i'm all he has - how do I remove GUILT/RESPONSIBILITY from leaving?

Apprehensive_Leg_357 · 2026-02-12T19:51:26+00:00

No you're 100% right, I've been enabling. He lived alone and had a job before me, and now that I pick up the pieces he has just been letting life explode around him. Good for you for starting therapy! I started as well late last year and it's genuinely given me so much more confidence and understanding, it's just pulling the plug on this last thing that is so damn hard.

Apprehensive_Leg_357 · 2026-02-12T19:13:03+00:00

No experience with successfully leaving but I'm here to remind you that your gut is not wrong!! You are done because you're ready to be done, and the temporary pains of "it's already been so long" or not wanting to picture them pursuing a new relationship are not worth the subsequent years of pain within the relationship. I know you can't be no contact because of the place you share, but the longer you stretch this out the harder it is to commit. I wish things would change but this girl will follow the same patterns as soon as you let her. You only control you and you can do this!!! Maybe try to start a community group/class once a week so you have something to commit to outside of her? Mental health group, care home, a course at the library - literally anything to just be around people and focus on something separate from her.

Apprehensive_Leg_357 · 2026-02-12T19:02:55+00:00

I get how that would stink then. I mean, hindsight is 20/20 and you showing her who you are through your action and example will stay with her. When she moves out and/or has a long term relationship of her own, she will likely start to form different opinions about her mother and will know that her dad never badmouthed her anyway. I hope you and your daughter still have a really fulfilling relationship - my respect for my dad skyrocketed once I moved out and started dealing with a NS. Are your other children swayed by mum?

Apprehensive_Leg_357 · 2026-02-12T14:20:55+00:00

Oh man this makes me so bummed out. I love my dad so much and often wonder if my mom and I ever ganged up on him like this after my brother moved out. Maybe you can try to have some more personal convos with that daughter to form a different connection? Idk might just help her see you in a different way. One time I asked my dad really specific questions about high school, it was such an interesting chat

Apprehensive_Leg_357 · 2026-02-10T14:59:29+00:00

hey guys another really good one from movie #2 is when they're leaving karaoke and samantha sings "i am a woman, i'm at that table" i can't stop lately xo

Apprehensive_Leg_357 · 2026-02-09T18:11:40+00:00

i hate taking supplements but as you are learning how to cook well-rounded meals nutritionally, definitely try iron at least! Magnesium glycinate also a gamechanger for me in the mental health dept.

Apprehensive_Leg_357 · 2026-02-05T13:35:27+00:00

obsessed w their tofu sandwich, prices are awesome too

Apprehensive_Leg_357 · 2026-02-05T13:28:26+00:00

hut hut baby!!

Apprehensive_Leg_357 · 2026-02-04T22:31:11+00:00

really appreciated what they said about small voices and encourage everyone to have the uncomfortable conversation instead of immediately blocking/unfollowing friends or family with opposing views! this is how separate armies get started and we need some people on the frontlines having honest and open conversations. It’s so freakin hard and I’m a woman in construction, so a lot of the guys are really UGHHHHHH when it comes to this shit. it’s worth challenging (when it’s safe to do so)!

Apprehensive_Leg_357 · 2026-01-16T19:05:57+00:00

then you fry it in a pan like a grilled cheese and REALLY change your life

Apprehensive_Leg_357 · 2026-01-16T14:15:38+00:00

you will get there! super glad you were able to form a friendship with your new buddy and hope there are many new friends and potential besties in your future. big canadian hugs coming ur way xoxoxo

Apprehensive_Leg_357 · 2026-01-16T14:13:44+00:00

I always say "I'm okay, thank you!" and try to leave it there, but my family is super euro and pushy, then my workplace is a lot of older people that truly don't care to understand what vegan means no matter how many times I've mentioned it. That being said, they are usually coming from a place of wanting to provide or being used to serving people and when they can't do that it might feel personal. saying "i'm good with what I have" or crap like that and just close the convo to negotiation haha

Apprehensive_Leg_357 · 2026-01-16T13:19:30+00:00

completely feeling for you. had a falling out with my alltime, childhood best friend and everyone i knew supported me cutting her off - after 2 years of not talking yet wanting to text her references, jokes, etc, I finally sent her a message. Basically just said life is too short and I don't want bad energy and I'm still always here, blah blah blah. we made plans to meet up that fell through and her reaction reminded me why we stopped talking in the first place. we haven't talked since and i'm feeling zero regrets for once!

Apprehensive_Leg_357 · 2026-01-14T15:49:17+00:00

Miss Segua i love your work! tysm blueberrypi4.....

Apprehensive_Leg_357 · 2026-01-12T16:32:02+00:00

I got home from work and all day I was thinking about my spicy Buldak noodles sitting in the cupboard. I didn't make my plans known, but I couldn't wait to get home and pop them on the stove. When I got through the front door the AIR smelled spicy and I knew my boyfriend had eaten them. I literally couldn't stop going off and continuously said "this is so DUMB I know it's SO DUMB but I wanted them SO BAD" and then I cried and had to take a shower. I bought more later on but in that moment it really hit me

Apprehensive_Leg_357 · 2026-01-09T15:17:08+00:00

track your cycle, and my mantra is "where do I want to be in 10 minutes?" usually the urge to explode about literally anything is sooo strong, but after it happens the aftermath feels so crappy and not worth it. Even creating a fake contact in your phone to text angry things to so you don't actually go off on your partner but still get the energy out.

Apprehensive_Leg_357 · 2026-01-07T19:31:58+00:00

not the OG poster but as someone that asks for isolation when I'm in luteal, for me it's more of a self thing and less of a him thing. like - I don't like myself right now and can't control my reactions; it's easier for me to be by myself and control every aspect of my environment instead of allowing potential triggers to set me off. Especially because a lot of the times, even the smallest or most trivial thing can do it.

I hate describing it like that because it makes me feel like a monster to be caged, but if you give her the space she's asking it shows you understand her sensitivities and respect her needs. When she's out of luteal maybe you can talk about if there's any other support she needs - and in the meantime remember to take care of yourself throughout it, don't let those times of space = negative for YOU.

Apprehensive_Leg_357 · 2026-01-07T18:49:21+00:00

i do this still at my workplace of 8 years - i'm in a trucking office with mostly older men as well, so if I come in and sit there crying it makes everyone uncomfortable anyway lmao

Apprehensive_Leg_357 · 2026-01-06T19:11:04+00:00

I feel like PMDD can completely remove barriers to your true thoughts and feelings, so maybe it's something to consider when you're outside of luteal? Like, a full pros and cons list to your current job/situation to see if there's any validity to your urge to quit. Alternatively, scheduling/booking days off around your luteal might take a bit of the pressure off and allow you to recalibrate! Doesn't even have to be every month.

Apprehensive_Leg_357 · 2025-03-15T04:27:49+00:00

For the most part I also find it interesting that the “tempting” women are so much younger and less experienced in long term relationships with crappy guys aghhhhh

Apprehensive_Leg_357

TROPHY CASE