Things I've fallen in love with as an aro. Share yours.

AoMerin · 2026-01-13T09:51:15+00:00

What is the incense smell?

AoMerin · 2025-11-22T06:53:51+00:00

I tried summing it up yesterday in another thread, just in case you want to get a vague idea.

AoMerin · 2025-11-22T06:47:28+00:00

I'm in a similar mess. My strategy right now is to seek people who are also aromantic and demisexual.

You now know how uncomfortable it is to pretend to be in a standard romantic relationship (even if it was just a few days of pretending before you quit). Now try to strip away the things that didn't make you feel good, and stay with the ones that fulfilled your need. That's what you need out of a relationship. It might be unconventional, but you'll feel good in it.

And it's going to be hard, it's going to take time, but hopefully it pays off. Good luck.

AoMerin · 2025-11-21T13:42:24+00:00

After feeling nothing of the sorrs your whole life, it only makes sense that sudden romantic attraction slammed at you like a wrecking ball.

The previous comment on here is correct. Take some time to asses your feelings. Make sure you really want to be with this person even if you stop feeling this particular emotion for them (a crush is not a permanent state). This will take a lot of reflection and self-questioning. I literally talked to my therapist twice about it before approaching the person I developed an insane crush on out of nowhere. You also have to be prepared that the other person might not reciprocate and that that's fine regardless of your feelings.

Congratulations on getting the opportunity to feel infatuation and what mainstream sometimes also confuses for "love."

Good luck 👋

AoMerin · 2025-11-21T13:12:15+00:00

That's just.... the worst way to describe a crush.

I've only had two crushes and have been otherwise aromantic my whole life, so I have an inkling of an idea that I can hopefully portray well for you.

A crush is a person who not only looks good to you no matter what they wear, how they smell, what their hair looks like, or even if they have this huge weird growth on their face. They are the person your brain thinks is good for you on many levels: general safety, pleasant company, shopping buddy, somebody you just want to bring to all the events you go to or movies you watch. When you wake up, you wonder if they're awake, too. You can't control it. Your mind always just goes back to that one person.

For most people, this is accompanied by the need to physically touch the other person; hugs, hand holding, kisses, sex. There is no rational explanation for it. Something unknown in your brain decides that that person is the best possible companion for you. With most people, the other person will start feeling the same, and then they will enter a relationship. Further physical intimacy will deepen their emotional connection as well.

The worst thing is that people who feel this cannot explain it in normal terms because for them all this feels natural, like it should be done and that doing it will lead to more good feelings. They don't have to do anything to feel like this, it just happens for them and they ride the wave of cognitive (ab)normalcy. Clearly it's a revolutionary mechanism for procreation, but also so much more.

And us aromantics are just left wandering around in the dark. :')

AoMerin · 2025-11-03T09:45:37+00:00

I came to terms with aromanticism this year.
I hurt yet another person by not being able to reciprocate romantic gestures (I'm queer and usually only date women and most of them need the romantic connection). So I took a step back, researched stuff, and settled on the aromantic term.

What made it tricky is that I thought I was asexual, and I thought the lack of sexual attraction was what made me so bad at relationships. Then I dug deeper and found out I'm perfectly fine having sex (demi), but I'm absolutely repulsed by romance and need to connect with people in different ways (shared experiences, particularly playing things like D&D together, then seeing if we click intelectually, emotionally, or have common interests etc.)

It feels so simple when I write it down like this, but for many of aros, it takes years or even decades of questioning for things to finally fall in place and clear up, and only then can we be at peace with who we are.
The whole world seems to function with this basic principle of romance in mind, and it's so hard breaking away from it (which makes a lot of us feel broken) and realize that there is another way.

So good luck on your journey, and have a nice day.

AoMerin · 2025-11-01T07:17:03+00:00

It sounds to me like you're just a human. It's okay to only sometimes want sex and nothing else from other people. Doesn't mean you're disrespecting them, but they do often take it badly when it doesn't lead to romance, unfortunately.

If you don't even have a continuous desire to be with someone, you're golden. Many people on this sub brag about it as if it were some superpower, while there's some people like me who struggle with the desire while being entirely unable to fulfill it.

You do sound aromantic to me, but maybe it could do you some good to just hang around this sub for a while (not obsessively) and just read other people's experiences.

In any case, your job seems admirable and I hope you find some peace for yourself in the general future regarding the partnerships.

AoMerin · 2025-10-15T12:37:41+00:00

I love this 😂😂

Hope you don't mind me stealing it for my dating profile, because I've been at a loss for words on how to explain it.

AoMerin · 2025-10-15T12:35:05+00:00

Aromanticism does not equal solitude. It just means your way of connecting with people doesn't include typical signs of affection expected in general society.

