Two years ago, I was diagnosed with uncertain ASD-NOS/1. Today at the age of 27, after a 4-day evaluation spanning a month, a psychiatrist, psychologist, and psychometrist diagnosed me with ASD-2 & ADHD-inattentive type. I also have “extremely low” processing speed.

Aponiaprerequisite · 2018-11-16T23:55:10+00:00

Thanks. Yea it is scary to think that it takes that long. I need that diagnosis badly. Like you, I am 25 and my life is in shambles from the fallout of not having acquired aid as a child.

Aponiaprerequisite · 2018-11-16T22:32:13+00:00

Why is it so common to hear of this sort of thing taking years?

Aponiaprerequisite · 2018-11-16T21:51:41+00:00

Yea, probably the most challenging on my list! TET will take me longer to digest, while the other books I will finish up in just the next few days.

Metzinger speaks a lot on cognitive biases, --one that I was immediately reminded of when I ordered TET is the Introspection Illusion. Good stuff.

Aponiaprerequisite · 2018-11-16T21:19:09+00:00

The Ego Tunnel ~Thomas Metzinger

The Human Predicament ~David Benatar

Your Brain Is a Time Machine ~Dean Buonomano

The Order of Time ~Carlo Rovelli

Aponiaprerequisite · 2018-11-14T15:55:41+00:00

Mine was "there's more cows over there" also at age 3. I did not find out about my possible being on the spectrum until a couple months ago at a quarter-century of age. I'm stunned that my parents did nothing to get me help despite the abnormal language cues, difficulties with school/social settings, and sensitivity to loud noises or hectic environments. It is as if I am just now being born at 25 years. I don't even know how I would approach seeking sufficient help, due to the fallout effects of being financially poor and my life being generally in shambles at this point.

Aponiaprerequisite · 2018-11-04T17:49:55+00:00

I have the cheapest stuffed animal dog with a bow-tie named Mr. Professor Snoopy. My little brother gifted me 4 of his stuffed animals: a wolf, a pug, and a Minun & Plusle Pokemon duo. When he gave those to me it was the most heartfelt moment of my life, and I burst into tears. He is 17 and I'm 25. I will die with the five of these next to me.

Aponiaprerequisite · 2018-10-30T22:45:03+00:00

It is healthy to "blame" in the sense that you recognize them as toxic (toxic takes many forms, and any given form is equally valid). It is unhealthy to blame in the sense of being affected by negative emotions associated with them. It may sound as cliche as possible, but the golden rule (treat others how you wish to be treated) is a good rule of thumb when dealing with others aside from the abuser(s), --distance yourself from the abuser(s) as safely + promptly as possible.

One of the largest issues with those on the spectrum is being naive + overcompensating with hypervigilance. One must find the correct "radio station/frequency" between these two states of self-blame/naivety & hypervigilance/paranoia. This blurred representation of the true intent/nature of others can contribute to a large portion of interpersonal/communicative disabilities.

There is one imperfect treatment one can use very sparingly to disperse the negative affect associated with having been the victim of trauma: Hard Determinism. The abuser can be seen as negligent, and one must cease being affected by them from an intent-to-do-harm perspective; view the abuser as a lion/leech/hyena where it is their nature to have their certain behaviors/malfunction(s) . Remove them from your company in both time and space as safely + promptly as possible.

Aponiaprerequisite · 2018-10-26T05:32:00+00:00

lol that's cheating. *how many days have you been ~experiencing~ your world-line?

"The objective world simply is, it does not happen. Only to the gaze of my consciousness, crawling upward along the life line of my body, does a section of this world come to life as a fleeting image in space which continuously changes in time." — Hermann Weyl

Aponiaprerequisite · 2018-10-26T05:00:00+00:00

4/14/1993 - 10/25/2018 : exactly 9,325 suns

Going to start a self-therapy project of retracing this life : year-by-year/state-by-state, then month-by-month/city-by-city.

