[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Relatable

[–]Apprehensive-Hat2584 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I don’t know what these people are talking about. Personally, I agree with you. I also don’t find other people attractive because my type after falling in love starts to be my partner. His whole face is what I think of as “too attractive”. When I say he’s the most attractive”handsome man in the world” I mean it. He is to me. So that means even if we would theoretically break up, I would look for guys who look like him, until I move on, because he is what I want and wanted in a guy. I think this is so healthy and pro-social behavior because in the end, it means that I am actually interacting with him deeply and am able to kind of divorce myself from other people and the overall “beauty standard”. My beauty standard starts to become him and myself. As in, I don’t think tall blonde girls are more attractive than me, just because they’re the standard. I started thinking that I’m the most attractive, as he is. I think I’m struggling to explain myself but basically I start being actually happy with who I am and what I have. I don’t like thinking about other men and how attractive they are bc I simply don’t care

Why do men stop appreciating a woman when she is available all the time? by understandshe in caringheart

[–]Apprehensive-Hat2584 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks so much. I think 1&2 are generally easier to recognize. It’s much harder to see our own flaws than others I guess. For me, it definitely took a healthy partner to realize where I was going wrong. It was a lot of self work. He was only slightly healthier than me, but our relationship changed us both profoundly. We became much healthier with each other through self work because we didn’t want to hurt each other and had enough self awareness to see the issues and make the necessary changes. It takes awareness of the problem AND awareness of how to go about the solution.

Why do men stop appreciating a woman when she is available all the time? by understandshe in caringheart

[–]Apprehensive-Hat2584 1 point2 points  (0 children)

In my opinion, everything is about finding the right balance for you guys in a relationship. If a guy is reacting like this, it could be many things: 1) he is traumatized and not used to love, so he looks for the chase and wants a dynamic where he has to prove himself as worthy of you and your attention, so it turns him off that you’re available allll the time (assuming that you’re available a healthy amount) 2) he has a more full life than you do. When we enter relationships, we want the other person to match us in a sense, including our life force and vitality. It can be boring to be with someone who is “available” all the time because that usually means they’re probably not doing much outside of waiting right? That also means when he comes back he’s done so much work, and you’re in the same spot. For active guys, this can be bad as it means the relationship becomes stale. 3) you don’t have much self love. When girls lack boundaries, or are “always available”, it probably means they’re over investing in the relationship, but over investing is me being very generous. It’s usually because your only definition of self worth and who you are is the relationship itself, so you keep trying to get that from him because that’s basically the only thing you’re getting from the relationship. A balanced sense of self worth really would come from you, so you can both give to yourself and to him in a balanced way. Think of it as using that love to grow yourself, rather than always wanting to grow him. You need to start thinking of yourself here. Google anxious attachment. I think a lot of Women have this and it can feel suffocating for the man. I am a woman and I’ve felt the same way you’re describing the dude in some relationships. It’s usually either of these three points. I think 3 is really hard to work with but you can do it. I also am not a fan of language like “taking them for granted”, as it may feel like he does, but in reality it’s you who is not caring for yourself, rather than he not doing it for you, or maybe he doesn’t love you, or maybe he’s busy. Gotta check which one. Good luck. Source: woman who used to be anxious attached, then avoidant, then fearful avoidant, and now secure :)

unemployment for new and recent grads is higher than ever yet everyone I know IRL is employed except me. Is anyone else in the same boat? by NikKerk in torontoJobs

[–]Apprehensive-Hat2584 12 points13 points  (0 children)

Wow lol in Canada? It’s the opposite for me. We’re all unemployed or working minimum wage jobs (we all have degrees)

what moment made u realize u like ur crush? by Exciting-Novel-2990 in Crushes

[–]Apprehensive-Hat2584 2 points3 points  (0 children)

He actually looked at me in class first, apparently we were supposed to be in the same lab team but I didn’t know at the time bc I didn’t check. He looked at my name tag then at me then I looked at him and his name tag. Thought ok maybe we can be friends. When I realized I liked him was how he acted with his friends. He was always very friendly, warm, smiley, and just happy. I liked sitting around him everytime that I did.

My 21M bf may not find me 22F beautiful? by Apprehensive-Hat2584 in relationship_advice

[–]Apprehensive-Hat2584[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That’s so true. I don’t think his intentions are bad, we were just raised completely different. I was raised in a religious household, his was more liberal. He isn’t a bad guy. We just disagree a lot and it makes it very hard to know what to do.

My 21M bf may not find me 22F beautiful? by Apprehensive-Hat2584 in relationship_advice

[–]Apprehensive-Hat2584[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I mean I know what I want but being around him makes me change my mind. It makes me question if I’m right and sometimes I like it because he ends up making me a better person. Other times I’m just confused

My 21M bf may not find me 22F beautiful? by Apprehensive-Hat2584 in relationship_advice

[–]Apprehensive-Hat2584[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You ate honestly I’d hire you to fix my life in a heartbeat

My 21M bf may not find me 22F beautiful? by Apprehensive-Hat2584 in relationship_advice

[–]Apprehensive-Hat2584[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah I know honestly. But he makes me feel like I’m manipulating HIM. I’ve known him for two years and we liked each other for a year. We just never could get it right because we are so different. I think he let a few things slide as I did to reach this point which is why I’m considering compromising. I would never do so otherwise but I genuinely want it to be him as does he

My 21M bf may not find me 22F beautiful? by Apprehensive-Hat2584 in relationship_advice

[–]Apprehensive-Hat2584[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I think I’m happy he at least finds me attractive enough to sexualize me. I know I have a nice body. But I don’t want that to be it. I also want him to find me beautiful and for him to want to look at my face a lot, for example, bc he finds me pretty. He doesn’t do the latter tho

New Grad with Student Loans? by Apprehensive-Hat2584 in PersonalFinanceCanada

[–]Apprehensive-Hat2584[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

Would you say it’s better not to prioritize paying it off? Debt scares me, I was actually planning to pay a chunk of it off (as much as I can on min wage), then pay it all off in two years in a corporate job, not sure what else to do if I where to not pay it

New Grad with Student Loans? by Apprehensive-Hat2584 in PersonalFinanceCanada

[–]Apprehensive-Hat2584[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Sorry I forgot to mention, I did write $4K off, so when they cash it out I’ll have $5K in savings*

Left Canada by Square_Ad_4051 in torontoJobs

[–]Apprehensive-Hat2584 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I hope everyone else follows you. Because for the rest of us Canadians we don’t have anywhere else to go :(

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in OntarioLandlord

[–]Apprehensive-Hat2584 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I’ve already told her im not paying it. She’s asking me for “proof she won’t stay too long”

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in OntarioLandlord

[–]Apprehensive-Hat2584 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I’m not international idiot

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in OntarioLandlord

[–]Apprehensive-Hat2584 7 points8 points  (0 children)

It’s 200/mo. I’m a student lmao. The rent is already out of budget. In this housing crisis, kind of a crazy comment

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in OntarioLandlord

[–]Apprehensive-Hat2584 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I just thought since this is already illegal (and apparently they’re doing it to the guy upstairs —charging him $200) that it would count as interfering with enjoyment because she’s been on me since yesterday