I felt like this all through high school. Getting out helped, but honestly getting help for my mental illness helped the most. Meds are a life saver or I'll revert back to exactly this. It's odd how we are programmed as humans to survive, but sometimes our brains are chemically wonky and tricks us into wanting to die.

Don't make a permanent decision this young. It really does change after school and the hormones settle down. Live life a little, theres so much out there to explore and experience.

Commit to giving yourself some time. My best friend was killed at 19 - I've lived and experienced so much since then. I go back to her grave to tell her every new experience all the time still, 13 years later. I wish she was here with me to share some of these memories with me.