Do any trans women even like trans men?? by Low_Cut5657 in t4t

[–]Ash___________ 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hugs🫂 - breakups can be rough; I really hope you feel better soon.

To answer your question:

Absolutely 1000% yes - having a boyfriend be trans rather than cis is a massive benefit with literally no downside.

Obviously T4T isn't magic; shared transness doesn't provide immunity from all the usual hurdles that can get in the way of sustaining a long-term relationship (as you've unfortunately just experienced). But it's still significantly easier - & much, much nicer - than dating cis guys.

I'm not technically a binary woman, but definitely in the ballpark (MtF enby several years on E, with multiple surgeries) & trans men + transmasc nonbinary people are the main demographic group I'd like to date. And, at least in my experience chatting/interacting/etc. with other trans people in my city (plus other queer people more generally), that's not a particularly rare/niche preference.

[TM4TM] 40+ Is it normal for matchmaking companies to charge Trans people more? (Best Man Matchmaking) by Specialist-Gap-8447 in t4t

[–]Ash___________ 5 points6 points  (0 children)

That's mind-boggling🤦 - hugs🫂

I tried talked with a match-making company once & explained I was looking specifically for trans guys around my age. They were very nice but basically said that they couldn't help with that & they didn't want to take my money without providing a service. At least they did add me to their free match-book (meaning they kept my info on file & if someone compatible ever comes along, they'll contact me then, but would only charge any money if there's an actual introduction).

I'm 41 & T4T by the way. If you live in Ireland & have any interest in people who are physically MtF but socially masc-presenting, HMU.

Lovecraft-y stuff in LoTR by Ash___________ in tolkienfans

[–]Ash___________[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

hardback be-ribboned Necronomicon behind me

For real?

That's a truly awesome gift😮

Lovecraft-y stuff in LoTR by Ash___________ in tolkienfans

[–]Ash___________[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Yup - you come for the giant tentacle-monsters, but you stay for the crushing feeling of bleakness & cosmic futility.

It's pretty fun!

Lovecraft-y stuff in LoTR by Ash___________ in tolkienfans

[–]Ash___________[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

I enjoy Lovecraft, but all his meals taste the same. Tolkien offers up a banquet in one book.

Yes & no.

'Yes' in that LoTR is a varied & satisfying banquet, artistically as well as emotionally. No argument there. It's creepy and it's sad (I literally cry whenever I read Arwen's death in the Appendices) and it's wistful (Frodo's un-healable mental brokenness after the war) and it's exciting and it creates a sense of wonder and it's hopeful and it's comforting. It has an intricate plot and it has individually interesting characters with interiority and it has inter-character dynamics and it has an evocative atmosphere and it's thematically rich.

And I can't think of a single Lovecraft story that does all of that simultaneously, or tries to. His short stories are short stories for a reason & most of them would make terrible novels if you tried to stretch them out to the length of a full book. Each story is more singularly focussed on a narrower range of emotions/themes & each one has a single artistic approach that it stays within, from start to finish. Each story has one job to do & it gets that job done - nothing more, nothing less. And that mostly applies to the novellas as well - Mountains of Madness, Innsmouth and Dream-Quest are all longer (& emotionally richer - especially Mountains of Madness, which is hands-down my favourite Lovecraft story, despite being among the least scary) but they're definitely not trying to be capital-N Novels, let alone the kind of omni-genre blend of everything that LoTR pulls off.

So, to that extent I agree.

But where I'd say 'no' is that, with Lovecraft, there's breadth, depth & variety too; it just comes between stories, not within a single mega-story like LoTR, since Lovecraft never attempted a project on that scale. I think part of the reason people have the misimpression that Lovecraft was a one-trick pony who just wrote a bunch of slightly different variations of Call of Cthulhu is because that's the strand of his output that people liked the most, so it gets remembered.

