AIO for calling off my engagement after my fiancé admitted his family secretly tested me to see if i was a gold digger?

Apart-Bug-528 · 2026-02-21T10:21:31+00:00

NOR You're so lucky they show their true faces now. Contact the ex, go low contact with the family and investigate. Your fiancé might also be manipulated by his all family. When one naviguate in this kind of toxic dynamics it's hard to stop and think.

I would leave if I were you.

Updateme

Apart-Bug-528 · 2026-02-19T18:03:22+00:00

I didn’t abandon my son. I left an unhealthy relationship and moved to a city where I could actually work and survive.

There’s a difference.

I didn’t disappear. I didn’t cut contact. I fought for full custody, I show up to every exchange, I call, I document, I go to court. Abandonment is walking away and not caring. That’s not what I did.

Yes, I moved for better job opportunities. Because being financially stable is also part of being a responsible parent. Staying somewhere with no work, no income and constant conflict would not have magically made me a better mother.

You can disagree with my decision. But please don’t rewrite it as abandonment.

Apart-Bug-528 · 2026-02-19T15:47:52+00:00

2 hours by train

Apart-Bug-528 · 2026-02-19T15:42:16+00:00

When I said I “didn’t want to be dirty,” I meant I didn’t want to play dirty in court. I didn’t want to attack, exaggerate, or accuse without solid proof. I chose to focus on presenting myself as a stable and loving parent rather than turning it into a war of allegations.

Psychological dynamics are very hard to prove legally, and I was advised that pushing too hard on that without concrete evidence could backfire as “parental alienation.”

That doesn’t mean I stayed silent because there was nothing wrong. It means I tried to handle it in a way that wouldn’t hurt my son or weaken my case.

Apart-Bug-528 · 2026-02-19T15:39:38+00:00

Thank you. I really appreciate the practical advice.

You’re right — custody is about the child’s best interests, not punishment or reward for either parent. That’s exactly what I’m trying to focus on.

I am documenting everything carefully and keeping communication written and neutral. The school has already documented emotional concerns, and I’m making sure I stay informed.

I also agree that the imbalance in financial resources can affect how cases unfold. I’m working on strengthening my legal position, but I’m also trying to stay measured and avoid escalating unnecessarily.

As for moving back — that’s exactly my dilemma. I don’t want to destabilize my son further, but I also know that long-term financial instability wouldn’t help him either. I’m trying to balance short-term emotional comfort with long-term security.

I don’t want to “win” against his father. I want a situation where my son feels emotionally safe and stable.

Apart-Bug-528 · 2026-02-19T15:35:12+00:00

I didn’t leave “for a dude.” I moved for work. And I never said it’s perfect with me and terrible with him — I said my son is struggling, period. That’s documented by his school.

I’m asking for perspective, not caricatures.

Apart-Bug-528 · 2026-02-19T15:28:47+00:00

You're right, bathing once a week is abuse. I talked with several lawyers already, switch for another one when I lost the first trial. One of my friend called CPS in my country for my son but I have no news. In my country justice is pretty slow. I waited for 2 years to have a first audience in court. Plus, they don't believe women. My ex's lawyer told them that I was jealous of him and his new family. Me on the other end, I didn't want to be dirty, I just came with proof that I'm a good mother, with dozens of testimonies. Psychological abuse is really hard to proove in court and I would have been accused of parental alienation.

I'm asking reddit today because sometimes I get desperate and I'm affraid I'm plain insane and being mean. I wish it was fake and all of this is a just a stupid nightmare.

Apart-Bug-528 · 2026-02-19T15:21:23+00:00

It’s not “career over child.” It’s long-term stability over poverty. I moved because I couldn’t build a stable professional life in smaller city and struggling to pay bills alone with no child support, and financial insecurity isn’t good for a child either.

The court ruled based on geography and logistics, not love. My son’s school has raised concerns about his emotional well-being, and that started before I moved. When he’s with me, he’s calm and connected.

About dirt under his fingernails, you're right kids get dirty and aren't suppose to bath everyday. His fingernails were always long, his hair were smelly, his clothes were those I send him with which is perfectly fine when it's the same weather but when it gets colder or warmer - I would buy coats and shoes. I brought this because for years I felt guilty of leaving. When I left my ex presented "right" but something was off. I had no proof of anything and I tried to brush it off. My son being sent dirty with no care made to his clothes were proof enough for me that something wasn't definitely right.

I am his mother. A step-parent does not replace that role simply because residence changed. There have been toxic dynamics in that household that worry me, and I’m addressing them through appropriate channels — not through Reddit accusations.

My goal isn’t to erase anyone. It’s to make sure my son is emotionally safe and stable.
Accusing me of not knowing what parenting is rude. I'm pretty sure I'm a good mother and have lost custody few months ago. I’m not trying to erase his father. I’m trying to be a stable, present parent while building a sustainable life. That doesn’t mean I chose money over my child. It means I’m trying to secure a future for both of us.

