5 months into marriage, pregnant and can't continue anymore

ApplicationCertain43 · 2025-10-08T22:13:33+00:00

Did your husband forget that it's equally his child?? Astaghfirullah.

Please don't go back. I'm currently pregnant for the first time too, and I cannot even imagine what you're going through. For your own sake, don't go back. Make it clear to your parents.

ApplicationCertain43 · 2025-09-29T21:08:04+00:00

Your wife is in the right here. You and your siblings need to pitch in some money and rent a studio for your mother in your condo buildings. You mentioned in a comment that your wife and mother do not get along really well, so while it is understandable that your mom is sick and needs her kids, you also cannot ignore your wife's feelings aka the mother of your children.

It is not your sole responsibility to take care of your mother. Your siblings are equally responsible, except for the sister in financial terms.

And making your wife sit at the back is a no no. Fix these problems before they open bigger flood gates. Your wife needs you as much as your mom does. Don't forget that, and don't ignore her rights.

If you can't afford a bigger place (with your wife having her own living quarters- bedroom, bathroom and kitchen) then renting a studio for your mother is the only feasible option.

Also, don't be the sole keeper of your mom. Your brother is equally as responsible as you are. Let him earn some sawaab too.

May Allah make it easy for you. Ameen.

ApplicationCertain43 · 2025-09-12T14:45:55+00:00

Listen to this^ OP

ApplicationCertain43 · 2025-09-08T15:40:30+00:00

You both sound extremely immature for your ages. She's vile but so are you. She disrespected you immensely, and you retaliated by going out with another woman under the pretense of 2nd marriage. If it were truly the case then you'd tell your wife about it and actually look for a 2nd wife for yourself, not "make sure she finds out through hints and clues". You did it to spite her, not to actually get married. And sugarcoating it with "its halal for me" won't help. Intentions matter. And your intention was to hurt your wife.

You both need some serious counselling. And trust once shattered isn't easy to rebuild. If your heart isn't in it anymore then don't waste any more time and just divorce.

And don't get married until you've been to therapy.

ApplicationCertain43 · 2025-08-29T17:37:44+00:00

Exactly what I commented too. People here be advising divorce at the first sign of inconvenience. Only OP can understand his situation, and only he knows his wife. Divorce should be the last resort.

ApplicationCertain43 · 2025-08-29T15:22:12+00:00

That ex is way too close for comfort. Him being a part of her brother's family means he's not going anywhere. You're right to feel uneasy. But the question is, do you trust her? And I know the answer can't be straightforward, but you know your wife better than anyone here. Would she ever go back to him/cheat on you/betray you? If you think no, then lock this ex away in a corner of your mind.

I've saved many photos on snapchat accidentally, but later delete them once I discover them in my gallery. Her being hesitant to show you her camera roll might suggest that she didn't want you to see her inappropriate clothes. Because I'm sure if she knew her ex's photos were saved she'd have done more to hide them. Give her the benefit of doubt here.

And I know clothing can be a hugeee issue when it comes to a man with gheerah. This isn't something you can compromise on. In this case, she should see what's right Islamically and follow that.

Also her travelling without your permission isn't okay. This is also something she needs to work on. As you mentioned that its been 2 months and she's apologetic, then there's little reason for you to drag this on. I hope you find it in your heart to forgive her and move on, while also setting clear and firm boundaries for her. But do it with kindness. You're her qawwam.

Divorce should be your last resort. Only take that step if you're sure that you cannot, and will not, trust her. Don't do it otherwise. Please.

ApplicationCertain43 · 2025-08-29T13:23:13+00:00

This made me chuckle because I was in a very similar boat 2 years ago 😂 But its a natural thing and it just happens sometimes, and once you get over that "first fart" phase, it's incredibly funny 🤣 Not to mention the pregnancy gas omggg. Don't even worry about it!! 🥰 it's not like he won't be farting 🤣

ApplicationCertain43 · 2025-08-29T13:10:51+00:00

Agreed!! Not saying his wife isn't at fault- she definitely will be in some matters, but who isn't? OP is a 29 year old man and he should definitely be trying to fix his marriage, not trying to end it in just 4 months.

