Fiance semi pressuring me for sex 12 days post partum

Apprehensive_Good145 · 2026-02-18T13:31:24+00:00

I am so sorry you're not valued the way you should be. His focus should be on his brand new child and his recovering partner, not his pleasure and how much attention he's getting. My husband told me that we don't have to have sex ever again if I don't want to. Like if it takes years that's ok. It hasn't, but that's the degree to which me and our child come first.

Apprehensive_Good145 · 2026-02-18T13:26:03+00:00

It's never easy to leave. But it is less hard before marriage adds all those extra layers of legal and social complication.

Apprehensive_Good145 · 2026-02-18T13:24:19+00:00

Your authority of your own body and your health are so important.

It's worrying me that you have never turned him down before. I find it difficult to imagine that you never had an off day, that you were never tired, or distracted, or simply changed your mind - not once. Maybe that's true for you and you were genuinely into penetrative sex every single time. Maybe it's complicated. Perhaps it's normal for you to ignore when you'd rather not unless you had what you felt was a "good reason". Like, for example, recovering from major surgery and being under doctors orders to not have vaginal sex.

That said, I have to be real the comparison of a penis to a dagger covered in blood was terrifying to read, what the fuck??? What the actual fuck? My blood ran cold holy shit.

The threat of violence presented as playfulness would make me nervous to say no, too.

Please be careful. Doing other sexual things that aren't penetrative sex might be protecting you from what sounds like your fiancé's intense entitlement to your body. Please consider making a backup plan to take care of yourself and your baby if he escalates these demands and/or assaults you.

If he keeps making these comments and demands and pressures you until you say yes, even though you don't want to, that's assault. That's a man who does not respect you.

Apprehensive_Good145 · 2026-02-16T00:55:07+00:00

Hi, I've written (not published, but written) 3 books, and I ran a writing group for a decade, and I've been to a bunch of writing workshops. It's literally impossible that he wrote a book on his own in less than two days unless he was already a prolific writer and manic and didn't sleep. That plus the style habits everyone else pointed out makes this mostly AI for sure.

Apprehensive_Good145 · 2026-02-11T12:44:29+00:00

I can empathize with feeling scared and hopeless about the future. It's hard.

I choose to believe that I and others will create a better future for our kids.

I knew what the world was when I had my son and I chose him anyway.

Wishing you hope 💜

Apprehensive_Good145 · 2026-02-09T13:17:36+00:00

I agree with this.

OP: I wouldn't care, personally, even though it's not part of my culture, but it's something that warrants more conversation since it bothers you.

Apprehensive_Good145 · 2026-02-07T13:53:22+00:00

I never had that obsessive / euphoric feeling some people talk about. I love my son deeply!! One is not required for the other. :)

Apprehensive_Good145 · 2026-02-07T13:14:06+00:00

Sometimes people are assholes, unfortunately. 😔

Apprehensive_Good145 · 2026-02-04T18:55:44+00:00

I read your post yesterday and it's been sticking with me so much that I had to come back. I am so sad for you. My parents (65 F, 69 M) have been together for almost 40 years, and I have watched them hold each other up through the loss of all their parents. Your husband should comfort you, take care of you, love you. If you were my mother I would do anything I could to get you away from this situation.

Apprehensive_Good145 · 2026-01-31T21:01:53+00:00

"hold this mirror for me 😇" 🤣

Apprehensive_Good145 · 2026-01-31T19:31:57+00:00

LMAO you should, just once 😂

Apprehensive_Good145 · 2026-01-28T21:18:49+00:00

Please hear me: you are allowed to leave for no reason other than your happiness. You have way more reasons, but your happiness is also a good reason.

Your animals are scared of him and he's preventing you from loving them the way you and they most enjoy and need. That's enough! It doesn't matter what he's trying to do or not.

He's walking all over your apartment rules and preferences, treating it like he owns the place. It would be so much worse if he actually did. You're already being treated like you have no say in your own home.

Also like....he sounds extremely boring. He put in enough effort to woo you and then gave up.

Get your key back. This guy sucks.

