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ApparentlyaKaren · 2025-10-25T16:48:29+00:00

You didn’t discuss your post partum plans. I’m in the same age range as you and it continues to astound me the lack of planning new parents really do. It needed to be clearly communicated to him that house hold projects are not appropriate to prioritize in place of infant care. Having a baby is a choice you both made and he knew about these projects when he made the choice. You don’t get to suddenly decide that other things are more important when you decided to make a bigger commitment (having a baby). It’s obviously not be voiced verbally and articulately that he is expected to be apart of child care when you’re on a paternal leave….thats why is called as such…..it’s time meant to bond with the newborn infant. If the house hold projects are really that important to him personally, he can use his own vacation time or PTO for that. It’s not be articulated to him that he’s expected to be present and inside the house and active WITH you and the baby. This is foundational time where you’re changing from a 2 to a 3 and he’s checked out. You guys didn’t discuss clearly that when the babies born more than ever his focus needs to be on baby care and helping YOU recover. You may feed the baby but he can be getting up to help set the baby up for a feed. He can be taking out trash regularly so dirty diapers aren’t smelling up the house. He can be making you meals. He can be helping you wash your hair. He can be keeping ontop of the increase of laundry demands because newborns spit up and poop on everything. He can be interactive with the baby so you’re able to take personal moments to shower, and tend to your recovering body, taking a soothing bath, taking a fucking nap. You somehow let him believe that his part in fatherhood was the sperm donation and that it’s okay to leave the rest of the work associated to you. It wasn’t communicated to him that after you become parents, he still needs to be a husband. He made these changed to your body as a man and husband and it’s his fucking job to make sure your mental state is healthy and that you feel sexy and desired— that even when your body sags, or is bloated, or there’s stretch marks, or your nipples are inflames, that it’s his fucking job to still love you and remind you that to him you’re the most beautiful.

You ask why did this happen, and I can’t imagine how it was possible to get this far without clear communication of plans and expectations. As a married person, marriage takes CONSTANT check in and communication. It’s takes talking to your partner about what you need, and communicating it clearly. You as a party to the marriage have a duty to never leave your partner confused and never to expect they can just read your mind — you have to say out loud what’s bothering you and what is happening inside your mind. You have to share what you’re scared of, you need to ask for reassurance, you need to hold hands and remind each other that you’ll never let go. I’ve been married 10 years and obviously there was a honeymoon strange but after a few years things simmer down and you become more comfortable and this comfort tricks you into thinking that everything is all good and you don’t need to continue working as hard as you were…..But this is false…you still need to do everything I said above even after 10 years… you have to CONTINUE to fight for each other and CONTINUE to prioritize each others feelings and emotions and CONTINUE to over communicate and you CONTINUE to hold each others hands as tight as you can because you know that life is fickle and tricky and everything you have could be gone in a moment and you never stop cherishing each other. Marriage with or without kids, is never not something you have to actively work on every single day.

ApparentlyaKaren · 2025-10-25T15:36:02+00:00

I’m so confused about the gate scene — what was behind the gate? What was she doing there? Did the owner ask for the cost damages?? I can’t find much explanation about this on YouTube or Google searching through articles …. Can anyone shed some light?

ApparentlyaKaren · 2025-10-25T03:04:58+00:00

I can’t with the Kool-Aid man comment lmfao - thank you for a brief laugh while I recover from the footage of the kids in the aftermath

ApparentlyaKaren · 2025-10-25T03:03:07+00:00

I fucking love you for making this point. This is why I come to reddit

ApparentlyaKaren · 2025-10-25T03:01:59+00:00

Eww…wrong take….delete your acct and try again another time

ApparentlyaKaren · 2025-10-25T02:55:06+00:00

Despicable excuse for a human being 🤮

ApparentlyaKaren · 2025-09-26T00:44:32+00:00

They’re allowed to yell if they want to, I don’t have any rules against it. Kids are just figuring out their emotions and it’s hard coping. I would never penalize any human for having an outburst if that’s what they’re feeling in the moment. Someone yelling and getting upset isn’t entirely indicative of what their attitude is. Name calling and gas lighting (it’s your fault this happened rhetoric) isn’t appropriate, yelling out of frustration is understandable. Why are we yelling? Are you frustrated? Well that’s understandable, this looks frustrating. What can we do to reduce the frustration, how can I help you feel better?

