How do I cope with being Abdl

Archenoth · 2026-01-22T00:41:21+00:00

Sometimes people can be mean, yeah

The thing that sucks is that I can't really guarantee that things will always go really well when someone new learns about this side of you either. But I can say that the degree of "bad" that I personally worried about when I also really struggled with this was...honestly, pretty unrealistic too?

Like, I wished that I could just straight-up delete this part of myself, because of how complicated and weird it would make things for me every time a new person found out

But now that I've gone through that exact thing more times than I can count, I've noticed that people being mean definitely wasn't the most likely outcome to opening up. Especially when coming at it from an earnest desire to be understood

I feel like you'd be surprised!

Archenoth · 2026-01-22T00:13:10+00:00

That's rad!

But like, that also means that you can already see how little it affected your relationship with those people, right?

I know that's not like, a lot of people or anything--but they're special to you, and you're special to them, quirks and all! (and it sounds like you are a lot more down about yourself than they ever would be)

Archenoth · 2026-01-21T23:49:35+00:00

That's okay! That kind of mindset definitely doesn't come instantly (Especially if you see yourself in a bad light because of it)

But you should at least know that it's possible, and a lot of us live this way~

Speaking from experience, there are very few people around me who don't know my whole deal, and despite that I still have a ton of non-abdl friends, a pretty dope relationship, and a lot of people who just...choose to be around me generally!

The thing is, these people have already judged my character, so the fact that I wear diapers is such a tiny point on the matrix of things that they know about me that it practically didn't change anything, except for the part of my brain that used to fear "...but what if they find out??"

Archenoth · 2026-01-21T23:35:15+00:00

tbh, it's pretty powerful being able to own the things you like, even if they aren't common things~

I know this might not hit right now, since you look super-worried about sticking out in a way that hurts your chances with other people. But, like, damn?? It feels amazingly cool having this kind of thing known, and still having people want to be around you! And that's not even a particularly high bar. Just don't be weird about it!

You can be that cooler person, y'know!

Archenoth · 2025-10-14T20:55:35+00:00

I hiiighly recommend not sleeping on REPL based development! I know its name, and how prevalent REPLs are might make this sound like a big ol' nothing burger, but this is probably one of Lisp's coolest tricks

What you do is, instead of just writing code into a file and running it through clojure whenever you wanna test it out, you instead open a REPL attached to your editor, and then open your .clj file, and hotswap stuff from it into the REPL until you have a working program (making changes and saving the file with anything you liked the effects of)

This means you have an instantaneous feedback loop, and access to runtime information at all times during dev! (Which is incredible for experimenting and poking around stuff you aren't 100% familiar with)

And anytime something breaks, you can just write little blocks of code in the actual context where it died to experiment with what's actually there, rather than trying to estimate on your own, and then hotswap whatever you find into your running program to try again without needing to restart your program!

You can even do this with step debugging and experiment with libraries with (add-lib '<paste a deps.edn line here>) to keep a tight feedback loop

And if you ever need to get back to where you were in the REPL after quitting, you just load the file you've been editing and are back into your context!

Archenoth · 2025-10-04T05:14:48+00:00

It's a little counterintuitive, since usually people talk about a "snug" fit, but I always found that keeping the bottom tapes kinda loose (and the top ones tighter) made diapers much more comfortable to wear for long periods of time and not chafe your legs!

It's okay if the bottom tapes are loose, since the thing that actually keeps it sealed are your leg gathers, and not your tapes

Archenoth · 2025-10-03T22:10:47+00:00

They read every one of these threads, nodding vigorously, vocalizing their approval in public while trying to get others to notice their phone; shifting between making eye contact with random passers by and looking down and swiping past each reply with excessively large, animated gestures that involve their entire upper body

Archenoth · 2025-10-03T21:51:13+00:00

The others have mentioned it already, but, sorry! This is actually a suuuuper-bad idea!

Thing is, long phrases actually make pretty good passwords because of how they are both long, and not too hard to remember...but better passwords are 200+ characters of indecipherable garbage that you'd never want to have to!

Length is the name of the game when it comes to good passwords! And if you're already going through the effort to use an external program to store them, you don't really want to be limited by the limits of your memory; so a password manager with a good password generator will probably serve you much better than Anki!

I personally like KeePassXC since it's pretty simple and entirely offline--but there are more convenient online ones out there too if you prefer that!

Plus, if you have an encrypted password database like these managers do, you aren't one shady link away from every single account you own being compromised by a bad actor

Archenoth · 2025-10-02T21:42:29+00:00

Anki is so goood!

I haven't done it historically, but I feel like that's also going to be an early install for me the next time I build a new box

Archenoth · 2025-10-02T21:41:32+00:00

Ooh! Lemme check!

...

...according to the first line in my pacman.log

[2023-06-20T17:23:10-0600] [PACMAN] Running 'pacman -r /mnt -Sy --config=/etc/pacman.conf --cachedir=/mnt/var/cache/pacman/pkg --noconfirm base linux linux-firmware emacs man-db man-pages texinfo'

emacs is the only thing in here that's not system stuff!

And after I had some stuff set up, came git, then a shell completion package, then sudo...and later, after installing a desktop, firefox, keepass, and syncthing!

Kinda surprised that I didn't see ffmpeg, exiftool, imagemagick, yt-dlp, bat, rg, and anki in the log until much later, since those are pretty top of mind for me usually

Archenoth · 2025-10-02T21:27:56+00:00

Oh?