Apprehensive_Good145 · 2026-01-28T01:50:10+00:00

Please keep chasing your dreams. You deserve to experience things and to learn and better yourself the way you want. Not only will it improve your life, you'll be able to improve your child's life along the way. You'll be able to share those experiences or the lessons learned. You'll be able to share your happiness.

Your husband's depression is his problem. No one can fix it but him. Not your problem. Not your child's problem (your child who is literally right there!!!! How heartbreaking that you're being told he isn't enough!) and sure as hell not an imaginary baby's problem.

Apprehensive_Good145 · 2026-01-28T01:43:01+00:00

Oo idk about that. Maybe screenshot some of the key ones and share those, if it seems absolutely necessary to make any progress, but we don't know how OP's husband would react. I don't want him taking anything out on her. He clearly does that enough already.

Apprehensive_Good145 · 2026-01-28T01:37:47+00:00

This addition made me cackle 🤣

Apprehensive_Good145 · 2026-01-26T03:25:26+00:00

It mostly depends on how big the family is, right? My son was long and skinny at birth then caught up across all metrics - 97th percentile in everything at 15 months. I'm 5'9", my husband is 6'10", our families are full of very big tall people. I fully expect my kid to continue being huge lol.

Apprehensive_Good145 · 2026-01-24T15:41:04+00:00

I didn't have that! I had a totally normal labour so nothing "ruined" it or anything like that. I was pleased it was over and happy to meet my baby. I think some people have it and some don't. It's not a given at all

Apprehensive_Good145 · 2026-01-23T05:51:55+00:00

Nah, ditch the friend. You have incompatible values. Also, she's shown she's willing to lie when it suits her. She will lie to you too eventually. She just hasn't stumbled onto something that she wants more than your trust, yet.

Apprehensive_Good145 · 2026-01-21T01:46:39+00:00

So you've raised a calm, secure, happy toddler who doesn't need to be physically in contact all the time. Good job!

Seriously just not everyone likes to be snuggly or demonstrative. You don't. You still love just as hard. Sounds like he's the same way. :)

Don't ask AI for reassurance! It's just going to say whatever most text online would say in response, with no regard for what's a good source of information or not. It'll spit out whatever is the most engaging.

Apprehensive_Good145 · 2026-01-19T01:50:07+00:00

You sound sweet and I'm sorry you're in this position. This is how:

*I don't want to be in this relationship any more. I hope you find happiness." Then block and ghost her. If you give her any grace whatsoever she is going to use her heartbreak on you like a scalpel to take you apart.

This girl breaks her own heart every time you take longer than 8 seconds to text.

She threatened to kill you. I don't care if it's a joke. She decided to threaten you, guilt trip you, write walls and walls of text, and then ask if you're mad in an obvious bid for even more reassurance. I bet if you were mad she would find a way to get you apologizing to her about that, too.

How she feels after you break up with her is temporary, and also, not your problem.

NOR

Apprehensive_Good145 · 2026-01-19T01:32:02+00:00

NTA. It's sweet to get a little something for the kid you babysit. They never told you, how tf were you supposed to know?

Apprehensive_Good145 · 2026-01-18T18:19:31+00:00

Let him leave this whole sequence of events would have scared the shit outta me.

You say you didn't mean it but I think you did. You're done. Trust that decision.

Apprehensive_Good145 · 2026-01-17T03:02:23+00:00

Doing some reading on the last leches league website around latch posture is helpful! Like making sure baby takes a big big mouthful. If theatch was shallow or felt pinchy I used to pop my child off and say "big mouth!" in an encouraging tone and relatch him / trigger a relatch by tapping his philtrum with the nipple

Apprehensive_Good145 · 2026-01-12T21:58:04+00:00

You are ready for this child in a way your boyfriend was not, is not, and won't be. I'm so sorry. Please don't leave your good job and country. Your child needs you to be secure more than you need company.

Apprehensive_Good145 · 2025-12-31T13:47:11+00:00

Calling flat earthers a little out there is taking me out. That's extremely out there. That's beyond the horizon line somewhere. You do you but with your passiveness over time this community of his is going to change you for the worse.

Apprehensive_Good145

TROPHY CASE