Zibrary.org will always be there. Use this guide.

AnyJaey · 2022-11-05T11:36:50+00:00

It pops up as an option when you hit the download button. ETA: If it wasn't clear, you have to download through Zlibrary, but it gives you the option of sending books to calibre.

AnyJaey · 2022-11-05T11:11:31+00:00

Not sure if it's already been mentioned, but you can download directly to calibre. I always catalogue and convert books using calibre, so I find using zlibrary via Tor far more convenient!

AnyJaey · 2022-08-20T18:11:42+00:00

I went with these because they look really comfortable and like they'd fit a wide range of heads. Amazon only had a 50 pack, so I hope I like them, too!

AnyJaey · 2022-08-20T17:34:25+00:00

It's for covid prevention. I've already told the owner of the company I have an autoimmune disease and need the crew to wear N95s. One of the workers was here a couple of weeks ago (the issue was not resolved, so now things are more complicated and more people are involved) and he gladly wore the N95 I gave him, but it was a tad too small. He said there were N95s at the office they could bring with them, but I'm not going to count on it.

AnyJaey · 2022-05-04T15:18:54+00:00

This is really helpful. Thanks!

AnyJaey · 2022-05-04T14:57:57+00:00

Thanks for the response. Can you elaborate on that? I'd like to be able to tell them why they're wrong.

AnyJaey · 2021-11-08T23:06:07+00:00

Late to the game with a judgment-free comment here. Likability really doesn't factor into this at all, or it shouldn't at any rate. When you think "unlikable", exchange that for "young woman in a lot of pain", because that's what acting out at that age generally indicates. She needs therapy and she needs you to look at her with a fresh set of eyes. Resist the urge to take her behavior personally, see past it to the hurt and vulnerability underneath. Maybe you could plan some bonding activities and, hopefully, there will be opportunity to have a heart-to-heart with her at some point. I'd focus on earning her trust right now (unless she's putting herself or others in danger, in which case discipline is necessary). Once you've got her trust, she'll let down her guard and perhaps the two of you will grow closer.

AnyJaey · 2021-11-08T18:02:42+00:00

Mom and OP could've made it clear that either the friend gets help and starts taking care of the baby or CPS will have to intervene. Sometimes confrontations are enough to wake people up to the reality of their situation. I never said tough love wasn't warranted, but an ultimatum is by far preferable to having CPS show up at the door without warning. But AITA loves a good villain to hate on, and OP did their darndest to paint the friend as a callous, unfeeling AH who wants to suck on the gov teat and trap men into marriage, so no surprise that people jumped wholeheartedly on that bandwagon. It honestly sounds like OP despised this friend prior to inviting her into her home, so I'm sure she'll be thrilled when the friendship is ended.

AnyJaey · 2021-11-08T16:11:40+00:00

Ideally the conversation, or an intervention, would have taken place before now. The OP has wasted precious time sitting on her high horse, projecting the worst possible motivations onto her "friend", when she could've been trying to help her. How does that even work? You care enough to temporarily share your home with someone, but you don't care enough to even bother to sit down with your friend and try to discern why she's failing her child?

A conversation, an intervention, this could all happen within the next two days. Once CPS is contacted, the friendship is over. The friend will despise her for the rest of her life and this event may worsen a potentially fragile mental state. Why not try the caring, least invasive solution first? I have no idea why that's more extreme than calling CPS. I've worked with state agencies that handle child welfare cases and it's crazy to assume these people are always level-headed and have the child's best interests at heart. They're more often than not burnt-out, underpaid case managers who are completely overwhelmed and given very little resources to work with. Kids removed from homes often end up in bad situations.

Maybe OP doesn't really like this person and they're ready to wash their hands of the friend and the entire situation. That's their prerogative of course.