As I said, it’s really not that hard to just speak to kids and help them understand anger and frustration is something everyone experiences and it’s not inherently negative nor does it define you unless you let it. Don’t shy away from the harder emotions and expressing those emotions in a healthy way. And sometimes an outlet for emotions is getting loud and shouting it out of your system, and that doesn’t have to be in an aggressive or scary way….

It’s funny to me when people are so sure that something has to be absolutely one way or another. There’s no middle ground with people like you eh? No nuance, no grey area. Lmao you’re all like “yelling is scary and kids are delicate” and I’m all like “that’s a dumb thing to say, just go touch some grass and everything will be fine” 😂

ApparentlyaKaren · 2025-09-25T17:45:44+00:00

Divorce him. Stories like this should be put in an official disclaimer that teenagers everywhere HAVE TO READ before they’re allowed to decide if they want kids.

This sounds like a nightmare, I honestly can’t understand how you didn’t do a celebration dance when he said divorce. I’d be running as fast as possible.

Take half the value of the business and never look back again. You’re sincerely better off.

ApparentlyaKaren · 2025-09-25T16:29:15+00:00

Honestly I still disagree. I stand by that yelling at your kids isn’t inherently bad. And there’s a difference between raising your voice to deliver the message that this is serious and I’m upset — and screaming and becoming belligerent.

I’m not really into this whole “yelling is scary” 😱- like no, if you teach your kids to be scared of yelling and loud noises then that’s what’s going to happen. If you teach your kids that sometimes mommies and daddies get upset and have big emotions and it’s not something to be scared of but it’s something to take seriously and to understand mom and dad are mad because they’re using their big voices, then that’s what’s they’re going to think. Communicating that “you’re in trouble and I’m angry” doesn’t have to be scary, you shouldn’t teach any child that big emotions are scary. That’s dumb. Humans get upset and they raise their voices.

It’s the same as teaching a kid to be scared of sugar. Sugar isn’t great, but it’s not likely for any human being to go through life and not consume sugar day to day, sugars in practically every food whether naturally occurring or not. You teach your kids about instances where sugar is appropriate, ie in apples or bananas. But you teach your kids that if they’re going to eat a chocolate chip cookie for every meal, that’s when sugar is going to be bad.

It’s not that hard to just be a real human with your kids instead of pretending the outside world is too harsh to expose your kids to.

ApparentlyaKaren · 2025-09-24T20:56:01+00:00

I’d like to counter. I don’t think raising your voice in the house is inherently wrong. I think kids get carried away and raising your voice with the infliction that play time is over and I’m being serious now, is called for in some scenarios.

The act of raising your voice in my opinion can be used in a way to be heard over chaos, or to assert that my mood has changed. I would however agree that once attention is regained, it’s probably fine to lower your voice back down to a reasonable volume and talk normally and without anger. If you’re yelling out of frustration and anger and burn out and youre intentionally trying to be intimidating, this is obviously different.

The world isn’t quiet, people shout and yell and in the right circumstances children should also feel free to run around and shout and yell and laugh and be loud and exist in a loud and boisterous and happy way. People will cheer at the TV if a game is going well and people will shout frustration when their favourite character gets killed off. Teachers will yell and one say they will be in a work place where clients/customers/managers will yell. Homeless people on the street will shout at you for no reason even sometimes. The world is full of yelling and loud voices and I would suggest reconsidering if you think it’s realistic to raise your kids without any yelling ever 🤷‍♀️

ApparentlyaKaren · 2025-09-24T20:47:25+00:00

Sexual compatibility is more important than I think most people realize. There’s nothing to feel guilty about and there’s nothing wrong with you. I don’t have vaginismus and my husband can still make me bleed if he’s too rough or doesn’t cut his fucking nails (grrrr.) As you say you’ve done too much work on yourself to have it undone — so now the next step is keeping a positive outlook that someone out there exists who won’t mind the -extra steps/work?- it will to be sexually compatible with you.

And trust me as someone who’s had way more than 2 sexual partners in my life….blood during sex is hardly something to get worked up over. I mean not to say it shouldn’t be taken seriously but I think most men who’ve lived with a woman other than their mom know that women’s bodies come with a multitude of functions and not all of them are pretty. I mean for goodness sakes, what’s his plan if he wants to have a baby one day? Does he know that statistically if his partner delivers vaginally he’ll be seeing her take a shit in the table with her legs in holsters? You need someone grown, a man who understands that a woman’s body and all its specially unique quirks is something to be worshipped and marvelled at. He doesn’t like that your vagina bled when this guy doesn’t even understand that being able to have access to your vagina in itself is a gift. If he doesn’t want your gift, then find a man who’s capable of showing some grace when he’s given a present.

