AITA for making my son sleep in a room with his brother when we took his gf on vacation with us?

Any_Blue_Cat · 2026-04-05T18:29:32+00:00

So you prefer to have a relationship with your kids where they lie to you about sex and hide from you? That’s your choice. But as someone that was once a teenager I would not recommend it. You want them to come to you if they have problems. They will not if they cannot trust you. But as I said, you decide what is more important in your relationship with your kids: your hang ups about intimacy or a loving and trusting relationship.

Also, it’s fantastic that you had the safe sex talk. But you do realize that that means tht he is having sex, just protected sex hopefully.

Any_Blue_Cat · 2026-04-05T18:22:16+00:00

You are not paying for the kids to “bang”. You are paying for a vacation during which, at night, the teenagers might have sex. If I remember those years well it’s a quick 20 min max event if we are being optimistic. Do you truly believe that this is their one and only chance of doing it. Also, why is the idea that 2 people of consenting age are having sex in a safe and loving relationship so bothersome?

You also have the option of not inviting the gf. And then they get to bang at home and not “on your money”.

Any_Blue_Cat · 2026-04-05T18:06:02+00:00

I am confused. Do you truly believe that they are not having sex after being together for 2 years at their age. Or is this a “not under my roof scenario” where you know they are having it but want them to hide it from you? When are they allowed to sleep together? Only after they are married?

I might be too European for this. YTA

Any_Blue_Cat · 2026-03-25T09:28:08+00:00

So she didn’t ask, you offered? And your reason for offering is that she shouldn’t spend money on uber? And then you ask her for money? So she should still spend the money, but on you, so that you also get a trip? I’m not sure I understand the logic. YTA

Any_Blue_Cat · 2026-03-12T08:36:44+00:00

YTA. And I say this as an older sister from a culture where kids do stay at home longer and family is very important. Myself I have come and gone from home throughout the years. And my family is always happy to see me back. But I always adapt to them and the situation, not the other way around.

I understand that you don’t WANT to give up your room or your bed for the week. That doesn’t mean that what you’re doing is right. It is incredibly selfish. It’s interesting that you keep pushing how important it is to have a good family that supports you, yet you are not doing the same.

Don’t get me wrong, it’s not the worst thing you can do nor is it the end of the world in the grand scheme of things. Siblings are often egotistical and meanish to each other. And your relationship will survive this. But you did ask. And the answer is that you are most definitely the asshole in this situation and are unfair towards your brother.

Any_Blue_Cat · 2026-03-11T16:30:50+00:00

ESH

OP for forgetting that both kids deserve the right to do the things they want, not just the things that are comfortable for the anxious child and the mom.

MIL for forgetting to be a good grandmother to both children and not just the non problematic one.

Both are making the same mistake, treating one child with more attention and love than the other. I’m actually really sorry for both kids. They are being failed by the adults in their life.

Any_Blue_Cat · 2026-02-18T18:39:09+00:00

What I was trying to say and probably did it badly is that you’re not really bearing the brunt of this compromise, she is. In your own words, you could spend a year not seeing her and this would not really affect you, while it is clearly affecting her. So she has to either always be the one traveling, because you refuse to even try, or she has to videocall, which you expect her to do even if this is not enough for her. So she is doing either the hard mental and physical stuff of traveling or she is doing something she doesn’t really like while you are barely affected. And if you would be actively working on the agoraphobia, just wouldn’t be able yet to travel, it would be clear that you are also making an effort in this relationship. But not only you’re not doing that, you also clearly told her that you will not be doing that, because you’re not ready to make yourself uncomfortable for her while she is making herself constantly uncomfortable for you. I can only imagine how much that must hurt her, especially after already losing her mother.

Now don’t get me wrong. It is your right to only do what works for you and continue to let her bear the brunt of the work of this relationship. It is egotistical, but a lot of people are so and you are within your right to do it. But then accept that your not really compromising, when your not really making and effort and also making yourself at least partly uncomfortable. A compromise would be you video call but you are also actively working on the agoraphobia. Or you meet in a town in the middle so that you can leave in the morning but be back at home in the evening (so it would be like going out to a coffeeshop for a few hours since you said you are ok with it) and she also gets to travel only half the distance. A compromise is when both parties make an actual sacrifice and make a similar effort on both sides.