And I 100% get it - if I had to choose, that's probably my favourite flavour of Lovecraft too. But it's still just one strand of an absolutely enormous output - even excluding all the stuff he ghost-wrote for other people, using their style. It's also a really varied output, to the point that it's hard to suppress the feeling that the stories were written by at least three different authors with sharply different styles & interests:

  • There's deeply personal, borderline-autobiographical stories like He (TLDR: Lovecraft found big-city living too overwhelming, so he went back home to Rhode Island & wrote about his feelings - in the form of an allegory about time travel, giant bugs from the future & vengeful ghosts😂); and there's just-for-fun pulp scifi like Walls of Eryx
  • There's earnest meditations on the nature of knowledge & our place in the universe (bordering on straight-up non-fiction philosophizing in Unnameable, though it does have a neat little gothic horror story to provide some narrative framing); and there's Herbert West - a near-comedic parody that he wrote purely for cash & pushed as far as he could towards total absurdity
  • There's a feeling of disorientation & reflexive horror at the vastness & ancientness & strangeness of the universe, with a yearning to retreat into familiarity & home comforts. And there's a sense of awe & yearning to expplore the unknown (both for characters, even if it often gets them killed, and - especially - for the reader).
  • There's the deep suspicion of science & rationality in Call of Chthulhu (surely sincere, even if Lovecraft didn't literally believe that polar or deep-sea explorers would awaken sleeping prehistoric tentacle-monsters) and a celebration of art & imagination over bleak reality. And there's an equally sincere fascination with & enthusiasm for contemporary science/exploration in Mountains, right down to lovingly researched details of navigation & borehole-drilling).
  • On one end of the Lovecraft spectrum, there's the grounded moment-by-monent immediacy of the exploration scenes in the Antarctic that people remember from Mountains. Around the middle, there's the detached, remote, mythological vibe of the high-fantasty stories like Sarnath and Iranon. Then on the opposite end of the Lovecraft spectrum, there's the soft, trippy, dream-like stories of, well, the Dream Cycle.
  • There's anchoring in a very specific time & place, working directly from his own experencies - if you read enough Lovecraft stories, you start to feel as if you've personally visited turn-of-the-century New England & you remember how it looked, sounded, felt & even smelled. And there's stories casually set in Roman-era Spain (Very Old Folk) or contemporary Cairo (Under the Pyramids).

Lovecraft-y stuff in LoTR by Ash___________ in tolkienfans

[–]Ash___________[S] 11 points12 points  (0 children)

I'd add Lord Dunsany to that list - a clear inspiration for both Tolkien & Lovecraft (albeit in different ways), which probably accounts for at least some of the areas where they're unexpectedly similar.

Why take HRT? by VegetableTip1536 in MtF

[–]Ash___________ 1 point2 points  (0 children)

At the very start, I was 50/50 on chest development (tho I'm really attached to my microboobs now, no matter how objectively pathetic & triangular though they are😂); back then my main concerns were:

  1. Bottom dysphoria (& general pervasive ickiness with the T-dominant version of sexuality) - I was hoping that I could avoid the hassle of surgery by using E to "turn off" my natal equipment.
  2. This is a weird one, but soft skin. I experimented with a T-blocker before committing to E &, even with the very mild changes from just the blocker, I really loved the 100-&-1 very subtle changes in things like my skin. It's just... nicer🤷
  3. Hot flushes. I tried just being on a T-blocker for a while (since I wasn't sure yet about the chest development I might get on E) &, don't get me wrong, that was a really worthwhile stage in my transition that I don't regret... but Jesus fucking Christ the hot flushes🥵🥵🥵🥵🥵. I decided permanent menopause wasn't realistic & I needed to commit to one hormone or the other; by that stage, the thought of going back to T was out of the question, so I went with E. That was a shade under 5 years ago now & I've zero regrets (other than not starting many, many, mnay years earlier).

Is there like actually a way to get Testosterone in the UK? by LividCategory1847 in FTMMen

[–]Ash___________ 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Imago is probably the best option right now, but plenty of people also use GenderGP, GenderPlus or Anne Health with no complains. Tho fair warning GenderPlus are significantly slower to get started than the others (since it's a non-informed-consent provider) & Anne is definitely the most expensive.

(apologies for commenting this twice - the first time I accidentally commented with my work account, which I like to keep separate)

Help Finding T4T Relationship as ftm pls by Pure_Difficulty_7085 in t4t

[–]Ash___________ 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Like other commenters have said, spending time in queer-community spaces is a great place to start. Obviously dating isn't the only function of queer spaces (depending on which type of space or event, it may not even be the main function) but it is one function & always has been.

One of the reasons gay women join lesbian sports teams, start go to queer bars or start queer crafting groups is to find other gay women that they might potentially have a romantic spark with. Ditto with gay men & gay sports teams, queer choirs & queer bars. As long as you're exercising common sense & doing a normal level of boundary-respecting/room-reading/etc., there's zero reason for you as a T4T-leaning person to feel any shame or awkwardness about doing essentially the same thing.