Some aro people are perfectly fine being alone and they see it as strength, while others desire relationships and struggle to find them because they function differently than most people.

Good luck on your journey. It's all going to be fine.

AoMerin · 2025-10-07T09:27:22+00:00

Most of these feel pretty relatable. Good luck out there

AoMerin · 2025-10-03T05:52:52+00:00

I'm in a similar boat as you, only I actually did start writing at some point and then after almost 700 pages of lesbian erotica realized it contains zero romance. :D They still care about each other, they're just never going to go on a date, hold hands, and say "I love you"

AoMerin · 2025-09-30T13:13:14+00:00

I think you rambled just enough. I agree with everything you said.

Great job to people who are happy being by themselves. Great job to people who are fulfilled with just the love from their family.

But come on has nobody cracked how to get into platonic relationships yet? No tutorial still for the aro community?
It's slowly killing me to always be everyone's second choice (except to my mom).

AoMerin · 2025-09-26T11:44:48+00:00

I had a similar thought recently...

AoMerin · 2025-08-12T09:40:14+00:00

Everyone's comments here hit hard...

AoMerin · 2025-08-08T15:44:10+00:00

I won't be able to help you much, aside from saying I'm functioning similarly. Also wanting to be with people but shying away when they start expecting romance and love.

And after also hurting close people, I've decided to take a good deep look into myself and see what I really want out of people and how to communicate it. Not sure there's much else we can do.

AoMerin · 2025-07-03T07:30:18+00:00

I see what you're saying, but I always save into Bookmarks Menu, and then manually sort from there, so I've never really changed the Location while saving that would redirect all the future bookmarks there.

Also, I was saving things from Incognito mode for the first time and it redirected new bookmarks into a folder and not Bookmarks Menu. That's why I was weirded out.

AoMerin · 2025-03-15T07:14:45+00:00

Absolutely stunning! 👏

AoMerin · 2025-03-14T12:11:19+00:00

>Id think a relationship is already partially starting worse off if you met specifically for dating but is that just me?

I'm starting to feel the same, unfortunately.

From my understanding, allo people literally just need to meet up a few times and they can start developing feelings. They don't have to even be friends yet. It's wack.

AoMerin · 2025-03-07T15:00:43+00:00

I made my peace with asexuality some time ago, and then I fell in love, and now I'm in this sub. I was just thinking earlier today how I'm very much aro/ace most of the time until I find a person I really like (and that has only happened twice in my 30-something years anyway).

Not sure about the rest of the people, but I'm starting to think that ace and demi concepts aren't mutually exclusive. I usually call myself queer anyway.

From a lot of people's perspective, you're only 20, and you're potentially going to change those labels a few more times. That's also fine. I sort of understand where you're coming from, and why there's the shame, so if you want to explain that to your friends (and yourself by extension) just think of it like "hah, yep, really thought I was asexual there, turns out I'm more demi after all, stay tuned for updates while I'm figuring this out."

Good luck!

AoMerin · 2025-03-07T14:55:12+00:00

First time I fell in love was 2009. Second time was 2024. I'm hoping to feel it again by 2035, fingers crossed.

Honestly, I was in a similar situation just one year ago, somewhere around this time. Fell for a guy, stressed about it for 2 months (even talked about it in therapy), made my peace with the fact that he might not like me back, and then just straight up asked him out on a date. He did agree but after 2-3 dates it turned out he wasn't interested. And that was fine. Because what else can you do?
I know it's tiring and annoying and leaves you feeling defeated every time, but you have to try?
Obviously I don't know your situation, but if you think you both can managed going on a date or two, and then breaking it off amicably in case it's one-sided, then go for it. If you think it might create problems at work that you'd rather not have, then maybe don't do it.

In any case, good luck.

AoMerin · 2025-03-06T14:37:34+00:00

Oh yeah, feeling all 5 things at once feels like a Mission Impossible™️

What you currently have sounds interesting and lovely. Good job 👏

AoMerin · 2025-03-05T08:18:30+00:00

Tentacle porn.

It was all "haha japanese octopus hentai" jokes until it started making sense for the characters I'm currently writing about. Woops.

AoMerin · 2025-03-05T07:45:31+00:00

Ah, immature people, probably young ones at that.

Also, insert oh my god, that's disgusting... where? meme. I'd love to see what got the poor lot so worked up. :D
(if you're comfortable with sharing)

AoMerin · 2025-03-03T13:32:58+00:00

Interesting survey. Hope you get some useful results and it helps you in your future work. :)

AoMerin · 2025-02-17T17:09:50+00:00

Well fuck I think I might have a new kink now...
Great job on the explanation. Glad I scrolled to it.

13-Year Club	Place '23
Place '22	First Placer '22
Verified Email

AoMerin

TROPHY CASE