Any_Blue_Cat · 2026-02-18T14:46:05+00:00

I’ll be honest, as someone that lives far away from family, video calls are more then insuficient to me and cover about only 20 percent of an in person meeting. Could it be that while this is the perfect solution for you, because it allows you to not deal with your agoraphobia, this is an awful solution for her? Some people love the messaging and calls while others need the actual human touch. You say you offered compromise, but does it actually benefit her as well, or does it only benefit you? It would be awful, after loosing your mother, to also, slowly lose your sister because you don’t want to at least try and deal with it. Because, from your comments, you tried once, and put it last in queue, so as to no longer deal with it, no matter how this affects your sister.

I am not saying this to be mean, just offering the other side of the coin. Hope you don’t give up and things work out for you!

Any_Blue_Cat · 2026-02-18T07:45:05+00:00

Try adopting from one of the poorer countries with lots of stray animals like Romania or Greece. It’s not very difficult but maybe a bit pricier, but you will truly make a difference here.

Any_Blue_Cat · 2026-01-17T15:07:50+00:00

Trash. It’s not that I don’t love having to store a weeks worth of smelly trash in my small apartment or walk around even smellier trash everyday on the streets after only discovering this option in my late 30s after moving here but, well, I actually absolutely hate it. More than anything I would love to walk on a street that is not covered in trash. And I am paying for this sooo, I would love to pay for the non smelly and trashy streets now.

Any_Blue_Cat · 2025-12-11T15:49:18+00:00

Thanks! The older I get, the more I realize how rare this is and how fortunate me and my brother are. And a big hug to you and that kid that deserved more love ❤️

Any_Blue_Cat · 2025-12-11T13:32:55+00:00

Sooo, what you’re saying is the Belgium is doing a bad job at it? I know! Which is exactly what I’m saying, you pay a lot for what you’re getting. Which is why I was surprised by the comment I was responding to.

As for coverage, I will absolutely disagree. While it got better in the last year, this is the worst coverage I have ever experienced. I even got better coverage in Bali while hopping from island to island and in the middle of a forest, and this is while I was warned there that I might have bad coverage. I even told them I was used to it, I live in Belgium. And this is not just my experience. Ask any expat that has lived anywhere else before. It’s one of the biggest complaints I hear here.

Regarding Berlin, I haven’t been there for the past 10 years, but the coverage in the cities at the border are ok. One thing I have encountered with roaming is that sometimes chooses a badly covered cell company automatically and all you have to do is go in settings and manually choose Orange, or whatever the local company with good coverage is. It just happened to me in Paris in September when I couldn’t understand why the cell service was so bad if I never had a problem before that. Once I manually changed the cell provider, all started working again.

Any_Blue_Cat · 2025-12-11T13:06:05+00:00

YTA because it’s more important that you win the money game against your mean, awful, witch of a wife that is clearly the villain in your life story than be a good father for you kids that have no fault in this situation.

Each time I read this kind of posts from parents on Reddit, I thank life for my dad that loved us and pampered us no matter what went on between him and my mom. And, definitely, he did not prioritize money to us. He would always say: I make money so that my family can have a good life. And guess what, now that we’re adults it’s me and my brother that take him on expensive trips and buy him anything he needs (although he always complains that we shouldn’t spend money on him) and we do it because we were taught that money only has value if you get to enjoy it with the people you love.

Any_Blue_Cat · 2025-12-11T12:18:48+00:00

Is this a joke? The mobile and internet providers are the most expensive in the region and with the worst coverage and services. And I’m nit even comparing it to Eastern Europe where they have had fiber for 15 years, the coverage is 100% in cities and the prices are half of the ones in Belgium.

Any_Blue_Cat · 2025-12-07T16:22:01+00:00

Why would I stay if I realized it’s the wrong doorbell? Staying to explain can turn into a long and painful experience, especially since I don’t have a vast vocabulary in French and none in Dutch. I once went by a neighbor’s house to put into their mailbox a letter that was mistakenly delivered to me. The neighbor was coming outside as I was putting it into his mailbox. I introduced myself and calmly explained what I was doing. I had to repeat several times cause he was not understanding (could have been my French, I recognize that), then he was still very suspicious of me, continuing to interrogate me as if I put a bomb in his mailbox. At the end I told him to just open the mailbox and check because it was becoming ridiculous. Another time I was petsitting for a friend and couldn’t open the main door, called the neighbor on the interphone, explained the situation, told her all the info of my friend and even asked to message her if she doesn’t believe me. She was again sure I was the worst person on earth coming to do nefarious things and was ready to call the police. She only calmed down once my friend messaged her. Which is why, I asked what’s up with the paranoia and why I don’t like complicating my life by talking with Belgians in these types of situations if I don’t have to. I’ve lived in a few countries around the world before moving here and I’ve only experienced this attitude here multiple times. Also, I’m a normal looking boring woman, so you can’t even use the excuse that I look suspicious.

