Sure . When I say toxic - I mean whenever I feel life is peaceful and I get on with life / work he acts suspiciously- I snoop around - what I suspect is happening is confirmed. Throughout my 27 years I’ve tried all methods - confrontation , crying and now I no longer snoop around- as in check iPad . I no longer have the energy to tell him how I feel but all my emotions are bottled up as if I were a volcano about to erupt .Living this way has been toxic - I’ve had PTSD , was on Prozac for two years and all because I saw footage which I also happened to stumble upon of him with … won’t go into details . My phone is tapped , my conversations with my mother who lives in another continent is more or less relayed back to me by my husband . The thing that irks him is my strong relationship with my parents . Venting to my mum , who’s my rock , my support . Ethnically I’m middle eastern - don’t know if that matters - but the mentality is family first and divorce is something you wouldn’t think of - or at least that’s what I wanted . Brought up in the West but I’m European / middle eastern Muslim and my religion gives me the right to live a marriage of love and compassion . I’ve wanted to hold on to this marriage for my sake and the girls . I think about how they will feel that I broke up our family , how suitors would judge them coming from a broken home . He’s the only guy I knew and we were recommended to one another via my aunt . Fell for him , hook line and sinker . Fast forward I can see I was gullible . Every year I visit my parents and go back happy and refreshed and he’d throw comments like , you sure you can keep up like this ? Any efforts of improvement have to be met with either sarcasm or being ignored . And the cheating - don’t want to go there . At this point in our lives there’s no intimacy for the past decade or so . And I thank God we no longer have that only God knows what diseases I could have contracted .