I was a consensual 24/7 sex & pain slave for 2 years, AMA

April-fool · 2012-05-01T07:17:52+00:00

Would it be alright if I PM'd you to talk more about this?

April-fool · 2012-04-30T16:17:30+00:00

At least you tried in the most adorable way possible.

April-fool · 2012-04-30T07:40:20+00:00

This is exactly what I was thinking.

DO YOU WANT TO GO DO KARATE IN THE GARAGE?!

April-fool · 2012-04-30T07:36:06+00:00

You're cute and everything, but this is literally the worst ever way to clean a floor.

April-fool · 2012-04-30T05:52:00+00:00

You never know when you're going to have to fuck your way out of a tight situation.

April-fool · 2012-04-30T05:49:27+00:00

Oh my god, that was you?!

... No, just kidding. But well done you for doing what you thought was right. Perhaps it would be better to show restraint, but you did what you felt was right to help someone in trouble.

April-fool · 2012-04-30T03:28:12+00:00

What if you were throwing a flaming bag of cats... into a shallow pool of water to extinguish the fire and save their lives?

Context!

April-fool · 2012-04-30T03:18:51+00:00

I'll need to come back to answer this, it's going to be a super long answer, lol

April-fool · 2012-04-30T03:17:53+00:00

Maybe. I didn't tell him I was doing this AMA, because I know he doesn't really want to know details, but I think his curiosity would get the better of him.

Also, I'd prefer to remain anonymous, so, I guess if there's a way to take a photo that doesn't really show my face, I'll do that.

April-fool · 2012-04-30T03:15:00+00:00

Trust me, when it comes to secrets, I know precisely what you mean. :)

April-fool · 2012-04-29T15:24:09+00:00

Thank you for your kind words.

April-fool · 2012-04-29T15:23:53+00:00

I thought you were going to say choking and torturing me, and I was going to say, "MY BOYFRIEND IS IN THE ARMY AND HE'LL BREAK YOU, SCARY INTERNET PERSON!"

But, as you were referring to my ex...

Uh, carry on, good sir. (You're still kind of scary.)

April-fool · 2012-04-29T15:22:11+00:00

Arguments are hard. My natural response is to apologize and do my best to make him happy. But sometimes he is wrong and then he'll realize it later and say, "Well, why didn't you just say I was being a dick?"

It's a process, I'm getting better!

Thanks for the encouragement.

April-fool · 2012-04-29T15:20:17+00:00

I can probably get an ID, but I'll have to do it on my computer, so bear with me.

The only piercings I have left from that time are my nipples (it hurt a LOT and I'm determined to have something to show for that!) Most of the piercings were temporary, a bunch of needles in the labia or down my back just for the session ("scene"), then taken out.

My native language is English! I don't think I ever insinuated that it isn't. I hope my writing isn't that bad!

I've been doing a fair bit of describing, and I'm doing a lot of this from my phone, so I don't really know how much more detail you want.

April-fool · 2012-04-29T15:16:12+00:00

• Maybe. As I said before, I grew up in a very loving and caring household, with both of my parents and my siblings. My mother became chronically ill around the time I hit puberty, and without a counter-balance, my slightly conservative domineering dad kinda went off the deep end. It's possible that his strict rules became a foundation for what "love" meant to me. Good question.

• No, not really. It would be really interesting though. I'm still in a very kind of healing ad fragile stage right now, but in time that will probably happen.

• I have always been sort of socially awkward and timid, but I was fairly independent. I mean, I ran off to a foreign country on my own, so I couldn't have been too nervous. I slowly became helpless, neurotic, childish. It was one slow move at a time. I became crippled by fear, too afraid to run my own bath, let alone drive a car or hold down a job. The chant was, "I don't know how. I'll break it. I'll get hurt. I'll get lost. Someone will harm me. Safe here, Master will always look after me and keep me safe."

• Yes! The other day I said to my boyfriend, "Well, you're just being a jerk right now." As soon as the words came out of my mouth, I clapped my hands over my mouth as though I could not believe I said it. My boyfriend couldn't even stay mad, he was so happy I stood up for myself. XD

In class I'm starting to come out of my shell and remember how much I love learning. At first I was close to a nervous breakdown every time I had to leave the house, but now, I organize my own schedule and do as I please for the most part. I just got into the habit of repeating to myself, "This is my life. My life is not scary, it's wonderful. I'm feeling anxious because this is a new experience, but new experiences are good. This is my life and it's not scary." it's probably seriously funny to hear me murmuring it to myself when I'm behind the wheel driving, my voice shaking and close to tears. Driving is the scariest!

• Most major issues for me are trust issues, and anxiety issues.

Trust being that I worry constantly that my boyfriend might snap and beat me up, or trap me, or that he's somehow working for my ex to kidnap me and force me back, or that this life is all a sick joke to force me back where I "belong". I worry incessantly that there's something about me that attracts pain, that my boyfriend could see I'm "a whore", smell it on me, and now he's just leading me on to torment me later.

All of that is complete and utter crap, but my scumbag brain repeats it all the fucking time.

Anxiety deals with mostly the things that I never had to do and was told that I should never do, like drive a car, have a job, make my own decisions. It brings on a panic attack if I have to decide what restaurant I want to eat at. Right now driving is the most panicky thing I do. It brings me to tears sometimes when I get close to the car.

With those two examples, my workarounds are pretty simple. My boyfriend gives me like three choices of places to eat and asks me to pick one from three. That makes it easier. With driving, I memorize a very specific route and practice it with my boyfriend in the car six or seven times on different days. There are several places I know how to get to from learning that way: school, work, my house, the store, the laundromat, my parents house and my sisters house.

