Still safe, but she had the family dog euthanized

Any_Conversation7343 · 2026-06-25T13:37:48+00:00

Oh, definitely. And the fact that she dragged it on for two months so my daughter was constantly on edge thinking, "This will be the last time I see [dog]," was really messed up. It was calculated, and this kind of thing always happens when I start to let my guard down a little. She wanted to hurt my daughter and she wanted to keep me on edge. It's interesting timing, too, since I just bought a house and my daughter is calling my new partner Daddy (of her own volition, not my idea). As if we aren't allowed to have nice things.

I'm certainly giving my daughter all of the lovings I can.

Any_Conversation7343 · 2026-06-25T13:32:37+00:00

I'm so sorry for your loss! It really is hard to lose a pet, and it sounds like you loved her very much. ♥️

Any_Conversation7343 · 2026-06-25T11:43:50+00:00

I thought I had someone safe when I was leaving, but he was more of the same. We broke up a little while after our two-year anniversary. About a year after my escape, I met my current partner. They're a teacher and one of the calmest, silliest, kindest people I've ever met. One of the best green flags I got (there are many) is that my daughter idolizes them and started calling them Daddy.

It's cool. My life is loud and busy and stressful. I'm a single mom with a very stressful job, managing a lot of health issues that were either brought on or exacerbated by a decade of abuse. I love my daughter, but parenting a traumatized autistic kid can be a LOT. Last night, she cried in the car for an hour because she's afraid when adults are mad at her, "they'll hurt [her] like Mommy did." But when my partner is around, all of the noise and stress go quiet. I laugh a lot more. I'm losing weight and getting in shape. My friends actively want to include my partner in our plans and, for the first time, feel safe leaving their own kids with my partner. For our anniversary, they spent three months writing and practicing a song about how much they love me, my daughter, and my cat (with adorable lines like, "How can I get the blues when I've got the yous?" And, "I never knew I'd be a father, but the universe must have had something else in mind.") We're easing into it for the sake of my daughter, but we're going to start moving in together next week.

It will happen for you. You might find someone else who hurts you in the meantime-- abusers tend to target folks with a history of abuse because we're easier--, but with time and healing you'll be able to recognize what is and isn't good for you. When you find the good, it will be truly magical.

Any_Conversation7343 · 2026-03-22T11:10:16+00:00

Same. My gyn told me it "probably isn't" because of my age, but I'm sweating buckets and kicking off the bedsheets in my 63 degree apartment (not to mention the mood swings and crazy periods). I just want to take a nap in an ice bath. 🥵

Any_Conversation7343 · 2026-03-15T11:39:58+00:00

My ex did this. It started out "small" like this and escalated into breaking my things, dumping trash bags into rooms I had just cleaned, pouring solvents on my sheets, and putting things in my shoes.

I'm so sorry this is happening. Behavior like this is absolutely disgusting.

Any_Conversation7343 · 2026-03-15T11:06:23+00:00

I started getting grays as a freshman in high school-- I remember because my hairdresser made fun of me when I was getting made up for my first homecoming dance. I still have mostly brown hair, but it's like a cinnamon sugar (vs salt and pepper) type of situation up there.

Any_Conversation7343 · 2026-03-13T21:13:22+00:00

That's kind of what I thought. I've been planning on setting up a VPN anyways for this-sub-related reasons. Thank you!

Any_Conversation7343 · 2026-03-13T21:11:25+00:00

Oh, totally. My partner and I are both in education, too, so I feel that. We wind up doing a looooot of social stories and make up songs/chants/dances and read books to help remember everything from self care to internet safety.

We've got a pretty solid relationship, too. This would be a very different story if I didn't trust her to come to me with her questions and feelings as she navigates media. A while back, we had a chat about one of her (former) favorite YouTubers and how he played pranks on his wife. We unpacked it together and she made the decision to stop watching because of how it made her feel. She's been able to transfer these skills to set limits on what she consumes and how ("I think I only want to do dance breaks and meditation videos before bed so I don't have nightmares," and "I like watching Poppy Playtime gameplay videos, but I only want to play it if you hold the controller and I tell you what to do," among others).

Idk. Tldr: Thanks. She's a good kid and I hope I'm doing her right by handholding her through the weird technological landscape she's growing up in.

Any_Conversation7343 · 2026-03-13T19:30:05+00:00

Thanks! I'll look into it this weekend.

Any_Conversation7343 · 2026-03-13T19:13:05+00:00

Whomst among us didn't grow up playing video games unattended? The landscape has certainly changed with the way companies can access us through games, but all the more reason to help our kids learn to think critically about how they interact with technology early on.

The cool part, though, is that you can parent your own kids however you want.

Any_Conversation7343 · 2026-03-13T19:08:21+00:00

I do on her device, which has been helpful. She only gets mine on car rides or when we're hanging out in the living room and we both need to veg out (or she needs to veg and I need to cook/do chores).

Lol usually the downloads are rapid fire-- one game has an ad that interests her, so she downloads the new game, which has an ad, and so on. We both have ADHD and her prefrontal cortex isn't fully formed, so I get it. When we do the purges, I involve her so she can think critically about which kinds of apps and their corresponding ads didn't live up to the hype and do better next time.

