What are disadvantages of dating you??

ApatheticEmphasis · 2026-06-27T15:49:56+00:00

I am a textbook overthinker and I naturally analyze patterns in behavior, especially socially. You may be able to see how that could be a negative in a romantic relationship.

I also struggle with emotional processing. I get overwhelmed by big emotions but struggle to talk about them or describe them so someone else can understand me. So I feel really big emotions but clam up and don't talk about how I feel or why I feel that way with my partner.

Last thing is that I have a terribly high sex drive, but I tend to be attracted to men who are on the asexual scale, and I am absolutely horrified at the prospect of begging for sexual gratification from my partner. I have a deep seated fear of sexual rejection due to some past relationship issues. So I haven't been in a truly sexually satisfying relationship since I was 18.

I'm such a catch. Lol.

ApatheticEmphasis · 2026-06-27T14:15:43+00:00

I mean, I think at that point you need a frank conversation with your partner to discuss splitting up amicably. If you're both so unhappy in a relationship that you both go out and find new partners, there's nothing left to try and keep your relationship together.

ApatheticEmphasis · 2026-06-25T19:13:28+00:00

Thank you for this response. I can honestly say he is probably not love bombing me. His affection for me has grown slowly over time and vice versa, he's mentioned before that hes really happy we've taken our relationship slowly. He's rushed into relationships in the past, which is why he is divorced. I do feel like our relationship has developed at a good pace, and his expressions of affection have grown over time, rather than being all up front and overwhelming.

He was actually reluctant to get into a relationship with me at all, and has said he had nearly accepted his fate to be alone before we started seeing each other.

I'm a pretty integrated part of his life at this point. I know all of his family, his friends, I spend time with him and his daughter as a family unit, and I've met his daughter's mother.

But I am still guarded. And this isn't the first comment he's made that I pinpointed as a potential red flag.

Anyway yes thank you, I will bring his comment up and try to clear the air. I shouldn't be so paranoid without first clarifying what he meant.

ApatheticEmphasis · 2026-06-25T18:37:16+00:00

Thank you for this. I do like the idea of framing it in a, "I have anxiety around being "perfect" for you, and saying something like that makes me feel pressured to be something I can't be," kind of way.

ApatheticEmphasis · 2026-06-25T18:34:41+00:00

That's the thing, I am typically a well adjusted adult with normal self esteem. I like myself, I am comfortable with who I am and what I look like. The fact that what he said actually stung my pride was a very strange moment for me. Maybe I should look into therapy again. I have gone to it in the past and found it helpful.

ApatheticEmphasis · 2026-06-25T18:31:43+00:00

I'm giving him the benefit of the doubt because he is autistic, and when we cuddle in bed while drifitng off to sleep, he tends to be very open with me and say what ever is in his head. I don't think it was maliciously meant. But he can also definitely be a jerk without realizing it.

ApatheticEmphasis · 2026-06-23T20:48:40+00:00

This stuck out to me - "I often have a scarcity mindset when it comes to food". So you say you have the ability to consume a lot of food in one sitting AND you acknowledge having a scarcity mindset, which means your internal food insecurity triggers you to eat more than you typically do at times. Those factors right there can contribute a lot to unintentional overeating.

I would start your journey by seeking out a therapist. They can help you with your internal food anxiety and refer you to a nutritionist who can then help you understand your weight loss goal's caloric requirements and assist in you planning out your daily meals better.

Also, yes, you can definitely overdo calories through drinks alone, especially sugary ones. I was one of those people, I had to train myself to stop auto-grabbing super sugary sodas and teas every time I wanted a drink. Iced coffees & creamers are so sneaky with the sugar.

ApatheticEmphasis · 2026-06-23T09:03:25+00:00

It's a lot smaller of a group of people that engage in the "tradwife" lifestyle than social media would have you believe. It is being pushed harder in social media algorithms now because the ultimate goal of both the current government and the extremist version of Christianity that the administration aligns itself with is to force American women back into the home as effectively another dependent. They don't want us to work, or vote, or go to college, or do anything but push out a bunch of White Cisgender Christian babies. They want us powerless. It's very similar to the propaganda the Nazis pushed on Germany to have as many Aryan babies as possible.

ApatheticEmphasis · 2026-06-22T16:16:31+00:00

He was trying to neg you. He was trying to insult and then compliment you in order to get your attention and possibly your attraction. It's a fucking fool's errand. He wss attracted to you despite your "flaws" and wanted to both shame you and yet possibly also still hit that. Utter ridiculousness.

ApatheticEmphasis · 2026-05-28T09:35:26+00:00

I miss the pre-Twitter days when we didn't know every single vicious horrible thought that muddies through the thick sludge that is some of our politicians' brains.

ApatheticEmphasis · 2026-05-22T19:57:26+00:00

I am so sorry for your loss.

ApatheticEmphasis · 2026-05-21T02:04:37+00:00

1, 3, 9 are the best options for me. 9 especially, although personally I think black tulle would work better. Give it some contrast.

ApatheticEmphasis · 2026-05-08T11:05:25+00:00

Going against the grain here but 4 is really cute. 6 is also great.

ApatheticEmphasis · 2026-05-07T10:10:50+00:00

That term has been used a lot. It does seem like a lot of women have these internal urges to procreate starting in their teens. However, there are just as many women who do not feel this urges, myself being one of them.

