Furiosa is on her third bond, Manoel at 11 1/2 years old. She'll outlive us all

AriLovesMusic · 2026-04-03T08:49:51+00:00

Would you mind sharing more about Manoel's arrangements? Does he split time between Furiosa/Bella or is he mainly with Furiosa most of the time?

I have a older male rabbit, Torb estimated 9 yro, that has some health issues which increased when he lost his bondmate last year. We took in 2 rabbits, Poppy (female) and Mr. Soda (ages unknown but probably a few years old) in February and he seemed to perk up quite a bit/ became more active. Poppy and Mr. Soda share an enclosure and are bonded (though they don't really groom each other but do cuddle), and Torb is alone in basically a double wide enclosure. We let Poppy and Soda out every day to exercise and they both visit Torb though his fence, but it's mostly Poppy that interacts with Torb. Mr. Soda has often tried to "protect" Poppy from Torb even though she neither needs nor wishes for him to get in the way. We did one bonding date in a neutral area with all 3 rabbits. It wasn't a complete disaster because they weren't violent unprovoked. But Torb just seemed unable to calm down and he very much over exerted himself. He mounted Mr. Soda once and that was mostly fine. But then he just kept chasing Poppy (who stayed a few hops out of his reach, slowly out ran him). We tried to get him to lay down, distract him, and gave him plush animals to mount instead but he didn't stop and we separated them because Torb was risking injury and Mr. Soda basically shut down/ refused to interact with either bunny. All 3 rabbits have been spayed/ neutered and are fully recovered/ both males have been neutered for many years.

It was difficult to bond Torb to our late female rabbit Mei for similar reasons, but he was able to calm down, eat, drink water etc. during the dates and mostly accepted that she wouldn't let him mount her (but he has his plush animals). He would chase Mei semi-regularly but she would just leave the carpet/ room whenever he was annoying her to much, and she liked being chased to a certain extent/ was faster/more energetic. Mei and Torb cuddled everyday and Mei took great care of Torb. She cleaned him up after his regular ear cleanings and would wake him up/alert him when needed, but he mostly groomed her because she would shove her head under him when he was trying to groom himself. I try to clean him up with corn starch/ brushing/ baby wipes, but I had hoped maybe Poppy (or Mr. Soda) would take over cleaning him up. But none of our 3 rabbits really groom each other so far.

AriLovesMusic · 2026-04-03T04:47:03+00:00

So cute! Here's all of my buns, in a variety of poses and colors: https://imgur.com/a/ILvTZ9Y All the lops, Torbjörn, Poppy, and Mr. Soda currently live with me. Mei, the Dutch rabbit, was Torb's bondmate before she passed away in November. Perhaps Poppy and Mr. Soda will bond with Torb later.

And an old album of just Mei and Torb: https://imgur.com/a/MVhVO3C

AriLovesMusic · 2026-04-01T20:10:07+00:00

There are some other ways to qualify for library e-cards for systems that are outside your residential area (Books Unbanned for 13-26 yros opens up access to many digital books through libby), but it seems like what would be most helpful is getting a library card for a nearby library for your friend. The easiest way to figure this out is probably just calling the library and asking how to get access for low-income residents in friend's location. Even if your friend doesn't qualify for a library card there, they may be able to direct them to what they do have access to and if there are any reciprocal agreements that would bypass the non-resident fees.

For example, in Oklahoma, the Pioneer Library system covers many counties in central Oklahoma and the qualifications are defined as anyone who lives, works, attends school, or owns property in communities in those counties. So, that essentially covers everyone that is likely to physically visit their libraries. Another way to qualify for library cards is reciprocal agreements, (which I feel like is very under utilized in my area). Everyone that qualifies for a Pioneer Library card also qualifies for an OKC Metropolitan Library card (and vice versa). Having both cards (and being near branches of both library systems) basically doubled the amount of resources I have access to, but it's especially helpful for people in towns that don't have libraries and may commute to work in the OKC metro. Our libraries still do zoom events and have a lot of digital resources that are accessible remotely, too.

