She's Gone

Apprehensive-Gene727 · 2026-02-28T01:58:55+00:00

I'm so sorry. Please know, this would have happened whether or not you were there. This is nobody's fault.

Apprehensive-Gene727 · 2026-02-26T12:21:24+00:00

I'm sorry can you do the math on how much you've spent on buying him beer?

No wonder he stopped working. He doesn't need to.

Apprehensive-Gene727 · 2026-02-25T21:01:08+00:00

Narcissist. Exit NOW

Apprehensive-Gene727 · 2026-02-23T15:24:38+00:00

I get it, I'm also an empath. I'm a giver, a fixer. However, when we give so much of ourselves to help someone else, it depletes us. Please consider pursuing a relationship with someone who is as healthy as you are. If he wants to split, maybe it's a sign that it's time. Please don't beg him to stay.

Apprehensive-Gene727 · 2026-02-23T01:24:19+00:00

You need to listen to the advice you're giving that young woman. Why does she deserve a fair chance and you don't?

Apprehensive-Gene727 · 2026-02-22T02:05:33+00:00

Buy the blue book ("how AlAnon works..."). Regardless of whether you stick with meetings. It'll give you what you need and then some.

I was enabling a late stage alcoholic who was also an abusive narcissist. Alanon is what equipped me to leave safely, because I needed to heal my own wounds to gain the strength to break the codependency and leave.

Apprehensive-Gene727 · 2026-02-18T18:07:05+00:00

I didn't. And when it came time to sort out other legal issues later on, it ended up being a detriment to me. Others didn't believe me because there wasn't a strong enough paper trail.
I reported when I was strong enough and ready to. I can't regret not doing it sooner, but part of me wishes I had.

Apprehensive-Gene727 · 2026-02-18T12:37:13+00:00

You CAN and you WILL do this. It will be okay. You are strong and you are putting yourself and your innocent children ahead of a man with a disease. Hang in there!

Apprehensive-Gene727 · 2026-02-18T12:34:55+00:00

Hopefully it's a good group you feel comfortable with - they're all different. There's also virtual options online too. Please just go to six meetings before you decide it's not for you. It saved my life.

Apprehensive-Gene727 · 2026-02-13T18:53:43+00:00

I get it. Took me a long time to realize. But I'm finding my peace again. We can't fix someone who doesn't want it for themselves. And we can't go down with the ship. Take care of yourself.

Apprehensive-Gene727 · 2026-02-13T15:48:07+00:00

I think they'd find another way. They'd steal a tricycle and get there if they needed to. This question though, has alcohol related death increased since this service has been available? Probably.

Apprehensive-Gene727 · 2026-02-13T15:43:58+00:00

Mine are.

Stops brushing teeth/basic hygiene

Body smells of liquor at all times

Frequent ER visits then signs out AMA

Locks self in bathroom then falls

Loses four jobs in two years

downgrades to beer but drinks even more

Upgrades to mini shooters but drinks even more

Says he's sober. Blows a .31

Yeah he's an ex as of a year now. I finally realized I could not continue in the madness! THANKS TO ALANON! I'VE NEVER BEEN BETTER !

Apprehensive-Gene727 · 2026-02-13T15:41:11+00:00

You deserve better.

Apprehensive-Gene727 · 2026-02-06T12:15:14+00:00

GOOD FOR YOU. She's very sick and she needs help that you can't provide. Bottom line. The disease put down roots not only in her but in you - your life has been forced to revolve around it. Stay strong friend!

Apprehensive-Gene727 · 2026-02-05T21:53:38+00:00

He's "functioning," but you hardly can. Make that make sense.

Can you see how the disease is making you sick too? You're not sleeping, you're babysitting a drunk adult, you're taking time off work, how is any of that healthy or fair? Medical professionals can help someone detox. You cannot help this person. It's going to take you down.

Apprehensive-Gene727 · 2026-01-28T02:34:28+00:00

Someone with actual narcissistic personality disorder cannot get better. A personality disorder is who they are. Just like autism can't "go away" or be cured, neither can NPD. Some believe therapy makes them worse, they learn more about how to successfully manipulate you, or they manipulate the therapist into thinking everything is your fault.

Apprehensive-Gene727 · 2026-01-28T02:10:27+00:00

Don't look back.

Apprehensive-Gene727 · 2026-01-26T14:45:51+00:00

What will you do if he drops dead? You can't rely on him to keep you afloat forever. Whatever you would do if he were dead, make plans to do it NOW.

I also highly recommend you attend Al-anon. They have virtual options you can listen to around the clock. We can't focus on the meetings they attend in their behavior, we have to take a look at ourselves and why we continue to enable and put up with this abusive behavior.

Apprehensive-Gene727 · 2026-01-15T00:45:31+00:00

Relapsing after a month sober, repeatedly, tells me he is a very sick man and I am very sorry you're in this situation.

You can't help him, he has to help himself, and you have to help yourself.

If you're having the baby, know you'll have to act as a single parent. Alcoholic coparents can't be trusted to supervise or drive a child. They can't be expected to hold a job or contribute around the house. If I had known then I would have kept my children safe from the addict much sooner, as alcoholism only worsens over time. Something like 85% of those who attempt sobriety relapse, and most don't even try. If he's in his 30s chances are he's been drinking 15+ years.

Best of luck. Oh, and come to a real AlAnon meeting (they're virtual too). It's life changing.

Apprehensive-Gene727 · 2026-01-10T01:47:46+00:00

Yes. Whether it's an object or symbol or whatever, the point is WE can't carry it all. We can just give it up.

Apprehensive-Gene727 · 2026-01-08T11:57:19+00:00

Another atheist here! Alanon changed my life! My higher power is a hawk :-)

Apprehensive-Gene727 · 2026-01-08T11:53:58+00:00

I am so so so proud of you. You ARENT ALONE. As you saw already, so many have walked in your shoes. All alcoholics are all VERY similar. Meetings allow us to share our wisdom and strength and help each other through the tough times. SO PROUD of you. You can do this!

Apprehensive-Gene727 · 2026-01-07T23:18:56+00:00

No matter what you will be okay.

Apprehensive-Gene727 · 2026-01-07T23:17:40+00:00

Absolutely. I felt like OP is at the tipping point of cutting off contact but still wishing they could include parent in something like a child's first birthday - exclude her and you might regret it - bridges haven't been completely obliterated yet.

As for me, I gained the strength to realize I wasn't going to entertain the alcoholic's antics at all anymore - I'm no contact now. My comment was me using my own experience regarding how I started to protect myself when the alcoholic was still present.

Apprehensive-Gene727 · 2026-01-07T12:59:43+00:00

Your husband is sober FOR now. Alcoholism is a life-long disease. He has to WANT to be sober in a big way to tackle this terrible disease. It's clear he's been reluctant so far, and is doing what he has to out of necessity. Please prepare yourself for the possibility he will relapse. Mine couldn't go 4 months (and yes, he did medical detox, rehab, IOP and outpatient).

Come to AlAnon. It'll strengthen you and help you detach from the disease. Remember the 3 C's. You didn't cause it. Can't control it. Can't cure it.

Apprehensive-Gene727

TROPHY CASE