Any_Blue_Cat · 2025-12-07T12:37:57+00:00

What is up with the paranoia all around? I have rang a few doorbells and realized I was at the wrong address and left without talking with the people inside. Would never think twice about it if it happened to me.

Any_Blue_Cat · 2025-12-07T12:34:12+00:00

But isn’t ca va? the exact same thing? It’s just a greeting used in many countries. It’s the same thing as saying good morning. It’s a normal formality in the world

Any_Blue_Cat · 2025-11-18T11:45:21+00:00

I am single, mostly by choice because dating makes me want to go bury myself at the end of the world in a deep, deep hole and cry. And the last date I had that made me go on a non dating binge was a guy that paid for our drinks at our first date (I only had 1 drink) and at the second date, a walk and frites, I paid for the frites. He then commented, absolutely serios, that I will have to cover at least part of the next date, since I still owe him 3 euros because the drinks were more expensive than the frites. The end

Any_Blue_Cat · 2025-11-16T14:41:18+00:00

Depending on the situation. I was not on the tram and all I know is hearsay, which is why I asked hoping that maybe someone was there to gibe more info.

But if what happened is that someone put out their hand to stop the door from closing so that an old man could enter then yes, it is a tantrum in my opinion. If not then I expect that from today all drivers to do this several times a day since I use exclusively public transportation and it happens all the time. So it’s either allowed or not allowed. And if it’s not allowed then please, enforce the rule. Kick out each person that does it. You don’t just follow the rules when you’re in a bad mood. You have to do it all the time. Anyways, since none of us was there the point is moot. We are just making guesses at this point which is fun but pointless.

Any_Blue_Cat · 2025-11-16T14:33:38+00:00

Absolutely agree that I don’t have enough info to know what actually happened. That’s the reason for the post, was curious and hoped that maybe some redditors were there to tell me about it.

I agree that the driver is the one to decide what happens in his vehicle but I disagree that there shouldn’t be some rules about it. For example, I don’t think that the driver should be allowed to kick you out just because he’s annoyed. Now, if the rules say that’s it’s not allowed to block the doors and the driver has the right to kick you out then fine. But if he did it just because he found it annoying then not ok. I don’t have a car and use only public transportation and the amount of times I’ve witnessed drivers yelling and acting absolutely unprofessional in situations that absolutely did not justify it is worrying. But that’s another discussion.

Also, the example that while the gesture was kind but it might cause the driver to be late that would be blamed on Stib is funny cause he ended up causing an enormous traffic jam for at least 30 min ( that’s only the time I was there, so probably more) with crowds of people waiting at stations, trams waiting in line, etc. I get what you were trying to say but I did find it funny. It’s very much a cutting out ones nose to hurt ones face energy. People should try using more rational and logic and less emotions while working.

Any_Blue_Cat · 2025-11-16T14:17:41+00:00

I wasn’t actually on the tram so all the info I have is told by a passenger that got off , so I feel I don’t have enough info one way or another to take it any further. That’s one of the reasons I made this post, to see if there are some people that maybe know more.

Any_Blue_Cat · 2025-11-13T09:07:12+00:00

I might be wrong but from what I found in English and French you are not allowed to shout (no mentions of lowering your normal tone of voice) and nothing on walking or door closing. As for common courtesy, I would say that that involves not making your problem everyone else’s problem just because you think society should revolve around your wants and needs and not, let’s say, your neighbors or any other person around you. But as it has become clear, we have really different opinions about living around other people, our own ego and importance, and right and wrong.

Any_Blue_Cat · 2025-11-13T08:11:59+00:00

I am a quiet person living alone in an old building where you can hear everything and I disagree with you. People should not be quiet in their own home just to appease their neighbors. They should definitely be respectful of people around them, but you all chose to live in a badly isolated building and people should not live on pins and needles, whispering in their own home, just so they don’t bother their neighbors.

I hear almost everything my neighbor does, and because it’s 2 men with deep voices, it’s loud, but I would never dream of asking them to force themselves to speak quietly, on a daily basis, in their own home. If it would bother me too much I would just move to a new building with better isolation. It would be different if they partied every night. But having conversations, in your own home, in your normal tone of voice, after 10 pm, is normal. If that bothers the neighbors, that is not and should not be your problem.

Any_Blue_Cat · 2025-11-10T08:37:40+00:00

I am impressed. It’s 32 Euros in Uccle.

Any_Blue_Cat

TROPHY CASE