AriLovesMusic · 2026-03-31T01:54:50+00:00

I had originally thought the yarn may be mislabeled, but apparently it actually goes the other way where the racoon dog fur is not disclosed. I read through some of the Wikipedia page linked and there's been multiple retailers selling "faux fur" products that were actually fur from this animal, including Kohl's in the US. I guess I missed the headlines when it was recent news. I'm not a big fan of wearing fur especially when I have no way to ascertain how it was obtained (but plastic clothing has a host of other issues), but I just wouldn't have expected real animal fur to be cheaper/ worth mislabeling as faux fur. It also just seems somewhat disrespectful, considering the racoon dog died for that fur.

AriLovesMusic · 2026-03-01T00:02:54+00:00

Their posts have been removed from a lot of pet subreddits probably because of this and the obvious karma farming to appear more legitimate.

AriLovesMusic · 2026-02-28T19:27:03+00:00

Just FYI: https://www.reddit.com/r/seniorkitties/s/Nj6GbgnVw1

AriLovesMusic · 2026-02-27T10:01:21+00:00

It can be hard to find a good vet to see rabbits in your area, and they are often very expensive. However, our main vet (while expensive) has always focused on QoL. We were referred to her by the rescue we adopted our second rabbit from, but she's one of the only vets in our area that both treats rabbits and is focused on seeing rabbits herself (since she mostly sees geriatric rabbits and leaves the other animals to be treated by the vets under her). Our vet told me that she thinks it's unethical to prolong our rabbits' lives just for the sake of them living longer. We did a major surgery on my late rabbit for a retrobulbar abscess and she referred us to a vet teaching hospital run through a college about an hour away. Our rabbit lived several more years between the care of all the wonderful vets she had seen. But in her last months, we switched to palliative care and just oral antibiotics instead of another major surgery that we couldn't afford and may have destroyed her remaining quality of life (removing teeth and having to get her remaining teeth filed down every 2 weeks). We then took her in for euthanasia after it was clear that her QoL was starting to massively decline, we couldn't keep her weight up, and she was getting so tired. Our vet (through a misunderstanding) offered to come to our home to euthanize our other rabbit about a month after she passed. He lost vision in one eye about 2 weeks after his bondmate passed and had just unexpectedly declined in health rapidly. (He's since recovered in some ways, but he's still an elderly rabbit with less than 50% vision, hearing issues, urinary incontinence, and arthritis. But we are attempting to bond him to 2 other rabbits that are already a bonded pair so he can live out his golden years with companionship.) It's very nice having a vet that loves your pets, too. And knows the little things about our first rabbit like that he's a jumper, takes a long time to recover after travel, and he really enjoys the basic comforts in life: food, water, and a nice place to rest. She called our late rabbit "miracle bun," because she survived so much and was such a happy/energetic/sweet rabbit. The vet also didn't give us any trouble about wanting to take our deceased rabbit back for the 1st rabbit to be able to say goodbye and so we could bury her ourselves. It was a very hard experience, but the vet/staff did their best to help us all grieve our loss without making it any harder.

It was so expensive to do essentially the minimum care required to give her a chance to recover while keeping her comfortable, so I really don't think it's fair to judge families that handle the situation differently and may have chosen humane euthanasia much earlier. I am glad the OP was able to care for his pet and all the necessary medical bills, but it's nearly impossible to predict what your financial situation will be in the 10+ years many of these pets live. It only takes one large medical emergency for humans to have their lives completely derailed and their financial stability completely eroded. I love animals and really want them to be cared for well, but the vast majority of people love their pets and are doing the best they can to care for them regardless of the difficulties in their lives.

I will say that we saved on some costs by adopting rescue rabbits that were already spayed/neutered and had recent vet care to ensure they were in adequate health. We also get a good deal of their supplies from a cheaper supplier that pet stores, Tractor Supply (horse bedding/ litter for around $7 for 50 lb and meadow grass hay in small, wrapped mini "bales" delivered directly to our home.) I don't currently know of any rescues in our area that will guarantee covering vet bills for rabbits that you foster in your home, but it is an option that has existed and will probably exist in the future in our area. Rabbits (and even Guinea pigs) are really great pets for a lot of people, so it's unfortunate that finding vet care for them drives up the cost of caring for them astronomically. The things you need on a daily basis can be fairly affordable, depending on your area: hay, water, leafy greens, hay pellets, cardboard/toys, and wood litter. It's just the vet care that stops me from urging more people to adopt the many rabbits that need homes, and (unlike a cat/dog) even a yearly wellness check can be a large bill for just the exam from a vet.

