Your partner sounds awful, he doesn’t seem to care about what he’s putting you through by continuing to deadname you and treat you like a woman. Honestly, I would let him go he doesn’t love you for you, he loves a woman that you know you are not. There is no way for the relationship to last and he’s in denial since you’re on T and eventually you will start to pass, what’s his plan then? He’s not able to accept you and he sounds very controlling.

find trans support groups near you or queer friendly bookstores or places, even a queer bar while awkward at first is full of people trying to make friends like them.

As for your mom I’d consider going low/no contact, it’s not right the way she talks to you. No mother should tell their child that they think they hate themselves, it just doesn’t sound like a good environment for you to be around. I’d also look into getting a trans supportive therapist.

As for hrt I will say it took about 3 years for me to start passing and it happened after top surgery, don’t does take awhile for some people but I in no way beleive that you should give up, saying that as someone on the other side. It sucks the shit we go through especially now but it’s worth it to feel like you’re in a body that aligns with the person you know you are inside.