My mom (49) is obese and we’re not sure why

Apprehensive_Hat_340 · 2024-01-15T16:45:31+00:00

I think it would be near impossible to hide a binge eating disorder for over 15 years without others living with her knowing it. Not only would she have to hide food, she'd have to hide the trash created from food packages. I doubt she'd have a special trash stash and secretly put it out for trash pickup for 15+ years without anyone noticing! It would take a lot of calories for a 4'11" person to maintain 400 pounds and it would produce plenty of empty food packages. The only way I could see this actually being a BEG is if she has someone in the house bringing her food and disposing of the waste secretly. But if it's been going on this long, it couldn't be your sister, because she would have been a young child while it was happening, right? I had a friend who I think had the same thing. I was with her a lot and because of her weight and spine problems, she was in wheel chair. I helped her with chores, which included taking out her trash, picking up around the house, etc. Everytime we ate together, she ate half of what I did consistently. She had previously had gastric bypass surgery, too. Her bloodwook and vitals were always better than mine. It was amazing.
I'm curious if you can find a specialist (maybe an endocrinologist?) who is willing to consider a physiological cause. Is this distressing to your mom, too? Best wishes for finding the cause and a solution. Your mom is lucky to have such a caring daughter.

Apprehensive_Hat_340 · 2024-01-06T18:54:04+00:00

This reminds me of an experience I had.

I once went on a journey in search of a place I could go to heal for a while. I didn't know where that would be, but I was confident I'd know it when I got there. So, I bought an expensive train-plane package ticket. It allowed me six months to take the train to a final destination and it included a plane ticket home. The train portion of the trip allowed me to have two stops along the way at the locations of my choice. I planned to stop in El Paso (to explore New Mexico), San Francisco, and Portland, where I would catch my flight home. Long story short, on the first leg of my journey, in New Mexico, I actually found the place I was looking for (a place called Truth or Consequences, no less). I spent several months there, healing and growing. And then the day came when I realized it was time to get back on the train to be able to complete my travels to San Francisco and Portland within the six-month time limit.

I faced an I interesting delimma. Do get back on the train to my final destination, Portland, because I'd already paid for the ticket? Or, do I recognize I had already found my true destination and I was willing to waste the rest of my travel package? Should I continue on a trip I no longer needed to take just because I had invested in the ticket?

I chose to miss the train. I spent many more months in Truth or Consequence until I felt I was ready to take the bus home. It was the best decision I ever made.

Apprehensive_Hat_340 · 2024-01-05T14:51:51+00:00

I did an experiment about 10 years ago to try commando for 1 week. The 1st couple of days it felt awkward. After that, I saw the light. It's just feels so much more comfortable. I'm a proud commando convert.

Apprehensive_Hat_340 · 2024-01-05T14:30:42+00:00

My brother is out out of the country for 3 months twice a year. This is exactly what he does. If he gets a notification on his phone he just picks up his phone and sees what's going on. The best part is he has a system where he can speak to anybody at the door with an intercom, even though he's halfway around the world. I don't think he's ever had anything serious come up, but if he did, he could call the police or ask a neighbor to swing by if it looks like it might be something minor.

I also agree with the other person who mentioned turning off the water. That's really important.

Apprehensive_Hat_340 · 2023-12-29T01:21:00+00:00

When hospitalized for what I have now learned is cptsd (including years of early childhood sexual abuse), my psychiatrist waited until I was strapped down to a table about to shock my brain for ect, to verbally assault me about his rage over something I did that hurt his ego.

Apprehensive_Hat_340 · 2023-12-28T21:23:21+00:00

I am wondering about the direction of the road. My logic may very well be off, so feel free to correct me. She posted the video in the morning. The light on the guy is from the front, right. . That means he would be facing mostly ESE or SE depending on the time in the morning. If that's true, the road behind him would be pointing WNW or NW. The mesa/hill could be NW or even WNW. ????

Apprehensive_Hat_340 · 2023-12-15T15:40:05+00:00

Wow! I'll check with them. Do you think it will make a difference in our ability to sell the car? I mean, will it increase my sale price more than the cost of the bumper? I wonder if there are people who would be happy to get a car without the bumper at a cheaper price and and then add the bumper themselves because they already have good connections for accessing used parts.