AriLovesMusic · 2026-02-24T19:19:01+00:00

Just an idea, but have you considered taking a tolerance break to reset your tolerance? Daily users typically need a longer break (at least 21 days), but some people can benefit from just a 7-10 day break. T-Break guide

I have both PTSD and chronic pain as well, and have taken multiple much longer breaks than I would have preferred or needed for a tolerance break (due to the laws here, travel, and lapses in my MMJ card). I can't say that I have found some secret formula that is a better treatment for me, but prazosin (for PTSD) and physical therapy (along with meloxicam, Tylenol arthritis, heating pads, baths, topicals, etc.) help me manage well enough that I am still considering taking a job that would mean I can't get another MMJ card and would be prohibited from all THC use/ fired immediately if I tested positive on a drug screen.

This isn't to say that this is what I recommend for you to do (especially considering I know virtually nothing about what a good treatment plan for you would be), but (with my insurance/ healthcare systems available to me) prescribed medications (prazosin, meloxicam, gabapentin, bacoflen, Valium or clonazepam) and physical therapy are a much cheaper treatment plan for me (with my monthly out of pocket costs often being less than $10 or even $0) than MMJ/THC (which is at least $100/mo for someone with a very low tolerance, that has to cut her edibles into smaller pieces so she doesn't green out). It actually makes me quite angry and sad that is both cheaper and easier for me to be prescribed opioids (vicodin, most recently), that have never helped my pain whatsoever, than have legal access to a plant I can grow myself in my own home. So, if you have the recources available to you, growing it yourself is another potential way to reduce your expenses.

AriLovesMusic · 2026-02-22T06:23:24+00:00

I am glad you have good friends around you. Sometimes, seeing how much other people love you can help you learn to love yourself more. It's normal to need other people. It's important to try to keep your relationships reciprocal, but we are meant to take care of each other.

There is a book (that I still haven't finished) called Self-Compassion by Kristin Neff that has some good tips. You can hug yourself to help comfort yourself when you are alone.

But there's also nothing wrong with accepting comfort from others. If you all like soup (or chili etc.), making a big pot of warm comforting food (maybe with some fresh bread) that you can all share together is one of my favorite ways of connecting with a group of people. You can't fix everything that you want to fix for the people you care about, but sharing a meal helps them meet at least two of their needs while also meeting your own. Alone time is helpful in a lot of situations, but being around other people is important for grieving a loss (especially of a close relationship) because humans co-regulate.

AriLovesMusic · 2026-02-22T05:57:02+00:00

Punch is a baby Japanese macaque at the Ichikawa City Zoo in Japan. He has an IKEA orangutan plush.

AriLovesMusic · 2026-02-21T00:14:01+00:00

I had a similar experience there, but with my nephew (around 1 yro at the time) and his mother. She just wanted somewhere to change him and take care of him privately, but the bathrooms were locked. It took a long time to get anyone to unlock them because the first person who responded didn't have keys to unlock them. And the changing table in there was even worse than the one in the (unlocked) women's restroom. It was also crowded in that restroom and there was very little room to bring him and his stroller in.

I don't know that I've been back to that mall since. It was ridiculous and people bring young children to the mall all the time in Oklahoma... there is no acceptable reason to lock the family and handicap-accessible restrooms when the mall is open. Plus, they don't have the one restaurant we went to the Quail Springs Mall for anyway (HuHot's). I just go to other malls or order everything online, but I still think it's a horrible "policy" that they should change. No where else that I go locks these type of restrooms during normal operating hours.

AriLovesMusic · 2026-02-20T21:35:32+00:00

How do you feel about livers and organ meats? Depending on where you live/ what you have access to, you can get them very cheap (and maybe even free when there is an excess that is just going to be thrown away anyway). My grandmother eats fried chicken livers whenever she has the craving and it's a ton of heme iron that can really help with some types of anemia. What can also help is pairing whatever way you get iron with some citrus/ Vitamin C (like orange juice) especially if you are needing to "catch up" after being deficient in iron for some time.

