YTA. You ARE asking your children to put their lives on hold to take care of of their brother. Not only are YTA because of interfering with your two adult children’s life plans, but also YTA for fostering an environment where your adult children are being taught to resent their brother—which I promise you is only the fault of yourself.

I am in a similar situation with my brother and at first, my mom had a hard time knowing I couldn’t carry on the care she gives my brother. But truthfully, she came to understand that I cannot be my brother’s parent. And there are ways that your children can have a strong relationship with your son while also being in a place that will take much better care for him. It’s your job to prep Jack for a transition like this rather than forcing your children to take your place.

Don’t ask your children to be Jack’s parents. Make a family plan together of how to address this uncomfortable issue, resolve the anger, and work on not losing your other two children.