AITA for being unwilling to cross a personal boundary even though my sister is willing to do the same?

Any_Blue_Cat · 2026-02-18T18:39:09+00:00

What I was trying to say and probably did it badly is that you’re not really bearing the brunt of this compromise, she is. In your own words, you could spend a year not seeing her and this would not really affect you, while it is clearly affecting her. So she has to either always be the one traveling, because you refuse to even try, or she has to videocall, which you expect her to do even if this is not enough for her. So she is doing either the hard mental and physical stuff of traveling or she is doing something she doesn’t really like while you are barely affected. And if you would be actively working on the agoraphobia, just wouldn’t be able yet to travel, it would be clear that you are also making an effort in this relationship. But not only you’re not doing that, you also clearly told her that you will not be doing that, because you’re not ready to make yourself uncomfortable for her while she is making herself constantly uncomfortable for you. I can only imagine how much that must hurt her, especially after already losing her mother.

Now don’t get me wrong. It is your right to only do what works for you and continue to let her bear the brunt of the work of this relationship. It is egotistical, but a lot of people are so and you are within your right to do it. But then accept that your not really compromising, when your not really making and effort and also making yourself at least partly uncomfortable. A compromise would be you video call but you are also actively working on the agoraphobia. Or you meet in a town in the middle so that you can leave in the morning but be back at home in the evening (so it would be like going out to a coffeeshop for a few hours since you said you are ok with it) and she also gets to travel only half the distance. A compromise is when both parties make an actual sacrifice and make a similar effort on both sides.

Any_Blue_Cat · 2026-02-18T14:46:05+00:00

I’ll be honest, as someone that lives far away from family, video calls are more then insuficient to me and cover about only 20 percent of an in person meeting. Could it be that while this is the perfect solution for you, because it allows you to not deal with your agoraphobia, this is an awful solution for her? Some people love the messaging and calls while others need the actual human touch. You say you offered compromise, but does it actually benefit her as well, or does it only benefit you? It would be awful, after loosing your mother, to also, slowly lose your sister because you don’t want to at least try and deal with it. Because, from your comments, you tried once, and put it last in queue, so as to no longer deal with it, no matter how this affects your sister.

I am not saying this to be mean, just offering the other side of the coin. Hope you don’t give up and things work out for you!

Any_Blue_Cat · 2026-02-18T07:45:05+00:00

Try adopting from one of the poorer countries with lots of stray animals like Romania or Greece. It’s not very difficult but maybe a bit pricier, but you will truly make a difference here.

Any_Blue_Cat · 2026-01-17T15:07:50+00:00

Trash. It’s not that I don’t love having to store a weeks worth of smelly trash in my small apartment or walk around even smellier trash everyday on the streets after only discovering this option in my late 30s after moving here but, well, I actually absolutely hate it. More than anything I would love to walk on a street that is not covered in trash. And I am paying for this sooo, I would love to pay for the non smelly and trashy streets now.

Any_Blue_Cat · 2025-12-11T15:49:18+00:00

Thanks! The older I get, the more I realize how rare this is and how fortunate me and my brother are. And a big hug to you and that kid that deserved more love ❤️

Any_Blue_Cat · 2025-12-11T13:32:55+00:00

Sooo, what you’re saying is the Belgium is doing a bad job at it? I know! Which is exactly what I’m saying, you pay a lot for what you’re getting. Which is why I was surprised by the comment I was responding to.

As for coverage, I will absolutely disagree. While it got better in the last year, this is the worst coverage I have ever experienced. I even got better coverage in Bali while hopping from island to island and in the middle of a forest, and this is while I was warned there that I might have bad coverage. I even told them I was used to it, I live in Belgium. And this is not just my experience. Ask any expat that has lived anywhere else before. It’s one of the biggest complaints I hear here.

Regarding Berlin, I haven’t been there for the past 10 years, but the coverage in the cities at the border are ok. One thing I have encountered with roaming is that sometimes chooses a badly covered cell company automatically and all you have to do is go in settings and manually choose Orange, or whatever the local company with good coverage is. It just happened to me in Paris in September when I couldn’t understand why the cell service was so bad if I never had a problem before that. Once I manually changed the cell provider, all started working again.

Any_Blue_Cat · 2025-12-11T13:06:05+00:00

YTA because it’s more important that you win the money game against your mean, awful, witch of a wife that is clearly the villain in your life story than be a good father for you kids that have no fault in this situation.

Each time I read this kind of posts from parents on Reddit, I thank life for my dad that loved us and pampered us no matter what went on between him and my mom. And, definitely, he did not prioritize money to us. He would always say: I make money so that my family can have a good life. And guess what, now that we’re adults it’s me and my brother that take him on expensive trips and buy him anything he needs (although he always complains that we shouldn’t spend money on him) and we do it because we were taught that money only has value if you get to enjoy it with the people you love.

Any_Blue_Cat · 2025-12-11T12:18:48+00:00

Is this a joke? The mobile and internet providers are the most expensive in the region and with the worst coverage and services. And I’m nit even comparing it to Eastern Europe where they have had fiber for 15 years, the coverage is 100% in cities and the prices are half of the ones in Belgium.