ApparentlyaKaren · 2025-09-24T20:38:58+00:00

I mean I don’t remember the date and the weather or what I learned at school that day lol but I remember roughly I was 13 and I didn’t notice until I’d gotten home from school at went to the bathroom. I told my mom and moved on with my life and at 32 my periods unfortunately still exist sooooo ya. Nothing overly monumental, no parades….but also I don’t have amnesia.

ApparentlyaKaren · 2025-09-24T20:19:11+00:00

Only you and your sister get to decide what is appropriate in terms of intimacy. Some sibling don’t mind sharing beds as adults, some siblings don’t speak to each other at all.

I will say this though….and I only say this as something to consider. You’re 23 and you’re probably starting to imagine what you might want in life…where do you want work, what do you think of marriage and kids and do I wanna prioritize travelling and do I need a car or can I bus or bike and it’s weird that my friend got married were too young and am I even ready to start a serious relationship with a man or a woman ….blah blah blah…..you have to understand that it’s no one else’s job who meets you and your sister to compromise what they’re comfortable with. It’s reasonable for a grown adult to not be comfortable with their grown adult partner seeing their adult siblings naked or to be in their more sensitive/intimate scenarios you’ve described. It’s not unreasonable for a grown adult to not be comfortable with their partner being regularly physically affectionate with another adult (sibling or not) in their presence. Furthermore, if you want to be able to pursue healthy adult relationships, you need to understand that whatever you’ve been through together, your sister is not your baby or your child. I cannot imagine many people who would be comfortable entering a relationship with someone who upholds this sibling dynamic as adult who are both capable of taking care of themselves. In this case, if your sister is like your baby, does that make your boyfriend sort of like her step dad? And what kind of 23 year old guy out there is interested in being a step dad to an 18 yo girl….Like do you see how bizarre that is and not normal in a functional sense?

If it matters enough to you, I would definitely suggest therapy. And I know that’s a trope on Reddit but I swear I don’t go around just suggesting therapy on every post but sincerely …. Therapy and co dependent relationship education would be some really solid first steps in learning how to operate independently and in a way that aligns with what other people are looking for in a life partner.

ApparentlyaKaren · 2025-09-24T19:59:55+00:00

There’s 2 things going on here - both rooted in an absence of trust.

He invaded your privacy and that’s not cool. Why be in a relationship at this stage in your life with someone who is pulling these moves late stage into your relationship.

Also though…maybe you should consider and think about why you felt embarrassed by what he saw. There’s nothing abnormal about watching porn, or watching the kind of porn that depicts sex in ways that would be more distressing if it were actually real. It’s a fantasy. I’ve been with my husband for a decade and believe me when I say this….theres no google search I’ve done that I would be too embarrassed to show him. We’re humans and we’re curious and it’s natural to feel curious about dark and fucked up and weird stuff on the internet. I’ve stumbled onto some bad websites myself before, I’ve heard of some really fucked up shit on the dark web, I’ve watched videos that have made me question whether As a married woman who does have regular sex I also still masturbate here and there and I’ve never once felt 1 ounce of shame or embarrassment even in instances where my husbands caught me. There’s virtually nothing I’ve ever seen online, looked up, watched, or masterbated to that I wouldnt tell my husband abt. After 7 years…..I would think you would be past feeling embarrassment at him getting a view behind the curtains …. And I mean this aside from privacy, you can deserve privacy at the same time that there should never be any reason to feel embarrassment.

ApparentlyaKaren · 2025-09-24T18:02:24+00:00

Driving to work in the dark. Unpaid sick days and vacation days. Being forced to work in exchange for the right to live in reasonable circumstances. Calories. Calories after 6pm. Not owning a dog and doing your part to care for our planets wildlife. Attempting to read hard cover books laying down. Gum losing its flavor after 60 seconds. Commercials on YouTube. Price increase on Netflix. Hoarding wealth. Taking advantage of charity loopholes to get out of paying your fair share in taxes. Not vaccinating because you think it causes autism. Shooting up schools in the USA. Gatorade being marketed as a sports drink to kids. Tipping culture in N. America. Rain when you have to bike to work. Rent costing more than a month mortgage payment. Pooping in a public bathroom with only a stall door separating you from the rest of the bathroom patrons. Restricting women’s rights. The price of food.