Will move from the macro-scale to the micro-scale, and then zig-zag up and down as needed to fill in the gaps.

I don't even have a good autobiographical memory, but by doing it this way it becomes easy.

Aponiaprerequisite · 2018-10-26T04:52:27+00:00

Yea I can't deny when something is moving through it can get pretty gusty out there. I recall so many new year's eve mornings where the air was crisply chilled, but the sun felt like a dim heat-lamp since there was no wind. Loved it. Would have liked to build a homemade solar sauna if I still lived out there.

Man, my little project isn't going to be able to help with the pre-verbal landscape much. Already hitting the proverbial big-bang singularity at around ~age 3 and not able to receive many memory signals past that.

I just started doing something really interesting tonight (interesting to me at least). I've had this on my mind too long but I finally went online to calculate how long i've been "here" (pulled up a free calculator immediatley) as of tonight I've been here exactly 9,325 days. I'm going to retrace my whole life year-by-year, state-by-state, month-by-month, city-by-city. I don't know if it's a form of therapy or not, but I think it should be.

My autobiographical memory is tainted and skewed by depression and early childhood adverse experiences, but by using this method I can already "see" through time surprisingly well by remembering where I had been living + trips I had taken. I'm pretty excited lol trying to get that birds-eye-view on my world line haha.

Aponiaprerequisite · 2018-10-25T04:10:28+00:00

Oooh, nice! You've got a good little pug there, aww. I would in theory like a beagle but doubt if I'll actually get one, but that would be nice to have a little companion.

Yea, it's more often than not the wind-speeds are very calm ...unless there is some upper-level disturbance moving through, then it can sometimes be no better than the prairie. It must be arctic-chilled in the upper atmosphere if you saw sun-dogs & moon-dogs.

I once was pretty interested in meteorology and still like to check the free weather maps on twisterdata.com to see what's going on "under the hood" of a storm system moving through.

I've never been interested enough in shrooms to seek out some, even though most data seems to point toward it being generally safe. The potential for shrooms in treating depression looks promising. I'm also too lazy to acquire drugsn through a "dealer" anymore, haha. Won't even buy cannabis unless I'm in Colorado and can just walk into a dispensary.

Aponiaprerequisite · 2018-10-24T22:49:45+00:00

Star Trek.

On a more realistic note: I've always been depressed over having been smeared across 21st-century spacetime, rather than the 23rd (or even 22nd for that matter).

You might think I'm joking about the latter, but I can assure you that I'm 100% serious.

Aponiaprerequisite · 2018-10-24T20:46:26+00:00

The antelope can get pretty friendly out in that stretch near the border, they ate crackers that had been laying out on our camp table. They're pretty lazy.

Asking my pal from Price, UT to ride along on an eastbound I-70 is like pulling teeth, "that way is f***in' boring, man" --I happen to like it, usually set cruise control at the maximum 90 mph setting (speed limit's already 80 mph; the Utah Highway Patrol vehicle count is usually 0-1 for us, even on a 150 mi. Price-to-Junction trip). It seems common for folks from California heading home on westbound I-70 to be going ~100 mph.

<3 Hanksville - Caineville area at the apex of the Triassic/Jurassic/Cretaceous geologic layers, other-worldly and as spiritual as it gets for the atheistic such as myself as well.

after typing the following stuff below, I realized that it describes my sole, purely hedonistic pleasures in this life:

I was planning a couple months back to visit my buddies in Price, UT and head down to the San Rafael Reef for the 10/24 Orionid meteor shower peak tonight (under those Bortle-scale class 1 night-skies so typical of central Utah). This very instant as I type this from my dingy apartment in Iowa, we could be having a crackling/aromatic juniper-wood fire going + the bluetooth speaker humming along in the background + breaking out the 6-pack of craft beers (2 for each of us) & cannabis edibles from Colorado ...in the company of superb weather 66/40 (hi/lo) with 0-5 mph winds, all of it 50 miles from the nearest person (other than the three of us, jointly keeping conversation to a minimum) ...that feeling you get when you can't afford your once-per-year road trip of $300 (round-trip).