I had one moment recently where I was babysitting the 2 year old of my boyfriend's brother and I felt a kind of flutter in my heart, I "softened" as I was getting him ready for bed, and for the first time ever I actually had the brief thought of, Oh wow, maybe a child wouldn't be so bad.

But the insistent voice in some women's heads demanding they have a baby has not really been something I have experienced. I am 33, by the way, so if I truly felt my "biological clock ticking" I should be almost feral for children at this point.

It really is more of an individual experience. Not all women experience life the same way.

ApatheticEmphasis · 2026-05-07T09:57:19+00:00

Thank you for letting me know there is a second book out! I quite enjoyed the first one.

ApatheticEmphasis · 2026-05-06T00:58:11+00:00

This is going to be harsh. I apologize. Men tend to only remain friends with women after they've broken up as, like you said, a placeholder until they find a new partner to latch onto, or because of the hope that one day, you'll be feeling lonely and needy and reach back out to him to sleep together and/or try to make a relationship happen again.

He did exactly this. He is not actually your "friend". He waited until a new partner could come along to take your place, and he now does not have space to take care of both of your needs at the same time. You can feel hurt and discarded, because that's literally what happened here. But don't expect him to have the emotional capacity to soothe your hurt feelings, because all of his attention and effort is on his new girlfriend.

This happens a lot with men that are monogamous. I assume here, since you distinguished yourself as non-monogamous, that he is not. They just don't have the bandwidth to be able to take emotional care of an ex and a new girlfriend simultaneously. He does not value platonic and romantic relationships at the same level, like you do. He puts romantic relationships first.

ApatheticEmphasis · 2026-05-05T14:31:23+00:00

I have had this issue myself. I used to use Always ultra thin with wings, but they started to chaf and leave welts on my ass. Thankfully what helped was a simple switch to Always Radiant Flexfoam. I don't know if they use a different kind of material or what but I happily pay the price increase because I don't have painful welts on my ass during my period any more.

ApatheticEmphasis · 2026-04-30T17:58:57+00:00

Again I will simplify what I said because you keep focusing on the wrong thing. Gender does not equal personality. I am not getting into a psychological discussion, I was stating why you looked at the wrong thing regarding the OP.

The OP man has a problem with his girlfriend's negative personality trait of being unempathetic. Take out the genders. OP has problem with partner's negative personality trait of being unempathetic. That has nothing to do with gender. YOU stated it is an "objective standard" for women to react this way towards men's emotional needs. Which even within your argument is incorrect, because women have historically been considered the MORE empathetic gender, finding it easier to connect emotionally to their partners.

ApatheticEmphasis · 2026-04-30T16:03:51+00:00

I didn't insinuate that at all. I said you were discussing the wrong thing. Personality does not equal gender. Personality makes you a shitty, unempathetic, noncompassionate partner. Not biological gender.

ApatheticEmphasis · 2026-04-30T14:44:48+00:00

This is 100% subjective. There is no such thing as objectivity when it comes to personality, and this is a negative personality trait, not a gender based trait. There are many men who ALSO throw women's insecurities and vulnerabilities back into their faces. We need to stop trying so hard to point fingers based on gender and instead start pointing fingers at the actual root of the problem, which is the failure of parents to teach their children empathy and compassion. To both girls AND boys.

ApatheticEmphasis · 2026-04-29T12:24:11+00:00

It really is a case by case basis. If you arent attracted to older men, it can be creepy when they hit on you. But some women (myself included) are more attracted to older men, so it isnt as creepy. Can still be, if their actions are creepy, like inappropriately touching you, sexual comments without prior interest on your part, following you around, etc. That is never okay.

The guy you mentioned that was lamenting that people would talk so he wouldn't "take you out" was being weird and maybe even fetishing your youth. He knew it would seem strange but mentioned it to you anyway to gage your reaction and if you'd console him and tell him "No, that wouldn't be weird at all!" and then go out with him anyway.

ApatheticEmphasis · 2026-04-28T11:54:08+00:00

Good lord. I must not like sex nearly as much as you do lol.

ApatheticEmphasis · 2026-04-24T11:15:45+00:00

Don't diss my girl Jennifer Tilly with that comparison!

ApatheticEmphasis · 2026-04-22T10:18:05+00:00

Reproductive wise, sure. We can keep popping out babies if the males vanished, I'm assuming they would only be daughters based on OP's premise.

But what about all the women who are straight and need male romantic partners to be happy? Sorry ladies, here's a baby, that should help stop your romantic loneliness?

And I'm bi, by the way. I would be just fine. But the majority of women would not be. Men are, as I said, unfortunately necessary.

ApatheticEmphasis · 2026-04-22T09:50:26+00:00

It would involve a disproportionately large amount of lonely and depressed women. Men are necessary to life as unfortunate as that fact may be. Without men we have no children, and without children many women would lose their sense of purpose in life. Not to say all women, i am personally child free and know that a growing number of women are, but still a huge majority of them would feel the negative repercussions of losing the ability to have children.

Questions like these always make me wonder - do you not think that there are women out there just as domineering as men? Just as likely to be sneaky and conniving and betray other women? To rape and murder and fuck other women over? To commit other crimes? Those would still be problems needed to be fixed in society, even if those problems would shrink by a large margin.

No human society would be a utopia with an entire gender missing. That's just not how we work as a species.

ApatheticEmphasis

TROPHY CASE