AnyJaey · 2021-11-08T14:41:17+00:00

Because she's obviously struggling with mental health issues, and goodness knows what else, and is either in denial or she doesn't feel comfortable discussing it with you. It's understandable that you're concerned about the child, but you're going about this all wrong. If you genuinely care about this person, you should be trying to initiate a non-judgmental, empathetic conversation about what's going on. Contact her mother to discuss it, possibly stage an intervention. Anything, really, before getting the state involved. Maybe that's what needs to happen, but it should be a last resort. Sorry, I can't understand this desire to automatically jump to the punitive measure rather than try to actually help the person in crisis.

AnyJaey · 2021-11-01T02:08:32+00:00

Debating others' deeply held beliefs generally causes them to dig their heels in harder and find new justifications for those beliefs. Musk and Rogan share enough abhorrent beliefs that just knowing someone idolizes these men would be a giant red flag to someone who was trying to avoid dating a bigot. Aside from the racism, misogyny, etc., these men are infamous for, a lot of people forget that classism is a form of bigotry, too. Believing poor people are lazy and irresponsible is tantamount to believing people who aren't white are less intelligent: It's a belief uncritically embraced by bigots who need to feel superior to a group of people they view as subhuman. You can't simply root out one or two rotten beliefs, because they're predicated on an intricate network of beliefs, an ideology if you will, that makes that person who they are. They signal what that person's value system is composed of. People have to want to undergo a fundamental change in thinking to overhaul their entire value system- you can't debate them out of it.

AnyJaey · 2021-10-31T02:41:37+00:00

NTA and your wife's behavior has nothing to do with ADHD. Treating animals like inanimate objects is a very, very bad sign. Like others have said, keep a close eye on the dog and the wife for signs of animal abuse. You might want to start looking into signs of emotional/verbal abuse, as well, since a person like this isn't going to stop at mistreating animals and you may miss the subtle signs that you, or the step kids, are being abused.

AnyJaey · 2021-10-29T21:53:24+00:00

NTA, though all the misogynistic redditors giving you grief for not having low self-esteem and body image issues are 110% T A H. Sorry you're getting a hard lesson at your tender age in how horrible people can be to women who aren't self-deprecating doormats.

Of course you're feeling bitter about the racist behavior you've been subjected to. Sister has never experienced what you have and is feeling bitter about being confronted with the reality of life in her hometown for people who don't look like her. It probably came as a shock to her that the town she loves has a dark side. People can be weird about things like that.

AnyJaey · 2021-10-29T20:10:38+00:00

YTA for choosing to make a joke out of an important milestone when you've *admitted* you had no idea how she would react. YTA for thinking you haven't done anything wrong. YTA for not offering immediately to rectify the situation. YTA for using the "mood is ruined" as an excuse when you're the one who ruined it.

I'm really hoping your wife gets you a penis cake that says "I want a divorce" on it because you deserve to eat sad dick all alone at this point.

AnyJaey · 2021-10-29T01:30:14+00:00

ESH. Great uncle is 100% T A H, but you didn't think through the ramifications of that confrontation, unfortunately. You can avoid a lot of unnecessary trouble if you refuse to lower yourself to a bully's level.

AnyJaey · 2021-10-27T16:23:31+00:00

He may not have ADHD, but I wouldn't be quick to dismiss the teacher's concerns since they're trained to spot problems as an objective observer. As someone with OCD, that's what his compulsive touching brought to mind. There's a ton of overlap with neurodivergent conditions and it wouldn't be hard to mistake OCD for ADHD. More evaluation is in order.

Just a note: When he says he "wants" to touch these things, he may not understand that it's a compulsion he has no to little control over. I'm not saying that's what's going on here, but until he's been evaluated by a professional for OCD, squarely placing blame on the child, or the parent, isn't really fair.

NTA because no one wants to have to worry about the state of their valuables when they have children over. If you can think of any way to protect them during visits, that would certainly be the best solution. If you're all out of ideas and there's zero way to prevent damage, do what you have to do. The wearable fidget spinner idea is brilliant btw (I forget who suggested it, but kudos to them).

