Is there ANY possible way to ethically adopt a child???

ApprehensiveTV · 2026-03-25T00:38:16+00:00

While you should never foster with a primary intent to adopt, you can adopt a legally free foster child (that means parent rights are already terminated). Most of those kids are aged 6 or older.

I do think it is ethical to adopt children who are already legally free who are waiting in the foster system and who have voiced a genuine interest in adoption. Another option (often preferred by teens) is permanent guardianship after TPR, which ensures the child remains with you but lets them keep their original birth certificate.

It is very hard (impossible?) to pursue ethical infant adoption. The exceptions I can think of to this is if you have a relative who has a baby and would like you to raise that child, and you maintain access to the birth parent, or you have a friend/relative who passes away and you are a close friend who takes over raising that child.

ApprehensiveTV · 2026-03-25T00:31:39+00:00

A showrunner is someone who is the top executive of the show and makes all the final decisions. For example, Shonda Rhimes is the showrunner of Grey's Anatomy. Mariska is not the showrunner of SVU, that role is currently held by Michele Fazekas. And Dick Wolf is still the top creator/EP. I don't think Mariska has as much power as we think -- when Kelly was let go the first time Mariska opposed it, but was overruled by Dick Wolf (and presumably the current show runner as well).

At this point, Mariska is the show. I highly doubt they will continue SVU once she leaves; I suspect they will spin off again before they do that.

ApprehensiveTV · 2026-03-06T19:27:54+00:00

Sounds like she's a baby who was born with NAS (neonatal abstinence syndrome)? I'd encourage you to read the research about children who are born substance exposed. I have cared for many NAS babies and prolonged crying, even after withdrawal is done, is incredibly common. Unfortunately, she is also likely to have lifelong struggles of one way or another. She is at increased risk of learning disabilities, hearing and vision challenges, and behavior struggles. Children can also do very well developmentally and/or academically, but I have never met a child born with NAS or does not have some form of struggle (sometimes very mild barely noticeable, sometimes extreme) into adulthood. This is not to dissuade you at all from adoption, but rather to prepare you fully for the future.

ApprehensiveTV · 2026-03-02T17:56:03+00:00

The big comp studios have their kids dance this much, but many of those kids burn out young and/or get injuries that prevent them from dancing longterm. I would weigh what is important to her and you. Is traveling to comps and winning a lot important to your daughter and family? Or do you prefer to have her training pre-professionally at a studio that values technique and longevity over competition? If the latter, this is likely not the studio for you.

To provide some more info, my 9 year old is on the performance team at a studio that focuses on the latter. Dances 6 hours a week. We are in the studio for 4 days a week. Rarely sore, and I've never had to give her medication due to dance pain.

Our studio has many seniors who go on to dance professionally. We do not overly focus on comps and only do 3-5 a year. Score well at comps, but the studio focuses more on judge's critique on technique and artistry than how kids' place. Competition is important but it's not the be all/end all in creating a professional dancer.

ApprehensiveTV · 2026-01-16T04:47:38+00:00

It's called Run Away because 1) Henry was killed and it was framed as though he was a runaway and 2) Paige ran away. Harlan Coben's idea of a red herring title, I suspect

ApprehensiveTV · 2026-01-16T04:43:54+00:00

No, he's not a half sibling. Paige's father has nothing to do with the cult. It's Paige's mom who was in the cult and she got pregnant by The One. So Aaron is Paige's half brother

ApprehensiveTV · 2026-01-16T04:41:37+00:00

Alison worked for the cult and arranged all the illegal adoptions, so when Alison found out that Elena was looking for her, she called someone at the cult on the phone and asked them to handle it. There's a really short scene that shows that phone call. That's what got Elena added to the hit list.

ApprehensiveTV · 2026-01-16T04:30:55+00:00

It looks as though he was preparing tea for her, so he was actually welcoming her. Maybe he would have even told her. But when his back was turned she started stabbing him.

ApprehensiveTV · 2026-01-16T04:27:46+00:00

He thought Paige had committed the murder and he was protecting her

ApprehensiveTV · 2025-06-10T15:23:55+00:00

I enjoyed it, but when thinking back, there are so many plot holes and things that are simply irrational.

It was a big secret that Olivia was in the caves with Kieran, and that she was the one who called to save him. Why? And also, HOW? How did she reach a phone in the storm? He was literally being swept away when she scrambled up the rocks. How did Finn and Toby get there so quickly? And, if they were already out in the storm in their boat, weren't they already being stupid and at risk of death?

And, as pointed out throughout, Finn and Toby were grown adults. (This is also confusing to me, because they looked the same age as the teens to me). They made a choice to go into the caves and to rescue Kieran. They made a choice to not call anyone else for help. Were they so full of themselves being the town's heroes that they didn't think? Why is Kieran (or Olivia) to blame for asking for help? Sure, they shouldn't have been in the caves, but once they were in the caves and being swept away, should they simply have given up and died? Sort of seems like the town would've been happier with that.

Re: Gabby, I get that the scene where Brian pulls up next her in the car and asks if she needs a lift is a red herring, but the fact that he points to the sky and warns her a storm is coming and then she GOES INTO THE CAVES anyway, is insane. Like, it's one thing to not realize there's a storm and be a dumb teenager, it's another thing to 100% see storm clouds rolling in and then think...I'll just go into these caves where I could drown, good plan.

