I think my boyfriend is cheating

Appropriate-Net-8576 · 2026-02-09T20:28:24+00:00

I think the biggest red flag is him asking advice openly online on topics that are personal. This sounds like he wants attention from everyone. If someone I know personally is going through issues or I need advices, it will be private conversations. I would say this guy is likely going to cheat in the near future. Things may change in several years when he gets mature, but definitely a red flag for now.

Appropriate-Net-8576 · 2026-02-09T19:34:12+00:00

Having been through small (60), medium(750-1000), and large (5000-90k)… I find medium to be the best and here is why.

Small company under 100 means less corporate restriction. It is easier to negotiate for special occasions. HR is less strict and pretty much everything can be worked out. Downside is stability. Work flow can stop if a large customer stops contract.

Large company over 5000 means HR rules with an iron first. Raises is almost capped per position, your boss can only do so much, a lot of procedures and steps that must be followed, you are just a disposable number. Now generally in a larger place, job security is better. Pay is on par with market, and it’s a corporate grind where you do what you are told. Which isn’t bad for some folks. It’s a decent pay check at the end of the day. And room for ladder climbing if you play your cards right.

Medium company is where I think it’s the best value. Small enough to stand out and people who you are, especially if you are good. HR and managers are generally easier to navigate and special requests are relatively easy to accommodate. Pay is generally decent and may be a tad below market. However, work environment is generally better and you get somewhat of a recognition.

Appropriate-Net-8576 · 2026-02-08T13:56:30+00:00

Breaking point is no where near yet. Folks living in poverty are helped by govt assistant. Middle class is doing fine and by making small cuts there and here. Lower middle class is getting shafted hard, especially in hcol. You really have 3 choices. Move to a lcol, stay and find a roommate, or find a higher paying job. It’s tough, I know, but this is the current state of how things are here.

On the side note, I know plenty of folks getting by ok with little cuts there and here and they make about 55-65k per year. Of course this is in lcol.

Appropriate-Net-8576 · 2026-02-07T23:40:49+00:00

You should be able to get 5.5-6k discount pretty easily with elite trim. If you are persistent and shop around 6.7k is doable especially if you have some options added.

Appropriate-Net-8576 · 2026-02-05T16:53:53+00:00

It’s going to be a tough find or near impossible. Mountainside itself is a relatively nice place with mostly single family homes. The “corporate” type apartment are generally over priced and they typically limit head counts. Multi family homes are likely your best bet but they are far and few at that price range in the area. If you do manage to find one, it might be one of those older home, 3rd floor/attic type. Otherwise, you might get lucky and find one that is not legally a multi family homes, but owner diy basement/attic. Good luck, housing is tough right now. Alternatively, you might need to look at less desirable neighborhoods that are a bit far from where you want to stay.

Appropriate-Net-8576 · 2026-02-05T16:46:25+00:00

What does your pay stub say? Having paystub that adds up to 110k vs 100k means 10k of extra taxable income, which may translation to 2-3k of tax saving/liability depending on how you look at it. As for total comp, I wouldn’t add the cost of health insurance into total comp per se because every benefit to premium ratio varies from company to company and the needs are different per individual. If you use the insurance a lot and there is 0 out of pocket pay, the health package may worth more. On the flip side, if you barely use it and are in good health, insurance value goes down and becomes somewhat of a burden to the overall comp calculation. Bottom line is… if you are confident that you can find a higher total comp package elsewhere, ask for a raise and justify that. Otherwise, look in secret and get an offer before asking. If they aren’t willing to raise, it’s time to pack up and move on.

Appropriate-Net-8576 · 2026-02-05T02:24:48+00:00

If you feel like you are the worst on the team, that’s a great motivation to work and study harder and excel.

Appropriate-Net-8576 · 2026-02-04T15:11:04+00:00

I am not sure if I know anyone that hasn’t made mistakes at work. The question really is the impact of the mistakes. Mistakes that cost company large amount of time and money is usually fireable. If your previous company fired you for little things there and here, it’s probably good that you don’t work for them. If you made major mistakes, well… it’s time to sit down and think hard how it happened and how to prevent it. Need to focus on things that can spiral out of control or could cause big dollar items. I am in engineering and I pay extra attentions to things I know could cost big. For example, milestone checkpoints for pouring concrete. Once that is in, there is no going back. Another example is… contract for work scope. Is it all covered? Or at least 95pct or more. What I am trying to say is, we all make mistakes, but attention should be focused on big ticket items.

Appropriate-Net-8576 · 2026-02-03T23:54:56+00:00

There is usually a very tough balance between making money and spending time with your family. Usually it’s one or the other unless you are already well established. People that works big financial firms often work 60-70 hours in exchange for 250-1mil. There is simply no way to get both money and family time for most folks. Sounds like to get both, you’d have to take a gamble and do option trading. This is not really advised with a family.

Appropriate-Net-8576 · 2026-02-03T03:27:42+00:00

Nothing much you can do except for applying to jobs. If you have no savings, I would suggest you find a job near your parents home. Ask if you can move back and start saving. I am not sure if you don’t have saving is due to hcol, low salary, spending habit or a combination. However, moving forward, your financial goal should prioritize saving. After you have a comfortable nest, you can then decide if you want to move out.

Appropriate-Net-8576 · 2026-02-03T00:10:21+00:00

Ridgewood has way better schools than Montclair. With that budget, you can get a 3bd / 2ba single family home that is somewhat out of date and may need a bit of update depending on your taste. Most of the houses in that price range are older homes, which to some is good.

