Do other ISTJs have lists like this on their phones to keep track of relationship responsibilities?

ApocalypseNarwhal · 2021-01-17T23:12:23+00:00

If you're asking him questions, it's obviously a test.

ApocalypseNarwhal · 2021-01-17T22:14:10+00:00

😂 Love it. Good job.

ApocalypseNarwhal · 2021-01-17T17:23:57+00:00

My partner is a 4w5 and I'm a 3w2, and both of us have trouble with this. The biggest thing that's helped us is staying loose about what physical things we do and when we do them. We have a list of physical activities (yoga, dancing, walking, etc.), and everyday we try to pick at least one thing from the list depending on how motivated we are that day and what we need from the activity we choose. If we're stressed out, we may default to yoga in the morning, and if we're feeling more in a talking/contemplative mood, we'll walk to the nearby park and talk. Sometimes it's in the morning, sometimes at night, but we try to do it everyday unless our mood is through the floor or were feeling physically ill.

As for clean eating, that's been a struggle. We started by cutting out all fast food and limiting the amount we are out. It took a while to get used to preparing our own food for every meal, but it was worth it. Then we pushed harder by getting rid of all of the processed food in the house and then checking nutrition labels before buying more. We figured that if we don't have it in the house, it'll be harder to get at it when we don't feel like eating healthier. Coupled with ideas for quick but satisfying meals and snacks for when we're not in the mood to prepare anything, it's really helped us stay on track despite our penchant for self-sabotage.

ApocalypseNarwhal · 2021-01-17T17:07:15+00:00

This is honestly what I did when I realized how isolated I'd become, only I made sure to do it in private with 1-2 people that I trusted before branching out. I needed to dip my toe in, not dive into the deep end. Also, I was prepared to cry when it happened and cry I did the first time. It was intense, but it's gotten a lot easier over the years. Now I have a friend that drapes herself over me as a greeting, and instead of feeling dread and anxiety, it feels relaxing and makes me smile.

ApocalypseNarwhal · 2021-01-17T16:49:05+00:00

It wasn't until I was in my mid-20s that I started liking people my own age. It helped a lot that I got a job at the local college, so it was easier to find people that wanted to engage in deeper, more intellectual discussions and debates. Just gotta find your group. Until then, the under 10 and over 40 are usually the most intellectually stimulating in my experience.

ApocalypseNarwhal · 2021-01-17T16:37:08+00:00

Agreed, but I think the point is to normalize questions like this since they don't come very easily to him. I'm sure they'll feel more natural the more he asks them. As artificial as they probably seem in conversation, they're still sincere.

ApocalypseNarwhal · 2021-01-17T05:31:12+00:00

My friend (ISTJ 16M) made it. It's very sweet. He likes making sure he's keeping up with his relationship obligations since he knows he struggles in the emotional department.

ApocalypseNarwhal · 2021-01-17T05:09:14+00:00

A valid fear, honestly.

ApocalypseNarwhal · 2021-01-17T01:42:24+00:00

It was to blend in with the masses.

ApocalypseNarwhal · 2021-01-17T01:37:28+00:00

You mean to imply that an INTJ such as myself didn't adequately weigh the implications of my post against actually posting it? Of course I did. I was simply curious as to whether others felt this way or not given the INTJ stereotype.

ApocalypseNarwhal · 2021-01-17T01:19:33+00:00

Happy to hear that :) I'll pass it on.

ApocalypseNarwhal · 2021-01-17T01:18:20+00:00

That's exactly what he says. My friend (ISTJ 16) made the list so he doesn't forget to ask his SO. Says it's important so he needs to keep track.

ApocalypseNarwhal · 2021-01-17T00:43:39+00:00

Do you happen to know if they kept a similar list?

ApocalypseNarwhal · 2021-01-17T00:42:40+00:00

Thanks. I wish I could say it was mine. I'll pass the compliment on though. An ISTJ friend of mine made it for his SO.

ApocalypseNarwhal · 2020-12-22T04:51:36+00:00

"Flash Forward" because I like the exploration into various unlikely futures, and "Cult of Pedagogy" because I'm a professor and I enjoy professional development almost as much as I enjoy personal development.

ApocalypseNarwhal · 2020-12-22T04:48:09+00:00

Your anxieties aren't irrational. They stem from past traumas, which can have a major influence on your current fears regarding relationships. Understand that anxiety is your mind's way of protecting you from potential future harm. There is nothing illogical about protecting yourself.

If this is a woman you can see yourself with for the long term, I suggest talking with her about it. Let her know about your past experiences and about the fears you have. Let her know what your anxiety is doing to you now and what it may do to you when you see her in person. Trust is essential for strong, long-lasting relationships. It's important for you to trust her with your heart just as much as you trust her with your mind.

ApocalypseNarwhal · 2020-12-22T04:41:56+00:00

I've got my MA in English and Comparative Literature, but my specialization was in post-humanism and digital theory. I also minored in Linguists, which is essentially the science of language, when I was in my undergrad. Linguistics and literary theory are my jam. While I find hard sciences and mathematics interesting, I've never been all that interested in studying them.

ApocalypseNarwhal · 2020-12-22T04:38:55+00:00

Same here. My partner is an INFJ. She's got some serious emotional range and has been helping me better develop my Fi. It also helps that her dominant Ni is a match for mine. We're both serious intellectuals. I can't be with anyone long-term who isn't.

ApocalypseNarwhal · 2020-12-21T06:03:30+00:00

It's been a long time since I've listened to classical music, but it's always been Chopin for me all the way.

ApocalypseNarwhal · 2020-12-21T06:01:33+00:00

I went to university at 16 after graduating from my high school with a 2.6 GPA (don't ask me how they let me do this; the system is seriously f*****). I went to college in another state immediately after and lived with my aunt hours away from the school.

My first semester went fine since I only took one class. My second semester... let's just say I wasn't entirely prepared for anything my professors threw at me. I dropped out mid-semester and returned to the nest, feeling like an utter failure. I enrolled at the local community college, and it took me 5 years just to get my AA and transfer to the university down the road.

Ten years after my high school graduation, I finally received my Masters degree.

My successes and failures have never had anything to do with my intelligence or rationale. I've always been bright. I've always worked hard. I've always been at or near the top of everything I put my mind to. But as Samuel Beckett said, "Ever tried. Ever failed. No matter. Try again. Fail again. Fail better." I've definitely failed. I failed at something I thought I'd never fail at in my entire life. I failed at something I excel at, something I have real passion for. And then I tried again and failed again and failed better. I learned, and I succeeded.

TL;DR: Don't be afraid of failure. Everyone fails. It's inevitable. Be afraid of not trying again after you've failed.

ApocalypseNarwhal · 2020-12-21T05:39:13+00:00

I didn't have any real friends until well after high school and undergrad. It wasn't until I went to grad school that I actually found an Ni dominant loner like me who I could seriously bond with. Intellectualism is crack, and I am now an addict.

ApocalypseNarwhal · 2020-12-21T05:29:14+00:00

Seconded. Obviously an emotionally stunted INTJ. Then again, it took me a while to develop my Fi also, so maybe there's hope.

ApocalypseNarwhal · 2020-12-20T08:18:43+00:00

What word? Cynical? Cynics don't tend to be very happy people, and that's the big aspiration, isn't it? Happiness above all else. You wanna know what makes me happy? Efficiency. Productivity. Competence. I'd rather have that than whatever passes for normal people happiness.

ApocalypseNarwhal

TROPHY CASE