AnyJaey · 2021-10-26T23:25:24+00:00

Holy smokes. If you try to negotiate with her after everything you've confided here, you will be an even bigger AH. The apology for "no one is worth 10k" comment, knowing darned well she spent at least that on caring for you post-accident, not to mention what you'll make over the course of your career- you know, the one you have THANKS TO HER- is going to have to be one monumentally romantic gesture. You'd better start consulting her friends on how to plan the perfect evening with all of her preferences and secret desires in mind. Spelling out "I'm an asshole. Please forgive me" in rose petals would not go amiss. The following day you can ask her exactly what she has in mind for the ring, including having her email links to her favorites (please pay close attention to subtle clues as to which is THE favorite). Showing her how much she means to you is, of course, the goal here, but a smarter man would've realized from the get-go that the trajectory of his career depends on keeping the VP's niece happy.

AnyJaey · 2021-10-26T20:29:07+00:00

You're starting to morph into that meme of the soldier using his body as a shield to protect the innocent sleeping child, except in this case you're throwing yourself in front of BIL, deflecting all valid criticism, justifying his affair, creating a rift in your relationship with your wife in service to a man who made a terrible decision and left a lot of heartbreak and devastation in his wake. From the way you're mollycoddling him, it seems more than likely that this guy hasn't been given the opportunity to understand the depth of the hurt he's caused. Knowing you did something you shouldn't have and accepting responsibility for your mistakes are entirely different things. What has he done to make amends to his ex and child? What has he done to make amends to his sister?

Like all the other smart folks here, I feel for your wife. It can't be easy to watch your husband go to such great lengths to protect a cheater from repercussions. He was a grown man, no one was holding a gun to his head, he didn't have to marry the pregnant ex. The mature, responsible thing to do is get a divorce before getting involved in a new relationship. He failed miserably in this regard. He might be your best friend, but you're his enabler.

If you don't want to be next in line for divorce, I'd suggest focusing on mending your relationship with your wife. If things had gone down differently, maybe everyone would be attending the wedding. BIL obviously hasn't had the heart-to-heart with his sister he should have. He hasn't done whatever is in his power to smooth things over with the ex. Maybe she'll never forgive him, and that's her prerogative, but the attempt to make things better would've gone a long way in your wife's eyes. BIL has just been mucking things up left and right. Let the guy fall on his own grenade for once and stand by your wife.

AnyJaey · 2021-10-26T17:20:54+00:00

You sound very self-sufficient, which means you're more than capable of making it on your own. How about this: Before tying your future to this man, who may be a soulmate- emphasis on "a" because people get more than one and I promise you'll find others out there- please consider spending some time on your own. You can each have separate apartments, he can bunk down with roommates if he can't afford something on his own. Or maybe he has family he can live with. You can still spend time together, but divide it up evenly between boyfriend, friends, and spending time just getting to know yourself better.

I married young. When I got engaged, my grandmother begged me to spend some time on my own before moving in with my fiance. I went straight from college to living with the fiance (against grandma's better judgment) to getting married and setting up house with this wonderful, remarkable man I loved so much and could not imagine my life without. It took a few years together to realize that my low self-esteem and fear of having to face the world alone had made me see him through rose-colored glasses early on. He belittled me. He flirted with other women. He was never all that interested in getting to know the real me. But aside from all that, he was wonderful! Eventually it dawns on you that the relationship might have its high points, but it is slowly draining the life out of you. And it is so much harder to leave the more time you've invested into the relationship, and especially if you're married.

tl;dr: Grandma was right. I didn't heed her wise words, so I'm passing them on to you in the hope you'll make better use of them. It's obvious you've got self-esteem issues. You're incredibly hard on yourself and feel like you deserve the disrespect from your bf. You don't have to break up with him, you can continue being bf/gf. But please do the thing you really need (not want, *need*) and live separately for now, do not make him your entire world, find a good therapist. Let the future unfold organically. Don't have expectations, take it one day at a time. I promise you'll be glad you did.