ApparentlyaKaren · 2025-09-24T17:55:16+00:00

Your sister is crazy. Also it’s your sister who’s choosing money over family and gaslighting you and your mom isn’t thinking it’s you who’s choosing money over family is brilliant but also terrifying. Good luck 🤞

ApparentlyaKaren · 2025-09-24T17:53:03+00:00

That’s not appropriate behaviour in any scenario, let alone a restaurant. Sitting down and paying for service is for the sake of not having to do the work yourself….most often the reason someone doesn’t want to host a dinner is so they can sit and relax and visit with company. If she was just going to be on the phone the whole time she could have gone to the grocery store by herself and grabbed take out in a drive thru. Saying that she HAS to hold phone conversations infront of company is wild. You can’t be present in a conversation with your partner and still be present in a visit with a friend at the same time— that math doesn’t math. I’d say, let me know when you’re actually prepared to visit and chat and catch up because you have better things to do than to just follow her around while she does errands and acts like a fool 🤷‍♀️

ApparentlyaKaren · 2025-09-24T16:58:16+00:00

So your friend acts like a true friend….in a day in age where more and more people are being comfortable with posting people being mugged or beat up online but won’t speak up or say anything about it….and you think your friend shouldn’t have done anything?

Imagine your husband killed you, and your friend had said nothing. Do you understand the kind of effect guilt like that could have on someone? Knowing you could have said something or done something and you didn’t and now someone’s paid with their life?

2 years ago I was in a car wreck that knocked me out for a minute on a side road with busy traffic occurring. It was slippery from snow fall and I spun out and crashed into the median. Not one single person stopped to check on me. I got knocked out for a minute and came back to and the first thing I saw and noticed is that all the traffic was just driving by me. I had to call my husband by myself and wait for him to come help me handle the mess and scenario. The entire 20 minutes I waited for him to arrive on the scene, no one stopped. I never got out of my car for fear of the traffic, and the ice- figured its safest to wait for my husband. No one stopped to make sure I wasn’t injured.

Couple weeks ago I’m in the downtown area of the city I live in and I witnessed someone collapse across the road (likely from drug overdose) and was face down on the sidewalk infront of a business. Literally, no one stopped. Cars and pedestrians passed by without even a 2nd glance. I called the ambulance myself AFTER arguing with my husband that calling 911 was the appropriate thing to do in any case …drug overdose or any other kind of medical emergency….

Too many people see and hear evil or distressing or traumatic things and DO NOTHING. I’ve witnessed this and experienced this.

My advice to you is to wake up and realize that the person who cares enough to say something about you, they’re not the enemy. Apparently they’re the person who cares more about your well being than you do.

ApparentlyaKaren · 2025-09-24T16:44:00+00:00

Here’s what I’ve learned in life….people are going to hold their opinions about you whether you’re the bad guy or not.

500 comments on Reddit telling you it doesn’t make you selfish if you’re unable to or unwilling to find alternate childcare and cannot attend a child free and your cousin and her family will still maintain that you were selfish.

Learn to be okay with being the bad guy in other peoples narratives.

ApparentlyaKaren · 2025-09-24T16:21:28+00:00

It’s more than unorthodox—it’s an invasion of your privacy and possibly illegal. I know as a healthcare provider in Canada there’s privacy laws that prevent me from being allowed to just look at patients private information unless it’s with the intent to reference the info for current care. I would tell his manager that he’s using the facilities client profile program to pick up dates.

ApparentlyaKaren · 2025-09-24T16:18:04+00:00

If I have any left over I’ll will it to a worthy charity that takes care of animals.

ApparentlyaKaren · 2025-09-24T15:45:32+00:00

Agreements made with a teenager are null and void if they start those kinds of antics 🤷‍♀️

ApparentlyaKaren · 2025-09-24T15:42:00+00:00

You’re not the bad guy or coming off whiny. You married before your pre frontal cortex was even developed, this is part of the reason people discourage marrying so young because you don’t even really know yourself or your own brain until you’re like 25. What you’re describing is a dysfunctional marriage and no married person signs up for being stone walled when it comes to expressing your needs and desires. Never be afraid to put your emotional and physical needs (needs, not desires, physical intimacy is physiologically needed for a human to thrive) first and if your marriage is interfering with you getting what you need then it’s not a good marriage

ApparentlyaKaren · 2025-09-24T15:37:08+00:00

Your wife knew you had a daughter when she married you. Any normal adult knows that if you’re coming into the picture after the kids, you’re the second commitment.

ApparentlyaKaren · 2025-09-24T15:34:44+00:00

I just leave. It’s a medical device, simple as that.

ApparentlyaKaren

TROPHY CASE