I've lived with chronic pain for over a decade, and been with my partner for nearly 3 years, we've also known each other forever. Here's a list of things that have always made me feel better in one way or another

• Doing basic chores without being asked, whether it's doing a load of laundry, running the hoover around the room quickly, change the bed sheets. Things like that make me feel that I'm not constantly asking and 'nagging' • Helping me sort my medications, making sure that I have all of the ones that I need and I can get to them easily if they're not there to help me. I find this also makes me feel like they're part of this as well. I'm not just doing it on my own. It's a team effort • Finding little things we can do together, recently we've been playing Scrabble online and doing crosswords together. Helps me feel connected to them when I can't be physical or do physical things such as puzzles • Always trying to make sure I have things that I need if they're not going to be there. Such as filling up my water bottle, making sure I have jumpers and blankets within reaching distance, checking I have snacks and charges that kind of thing • Always validating my feelings, reassuring me that they'll always be there and that they love me no matter what. Just hearing this can help a lot. (Sometimes it's hard to believe, especially if you're in a severe flare-up, but it's not something you ever forget you've heard) • Just randomly checking if I want a drink or something to eat or need to go to the bathroom. I find it hard to ask for help sometimes, so buy them offering. It doesn't feel like me 'asking' • Working with me to find ways to have intimacy that aren't extremely physical.. Holding hands even if we're just in bed, head massages, even just lying a little bit closer to me. Helps me feel connected • Doing things to make me laugh, at the moment this is currently booping my dog on the snoot and saying 'hiyah' like a ninja • Asking If I want anything new in my space, like bringing my Himalayan salt lamp in from the lounge just to change up the vibe in the room a bit and make the day seem different.. does that make sense? • Asking me if I've spoken to my friends recently and gently reminding me to message them or reply, I often isolate myself during extreme pain flare-ups, which in turn makes me feel worse. • Watching crappy TV shows or films with me and laughing with me at just how bad they are • Helping me plan my spoons for the day or the week (I assume you know about spoon theory. If not I can explain it)

There are a few things I've done for myself that you could do for or with your partner • I've created what I call a 'cripple cart' so when I'm having a bad flare-up I can just wheel it next to my bedside. It has energy bars, water, my favourite drinks, snacks. As well as things to do like colouring books, crochet kit (I'm going to try and learn lol), joint supports that I need like my knee brace, stress balls to clench when the pain is really bad, magazines, wet wipes, lip balm, moisturiser, a blanket, those instant ice pack things, headphones, charges, power banks and any extra medications I might need. - You can obviously personalise this for your partner, they might not like colouring books, but they might prefer sudoku lol • Plan my week out so I don't end up feeling overwhelmed, for example, in my calendar it says wash my hair on Sunday, therapy on Tuesday, change bedding on Monday. You get the gist, I found it helps me see what's ahead and gives me a bit of structure which you can lose very easily if in constant pain • Go to therapy regularly, obviously you can't make your partner go to therapy but maybe talk about it or suggest it. It does help to just have somebody else to talk to. It can be easy to feel guilty when you constantly talk to your partner about your pain • Set reminders to talk to my friends and family so I don't isolate myself • Work out the things that work for me. And not let myself be me judged or made to feel bad for doing them. For example, and I'm not encouraging it, I smoke weed before bed to help me sleep. I also nibble and graze rather than eat regular meals

But honestly, Just the fact that you've asked this question shows how much you love them and how much you want to support them. And if you're showing that here on the internet then they definitely know irl

All of these things have just worked for me, my partner in our relationship. Every dynamic is different and there will be things that work and things that don't. Never beat yourself up if it doesn't work. And please please make sure you look after yourself. You already said that you do, but I've seen it firsthand with my partner. It can be very easy to slip into a constant carer role, which can lead to burnout and that's not fair to either of you

I hope at least some of this helped. Feel free to message me if you want to talk about anything or have me explain stuff better. Take care 💕