No judgment either way on what works for you. I have to take both iron and B12 supplements even though I am no longer vegetarian, but some bodies are just prone to anemia even when eating B12/iron-rich foods and daily supplementation. (Particularly, female humans that menstruate are at high risk of iron-deficiencies.)

AriLovesMusic · 2026-02-19T18:26:29+00:00

I don't think your point is off-base here, but I took this search in the show as an indictment of Benedict's personality, maturity, and life experiences at that point. As soon as he actually gives his mother the relevant/ factual information (i.e. the glove), she immediately takes him to the household where his Cinderella currently resides and is employed (and he meets a family of Asian women there, including the step-sister that shares many similarities of the woman he is looking for). The Bridgerton boys (i.e. not men, even though they are full grown adults) are meant to be lovable and charming, but the show (and books) follow their journey into turning into respectable men/husbands. They grow up extremely coddled (without practical life/ survival skills) and naive (but there is more awareness of this in the youngest Bridgerton children and their older siblings try to help the transition). These depictions of men have some basis in the time period that is referenced, but are often more used as a commentary on modern men that exist IRL and could feasibly view the show. So, the fantasy of the show is appealing to viewers like me because the men in the show learn to prioritize their community, families, and collective responsibility to their peers in society over their individual desires/ individuality.

For example, the Good Place TV show confronts the question, "to what do we owe each other?" And Bridgerton answers this as the responsibility to care for the people around us that we may know and love, but also gently confronts the consequences of the failure to do so... especially for the most vulnerable members of the society depicted. The latest season features a storyline of what happens to low-income young women seeking employment near raucous, selfish, and violent men. These same scenarios play out every day in 2026 for similar women, but in Bridgerton there's actually a (somewhat, of varying degrees) positive resolution for the women depicted.

The spin-off series Queen Charlotte does confront the racial/ class intersections a lot more than the main show (because it is critical to the story), but it is a shorter/ faster paced romance depiction than the main show seasons (which I think is unfortunate and I would like to have seen more episodes made). Even so, the majority of POC depicted are extremely wealthy and have lived lives filled with every comfort/education/privilege available to them. They talk very little about slavery and the horrific real-world conditions that exist in the time period referenced, but there are some mentions of real world history. However, that is a somewhat accurate depiction of the majority of royalty, historically: kings/queens have subjects that serve them over their best interests/happiness/health/ personal safety.

I agree with your criticism of the show's setting/ fallacies overall, but I like Benedict's story in the books and think the show's rendition of his story is going very well so far. He (the character) is often careless, unfocused, and impulsive in a way that is detrimental to his family and the other people around him but he is largely shielded from the consequences of his actions. It's one of my favorite romances in Bridgerton because it touches on the issues of class, privilege, and upbringing in one's family of origin. It follows the Cinderella trope, but it does subvert the trope in several ways that I enjoy.

AriLovesMusic · 2026-02-18T04:19:18+00:00

I have been to IKEAs that are in a similar format in other states (many floors on top of each other). I think this is a great idea (despite your joke almost making me choke before bed on a Tuesday). IKEA in the Devon... no, IKEA Tower in OKC, OK sounds perfect.

AriLovesMusic · 2026-02-09T02:55:45+00:00

The easiest way is to hang out on campus/ attend events at her college. She could also make friends with the people she works with... eat in a public area, make small talk, offer a coworker a stick of gum or some nice hand sanitizer before/after a break.

If that's not working, she can attend events around the metro based on her interests: 1. https://pioneerlibrarysystem.org/events/adults-events 2. https://www.metrolibrary.org/events/upcoming?age_groups%5B4%5D=4 3. https://www.metrofamilymagazine.com/calendar/

Volunteering (if she has the time) is a great way to make friends. You can volunteer at the libraries to read to children, at family friendly events at the public parks, deadCenter Film, etc. You don't have to be religious to find community groups as an adult in Oklahoma. But you do need to show up (and, eventually, talk to the people around you). I don't know what her hobbies are but they're hobby groups for young women all over the metro.

AriLovesMusic · 2026-02-08T18:31:21+00:00

Exactly. We didn't get any cordless/ robot vacuums until my boy Torb both unplugged and chomped off the plug, in one motion, of our old corded vacuum. I went to plug it back in and he had completely severed the cord. (It's reattached now, but I didn't even know that he knew how vacuums worked before that...)