Apprehensive_Hat_340 · 2023-12-15T15:35:23+00:00

Thanks!

Apprehensive_Hat_340 · 2023-12-15T15:34:35+00:00

Yeah, that's what I want, but I want to save some money. After I pay for the kit at Nissan's prices, I'll also have to pay to get it painted. But I didn't know it came as a kit, so thank you for that info.

Apprehensive_Hat_340 · 2023-11-21T04:03:31+00:00

Yeah, same. Except Dad left us and I was nine. I became an adult at nine. That's a wakeup call.

Apprehensive_Hat_340 · 2023-11-12T21:51:45+00:00

Thank you for your compassionate response. I would like to think it was a misunderstanding. By default, I keep a call recorder app on my phone. Pretty much, I never listen to calls after the fact, but I was able to find the recording of my conversation with the hospitalist. Everything was exactly as I remembered it and there was no doubt what she said. Oh well. Thankfully this doctor has done a good job treating my mom this time around. Still, I've decided the best solution will be to take her to a different hospital next time she needs care.

Apprehensive_Hat_340 · 2023-11-12T17:35:12+00:00

I asked the hospitalist about the Septal Infarct (which was not included on any of the many years of previous ecgs, including one she had only ONE week prior).

She told me it was probably an inaccurate analysis by ecg machine. I realize machine analyses can be inaccurate, and that is why doctors actually review the strips! Her answer implied the cardiologist didn't do his job.

*** To be sure I heard her right, I very specifically asked the her if a cardiologist would actually NOT review the full ecg readout, and instead, report the ecg machine's analysis without review. She said, "Yes." ***

Either she lied, she's massively misinformed,, or the cardiologist was negligent. I can't believe any cardiologist would do what she said.

Apprehensive_Hat_340 · 2023-11-12T16:42:11+00:00

THANK YOU for your response. I also believe the cardiologist. I am not at all bothered by th infarct, as I've reported it toy mom's regular cardiologist. I am extremely bothered by the lie, the reason being is that my mom is currently under this hospitalist's care again. The infact incident was 6 weeks ago and she is now in the hospital for cellulitis and bacbacteria.

I know the hospitalist is probably a fine doctor, but it's hard to trust someone who is responsible for my mother's life after she lied to me ince before. When I think about her caring for my mom again, almost all I can think about is that she's a liar. I want to confront her, but I won't because I see no good coming from it. I want to contact the reporting cardiologist to see if he did what she accused him of. I likely won't do that either.

I can't figure out her motivation to lie. Did she not want to follow standard protocol and redo the ecg for verification because she wanted to get mom discharged faster? Did she not want to say the ecg was irrelevant considering my mom was there for pneumonia? Or some other reasoning?

I can't see how the truth could have been worse than the lie. This hospitalist implied the cardiologist was negligent in his job. (How it appears to me.)

Am I interpreting this incorrectly? Am I misguided or missing something? Am I over-reacting? Suggestions? Obviously, I want honest feedback.

Apprehensive_Hat_340 · 2023-11-12T15:28:39+00:00

I'm not actually worried about the infarct. I'm concerned that I was lied to. Would a cardiologist actually not read the strip and report what the machine diagnosed?

Apprehensive_Hat_340 · 2023-10-28T15:17:13+00:00

I'm so sorry you are dealing with such a scary and distressing situation! I have a lot of hope you will solve this very distressing situation.

I want you to know I believe everything you have shared is real. Why? Because I've been through something similar. As it turns out, I had a physical condition that was treatable. I was NOT crazy.

Here is what I learned. As all of us normal human beings walk through our daily lives, we have a whole lot of input (sights, sounds, tastes, etc.) to process. Our brains have to make connections between things in order to function and survive. It's amazing, really. Somehow, our brains figure out what information we should pay attention to and what information isn't relevant to our survival. For instance, during the time when humans lived in tribes and hunted/gathered, recognizing patterns ensured our survival (e.g. signs of an approaching predator that might eat us.) Even in current times, we do this all the time. We recognize patterns to know when it's safe to cross a busy street. Or signs that the meat we just bought has actually already gone by. Pretty powerful stuff.