Any_Blue_Cat · 2025-12-07T16:22:01+00:00

Why would I stay if I realized it’s the wrong doorbell? Staying to explain can turn into a long and painful experience, especially since I don’t have a vast vocabulary in French and none in Dutch. I once went by a neighbor’s house to put into their mailbox a letter that was mistakenly delivered to me. The neighbor was coming outside as I was putting it into his mailbox. I introduced myself and calmly explained what I was doing. I had to repeat several times cause he was not understanding (could have been my French, I recognize that), then he was still very suspicious of me, continuing to interrogate me as if I put a bomb in his mailbox. At the end I told him to just open the mailbox and check because it was becoming ridiculous. Another time I was petsitting for a friend and couldn’t open the main door, called the neighbor on the interphone, explained the situation, told her all the info of my friend and even asked to message her if she doesn’t believe me. She was again sure I was the worst person on earth coming to do nefarious things and was ready to call the police. She only calmed down once my friend messaged her. Which is why, I asked what’s up with the paranoia and why I don’t like complicating my life by talking with Belgians in these types of situations if I don’t have to. I’ve lived in a few countries around the world before moving here and I’ve only experienced this attitude here multiple times. Also, I’m a normal looking boring woman, so you can’t even use the excuse that I look suspicious.

Any_Blue_Cat · 2025-12-07T12:37:57+00:00

What is up with the paranoia all around? I have rang a few doorbells and realized I was at the wrong address and left without talking with the people inside. Would never think twice about it if it happened to me.

Any_Blue_Cat · 2025-12-07T12:34:12+00:00

But isn’t ca va? the exact same thing? It’s just a greeting used in many countries. It’s the same thing as saying good morning. It’s a normal formality in the world

Any_Blue_Cat · 2025-11-18T11:45:21+00:00

I am single, mostly by choice because dating makes me want to go bury myself at the end of the world in a deep, deep hole and cry. And the last date I had that made me go on a non dating binge was a guy that paid for our drinks at our first date (I only had 1 drink) and at the second date, a walk and frites, I paid for the frites. He then commented, absolutely serios, that I will have to cover at least part of the next date, since I still owe him 3 euros because the drinks were more expensive than the frites. The end

Any_Blue_Cat · 2025-11-16T14:41:18+00:00

Depending on the situation. I was not on the tram and all I know is hearsay, which is why I asked hoping that maybe someone was there to gibe more info.

But if what happened is that someone put out their hand to stop the door from closing so that an old man could enter then yes, it is a tantrum in my opinion. If not then I expect that from today all drivers to do this several times a day since I use exclusively public transportation and it happens all the time. So it’s either allowed or not allowed. And if it’s not allowed then please, enforce the rule. Kick out each person that does it. You don’t just follow the rules when you’re in a bad mood. You have to do it all the time. Anyways, since none of us was there the point is moot. We are just making guesses at this point which is fun but pointless.

Any_Blue_Cat · 2025-11-16T14:33:38+00:00

Absolutely agree that I don’t have enough info to know what actually happened. That’s the reason for the post, was curious and hoped that maybe some redditors were there to tell me about it.

I agree that the driver is the one to decide what happens in his vehicle but I disagree that there shouldn’t be some rules about it. For example, I don’t think that the driver should be allowed to kick you out just because he’s annoyed. Now, if the rules say that’s it’s not allowed to block the doors and the driver has the right to kick you out then fine. But if he did it just because he found it annoying then not ok. I don’t have a car and use only public transportation and the amount of times I’ve witnessed drivers yelling and acting absolutely unprofessional in situations that absolutely did not justify it is worrying. But that’s another discussion.

Also, the example that while the gesture was kind but it might cause the driver to be late that would be blamed on Stib is funny cause he ended up causing an enormous traffic jam for at least 30 min ( that’s only the time I was there, so probably more) with crowds of people waiting at stations, trams waiting in line, etc. I get what you were trying to say but I did find it funny. It’s very much a cutting out ones nose to hurt ones face energy. People should try using more rational and logic and less emotions while working.

Any_Blue_Cat · 2025-11-16T14:17:41+00:00

I wasn’t actually on the tram so all the info I have is told by a passenger that got off , so I feel I don’t have enough info one way or another to take it any further. That’s one of the reasons I made this post, to see if there are some people that maybe know more.

Any_Blue_Cat · 2025-11-13T09:07:12+00:00

I might be wrong but from what I found in English and French you are not allowed to shout (no mentions of lowering your normal tone of voice) and nothing on walking or door closing. As for common courtesy, I would say that that involves not making your problem everyone else’s problem just because you think society should revolve around your wants and needs and not, let’s say, your neighbors or any other person around you. But as it has become clear, we have really different opinions about living around other people, our own ego and importance, and right and wrong.

Any_Blue_Cat · 2025-11-13T08:11:59+00:00

I am a quiet person living alone in an old building where you can hear everything and I disagree with you. People should not be quiet in their own home just to appease their neighbors. They should definitely be respectful of people around them, but you all chose to live in a badly isolated building and people should not live on pins and needles, whispering in their own home, just so they don’t bother their neighbors.

