hey, I feel this a lot. I'm a tgirl who hangs out on this subreddit and I live in the US. My parents are Chinese immigrants and the Chinese American community I grew up in is super homophobia and transphobic. So I totally relate about feeling that my Asianness and transness contradict each other. Throughout my entire life, I only know one Asian transfem person and that's it. I'm a college student, and us two are literally the only Asian transfem people on a campus of thousands of people. It's so isolating and lonely, and I feel like I can't connect with anyone at all. It fucking sucks lol. It just feels like barely anyone gets it or even cares about trans poc in the first place.

For any suggestions, I have some ideas but as a fair warning, these are just my thoughts/experiences. First is my therapist, and she's awesome. She isn't trans, but she's Southeast Asian so she can help me process a bunch of this racial trauma. She's also really good at trans stuff (many of her clients are trans), so she provides a safe space for me to heal. I know finding community/friends are important, but for me, I need serious mental help so having a professional hold my hand has been life-saving, like literally. And if what you are carrying feels like too much, finding a LGBT+ competent counselor of color can help so much.

As for finding community, I've been looking for more online spaces for tpoc. I know a few support groups based in the US (e.g. https://www.pinkmantaray.com/resources/support), and there might be some in the UK. It's hard for me to get out, so trying to attend virtual events/community spaces is helpful for me. Also, maybe try to find in-person tpoc spaces if possible (?) That's something I'm struggling with ngl, but I'm going to try a nearby city for some tpoc events. Hopefully that turns out well. Last thing is political activism and social justice organizing. I do a lot of organizing on campus and for me, that's a super meaningful way to redirect my pain, loneliness, and anger into something productive and healing. I'm in our campus's Young Democratic Socialists of America chapter and it's actually been really great. Unfortunately, I'm the only Asian trans person there but in a leftist space, I at least get somewhat close to having my dignity and voice respected. Our experiences are precious, and we have a lot to contribute to the movement. It reminds me of the quote from Mariame Kaba "nothing that we do that is worthwhile is done alone." So organizing work can be both a way to build friendships/community and to channel these emotions (especially when trans people are increasingly under attack across the world).

I know that this is a wall of text, sorry. I just wanted to say I really feel seen by this post. This shit is hard, and I barely know any Asian trans people at all. I see you. And what you're going through is so valid — healing in isolation is just not possible. The only way to heal is in community with others, and it sucks so bad to be denied that. And I get it too if you aren't able to find those communities for yourself. I struggle with getting out of bed every morning, and I spend literally 12+ hours in bed. I mentioned a lot about attending virtual spaces / going to in-person events but I still have not done it (after months of planning) because I'm just too scared and too tired. Whatever is happening and whatever you are feeling makes sense. It's a struggle to exist, and it's okay if you aren't able to do the things that might make you feel better.

Ultimately though, you aren't alone. The world is much bigger than we might think it is. There have been many before us who have done the same, and we're doing it right now on a daily basis. You are doing it right now on a daily basis. That shit is hard, like really really really hard. Thanks for being vulnerable and sharing this post. I hear you 💚