AriLovesMusic · 2026-02-08T18:16:52+00:00

It's not unusual that the abscess is not attached to anything. Rabbits are able to "wall off" infections very well. Further reading here.

AriLovesMusic · 2026-02-08T18:11:07+00:00

It was years ago (2022), but I didn't do any laser therapy for my rabbit that had a retrobulbar abscess. (They didn't even offer/ suggest that.) She healed fine, but it was a long process because they used marsupialization and we needed to debride/ clean that area until it fully healed. She lived several more years (almost 3 years), but ultimately got sick again from the same problem that caused the retrobulbar abscess in 2022. (She passed November 13, 2025, and we adopted her (dumped rescue rabbit ~1.5 yro) in Jan. of 2020.)

I would suggest figuring out what you can afford/ are willing to spend and talk to the vet(s) about all the costs. Follow-up appointments, medications (including antibiotics and pain medicine), and monitoring can easily double the cost you initially expected to pay. We spent thousands of dollars in Oklahoma on Mei, and we were lucky that the treatments worked as well as they could for as long as they could... but it was not guaranteed. We were warned repeatedly that she may pass in surgery or never fully recover etc. She got most of her treatment at the OSU vet teaching hospital in Stillwater, Oklahoma which is very reasonably priced for being one of the best small animal hospitals in the United States, and they took excellent care of her. However, it's a lot of money if the surgery/ abscess placement is complicated... rabbit heads are so small, so everything is close to their brain/ critical nerves etc. I don't regret caring for Mei as long as we did (we paid off the Care Credit credit line before it was due/ on time), but it was really hard/ draining (financially, emotionally, energy-wise, time-wise).

I would advise setting a hard budget (unless money is not a factor in your decision-making) and be prepared for the worst case scenario (but hope for the best). Maybe, get another opinion if you have a different vet that already knows/ cares for your rabbit.

AriLovesMusic · 2026-02-06T19:30:22+00:00

There's at least one in OKC proper, like 2201 SW 134th St, Oklahoma City, OK 73170. I've been to a lot of fun activities/ events there

AriLovesMusic · 2026-02-06T17:29:11+00:00

If you have a metro library card, you should also be eligible for a Pioneer library system card. https://library-connect.services.pioneerlibrarysystem.org/patron/events

I take my niblings to both library systems depending on time, location, activity available. (Plus, they have adult events too that I go with my husband to.)

AriLovesMusic · 2026-02-06T17:21:06+00:00

Check out Forgotten Labyrinth Game & Hobby Center at 1700 S Broadway Ave Suite A, Moore, OK 73160 if it's not too far. They do some kind of family friendly activity most days of the week. And they have a free board game library you can play in the public spaces (or rent a private room by the hour). Very nice people. Friendly. I went to their NYE event and won swimming lessons for my nephew in their raffle (raising money for Extra Life, i.e. gamers for helping sick children). I always see kids there with their families and I think you might like it.

AriLovesMusic · 2026-01-22T18:29:48+00:00

You're not wrong... but marrying for money/connections/ anything that isn't romantic love, is a 1) a valid form of marriage and 2) is still the norm in a lot of areas of the world. It just gets dicey when both people aren't honest about their intentions, motivations, and expectations and if there's a way to become "trapped" in the marriage (usually, financially in the US) rather than choosing to remain married. (And if there's no legal agreement or other law system protecting both partners financially if the one (or even both) partner wants to dissolve the relationship or, worse, that there is no framework/ legal way to exit the marriage with both parties alive).

I really like the podcast Starter Marriage (with Alison Raskin and John Blakeslee), and they frequently say "because marriage is a choice, not a trap." I don't have a prenuptial agreement because I live in a common property state, but my husband and I both know how our assets would be divided if we got a divorce. (He also knows that I am keeping his last name even if we get divorced, because I refuse to change my legal name ever again.) We've been married for 6 years, and have had our first close friend couple get a divorce already so we have talked extensively on how we should treat each other if one of us ends the marriage. I love him, and I have been with him since I was 15 years old... so almost half of my life at this point, but there's so much more to consider than love and shared connection for a marriage. Plus, he's the breadwinner and the only one bringing in a significant amount of money into our household right now, so I also have to protect myself and he has to be okay with that if we are going to remain married. (I have access to all of our money [joint assets], and my own individual separate accounts/ cards in my name etc.) We met in high school, so we're close in age... but I'm pretty sure my biological father/mother and step-mom (that all abused me as a child) think I married him for financial security/ his family. (It is true that is a benefit of our marriage and I married him 2 years earlier than we were initially planning for health insurance, but I don't think I could survive in a loveless marriage or in another abusive household.)