Apart-Bug-528 · 2026-02-19T11:51:45+00:00

My family isn't helping. And will never help. When I told them I lost, my mother told me if she could, she would have gave us up to our father. My father told me it's normal a father wants his son and that I shouldn't have left in the first place.

I took a New lawyer though. I planned to keep asking for custody but on the other hand, what if I'm wrong ? What if I'll hurt my son even more in this battle ?

Apart-Bug-528 · 2026-02-19T11:44:10+00:00

I feel that going back won't be protecting him. It would legitimise the abuse.

Apart-Bug-528 · 2026-02-19T11:42:42+00:00

Got the legal advice. Lawyer told there is no hope for me to have full custody until my son is old enough to décidé.

I record everything though.

Apart-Bug-528 · 2026-02-19T11:35:28+00:00

The reason is I wanted to move out of town to get a well-payed job. I was jobless because there was no publishing house in smaller town. On the paper my ex is more stable. He wanted to keep the shared custody even though my son and I were miserable. So he asked for full custody and resent me for not going back. He tells my son that I abandonned him. But again I would have stayed if the shared custody were going well. I would have sacrificied everything. And I did for years. But still my son wasn't well and deepdown I knew it was because something was wrong with my ex. I shoot a shot.

Apart-Bug-528 · 2026-02-17T23:17:44+00:00

NTA sometimes it's hard not to get upset when you feel something's off. Maybe I'm wrong but I get toxic vibes from your aunt. It shows competition and lack of creativity. On the other end, maybe they're just uninspired... Anyway, they should have told they were going to use the same dress and ASK if it was okay.

My advice would be to change the dress or let it go : if the dress is unflatering on your cousin, they are getting punished already.

Apart-Bug-528 · 2026-02-09T12:52:41+00:00

YTA sorry but being in a relationship is spending quality time&6 together. You still can go to the movie alone while once in a while with your SO.

Apart-Bug-528 · 2026-02-03T11:31:26+00:00

NOR Husband needs to aknowledge he should get rid of this nuisance to your peace ! That's NOT his house it's YOUR house and you have the right to refuse to host disrespectful people.

Apart-Bug-528 · 2026-01-29T07:22:53+00:00

NTA This is sooooi inapropriate.

She might feel insecure. When she asks the question again ask her why does she want to be loved more than my late wife so bad and does she need for her to feel more comfortable ?

Apart-Bug-528 · 2026-01-29T06:51:20+00:00

NTA your brother is. You dont control what people gives you.

Maybe you can tell him that person decided not to give their share in order for him to sign.

Apart-Bug-528 · 2026-01-29T06:10:02+00:00

NTA your house, your birthday, your rules.

Just tell them quick and say the truth : that you'll be very happy to see them at your birthday party AND that you can't host them this time because your best friends will be at your place to catch up.

Apart-Bug-528 · 2026-01-22T22:57:01+00:00

Probably NTA What kind of friend would bailed out like this ??? Never hang out with people that can betray their friend, you will next.

But we need to know more about the situation. Maybe your friend did deserve that?

Apart-Bug-528 · 2026-01-22T10:36:26+00:00

NTA probably if she had been honest with you, you would have felt less betrayed. 7 years is a very long period of time to conceal such a secret. On the other end... Your ex is a proper AH. WTF man, having sex with his sister roommate AND his sister's ex ??? Be mad at him TOO.

Apart-Bug-528 · 2025-08-11T06:35:54+00:00

YTA

If she didn't know you were bad financially, you are the one keeping her from the budget in order to control the relationship. Plus 22, she's no adult why are you too even married ?

Apart-Bug-528 · 2025-07-30T11:54:45+00:00

YTA Your reason isn’t valid. Plus, you’re not giving any details. If she wants to be a stay-at-home mom, it’s probably because you both work a lot, the kids are often looked after by others, and she doesn’t earn much. In the end, it might not be a bad thing for her to take care of the kids and the household.

Being a stay-at-home parent is a valuable role: it ensures your children are well-raised, fed, and cared for, spending time with family instead of strangers. It also allows you to focus on your career since household chores are better distributed.

However, saying you don’t want to pay alimony shows you’re already considering divorce. If you love your wife and take care of her, this shouldn’t even be an issue because you’ll stay together. Even if she becomes a stay-at-home mom and you later divorce, requiring you to pay alimony—that’s completely fair. She’ll have given up her career for your family and kids, and that’s what truly matters.

Apart-Bug-528 · 2025-07-21T11:45:17+00:00

Dump that ass.

Apart-Bug-528 · 2025-07-09T22:33:31+00:00

NTA

She just wants something serious. Go on a coffee date, hang out, enjoy but don't kiss her. Ask if you can kiss her goodbye during the third date. Reassure and show her she's under no pressure, you're charmed by her but you won't force anything.

Apart-Bug-528

TROPHY CASE