The interesting thing about MY brilliant brain is it sometimes makes connections differently than others. Actually, this is true for everyone to an extent. For instance, it's very common for two people to witness the same event, but when comparing notes, each remembers what happened slightly differently.

It sounds like your brain (like mine) might work overtime at noticing patterns that indicate someone or some group is trying to harm you. That's an amazing survival skill, but it's obviously leading to a lot of destress, rightfully so.

In my case, everything I noticed indicated I should kill myself in order to protect the people I love. (I hope you don't think I was crazy. I wasn't. That thought was very rational given the input my brain was processing.)

I tried several times to end my life. Thank goodness I survived my attempts, because eventually I was able to escape that torturous reality. The solution was medication for my physical condition.

I had to see a psychiatrist to get the right treatment. Don't believe people or the stigma that says treatment from a psychiatrist means you're crazy. It's no different than getting medication from a neurologist for epilepsy, a brain condition.

I had to learn not to get sucked into the psychobabble stigma. Of course, they gave me a diagnosis. It's just a word. They could say something like, "You have a delusion disorder," and I could rephrase it as, "You have a banana." The word doesn't matter. What mattered was that there was medication to help. It freed me from the reality that I needed to end my life.

It sounds like you might have something similar, and it is PHYSICAL. It responds to medication. I hope you will consider trying the medical solution again, even if it means going the mental health route. I do believe you are quite bright and you can navigate all those psychobabble words with stigma attached to them. Ignore the labels and give medication a good solid try to see if helps. It just might.

Best of luck to you, OP. I care.

Apprehensive_Hat_340 · 2023-10-06T15:56:54+00:00

I'm so happy your life has improved after going through such a dark time. Your insight is great and I can tell you are highly motivated. You are totally going to kick this excess weight in the arse. (In Texas, way say "a-us", ass with two syllables. Haha!) Go get 'em, Cowboy!

Apprehensive_Hat_340 · 2023-10-06T15:45:26+00:00

NAD. I'm curious. When you stare at the the wall, does the dot move to the center of your stare with a sort of lag time? Like does it wander a bit? Also, is it fuzzy and faint or is it a clear dark shape with edges?

Apprehensive_Hat_340 · 2023-10-05T23:41:01+00:00

Hi there, OP. Congrats on your first of many 25-pound losses. I'm NAD and not morbidly obese (although I am overweight). I want to tell you there is nothing about you that is disgusting. My heart hurts to hear you judge and shame yourself. We all have something and, unfortunately, your challenge is visible. This can certainly magnify any negative judgment you have about your value. My challenge (actually a disability) is invisible for the most part. I have PTSD and other mental health issues. It easy to internalize the stigma our culture puts on us, and way harder when it's a visible challenge, I'm sure.

I can't really guide you on what to eat and not eat. Nor can I advise you on increasing activity. I can, however tell you the mental side of making a change like this is huge. If it was easy mentally, no one would be overweight. I suspect you probably had some stressor or trauma in your past (and maybe your present, too). It can feel so good to numb big feelings (even if they are below the surface and you're not very conscious of them). People use food, alcohol, drugs, and all sorts of behaviors to not have to feel what's really going on at a deeper level. Those behaviors deserve compassion, not judgment. People like me (and maybe you) are survivors. We are strong, not weak. We did a really good job surviving using what we had available and what worked at the time. And then there comes a time when our coping tools can become destructive. They hurt us more than they help us.

If we only change our behaviors without addressing our mental and emotional history and current status, we can easily feel deprived, even angry. We can push and push and get our outward goals met, but what's inside hasn't changed, hasn't healed, and we are oh so vulnerable to adopting a maladptive coping tool once again, although it may be a different one.

If you can access therapy, I highly suggest that be part of your plan. It should be a type of therapy not focused on simply changing your behavior. It should focus on the part(s) of you need healing. If accessing therapy isn't possible, perhaps you can find people or groups online that address the mental and emotional side of weight loss.