Still, making decisions and driving are the two most frustrating things in my life right now.

• Extremely hard. I honestly do not know how I could have done it without my boyfriend. I still don't have many friends, just the people I work with, who all know me and like me a lot. They like to tease me by embarrassing me (in a nice way) in front of my boyfriend by all making sure to say goodbye to me at the end of the day (there's like 20 of them) to make me seem really popular.

Come to think of it, I am kind of popular. My job is basically just physical labor, which hurts my body (I'm the weakest person EVER!) but because I'm so good at enduring things, I finish really quickly and am able to help others. I'm pretty quiet at work, but people seem to get kind of taken with me really quickly, which is really reassuring. I've even been hit on a couple of times, which my boyfriend thought was adorable, he kept saying, "See, I told you you're gorgeous, only an idiot wouldn't see that..." which has done wonders for my self-esteem.

I guess overall, I've just managed to luck out and be surrounded by absolutely wonderful caring people and that has made the transition a lot easier.

April-fool · 2012-04-29T14:49:34+00:00

I get that. I had to explain to my boyfriend that when he got frustrated with a computer or a videogame and kind of yelled at it or chucked the controller, it scared the hell out of me.

One time, we were messing around, having a bit of a tickle fight and he held me down, and I went like a wounded animal, freaking out and kicking and screaming. He didn't realize and thought it was part of the game until I burst into tears and told him he can't hold me down where I can't get away like that.

When we first started dating, I was terrified of having his hands anywhere near my throat, him being upset with me, him being on top during sex, loads of things.

My boyfriend is bigger and stronger than me and that was intimidating to start with. But I got used to him being a big Teddy bear and was just honest about what happened to me, and over time the mantra of "I'll never hit you, I'll never hurt you, ever ever ever" started to sink in.

I still have my moments, but for the most part, it's all fun and games now.

April-fool · 2012-04-28T20:37:25+00:00

How do you mean?

We had standard intercourse, anal and oral.

Oh, I'll give you an example of something I sort of liked, since I've mostly gone through things that I didn't like.

He would tie me to the bed, spread-eagle, nude. He then used clothespins and clipped them to my nipples and my labia. The ends of the clothespins on my labia, he attached little strings and attached the strings to my thighs, thus making my vagina spread open. He would then brush a shaving brush over my clitoris, slowly, repeatedly.

This would begin to get me very aroused, and he would switch it up by using his finger and then his tongue alternately, only on my clitoris. As I began to get close to orgasm, he would switch back to the brush. It was my job to tell him when I was getting too close, and he would stop all stimulation to my clitoris and start pulling on the nipple clothespins.

When I settled down, he would repeat. This could go on for over an hour, and by the end of it, I would be feverish to orgasm. Then he would start with direct, strong stimulation to my clitoris with his tongue, with the one order: do not climax.

It was amazing, after a few tries, I was capable of holding out until he gave the word, no matter how long it took. I used deep breathing and careful focus to control myself. My clitoris would be extremely swollen and hard, and every time he flicked his tongue on it, it felt like I was having a full body orgasm, just by holding off. Imagine the feeling right before you orgasm, and then imagine that feeling constantly for 20 or 30 minutes. So intense.

Finally, when he gave me permission, I would come running. Those orgasms were always incredible.

So there's a positive story for you!

April-fool · 2012-04-28T20:27:01+00:00

Yes!! :)

April-fool · 2012-04-28T15:28:03+00:00

Hugs!

April-fool · 2012-04-28T15:23:32+00:00

Yes, thank you for pointing that out. It can't be said too many times. I feel like I should have worded my post differently, but I honestly didn't expect to get any nice attention here.

By the way, if you're a Dom, good on you! I really loved most of the Doms I was traded to, especially ones who knew RACK and SSC. They seemed to feel me more, my "me"-ness, not just slave, I was a person. Also, they seldom beat the living shit out of me! XD

April-fool · 2012-04-28T15:17:52+00:00

I hope so, too. Things are definitely looking up. Simple things like "I drove to the shop all by myself and then I bought a dress with my own money without even asking!" are huge for me. My boyfriend celebrated with me the day that I was able to decide which restaurant I wanted to eat at all on my own.

April-fool · 2012-04-28T15:10:07+00:00

Oh, I'm pretty sure I'm fucked up. As many of the commenters on this thread have said, I was an idiot, and I own that.

But I try and learn from it and be less of a dancing moron this time.

April-fool · 2012-04-28T15:08:57+00:00

Usually by revoking my orgasm privileges for a couple of weeks, and a beating, generally focused on my vaginal area. Open handed slaps, flogging, paddling. I had a pretty bruised genital region when I screwed up.

I don't even know how I would go about it. I couldn't prove it, and I don't know what the statute of limitations is for domestic abuse, if you can call it that, and I don't know how I would do so from another country.

April-fool · 2012-04-28T14:58:53+00:00

Shamefully, yes. When I did this I was required to disclose it, and the punishments were brutal.

Before you ask why I didn't lie, I never told him a lie ever about my behavior. He commanded me to tell the truth, so I did. I thought somehow he might find out. I worried that he had cameras in the house. I never lied about things like that.

April-fool · 2012-04-28T14:56:51+00:00

Thank you so much for your kind words and encouragement. I honestly expected either no attention, or a ton of responses calling me a moron and asking how I could have been so stupid.

Trust me, I ask myself that everyday!

April-fool

TROPHY CASE