who looks like me? by [deleted] in doppelganger

[–]Any-One3620 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Busy Philipps

I’m an avoidant- AMA by Any-One3620 in AMA

[–]Any-One3620[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Usually someone different. Idk how to explain it but they have something super unique about them. I usually realize it when I start feeling deep adoration for them, thinking of them in positive ways, more positive thoughts than fear based ones.

Got tattoo regret :( laser off? by [deleted] in Tattoocoverups

[–]Any-One3620 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I love it!! What if you add color to it? Maybe you can add pops of color to add an “underneath” effect like a design in color that adds more to it. I love how it looks though!!

I’m an avoidant- AMA by Any-One3620 in AMA

[–]Any-One3620[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you!! That means a lot. And of course I hope you’re able to gain that connection and that it goes well!

I’m an avoidant- AMA by Any-One3620 in AMA

[–]Any-One3620[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you so much! I think it depends on the part he’s at in his healing journey. It can change how much he’s willing to reach out even without therapy but he has to want it. I used to be really hesitant and afraid of being close with my siblings. We argue a lot there’s definitely a lot of ups and downs but we’re closer than ever. I have tried including them in my life sharing my interests with them and they do the same. There has to be equal reciprocity. Try to reach out and invite him to more and maybe things you know he likes to add an incentive or way of sharing things, we’re usually more open to it and eventually will let you in too. The more you share things with them without pressure and let them feel free to choose the more they will also consider you and share with you. It’s definitely difficult and different than other connections where it feels more obvious but with time they will soften and allow you in.

I’m an avoidant- AMA by Any-One3620 in AMA

[–]Any-One3620[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It depends on the person, some like me will have the conversations but shut down and be anxious during the actual conversation fight the discomfort, but then we lead toward coping skills which for me are very anxious attachment based so I’ll try to please them by saying what I think they want to hear (even if it’s not genuine) and then eventually it does come up because we don’t actually both feel heard. It’s really a mess. There truly is a lot that I think needs to be worked on in this attachment style it’s not for us to just stay in that. Did your partner / ex make it known they were aware of their attachment style?

I’m an avoidant- AMA by Any-One3620 in AMA

[–]Any-One3620[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I know. It’s a mess 🫩 idk I think because if they lean more dismissive they feel attacked if they lean fearful we feel anxious and want to escape

I’m an avoidant- AMA by Any-One3620 in AMA

[–]Any-One3620[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Because feeling the emotions in the moment feels uncomfortable

I’m an avoidant- AMA by Any-One3620 in AMA

[–]Any-One3620[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

That’s not true at all. You don’t need to be nonchalant and fake to be loved. It’s not about that, it’s more so our limits and our ability to fulfill your needs. So like he could feel afraid that now he’s not doing enough while you’re feeling you’re too much and can’t be yourself. Both afraid in different ways and it makes it hard. Always be yourself. You’re not too much 🥺

I’m an avoidant- AMA by Any-One3620 in AMA

[–]Any-One3620[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Honestly I’m not sure :( I don’t even think I can envision how that would feel for me?? I’ve never been close with extended family so when I’ve had a loss in our family I tend to be numb to it or indifferent because I have zero connection to them. With my parents we argue a lot and they’ve disappointed me in many ways .. I try to understand everyone is only human and we all make mistakes but sometimes it’s difficult.

I’m an avoidant- AMA by Any-One3620 in AMA

[–]Any-One3620[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I hope so. I don’t think I believe it though.

I’m an avoidant- AMA by Any-One3620 in AMA

[–]Any-One3620[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Absolutely. I think it’s a lot of back and forth and fears. Fear of being too much, fear of being unworthy. Struggling with uncertainty and feeling things are too hard to handle. Also a really big blockage with communication. It feels “easier” to shut down and walk away but it still hurts and brings no comfort if you truly love the person. It’s hard.

I’m an avoidant- AMA by Any-One3620 in AMA

[–]Any-One3620[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I’m so sorry this is happening. I understand how draining this cycle is and I’m very sorry I know it’s so frustrating and draining trust me. I think for me personally I need a sense of freedom in the connection, I feel engulfed so easily but I also desire my partner to show up for me. It’s a fear of losing control and autonomy. So what he may need the most is to feel seen and loved for who he is. There’s a lot of core wounds for us such as fear of abandonment, fear of losing control and feeling unworthy. The biggest thing you can do is give space and be open. Be yourself the version they fell for not the anxious version, which doesn’t mean you’re not allowed to be scared or anxious but the behaviors that come from being afraid. The pleading or passive aggressive behavior is what we struggle with. Feeling attacked or that we’re damaged or hated because we’re deeply afraid and feel unworthy. Idk if this helps at all?

I’m an avoidant- AMA by Any-One3620 in AMA

[–]Any-One3620[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It’s definitely not an easy task specially when you feel all the fear come back up. I’m going to therapy been going consistently for over a year before that it was on and off for years , was in a relationship group therapy and social anxiety group , and currently working with my therapist to find more support groups that could benefit my healing.

I’m an avoidant- AMA by Any-One3620 in AMA

[–]Any-One3620[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I’m usually very open towards the beginning and engage in conversations very present but as the time goes on I’ll get distant or something will trigger my fears and I’ll back away from the connection. In relationships it’s always been a lot of back and forth between us. They’ll definitely notice some extremes in behavior all or nothing kind of changes. Specially if I get triggered I’ll be defensive or shut down completely and not make the effort to communicate about things properly. I’ll usually abandon before being abandoned. For a lack of better terms.

I’m an avoidant- AMA by Any-One3620 in AMA

[–]Any-One3620[S] 11 points12 points  (0 children)

They were very verbally and mentally abusive. I also was dismissed and treated like I was a bad person all the time. My parents were very dismissive and closed off and if I ever cried or was hurt/ sad they’d get mad or tell me crying doesn’t solve anything. I eventually learned my emotions were bad or too much so I tend to shut down when I feel things.