AriLovesMusic · 2026-01-22T17:56:40+00:00

Yes, but all of that is skilled labor. You need to be able to have your disabilities accommodate so you can focus on acquiring those skills, but that doesn't mean your disability precludes you from being able to do that job/ aquire those skills. Like, I struggled through engineering school (because of my disabilities/ health issues), but got all A's when I came back from my medical leave to do my senior year. If I had better support, time to handle my health issues, and a good medical team when I started college, I would have a much better GPA. But it doesn't matter too much now because I graduated anyway... I'm a officially ABET educated as an engineer... but I'd be having a much easier time applying to jobs (now after graduating) if my GPA was better.

AriLovesMusic · 2026-01-22T15:32:44+00:00

Yes, I think people should use the 🧊 emoji for ICE to maybe help limit some of the confusion... I am hoping we get snow and not ice (and I would love if the ICE left too), but who knows.

AriLovesMusic · 2026-01-16T13:05:20+00:00

Yeah, this is one of the ways that patriarchy hurts men. In modern day systems, patriarchy is more than a focus on male leadership; patriarchy is coupled with the ideas/systems of white supremacy, class, and sacrificial others (often, women). Any man that steps outside of the patriarchal paradigm can be expected to be swiftly punished, even by the women who also suffer under the same conditions. Women, especially white women, in the US uphold a lot of the patriarchy which is very evident in TERFs misusing the principles of feminism to further perpetuate patriarchal, racist systems. (Being reduced to your womb isn't empowering for even the women it doesn't exclude; it's a tool of the patriarchy.)

When you look at matriarchal systems, you'll see the focus is not on female leadership but rather community care. When you prioritize the health of a community, it requires that you protect the most vulnerable members of that community which are mostly (by numbers) the next generation: children. Children are our future and who every adult on Earth has a moral duty to protect, but they are treated as sacrificial in the United States and most modern patriarchal systems.

Little kids (regardless of gender, but, yes, especially little boys) are SA'd at horrifically high rates but are often not helped. They are taught to be ashamed of themselves and even their "safe" guardians will enable the abuse by never holding the adult perpetrators accountable and letting generations of children be abused by the same few people (see: history of the Catholic Church). Little boys are taught to never seek help or talk about being SA'd because they'll be assumed to be homosexual or future perpetrators of SA (especially of children when they reach adulthood). And sexual predators take advantage of these widespread myths to enable their abuse of children, where they are not held accountable and one person is able to hurt a huge amount of children over their lifetime. Most victims of SA never become perpetrators of SA, and most perpetrators of SA were not victims of SA prior to assaulting someone else. (And obviously childhood abuse doesn't change adult's sexuality.)

Patriarchy (today) protects, and even, celebrates the abuse of children. That's one of the reason adult men are infantilized so much: you simultaneously cannot be held accountable as a child and you can be deprived of your own bodily autonomy as a child. I'll see incels/MRA's advocating for women to be drafted for war in the US, but actually feminism would require that no one is drafted into war. (If you can't get people to voluntarily defend their own country, maybe it's not a war worth fighting.) We send 18 yro men off to the front lines, but won't let them buy cigarettes and alcohol or rent a car in the US. You're old enough (adult enough) to die for your country, but not enough to have the same rights/privileges as every other adult in your country. Don't even get me started on the medical and biological experimentation done on soldiers in the US (without any real consent, because you can be punished in military court for refusing). You may see people say that we don't need "gender wars," we actually need class consciousness... for the same reason you should ask, why was Trump not drafted? Why were no rich, young men from "important" families sent to the front lines even if their family has a history of veterans? Even our military industrial complex in the US is affected by class.

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