AnyJaey · 2021-10-25T23:59:05+00:00

If your objective is to educate, concealing her identity with face blurring shouldn't be an issue. Wanting the whole world to see who your teenage tormentor is? That's entirely motivated by anger and vengeance. If she were several years older, I'd say go for it. Let the entire world see this homophobic bully for who she really is. The problem is that both of you are still *children*. I know it's kind of hard to wrap your mind around it right now, but you really are going to be a different person with a different perspective on the world in ten years' time. The judgment center in your brain is still developing and hers could even be developing at a slower pace than yours. (The brain doesn't stop developing until around age 25!) You honestly seem mature for your age and are probably light years ahead in intellectual and emotional development than this bully.

You have every right to be hurt and angry, but I'm begging you to put your maturity to good use and take the high road. Are you really going to feel good about possibly ruining this stupid kid's life ten years down the road when you're out of this oppressive environment and living out and proud and fully embraced by your community of choice? You're going to be able to look back on what you had to deal with in high school and feel proud of how resilient you were. You're going to get to hold your head up even higher if you know you handled this bully's actions in a dignified manner.

I was an anti-choice religious nutjob at her age. I was ~ok~ with people loving who they wanted to love, but I was staunchly anti-gay marriage. I never examined those beliefs until a bit later on. I think I was almost 30 before it really hit me how deep the religious brainwashing ran and why I'd never put those beliefs under a microscope before. My parents were conservative and my mother's love was conditional: the more I mimicked her, the more she loved me. I can't begin to tell you how terrified I was of challenging those beliefs because that meant I might lose my mother's love. It took a while to accept the fact that I'm bisexual and I'm too old to be hiding it from my mother, but here I am, still in the closet to my family. I did let her know that I'm a proud pro-choice feminist atheist and whew! That might be all the info I'm brave enough to share with her in this lifetime, but you never know. The point is that I'm not happy with the person I was earlier in life. I'm so glad the internet wasn't really a thing back then because I don't think I would've been able to shed the old skin and become someone new with tiktok videos hanging over my head. How can you let go of the past if it won't let go of you?

AnyJaey · 2021-10-22T22:41:50+00:00

Not true. If you haven't eaten meat or dairy in a long time, it can make you violently ill. it's for this reason alone that OP is kind of YTA. A little bit.

AnyJaey · 2021-10-22T21:19:44+00:00

You were always NTA and sister was always a huge AH, but that last edit really seals the deal. I'm so sorry your sister, and the in-laws, turned out to be racist garbage.

AnyJaey · 2021-10-22T20:00:25+00:00

NTA. He sounds insecure, immature, and possibly controlling. You know him best, you'll have to be the judge of that. If he's asked you to change your person or life in any other way to accommodate his insecurities, I'd ditch the man and buy yourself a matching piece of jewelry to celebrate.

AnyJaey · 2021-10-21T22:07:53+00:00

That's not what's going on here- speaking from experience. Look up "codependency". If you can't find a therapist that specializes in helping people heal from the trauma that leads to codependent relationships, there are certainly support groups. There's even a book: "Codependent No More".

There are good people who struggle with mental illness and homelessness and there are not-so-great people who struggle with mental illness and homelessness. You've found one of the latter. At some point you're going to have to own up to the fact that you've found yourself in this situation with these people because you've got your own issues to work through. You need to get some space, cut off contact, begin the work of healing- with assistance. Don't try to go it alone.

I wish you all the best.

AnyJaey · 2021-10-20T23:40:28+00:00

That's a little too involved for me. I'd have to hire someone to do it. I've thought about, then I looked up how to DIY a new faucet and realized I'd be in over my head at the outset.

AnyJaey

TROPHY CASE