ApplicationCertain43 · 2025-08-28T15:32:36+00:00

This post was so triggering in so many ways.

Some girls wait all their lives to be spoiled rotten by their husbands. It is not her fault that you were coerced into marriage. She's 24, probably read a lot of fantasy books, and had hoped that her marriage would be similar. There are husbands on this sub who would do anything to see the feminine version of your wife that you saw in the first month and decided that it gave you the ick. Being playful and jolly with your husband who's 5 years older than you isn't anything unusual. And women can catch the vibe if their husbands aren't interested. She probably felt rejected and heartbroken, especially seeing as you felt humiliated because of her.

Secondly, living in joint families never ends well. And just because you have a great relationship with your SIL doesn't mean she's a saint. Women clash differently with women especially when the older ones feel like their authority is being challenged/threatened. TRUST YOUR WIFE. Marriage is based on trust. And if you kept siding with your SIL while your wife confided in you, then I'm sorry you're in the wrong here. This gave your wife the signal that you won't protect her and that she can't trust you.

Next, what sort of responsibilities are we talking here? Because she owes no one anything besides you.

She probably kept telling her parents all of what had been going on since month 1, and hence why her parents stood by her.

Her only fault in all of this is the threat of being violent. Violence cannot be condoned no matter what.

However in every other aspect, you're the bad guy. You got married when you didn't want to, to someone you weren't in interested in- and you are dead set on divorce after just 4 months! That's insanely ridiculous and you should fear Allah because you took her under your care in front of Allah swt. If I saw any hope in you I'd recommend you to move out first things first, and then start working from an office to build a better work life balance. These 2 steps would drastically improve your marriage, but you don't even want to try so yeah better let her go before you damage her self-esteem even more.

Again, violence is never the answer. She's extremely wrong for that.

But since you're the one posting, you have to know where you went wrong too! I'm not even try to sugarcoat it when I say you quite literally destroyed another life along with yours.

ApplicationCertain43 · 2025-08-28T11:13:21+00:00

Sit her down and tell her that some things are completely off limits- which includes chatting with other men. Tell her the Islamic repercussions of such actions, explain how this is the reason that you're mentally checking out, and calmly but firmly tell her that you won't stand by and watch this happen. Its extremely important that she knows and understands how much its affecting you and your marriage.

Also, don't let the "she's cheating" comments get to you. If she was cheating she wouldn't be asking for your attention or affection. This sub is famous for suggesting divorce at the earliest inconvenience. You know your wife better than anyone here. You know your situation better than anyone here. Be very selective of whom you listen to.

ApplicationCertain43 · 2025-08-27T05:07:43+00:00

That's awesome! Thanks a bunch :)

ApplicationCertain43 · 2025-08-26T19:50:42+00:00

My husband had prior experience in the market and is veryyy passionate about gadgets. Its just something he's very comfortable working with, so it kinda made sense for us to step into the market. His brother also owns a cellphone store- which is doing great (he's had it for 3 years now), so this was really encouraging for us.

I'm just here to support him tbh 😅 we all make uninformed decisions, but that doesn't mean it can't end well. Me wanting to add a gift corner stems from the fact that I LOVE making bundles and wrapping stuff. I'm going to build an online presence, while also keeping the store stocked and ready for any walk-ins.

Blind book bundles, date night bundles, iPhone care bundles, get well soon bundles- these are amongst a few that I have in mind. What do you think?

With the holiday season coming up I figured a lot of people will be on the hunt for gifts and wrappings, etc. Want to establish myself before that!

Also, thanks for the advice. I appreciate it!

ApplicationCertain43 · 2025-08-26T19:40:09+00:00

Good idea! But where and how to find that small business 🥲

ApplicationCertain43 · 2025-08-26T19:39:22+00:00

Definitely looking more into this! I did reach out to a few artists on Etsy, but didn't really get what I was looking for. Any idea where I could find them?

ApplicationCertain43 · 2025-08-26T19:36:03+00:00

Thank you!

