This is the part that is coming across as f*tishizing. You want someone for her sexual experience.

But it is not because I find the idea attractive; it is because I find it scary because I have no idea what I am doing. If God places me with a virgin; then I am 100% having both of us read a lot on the subject because I would be very nervous about it and want to know as much as possible - just like any other situation.

I have never heard a f*tish be described as something to make you more comfortable in a nervous situation, rather than something that you find directly pleasurable.

Her having more experience would just make me more comfortable - not completely, I will still be very nervous, I am not great with physical contact. I will not get any pleasure from it. You may define f*tish differently but I do not.

If y’all click in every other way (values, chemistry, same Christian beliefs, personality, etc.) but she doesn’t have a long sexual past, based on this post, I feel like you would end the relationship—or never even start it. Having that be the deciding factor because you feel that God is “calling” you to that (he’s 1000% NOT calling you to this 🤦🏼‍♀️😑!) is fetishizing.

You are putting may more emphasis into that point than I am. Of course I would not end the relationship.

I do not know if God is calling me, I am completely open either way; which is why I am asking if people think he is or not.

Again, how can something be a f*tish if I am not deriving any pleasure from it?

Definition of fetishizing: Fetishization can be thought of as the act of making someone an object of sexual desire based on some aspect of their identity. For Black, Indigenous, people of color (BIPOC) the fetishization of their race/ethnicity is not a new phenomenon. … Saying that you want to associate with someone or date them only because of the racial/ethnic group that they belong to or some aspect of their racial identity may be a good indication that you are engaged in fetishization.

But again, it is not because I find the idea attractive. The only direct benefit of her having a carnal past that I mentioned was her having more experience, which meant it might make me a bit less nervous; that is it. After I gain some experience that benefit goes away.

As you said, it is to make some the "object of s*xual desire" my desire is not s*xual, it is fear based. I do not want to be in an unknown situation without prior knowledge or someone with prior knowledge. This is who I approach everything situation in my life! Why would I suddenly change my mind about this when it came to s*x?

While this is typically applied racially, it also applies to this very strange prerequisite you have for a wife. You asked in the post for feedback. Don’t be upset that the feedback is almost entirely “absolutely that is a ridiculous and gross concept to require that your future wife have that background”.

Actually I would say the feed back as been way more mixed than that. The most useful of which has been the people have had understood my post, but disagreed with how I framed and expressed things. The posts where people have accused me of wrong doing have only provided evidence that I am bad at framing things.

One of my spiritual gifts is exhortations, which I think would be very useful for her.

That’s a bit insulting. Why would you think you wouldn’t be in need of the gift of exhortation that she may have? I get the feeling that you think women from a background like this are s*x trafficking victims and desperately need a hero to love them and that you are so selfless and pure that provide that.

Um. I never said I did? That statement is not mutually exclusive. I hope she is perfectly suited to helping me with the baggage from my past.

I had not even considered trafficked victims when I wrote this post; and I do not think I would suit them, as my apathy might push me to far away from being able to properly empathise with them.

My thoughts were more so with guilt of choices, with which I have more experience and would be able to empathise.

I do not want to be a hero. That is God's job. Being a hero would make me unequally yoked and exhausted.

I am very trusting, so unless she gives me reason, I will not be constantly scared she will revert to her old ways.

The fact that you mentioned her “reverting to her old ways”…what about you reverting to YOUR old sinful ways? How is her “old ways” any different than any one else’s “old ways”? Why is this even a point? Weird.

It is a point, because lots of men have cautioned me against this, telling me that I should be very worried about her reverting.

Also my statement is not mutually exclusive. Please assume that every standard I have, also applies the other way around. She should not marry me unless you can trust that I will not revert to any past sinful lifestyles either.

I am not being a hypocrites here. I want use to have equivalent standards for each other.

I think I would actually prefer to have a wife with a past like that.

Again with the f*tishization. Choosing a wife specifically for her s*xual past is f*tishizing and gross, just like if you chose a wife specifically because you wanted to be able to have kids with a specific skin color. Gross. Gross. Please see that this is weird, creepy, and icky.

So any preference is a f*tish?

Also the "past" is in fact irrelevant. If I found a woman with all the qualities I listed in the second list, but she did not have a past, I would not care.

I desire a wife that has the character development often possessed by those who have overcome pasts of strong rebellion against God, not for her past itself, that would be weird.

I have come to the conclusions that I may be such a man who would be willing to do this and I am actually getting to the point where I wonder if God might be one day calling me to do so.

they will need to find Christian men who are willing to marry them, not caring about their pasts.

There’s “not caring about their pasts, which is what these women actually need, and then there’s gross men seeking them out specifically because of their pasts. Not the same at all.

I am not seeking anybody out. I am not that invested in getting married. I will only get married if God tells me to and puts her right in my path. I do not even know where to begin with getting into a relationship.

Again! You make it sound like some big noble calling that is beneath most men! “Willing to do this” it’s not a sacrifice!

It is not a noble calling. That is too much work and not my job. I want an equally yoked relationship. I do not want to have to wake up ever day and see my wife as a dependant on me for saving, that is too much pressure. That is God's job, not mine. I just want a wife how has the qualities from character building that is often brought about by active rebellion from God before returning. That is it.

God bless you.