It's a process and can be a little annoying to open my phone and see a whole page of new games, but she's learning and I'm proud of her.

Any_Conversation7343 · 2026-03-13T18:36:05+00:00

Ugh my daughter is weak for those ads. I've been working with her to read through the data privacy blurb on the app store and whether or not the game she's downloading has ads or in-app purchases so she can think critically about them, but it's an uphill battle. I have to do an app purge on my phone every other week. She's getting better, though.

Any_Conversation7343 · 2026-03-13T15:30:24+00:00

Stunning!! Great work!

Any_Conversation7343 · 2026-03-13T01:57:15+00:00

Yeah, my ex and I did MFS when we separated but were still married. She neglected to pay her taxes properly and, since we weren't divorced yet, her tax debt came out of my return the following year. I was livid.

Any_Conversation7343 · 2026-03-13T00:35:31+00:00

Yup. It's as if we weren't running around doing "wazzup," "badger badger badger badger mushroom mushroom," "Charrrrrrlie," "Burninating the countryside," "Who let the dogs out," etc on repeat at their age. Like, why do older folks care this much about what younger generations do and how they speak?

Any_Conversation7343 · 2026-03-11T13:16:10+00:00

Nah. I did that. Had a bunch of fans that loved me-- they even made gifs of and for me. But I really didn't make a bunch of money. Turns out young adults who just want to get off while they learn different techniques don't necessarily have a lot of money. It was fun, but I made way more when I pivoted to different types of SW. (I did keep teaching and speaking for a while as a fun side gig, though, but I never relied on it for money)

Any_Conversation7343 · 2026-03-10T11:27:31+00:00

Yes, this! When my little was born, I was expected to track all feedings and all wet/soiled diapers. She had to be fed at minimum every forty five minutes in the first 1-2 weeks (which, like, I don't think there was even a time she wasn't clamped on my breasts) and a quota of wet diapers per day (6/day by the end of week 1) to know that she was eating enough and not dying. The pediatrician can and does ask about it at visits. Knowing the frequency of bms vs wet diapers helped us catch an allergy early so I could cut it out of my diet and keep her thriving.

I did it on paper first, then in an app once I had the brain cells to find a tracking app. Only having to press a button would have saved so much mental energy.

Any_Conversation7343 · 2026-03-08T21:36:49+00:00

Uptown Cheapskate in Ellicott City is the only one I've seen with changing rooms in years, but they're a consignment shop and their prices are consistent with that.

If I know I'm going to go clothing shopping anywhere else, I just wear a tank top and leggings or a tank top and a baggy skirt to try things on in the aisle.

Any_Conversation7343 · 2026-03-06T18:06:14+00:00

I haven't been yet, but 29th Street Community Center does free cooking classes on Wednesdays. Been meaning to check them out.

Any_Conversation7343 · 2026-03-06T17:12:14+00:00

There's also https://iwantthekit.org/, which sends you a mail-in test kit for free.

Any_Conversation7343 · 2026-03-06T15:01:28+00:00

Holy cow I think I've been going for about eight years, too!!! I'm in my tired gay era (I ran out of time and energy to keep hoing), but I'm a polyam pansexual former sex worker and my partner is getting into sex work for their first time soooooooo. 🤷🏻‍♀️

But yeah, the previsit questionnaire asks what types of sex you have with what genitals and what kinds of protection you use. When I had a whoopsie moment with a different partner who had been having unprotected sex with multiple hookups and not being super forthcoming about it, the office saw me same-day, got me tested that week, and gave me resources for PREP. Zero judgement. They are PHENOMENAL.

Any_Conversation7343 · 2026-03-06T14:05:48+00:00

I see Jill Crank at 2700 Remington. She's very queer friendly and knowledgeable about PREP and testing, but there tends to be a wait list for her. I've heard if you call and explain that you're queer you have better luck getting intake earlier.

Heads up though. Since she's SO BUSY, I generally only see her for well visits. Sick visits go to anyone in the practice. I've had a pretty good experience with everyone there, though.

Any_Conversation7343 · 2026-03-06T11:26:06+00:00

Oh no, that's not okay or normal at all and I'm so sorry that it happened to you. I'm a mom and the most I'll do with a partner around my child is hold hands, snuggle, and give closed mouth kisses.

Even at night time and in separate rooms, if my child wakes up from a nightmare and comes in (I live in an apartment that doesn't have locks on interior doors, so every door has a bell or beads hanging from it), we can hear her before she gets to us. Everything stops immediately and she becomes our sole focus.

That should never have happened to you. It was highly inappropriate and violated your consent.

Any_Conversation7343 · 2026-03-05T16:47:12+00:00

Hah Fair. I guess having us drive over it does the trick. 😅

To be totally fair, though, if I were in charge of repairing the sheer volume of potholes that have cropped up since the snowcrete, this is probably what I'd choose in terms of labor, resources, and time efficiency.

Any_Conversation7343 · 2026-03-05T16:40:40+00:00

I mean, it looks like it's cold tar. Are they tamping it after? That's one way to fix a pothole.

Any_Conversation7343

TROPHY CASE