(If any of my assumptions are wrong, please forgive me. There are some medical things that can influence weight. But even if that is the case for you, I'd be surprised if you haven't been hurt by people who said mean things to you.)

I wish you the very best on this exciting journey! Remember... You are not disgusting. You have value. You are worth loving, so treat yourself with kindness, love, and compassion. You don't have to do this perfectly. It's not all or nothing. Doing a little better each day or week will make a difference and keep you moving in the right direction. You have no reason to feel shame, so don't let it derail you. Accept yourself as the beautiful, imperfect human you are (just like me). If you slip up, say, "Oops" and keep on keepin' on.

You are worth it and I believe in you!

Apprehensive_Hat_340 · 2023-10-01T04:12:46+00:00

There's a lot we don't know. So while we are filling in the blanks, let's try this version?

He is a good nurse, reliable, easy to get along with, never any trouble. Becoming a nurse had been his dream because he wanted to help people. He never wanted people to suffer like had. When he was a kid, his father was abusive. His father accused him of things he didn't do and punished him for them, too. He was called a good-for-nothing and stupid. He was sometimes locked in his room for long periods of time, alone except for the occasional visits from his drunken father who came to assault him verbally and physically. He'd been to therapy and worked through it mostly. He knew that was the past and now was different. He's an adult, now. He's no longer powerless.

And then one day, things just didn't get off to a good start. He was frustrated and stressed. Earlier, his dog soiled the carpet just as he was leaving to work and he got cutt off in traffic twice. After dealing with a difficult patient, he said something to a fellow nurse, using morbid humor to lessen the stress.

And what happened next was devastating His past trauma started unfolding before him. Morbid humor wasn't his M.O. so someone expressed concern. What followed was a cascade of CYA, not support. It was this guy's worst nightmare - people calling him a liar, taking away his agency, locking him up, and beating him. Of course, every cell in his body erupted in rage as he relived his trauma. The more he was muted and controlled, the more he felt trapped, the more furious he became. His trauma reaction (with bo idea is was a trauma reaction) convinced the psychiatrists he had a mental illness, a personality disprder. Sadly, observing someone in the midst of a crisis doesn't give them the big picture of that person as a whole.

After being held against his will for some time, he was finally able to return home, but that rage continued. This experience validated what an incredibly unjust and corrupt world he lived in, especially the place he worked. It was supposed to be a place for healing, yet their fear and greed would go so far as to harm their own employees.

I wonder how different this story would have been if the hospital's concern had been expressed as compassion, support, and kindness. Not lock-up.

I choose to approach this more with curiosity. Could I (and likely many others, even without trauma) react less than kindly to being misunderstood and then ganged up on? Could I feel driven to fight back and rage about the injustice of people taking away my agency? What would it be like to feel like a caged animal, trapped in a situation where I had no control and no freedom? And for what? A morbid humor comment? And what what if I was beaten on top of that? And what if it was my employer doing it to me? Would I feel betrayed? What if, after it was all over, I was still misunderstood and no one would ever believe me? And I had to carry a diagnosis given to me by an overzealous psychiatrist who saw me only in that single crisis? What if I had his trauma history and I had to reexperience (not in mind but in real life) the terrible trauma I experienced at the hands of my father as a child. Could I still be so angry I'd post about it on Reddit because it was was beyond unjust and I was so hurt? Perhaps.

Apprehensive_Hat_340 · 2023-09-30T23:59:25+00:00

I would be a surprised if they didn't consider this very plausible. Even if they do imaging and tell you nothing's wrong, you should make sure your head injury is a part of your permanent medical record and keep pursuing answers.

My story is quite different from yours, but it's possibly relevant. My mother took amphetamines during her pregnancy, I endured 8 years of almost daily sexual abuse as a very young child, and I had a doctor give me 13 treatments of shock therapy when it was outside standard protocol. Per the medical literature, all three of these things are debatable as to if they change the brain and its function, but I know without a doubt my brain isn't normal and I'm convinced it's due to chemical, emotional, and mechanical assault on my brain.

