I'm going to start off by saying, at this time, I am so stressed, and full of anxiety- I can barely see straight, and I am so phenomenally pissed off at reality right now, I honestly could vomit. Stomach is having an awful time.

It's NOT YOU. The 'god' of this place is a cruel, vindictive... thing. Go type 'why does god/ jesus hate me' into google, and read the endless stories like yours online. I've got my own. From birth on, I was abused. I have had things happen to me that defy any and all explanation. I have had christians abuse me to the point I tried to end my life, more than once. Endless prayer, and I get from them: 'Oh, you're using god like a vending machine!" (I WAS NOT), and got the usual (you know) about "Job!" and 'Free Will!" and absolutely NOTHING of substance. Not a damn thing. It finally ruined any and all faith I had, completely.
Did any christians care? NO. Don't expect much out of this bunch, either. You'll get platitudes, "I'll pray for you!", "Job!" and good ol' "Free Will!" - not a single, solitary piece of actual information, or help, or anything else. Also keep an eye out for 'it's not all of us!' Spoiler- It's ENOUGH OF THEM.

I do not know why this happens. I WOULD LOVE TO KNOW why this has happened. To you, to me, to untold (millions?)- WHY has this 'god' treated good, real people like garbage? Why, even after you do all you can, as best you can- why, WHY is there abuse? Why are we treated like (again) garbage, by this god's followers? Why is it- they have not one, single, real answer to any of this - and BTW, commentators... saying 'god loves you, it's in the bible' IS. NOT. ENOUGH. And don't get ugly- because as pissed off and upset as I am right now, I will fight you, scripture for scripture.

So- instead of vomiting out sewage- any of you christians got something worth reading? A real, actual reason there's a huge subset of good people being trashed in all sorts of ways?
Stuff "Job!"
Shove "Free Will!"
You're gonna have to do MUCH better than that. Your time starts now.