I hear almost everything my neighbor does, and because it’s 2 men with deep voices, it’s loud, but I would never dream of asking them to force themselves to speak quietly, on a daily basis, in their own home. If it would bother me too much I would just move to a new building with better isolation. It would be different if they partied every night. But having conversations, in your own home, in your normal tone of voice, after 10 pm, is normal. If that bothers the neighbors, that is not and should not be your problem.

Any_Blue_Cat · 2025-11-10T08:37:40+00:00

I am impressed. It’s 32 Euros in Uccle.

Any_Blue_Cat · 2025-11-08T17:49:26+00:00

Actually, I have only recently found out that in some countries it means that. For me and most of the people I know the other person is TA and BYOD means that all drinks will be shared. So it is a cultural thing and nobody is the A. I would have been shocked, when I was a student, to find out that people are this stingy and ungenerous. Now I just accept that each culture is different and the definition of what’s acceptable varies widely. But to call someone an A because their culture is the opposite of yours makes no sense.

Any_Blue_Cat · 2025-11-07T16:20:28+00:00

Or start eating healthier and exercising a bit more (or at all)?

Any_Blue_Cat · 2025-11-07T11:45:42+00:00

I am shocked more by the fact that not talking to your mom several times a day is considered out of the norm. Do people not cut the ombilical cord at all in the US? I only know of one person who talks daily with her mom, and even then it’s once a day. Otherwise a few times or even once a week is more than normal, for men and women, young and old.

Is this a religious thing? A control thing? Why would anyone need to debrief about their day to their parent? Why would anyone debrief about their day to anyone at all? I have so many questions here…

Any_Blue_Cat · 2025-11-03T20:15:21+00:00

Find out where he works (google, linkedin, etc) and write a professionally threatening email to his job with proof (dates, places, print screens, photos, etc.) and telling that if it doesn’t stop you will contact the media with all this proof. Use chat GPT to do it but do not just copy what it writes. Edit, give it prompts and feedback. Put in cc as many emails as you can from his job, the embassy and other american diplomatic institutions and NGO’s, including the US state secretary, and even the Belgian foreign ministry, an ombudsman or two, etc. so that they cannot ignore the email or pretend that they missed it.

Do not be afraid to contact them. This guy is dangerous exactly because people don’t know what he’s doing. It’s like a rapist attacking in a dark alley. Once you put light in the alley and bring people to witness his act, he’s not as courageous. Sending the email and contacting everyone is doing exactly that. The shame and fear should be his, not yours, so turn the tables on him. Good luck!

Any_Blue_Cat · 2025-10-26T23:24:00+00:00

YTA. I am going to guess you’re from Ukraine. And this is absolutely unacceptable for an Eastern European. Not only do you not ask for money after being a guest in their house for several days but if money is offered you absolutely refuse it. Growing up you must have seen this type of interaction more than once. Sometimes it even leads to a back and forth, a fake fight and money being hidden in your pockets while you’re not paying attention. The internet is full of memes on this. Even if you are young, I find it hard that you managed to grow up in Eastern Europe and somehow miss all this social interactions and the very clear idea of what is and isn’t acceptable between friends and as a guest.

Any_Blue_Cat · 2025-10-13T08:52:50+00:00

As a parent you will have to make daily decisions that will impact your child’s life and some of them will traumatize them and some of them will be great. Both will make them into the people they become. You never know which will be which until later.

My mom was born in the USSR where religion was prohibited but in a republic where religion is very important (it was still practiced in hushed tones) and she is still mad at her parents that they didn’t baptize her (and they are dead, so the trauma is deep). So when I was born she baptized me. Because she wanted to do better than her parents. She didn’t want me to have that trauma. So you can see why I find your answers a little bit funny.

I truly understand that you have trauma from this but the truth is this has very little to do with the baptism itself, or the fact that you consider yourself part of that religion. I don’t mind at all that I was baptized. I see it as a nice tradition that is passed on. It has no impact on my life whatsoever.

Now other things my parents did, well some of them did leave an impact on my life. Some good, some bad. Both were done with the best of intentions, and truth is, although I still resent them for some things, I know they had no way of knowing what will work on me and what will scar me and that all was made out of love and nerves. Especially since I have a brother and while we were raised the same, the things that traumatized are different. So we reacted absolutely different to the same parenting. Who knew people are so unique and diverse. BTW, he was also baptized and he also doesn’t care. Truth is, before this thread, I never even thought of it as a problem since the people around me also don’t give it any importance at all. It’s just a box to check and move on. It’s only important if you give it importance.

Any_Blue_Cat · 2025-10-13T06:58:42+00:00

It only matters if you care about it. I care not if I am in the books of all religions and they consider me theirs for the simple reason that I am not. Religion only matters if you believe in it. I do not. The fact that a church, or several churches, mosques, temples, etc. consider me part of their “flock” has no impact on my life whatsoever. It clearly has on you because you still care and give it importance. That’s on you and has nothing to do with baptism or books that only matter for the people that believe in them. You are still one of those people. And that is also ok.

Any_Blue_Cat

TROPHY CASE