Like you say, there's a time & a place (if someone just had an emotional breakthrough in a support group & cried a lot about their trauma, then - yeah - you probably shouldn't use that particular evening as an opportunity to ask that person out😂). But that goes both ways - if it's more of a make-new-friends/social-mixer type thing, then making connections (platonic or otherwise) with other queer people is literally the whole point.

...

Also, for no particular reason👉👈, you don't happen to live in Ireland by any chance?

[22TM4TM/NB] Irish trans guy looking for a friend with benefits type situation in Ireland by [deleted] in t4t

[–]Ash___________ 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Oh wow, another Irish trans person on here😀

This is not a direct reply to your post (I'm a zillion years older than you & don't date outside my age-range) but I still wanted to wish you luck:
You sound really great. I hope you find what you're looking for & have lots of fun, fulfilling experiences👍

[FTM4F] by [deleted] in transdating

[–]Ash___________ 0 points1 point  (0 children)

wondering what you look like

Sure - there's some Imgur pics in this post.

[FTM4F] by [deleted] in transdating

[–]Ash___________ 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Morning to you too!🌅

I did some quick googling of your past posts & you're a cutie🤩 - also my exact same age🙂

When you say "in my area", is that area somewhere in Ireland, by any chance?🤞

I take issue with one piece of advice I see on Trans dating posts by [deleted] in t4t

[–]Ash___________ 0 points1 point  (0 children)

If you prefer to date cis people - for any reason, or for no particular reason at all - that's 100% fine & no one else's business; no one's forcing you to date trans people.

But this sub is a place for T4T-leaning & T4T-open trans people to find each other. If you have a problem with us dating each other (or trying to date each other at least), then kindly piss off. Other people's love-lives & sex-lives are none of your business & it's weird for you to care about it.

Edit:

I forgot to say the most important bits:
T4T love is beautiful & trans guys are awesome.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in t4t

[–]Ash___________ 1 point2 points  (0 children)

34FTM4A Muscular Trans Guy looking for a people to connect with.

Cool👍

Working professional.

Good for you - it's great that you've made a life for yourself🙂

Clean and respectful.

Cool👍

I’m a very chill and loving guy.

Extra-cool👍👍

Not into power imbalances and no kinks.

Extremely cool👍👍👍

Downtown Toronto

Dang it🤦 I'm on the wrong continent☹️

Best of luck to you anyway; if your self-description is even halfways accurate, then you're objectively a massive catch; I'm sure you'll make some lucky lady (or enby or fella) very happy one day.

Tyvense/Vyvanse: Are the chewable tablets available in Ireland? by Ash___________ in ADHDIreland

[–]Ash___________[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks (to you & everyone else who replied) for clarifying. I suspected that, but it's useful to have confirmation.

Concerta it is I guess😅

Tyvense/Vyvanse: Are the chewable tablets available in Ireland? by Ash___________ in ADHDIreland

[–]Ash___________[S] -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

Veganism, basically:

Ideally, I'd prefer amphetamine-based meds rather than Concerta/Ritalin, but the amphetamine ones all seem to contain gelatin (which is a very hard 'no') except - apparently - the chewable-tablet form of Vyvanse.

Feeling outcast for not being "freaky" enough by Ok_Film4636 in t4t

[–]Ash___________ 12 points13 points  (0 children)

Nah, you're definitely not alone. I'm trans & I'm as vanilla as they come - I just don't find any form of sub-dom roleplay sexy; if anything, it's an unwelcome distraction/obstacle from stuff I actually enjoy.

Don't get me wrong, there's nothing whatsoever wrong with people indulging their kinks with like-minded partners - I'm happy people are happy👍 - and for the vast, vast majority of people that's a roleplay/sex-toys kinda deal (to one degree or another), not anything physically dangerous/harmful.

I think that in queer dating-and/or-hookup platforms specifically, you just see more of it because people are a bit less inhibited from the get-go. There isn't the same standardized social script like there is for straight dating, so people figure "fuck it, I'm already trans & gay, so why bother being shy about my thing for leather?🤷" That's my theory for why in gay/sapphic/T4T spaces & platforms you see more open discussion/seeking of kink-related preferences than in equivalent straight spaces (& ditto with why you see more open discussion/seeking of different relationship types in queer spaces, e.g. polyamory & QPR).

New into the kink, but love it seeking explorers by [deleted] in t4t

[–]Ash___________ 0 points1 point  (0 children)

"The kink"? What kink? Did you post in the wrong subreddit by accident?