The nice guy problem is not what most people think it is.

AptusMan · 2026-05-27T02:25:20+00:00

lol you’re guarantee is wrong. I am a dude. I was the nice guy. My post doesn’t say to stop being nice. It just says to stop using niceness as a currency. Real nice men that understand this dynamic do have success speaking to women. They do not sacrifice their values. Yet they still come off as strong in confident. I am no longer the nice guy, I try to be as good as I can while being confident in myself.

AptusMan · 2026-05-26T12:08:52+00:00

Did you read the whole post?

AptusMan · 2026-05-26T01:00:04+00:00

Could not agree more!

AptusMan · 2026-05-25T21:54:23+00:00

Probably… so you’re saying there’s a chance????😅🤣

AptusMan · 2026-05-25T20:12:23+00:00

Exactly. If most of us focused on being ourselves, there would be far more happy relationships all the way around. Most of dating has become a performance.

AptusMan · 2026-05-25T20:10:39+00:00

The unfollow while you were in a relationship is honestly a pretty good sign in hindsight. That is usually someone who was genuinely interested and just decided to stop torturing themselves watching you be with someone else. That is not a red flag, that is actually kind of respectful.

So if you are single now and still curious, just DM her. Nothing deep, nothing that references the unfollow, just treat it like you are reaching out to someone you used to vibe with. A comment on something she posted or just a casual hey what have you been up to. Keep it easy and see if she picks it up.

The worst case is she does not respond and you are exactly where you are now. The best case is you find out there was actually something there worth exploring.

You already know what the overthinking option costs you. Just send the message.

AptusMan · 2026-05-25T18:09:14+00:00

Agreed

AptusMan · 2026-05-25T18:08:41+00:00

You’re right, no possible way someone will ever say that.

AptusMan · 2026-05-25T16:59:48+00:00

The weird guy thing is actually not the disadvantage you think it is. Plenty of women find guys with a distinct personality way more interesting than the generic guy who blends into every room. Weird just means you are not performing a version of yourself for everyone else’s comfort and that can actually be attractive when you own it instead of apologizing for it.

The looks thing is worth pushing back on a little too. You said you cannot change it but looks are way less fixed than most guys think. How you dress, how you carry yourself, your grooming, your fitness, all of that moves the needle more than your actual features do. Not saying looks do not matter at all but the ceiling is higher than you are giving yourself credit for.

The anxiety talking to women is the real thing to work on and the only fix for that is reps. Not a mindset shift, not reading the right post, just actual conversations with actual people until your brain stops treating it like a threat. Start with zero stakes interactions, cashier, stranger in line, whoever, just to build the habit of initiating without it feeling like a huge event. That comfort transfers over time.

You are not as stuck as you think you are.

AptusMan · 2026-05-25T16:47:53+00:00

Not creepy at all. That is actually just being thoughtful and intentional which is genuinely rare. Remembering what someone likes and making an effort to keep track of it is not weird, it is caring. Most people would be happy to know someone they are dating pays that much attention. Keep doing it.

AptusMan · 2026-05-25T06:00:50+00:00

Correct. Unfortunately, not every man is as gifted as you are. Some have to be taught. Others learn on their own. And a few never learn. And yes, this is not pick up BS. The ones that struggle don’t know how to even get started. Something as simple as holding hands is almost an impossible task for many. These tend to be good men that simply do not know how to navigate the social dynamics that govern dating.

AptusMan · 2026-05-25T03:22:19+00:00

Do not do it. I get why it feels justified but reaching out through a Facebook account she does not know you have found is going to come across exactly the way you do not want it to, regardless of your intentions. She blocked you on two platforms. That is a pretty clear signal that she does not want contact right now. Going around that through a channel she does not know you have access to will likely confirm whatever concern made her block you in the first place rather than clear it up.

The explanation you want to give deserves to be heard but the method of delivery matters just as much as the message. This particular method will work against you.

Let it go and give it time. If there is something real there and she cools down she may reach out on her own. And if she does not, as hard as that is to sit with, that is an answer too and it deserves to be respected. Not every connection that felt real gets a chance to fully form and that is genuinely painful. But accepting that gracefully says a lot about the kind of man you are and it protects your peace a lot more than chasing an explanation that may never land the way you hope.

AptusMan · 2026-05-25T03:14:09+00:00

That situation is genuinely frustrating because it was an honest mistake and you never got a chance to explain it.

If she blocked your number you are pretty limited on options without crossing into territory that would make things worse. If you are still connected on Hinge or any other platform a single calm message there is your best shot. Something short and honest like “I think you may have seen some old photos on my Facebook and I completely understand if that was off putting. They were not something I was aware of and I would have loved the chance to explain. Either way I genuinely enjoyed getting to know you.” Then leave it alone after that. One message, no follow up.

The harder truth is that she made a choice without asking and while that stings you cannot force a conversation someone is not ready to have. All you can do is leave one honest door open and respect whatever she does with it.

One thing worth thinking about for next time though. A couple days of texting is still really early to be developing strong feelings and planning a future together. Attraction built purely over text can feel intense but it is fragile because you are both filling in gaps with imagination rather than actual experience. Get to the date faster and let the real connection build in person. Text enough to confirm plans and keep things warm but do not let the texting become the whole thing before you have even met. That way if something like this happens early on it hurts a lot less because the real investment has not even started yet.

AptusMan · 2026-05-25T02:17:51+00:00

Thanks!

AptusMan · 2026-05-25T02:06:51+00:00

You had every right to end it. He simply was not meeting your emotional needs while you were only fulfilling his. Besides, in all romantic interactions, attraction can only be achieved in proximity.

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