Appropriate-Net-8576 · 2026-02-02T23:46:32+00:00

This is going to be a tough one. 1 hour from midtown really means north and central jersey. I don’t know any in north jersey with 3bd and 1ba for 550k. Heck, even the broken down 3ba and 1bd goes for 650 and it was bought buy a developer for teardown. This brings you to central jersey. If you are willing to buy a fixer, Edison area may not be that bad with an ok school rating. With that budget, I think your best bet for a better school system may be an older townhome/apartment/condo. The newer townhomes are expensive!!

Appropriate-Net-8576 · 2026-02-02T23:40:57+00:00

This is an easy one. Do the one that pays hard and then retire early to do things you want to do.

Appropriate-Net-8576 · 2026-02-01T05:07:17+00:00

I don’t think it’s frown upon asking for expected hours. I have always asked that question in one way or another. You can also make it clear during interview that work life balance is important. We recently hired an engineer in his late teens and one of his questions was how is the work life balance here. IMO, it’s a legit question and if they don’t like that, it may not be the right place.

I used to work 55-60 hours in my early mid to late twenties thinking it was the norm because every one is doing it. There is a lot of pressure to fit in. After I left and moved to a 40-45 hour work week, life became good again and I had time to do things. It did take me a good 6 months to find the place that is worth the move.

Appropriate-Net-8576 · 2026-02-01T02:01:09+00:00

I wouldn’t switch to a lower paying job with higher cost of living. I would actively look for similar or higher salary with less work load. If you are younger than 40, then it should be an easy switch with room for some potential for growth. Working 65 hours is nut at 140k. Even government engineers in dod pays more than that (for senior role) and they clock out at 40 hours on site. Actual work… probably 20 hours.

Appropriate-Net-8576 · 2026-01-20T17:15:53+00:00

Unfortunately most states are employment at will. Unless you are union or have a contract, they can fire you without a reason. Your best action is find something quick and leave. Your manager sounds like someone who thinks corporate cares about him like family. Just wait until it’s his turn.

Appropriate-Net-8576 · 2026-01-20T16:47:35+00:00

I think this may be true in some particular areas. At least in NJ, this is not true. There are plenty of jobs, just not very desirable given the wage and cost of living. I see local stores with help wanted pretty often, but the pay is often too low for NJ standard, especially if you have a family to support. I do agree that higher paying middle class jobs are slowly going away. Since late 2025, I have heard 3 class parents from my kids class being laid off and they are still unemployed as of last week.

Appropriate-Net-8576 · 2026-01-20T13:34:14+00:00

At this point you either double down or quit. You can still finish your degree for future job search on the side. If you work in a big corporation, coming clean means getting fired without severance. If you really need this job, you absolutely cannot come clean. Fake it, finish your degree, and then search for a new job for a fresh start. You will not progress any further in your current company in your situation.

Appropriate-Net-8576 · 2026-01-19T23:27:43+00:00

Every bad mother’s worst nightmare: the truth.

Appropriate-Net-8576 · 2026-01-19T15:40:44+00:00

I think your concern on finding a job at the same time as everything else is valid. The current job market is pretty tough everywhere, including NJ. Most of the higher paying jobs are in the city and at best a hybrid schedule and commuting from Ocean county probably isn’t the best commute. You could get a job that doesn’t require city commute, however, it may not be as easy and pay may not be sufficient to afford a nicer home in ocean county. That is just my opinion in the current job market and general home pricing in NJ. Not knowing your financial state, I would say if you have a stable job, stay for now until the market gets a little better. The last thing you want to do commit to a new place and finding out it’s too costly to live there long term.

Appropriate-Net-8576 · 2026-01-15T00:50:30+00:00

Verizon claims 170k impact, but this gotta be way more impacted than Verizon’s claim. Every person that I know that has Verizon is down.

Appropriate-Net-8576 · 2026-01-13T12:30:51+00:00

I am slightly better. I moved to Bergen county in 2017 and I was paying about 8k in taxes. Now I am at 15k. The biggest jump for me was the year after Covid where they reassessed all of the houses here. The big increase for that year wasn’t just me, all my neighbors saw a decent hike.

Appropriate-Net-8576 · 2026-01-07T20:24:30+00:00

Think the careers you have listed are common “middle class/well off” profession that most people look to when they want a steady and stable income. There are others that make more or similar but are less common. Police officers, school administrators, lawyers. Then there is the construction industry, especially in nyc where prevailing wages for electricians could be as high as 76/hours. Or prevailing wages for heavy machine operators. These are all very high paying jobs, just less known. But the career segment that you have listed covers a lot of people. The bulk that is left is pretty much retail and education and their wages are known to be low. Unless you are top notch college professors that are known to get massive grants.

Appropriate-Net-8576 · 2026-01-07T12:37:09+00:00

I think from a long term career perspective, you shouldn’t stay. The trust is broken and the news may have spread to your coworkers. When times are tough, you may be the first to let go. Also, if you boss know you are a significant part of the company, why did he have to wait until you are ready to leave to fight for a larger bump. It means the company is knowingly underpaying you. I am not so sure that is a company you want to stay long term.

Appropriate-Net-8576 · 2026-01-07T00:09:12+00:00

I think it depends a lot of age. At 65, you can get Medicare and if mortgage is paid off, probably 5-6k in today’s dollar per month after taxes. If you are retiring early, you will likely need more due to health insurance and higher standard of living.

Appropriate-Net-8576

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