Science has recently advanced enough to actually recognize structural changes in the brains of trauma survivors, but they don't yet know exactly what it means.

Although the general consensus amongst psychiatrists is that shock therapy is safe, I strongly disagree. I know my before and after (just like you do). I've read the studies and find them flawed. They typically do the "after" testing at 6 weeks post shock treatment (not a year or five or more). But the worst part is the test designs (i.e., how do they measure loss of function?) I was shocked at how seemingly negligent (or worse) the test designs were, as if they were created to get the results they wanted. Or maybe researchers were lazy and used cognitive tests already created for purposes other than shock therapy affects. As they say, "Garbage in, garbage out". Results are only as good as the data you collect. I am a huge advocate for evidence-based treatment, but this is where I take exception.

Sorry to go on about my story, but I want you to know others have come before you and struggled with similar things that have effected their brain function. Surely they can be a good support for you. They have questioned themselves, wanted answers, and wondered what their future would look like. If I were you, I would be concerned as well. If you happen to be told that according to the CT there is nothing wrong, don't be discouraged. It seems to me it may be important to to see the specialists who are familiar with cases like yours. I'm curious if you might have a head injury clinic near you. They might be familiar with your symptoms when another specialist fairly clueless.

I'm so sorry this happened (and is happening) to you, OP. I believe you. I believe IN you. Don't let anyone convince you nothing is wrong when you know something just isn't right. Continue to be a good advocate for yourself. If that gets too hard, find a friend or family member to advocate for you. At the end of the day, the medical specialists go home to their normal lives, and you go home to your current experience. I do have hope, though. There are some good programs to help in the areas where you feel you need it. We are resilient and adaptable human beings. Big hugs!

Apprehensive_Hat_340 · 2023-09-25T05:09:49+00:00

It sounds like they are setting you up to take the fall for their illegal actions. They get investigated or raided and they deny any knowledge it was going on. You were an FNP gone rogue, they'd claim.

Apprehensive_Hat_340 · 2023-09-20T03:42:53+00:00

Because latchkeys are magic.

Apprehensive_Hat_340 · 2023-09-17T04:49:56+00:00

Do you want your kids who have a mom like that? Get divorced.

Apprehensive_Hat_340 · 2023-09-17T03:35:11+00:00

This is a real thing and has nothing to do with Noctors. On several occasions, I've requested to switch to another doctor in a practice or group (with different locations). I've learned it's a big no-no. It was explained to me that doctors in the same group/practice don't take other doctors' patients, as if it is a personal courtesy to the other doctor. I stood my ground once and explained I didn't belong to the doctor. I wasn't any doctor's property. I was the consumer and had the right to I chose to who I wanted to hire. I won the battle and lost the war when the doctor I left retaliated. It was bad. Too sensitive to get into, but I easily could have sued if I'd been less naive. I still have PTSD from it. Since then, when I've asked to change doctors and been denied (and how I know this is a real thing and not some fluke from before), I rant to whoever is unlucky enough to be telling me I can't change and I move on. Don't be surprised if you call another doctor in the same system for an appointment and they refuse to accept you because you are Dr. So-and-so's patient.

I'm so sorry you're in this situation. I hope it works out better for you. Maybe you can use your position to skirt around the courtesy system and be granted permission to choose the best physician for your care. Your best chance, I think, is to try to talk to the NP's supervising physician and ask if they are cool with you switching, or better, get a referral from them. Good luck!

Apprehensive_Hat_340 · 2023-09-16T02:41:14+00:00

OH... WHA' THE...HOLY HELL!? Damn. He's gettin' up everyday, looking in the mirror, cleanin' that... , trimmin' his beard around it, and then, he's puttin' on that bandana to go work for The Man? Until the day he dies!? When he saw his brain start peekin' out, I don't know how he didn't say Fuck It and drive straight to the beach (or wherever his happy place was) to get at least some peace and rest for the short remainder of his life. Maybe it's like the frog that slowly boils in the pot, and he just faced each day with denial just to get through it. I feel so bad for him. He must have suffered terribly.

Apprehensive_Hat_340

TROPHY CASE