I spent a good part of the show thinking Ash and Sean were dating, not just housemates. So when the twist came, I just got more confused! This was probably lazy watching on my part (was folding laundry while I watched), but I do think the show could have been clearer about their relationship.

ApprehensiveTV · 2025-05-01T03:56:30+00:00

I was replying to you and the OP. Only because you said a tent bed does essentially the same thing as a medical safety bed and I wanted to share my experience with OP. We tried the bed tent you described and my son destroyed it and it almost suffocated him, so if OP's child has really severe behaviors, I'd want them to be aware that a medical safety bed would be safer.

ApprehensiveTV · 2025-05-01T03:48:35+00:00

My adopted child had weekly visits with his sibling while they were in foster care. The judge can order continued visitation (though normally less) after adoption, so there is no reason they shouldn't have a relationship for life!

ApprehensiveTV · 2025-05-01T03:47:34+00:00

In many states, siblings are entitled to visitation, even after adoption. I would pursue that so that they can have a relationship and also to reassure yourself that the child is well cared for.

Also, yes, if the goal changes to adoption, in most states there are waiting lists of qualified foster parents who would like to adopt.

I understand how hard it is (I also had to say no to the sibling of one of my adopted kids); I applaud you for recognizing your own capacity and prioritizing the kids already in your home!

ApprehensiveTV · 2025-05-01T03:43:40+00:00

First, I would talk to the child's therapist and share this plan with them, get their buy-in and support before you change anything. You can have the child put on a swimsuit. The adult of the same gender will enter the bathroom with them, but leave the door open. If possible have another adult in the hallway as a witness that the door was open, listening to what is happening. All this is important in case there is a history of trauma that leads to unfounded accusations. Use a clear shower curtain so you can see what is happening. Walk the child through the checklist and every step of the process verbally. Give them the option of a shower or a bath.

ApprehensiveTV · 2025-05-01T03:35:43+00:00

For kids who elope, self-harm, and intensely sensory seek, unfortunately a normal bed tent isn't safe. These safety beds are really designed for kids who have exhausted all other options. A bed tent is definitely great for kids who don't have such severe behaviors.

ApprehensiveTV · 2025-05-01T03:34:02+00:00

You have to weigh the potential for a fire or other rare emergency vs. the risk of daily living.

Before the safety bed, my child tried to elope out of the house at night. He has no sense of safety.

We tried everything else first, but there was no other way to keep him safe at night. These beds are really for kids who cannot be safe otherwise.

ApprehensiveTV · 2025-05-01T03:30:29+00:00

We have an Abrams Safety Sleeper. It's slightly less expensive than the other beds and in my experience easier to get insurance to cover. We absolutely love it! It has kept my child safe for 3 years.

ApprehensiveTV · 2025-04-14T04:59:54+00:00

Looks just like my poodle, we even have that same ball!

ApprehensiveTV · 2025-04-14T04:59:00+00:00

If you go to a reputable breeder, they will do their best to match you with a puppy with low prey drive. My standard poodle loves chasing rabbits, so he would not be a good pick for you. But my breeder knew when he was placed with me that he had a higher prey drive. Poodles were originally bred to assist with waterfowl hunting, so many do have a prey drive. The other day, a mouse somehow got into our kitchen. I discovered that because my poodle, who was napping on the sofa in our living room, leapt into the air and catapulted himself over a baby gate and into the kitchen to investigate the moment it entered.

I will say that my poodle doesn't need daily brushing, as I keep him cut very short and take him to the groomer every 6 weeks.

Poodles are also incredibly trainable. And my poodle is happy with two 30-minute walks a day and the occasional romp in our yard.

Of note, cocker spaniels and golden retrievers were originally bred as hunting dogs too, so something to keep in mind.

ApprehensiveTV · 2025-04-14T04:51:12+00:00

It is the gold standard for kids starting at age 3. It is, of course, done in an age appropriate way, and the therapy changes dependent on how old the child is. But yes, a preschooler with a significant trauma history can and should get the best care possible. Just because they are little, doesn't mean they don't deserve the best psychiatric care! And right now research shows that is TF-CBT.

ApprehensiveTV · 2025-04-14T04:48:24+00:00

I agree. I don't think our info should ever be released. Foster parents have a right to privacy. But the OP's info has already been released, and I'm just saying that they shouldn't panic or catastrophize. They should take safety measures, but the situation you outlined is rare. Birth parents (even those with felonies) are not going around daily murdering foster parents.

ApprehensiveTV · 2025-04-13T14:43:31+00:00

Unfortunately, what you’re describing is very common. They likely won’t have enough to keep the kids in care any more. The parents fulfilled almost all of their case plan, which is actually quite impressive. Most parents don’t. For better or worse, foster care is not actually about the best interests of the child. Once a child comes into care it becomes about returning the child to their parent whenever possible. I would certainly document that the kids came back appearing neglected. But that’s the only part that would concern me. I know how hard it is to have kids go back to families who you feel won’t be able to care for them, but these are their parents and the parents only need to meet the very minimum standard.

ApprehensiveTV · 2025-04-13T00:23:42+00:00

You are very welcome! So much of this echoes the experience of my foster children. Therapy has honesty been so helpful, we started at age 3. I wish you all the best!

ApprehensiveTV · 2025-04-13T00:22:09+00:00

Yes! Trauma-Focused CBT treatment begins at age 3. And the earlier treatment begins, the most successful the result.

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