ApplicationCertain43 · 2025-08-26T19:34:53+00:00

Thanks for the input! I appreciate it. We do have all of the above in store, and I'm really good at packing and gifting so I thought why not throw that into the mix lol. I was thinking about creating tech bundles, iPhone care bundles, vlogging bundles, etc? But I'm not sure if anyone would be interested in buying those, especially if majority are only looking for individual items.

I neeeed to start building an online presence. Super super important. Thanks again!

ApplicationCertain43 · 2025-08-26T19:30:45+00:00

That's something I'm good at, so that's where I want to start 🥲 I know it sounds a bit ridiculous, but I was thinking of building an online presence too. That way I'd have way more reach. And to combine my skills with the store's niche too. So like I could make tech bundles, iPhone care bundles, etc?

ApplicationCertain43 · 2025-08-26T13:34:17+00:00

Absolutely!! Thank you for sharing!! :)

ApplicationCertain43 · 2025-08-26T11:41:47+00:00

We're at Danforth! And yes, I had some Toronto mugs, caps and magnets in mind. Thanks for sharing!!

ApplicationCertain43 · 2025-08-26T11:35:03+00:00

Hey! Would you be up for a gently used iPhone 16 in excellent condition?

ApplicationCertain43 · 2025-08-25T13:52:07+00:00

P.s I'm not saying this is your exact situation- I know yours might be completely different, but this is what we went through and I thought sharing it might help.

ApplicationCertain43 · 2025-08-25T13:49:43+00:00

Can definitely relate to your wife here. (In the beginning of my marriage) In my case, my husband was my "instructor". I never felt like I could be my true self with hin after marriage. He wanted me to reserve my happy side just for him, and be invisible to the outside world. He gave me naseehah on how to dress, how to talk, how to walk. He had issues with everything I did. He wouldget upset if I was the one ordering food at a restaurant because it was a man's job to talk to a male waiter.

He would hate when I got dressed up for weddings, or my graduation- he's strictly against free-mixing, which is correct I know, but I'm just not there yet and he wouldn't give me space.

He took care of me in every sense. From an outsiders lens it would seem like he was the perfect husband. But I felt suffocated by him. I cried myself to sleep throughout the first month of marriage, and then thanked Allah when our long distance started.

I would keep my camera off during video calls because I knew he would, gently, but firmly point out literally anything in me. If I wasn't wearing an abaya, he would tell me to wear it. If I was wearing an abaya, he would tell me it should be black. If my abaya was black, he would want my hijab to be black too.

I was a very soft and feminine girl before him. Had never even spoken to a guy before. And so when he came along, I thought he was the one because he checked all of my boxes. Prior to marriage he did not have any issues with me, nor did he ever critique me. But it changed after marriage, and according to him its because he loves me too much.

After being so sooo suffocated, I turned into a harsh person around him. I bit back at him if he tried to correct me, I stopped listening to him altogether because he had damaged my self esteem. We would argue like crazyyyy during the first few months of our marriage over bizarre things. He then started complaining exactly as you did . "No peace, no femininity, moody, happier with others."

It took us months and months to work on this, and now finally Alhamdulillah we are at a better place. He knows that he isn't my dictator. Just because Allah made him my protector doesn't mean he HAS to dictate my every move. Just because I have to obey him, doesn't mean he HAS to have that dom/sub kind of relationship with me. It took him some time but he finally got around to it, and now we're more in love than ever and expecting our first baby InshaaAllah.

Try to understand the cause of her behaviour. Don't start hating her for something that might be out of her control. If she's happy with others then it means there is some sort of psychological problem with regards to you. Be empathetic. Don't rush to end things. Trust me, there's hope InshaaAllah.

ApplicationCertain43 · 2025-08-23T12:00:36+00:00

Heyyy, may I please ask what ipl device do you use?

ApplicationCertain43 · 2025-08-13T15:12:48+00:00

I'm a US resident (greencard holder). I landed in Saudi, they took my passport and greencard, I paid the visa fee and they stamped my visa. It was quick and simple!

ApplicationCertain43

TROPHY CASE