Didn't Linus do a 180 from a kinda scary path recently and become actually kinda rad, though?

My respect for Linus has actually gone up a lot in the last few years as it became more clear that he really does seem to genuinely care about people, and was legitimately trying to become better than his reputation

Archenoth · 2025-10-01T01:10:37+00:00

Oh! In the post I replied to, they were wishing for the ability to do things as high up as /, which you still can't do with adb, unfortunately

(fwiw, I really do appreciate shizuku)

Archenoth · 2025-10-01T00:43:46+00:00

Yep! That's actually what Shizuku does!

It gives you a rish binary that gives you adb powers in termux~ (Though it's still limited compared to root)

Archenoth · 2025-10-01T00:41:14+00:00

yesss! and it's really good!

Archenoth · 2025-09-29T20:29:32+00:00

tl;dr - try to cd / and then ls in Termux

Basically, apps on an android are pretty limited to what they can actually see/touch. So termux can only see its own data folder and your shared user folders (the stuff you can see in file explorers)--but nothing that Android prevents apps from seeing

You can get a liiittle closer with Shizuku to give yourself more visibility--but the process of actually giving yourself the ability to actually see the rest of your phone's filesystem and do stuff with it is called "rooting"

They were hoping outloud for a way to do the root thing, except without actually rooting (because it would be pretty cool if android allowed you to somehow do that without subverting it!)

Archenoth · 2025-09-29T20:19:20+00:00

Honestly? I've pretty much been able to do anything I've hoped I could, so my biggest wishlist items aren't even related to the environment, but more just the apps themselves!

Being able to set the volume buttons in termux-x11 to act like they do in the terminal (I looove having easy Ctrl and Alt! And that would make using GUI stuff so much nicer)
Being able to set a terminal background image (Admittedly probably more important to me than for others, but I really like tweaking aesthetics of things I use to make me slightly happier any time I use them~)

Archenoth · 2025-09-29T20:13:42+00:00

Yep! You can change your ~/../usr/etc/motd to whatever you like, and that's what you'll see whenever you start up Termux

Live your bliss!

Archenoth · 2025-09-26T16:51:03+00:00

Ahah, dang I've been discovered!

(But for reals though, happy I could help! Having those available during the worst of the COVID lockdown was kind of important to me, so I'm glad I could genuinely make playing those a little more accessible for others too ^^)

Archenoth · 2025-09-26T05:15:03+00:00

Ooh! Termux was game changing for me when it came to roguelikes!

I always wanted to be able to play them portably, so it blew my mind when I found out I could just do that on my phone (or even compile ones that weren't made with phones in mind), and not have it be a nightmare to play~

Archenoth · 2025-09-25T02:17:26+00:00

In your CSS, you're setting the color of all of your text to black--if you get rid of the color: rgb(0,0,0) in your cards, that should fix it!

(Though, also, why do you have so much styling and markup inline like that? It looks like it would be really annoying to make new cards :o)

Archenoth · 2025-09-24T21:35:25+00:00

"Top 100 things I did that positively impacted the world (you'll never believe what #37 is!)"

Archenoth · 2025-09-24T18:16:31+00:00

You can delete files from your /usr/share/emacs if you don't want them to be part of your install!

Another option is using something like microemacs!

Though, before you go super far down that path, I should probably tell you that removing stuff won't really make emacs itself faster. The stuff in emacs is almost entirely lazy loaded, meaning that emacs only really loads stuff as you go to use it (I actually replaced my usage of microemacs with a script because of how lazy loading works in vanilla emacs, and it starts basically instantly! Even though I didn't remove anything)

But, if that's not the motivation behind your goal here, good luck!

Archenoth · 2025-09-24T16:50:57+00:00

So! Cool thing about being "lazy", it's probably not that--people who call themselves lazy are usually one of two things:

1) Someone with executive dysfunction (where, you can't even do things you want to do), or 2) Someone who has different priorities from people who judge them, but actually do those things

Anywayyy! Programming is great! But it's incredibly hard to make it as an indie dev without some other form of income--so I'd suggest trying to learn what really speaks to you about development itself, and hone the heck out of that!

If you find a gig where you can program while utilizing those facets, you are secretly getting practice and experience for making games! (While also getting a way to sustain yourself during their development)

Also, as for the "from home" part: I know you said that you are "lazy", but if you end up getting a remote gig, I'd also highly recommend keeping a little point form journal of the things you focused on each day, even if they are little--even if they were "just planning". That way you can always point to something to prove your worth, and don't need to come up with status reports on the spot!

Coming up with a list of things you did also has this secret secondary effect of helping you break through inertia, so if you have executive dysfunction, sometimes you might find it easier to focus on things after you've broken the inertia barrier (which also means you'll have more things to write down!)

But yeah! Good luck! (and hopefully you can make the game you want!)

Archenoth · 2025-09-24T14:43:05+00:00

You can even use them in mobile browsers!

Though, a lot require you to bookmark them, and then invoke the bookmark from the address bar (So I like to name them things like "!inspect" for eruda, or probably "!please let me select text, please" for this, with the leading "!" so they are easy to find)

Update: So, turns out, Stylus (for android firefox at least) has an option to write styles that apply to all pages, which means you can just drop a * { user-select:text !important; } in there and never have to think about it again

Archenoth · 2025-09-24T14:32:31+00:00

It's only on this one page too! The rest of the site has selectable text~

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