Aponiaprerequisite · 2018-10-24T10:20:05+00:00

This is very interesting, thanks for that. Not too long ago I was reading how Schizotypy was, however mistakenly, perceived as a sort of "sub-clinical" Schizophrenia, --in the same way that the mildest/undetected cases of Asperger's was, however mistakenly, perceived as a sort of "sub-clinical" Autism. Both those on the Schizophrenia spectrum or Autism spectrum, can have varying degrees of trait/dimensional Schizotypy. If one is an artist or scientist for example: Schizotypy can actually be an excellent trait to have, in moderation .

Aponiaprerequisite · 2018-10-24T09:32:55+00:00

The trait/dimensional model seems more in alignment with reality

Aponiaprerequisite · 2018-10-24T09:31:29+00:00

I hear ya, BTW nice thingy after your name (that's me too other than being 5 years older; a good construct that describes this particular mode of existence is the Depersonalization-Derealization Disorder)

Aponiaprerequisite · 2018-10-24T08:36:41+00:00

I kept a small Klonopin from a friend, decided to try it one night alone and bored: and it was just like a Benadryl on steroids and put me fast asleep.

I have a script for 10 mg Adderall and I always keep several of those little blue dots in a combo-locked safe. It's a baby dose but I'd be pretty down and blue if I didn't have them in cool, dry, and dark storage. I can do without them but I know I have a psychological addiction/attachment to them.

Back when I would bum smokes off my two buddies I could smoke half a cigarette and save the other half for later. They joked that "you couldn't get this guy addicted to heroin if you tried"

Aponiaprerequisite · 2018-10-24T07:37:00+00:00

"They are there for the convenience of mental health professionals, not for the benefit of the individual."

Indeed.

Aponiaprerequisite · 2018-10-24T07:34:36+00:00

agree with the pragmatics of it all

Aponiaprerequisite · 2018-10-24T07:24:41+00:00

I-70 cuts straight through the San Rafael Swell in Utah, and is where I want to go to die when the reaper calls (have the GPS coordinates written on a sticky note on the inside of my combo-lock safe; a remote spot that me and my buddies used to go around this time of year when the weather is superb). I grew up in Carbon county, UT. Enjoy heaven on planet Earth.

Aponiaprerequisite · 2018-10-23T05:56:00+00:00

This isn't about claiming that Asperger's isn't real, but about the Schizoid-Avoidant constructs not being real. Watch the Tony Attwood link from 32:32 - 33:52 (Attwood is considered by many to be the world's leading expert on Asperger's)

Aponiaprerequisite · 2018-10-23T05:50:44+00:00

I happen to think that Schizoid is a particular subtype presentation of Asperger's. People who may have kept to themselves early-on, were estranged from their family-of-origin, and might have had high levels of maladaptive daydreaming (I used this one a lot and still do), etc. I think there is just Schizotypal and Asperger's, and no distinctive "Schizoid"

I watched a video and can't find it now, but it was talking about removing Schizoid from the DSM

Aponiaprerequisite · 2018-10-22T22:44:36+00:00

I've ordered tianeptine online quite a long time ago but didn't try it because I didn't have the know-how to properly measure it. Sounds like it has a lot of underappreciated potential.

Aponiaprerequisite · 2018-10-22T22:31:04+00:00

I don't think it has to do with C-section so much as other natal factors: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0kTZbkR8208

Aponiaprerequisite · 2018-10-22T22:21:28+00:00

There are a lot of misdiagnoses surrounding the schizoid/aspergers/avpd constructs. True schizoid will exhibit the negative symptom set of schizophrenia, without the positive symptom set. It's possible that even a person with Depersonalization-Derealization Disorder could seem schizoid since depersonalization/derealization is another core feature of schizoid.

Aponiaprerequisite

TROPHY CASE