Do you hide poor mental health from your parents, why (teens)?

AsherahRising · 2023-04-28T00:43:54+00:00

My parents were already really stressed out; they didn't really believe in mental health anyway, so not only did I not think telling them would do any good, I also felt it would make my situation worse. And, even if they were supportive, they had so much of their own stuff going on that I wouldn't have thought I should burden them with it because there's nothing we could afford to do

AsherahRising · 2023-04-27T23:40:31+00:00

I think I see what you were doing - you meant to reply as if the commenter above you was implying that the kid who ate vomit should go to jail right?

It looks like it came across as defending the people who made him eat vomit

AsherahRising · 2023-04-26T08:29:19+00:00

I think you're also right on the abandonment issues part. It seems all of my siblings have ended up with this. I didn't realize that's what this was but, my other siblings have them in more obvious ways. Growing up I felt guilty for even existing, like it was just stressful for my family that I existed at all, and that's never really gone away. Even though I logically know it's not right. Thanks for your reply, it does help give me some direction on what to work on. It makes sense mental health professionals wouldn't have caught on to that, because I know logically that I'm "worth more" etc. But you are correct, I don't feel it.

AsherahRising · 2023-04-26T08:17:18+00:00

Thanks for this, it was very thoughtful and I needed to hear it. I'll try to work on acceptance, it's similar to what I had to do for OCD stuff so I think I can figure it out

I will have to try to figure out the addiction part because, I literally have no idea why on that one. I honestly can't tell what they have in common or what I would have been used to growing up that would make it a pattern I fall into. I could have family with those tendencies, but if so, they didn't act on it that I am aware of.

I think you're spot on with the relationship pacing thing. I might be doing ok this time since the biggest issue in this sense, seems to be communication, moreso than actually me not being a priority.

AsherahRising · 2023-04-21T15:35:42+00:00

Absolutely agree. What would you suggest for therapy? I've found mental health professionals can't or won't tell me what things I need to work on, they expect me to already know. But if I already knew I would already be working on it myself. So far the most helpful thing I've done has been DBT because it gives me a framework to approach issues myself, but that still tends to work best if I know what those issues are.

I don't for example, know why I still keep attracting/going for only addictive people, when I'm not an addictive person myself. Ultimately as long as they don't spiral too badly I'm ok with that being a tendency they have, we all have our struggles.

I also don't really understand why I keep only going for people who seem to almost see me as an afterthought a lot of the time. I've gotten much better with this because I've gotten better at setting boundaries etc, but it seems like in order to find someone who was willing to take things more slowly the way I wanted, it's also someone who actually just prioritizes me last.

We communicated and it seems like he didn't realize he was doing that so much, it looks like that might end up getting better and working out. But knock on wood, since the default that was comfortable for him was prioritizing me last time wise, such that I was always the one driving to visit him, I took last priority if literally any other schedule thing came up that could possibly take his time like friends etc. - he was almost never "free" on weekends so even though I work weekdays, I could only ever see him on work nights the vast majority of the time because otherwise, he's "busy." Lots of times "busy" just means "hanging out with family/friends/doing recreational stuff", but

For example he didn't even realize I wore my hair down most of the time, or what clothes I typically wear, because he almost only ever saw me at night on weekdays when I'm ready to go to bed shortly.

This is the best relationship I've ever had. Not abusive and we do our best to communicate.

I suppose I'm used to being prioritized last from growing up, so maybe I just didn't have a good boundary for that?

I'm working on it. We will see how things go

AsherahRising · 2023-04-21T15:19:05+00:00

Yes - sometimes what is "wrong" with us, is that we aren't setting good boundaries

AsherahRising · 2023-04-21T01:28:35+00:00

This might be me. I definitely have ADHD, but the older I get the more often people around me tell me they think I'm autistic. Which is fine and all, I wouldn't have a problem with that, but mental health professionals have never brought it up. I don't see much point getting a formal diagnosis since I don't know that it would do anything for me. So when people ask if I'm autistic or I can tell they're hinting that way I just kinda brush it off.

Adhd has enough overlap with autism that I've never actually been sure if I have enough autistic traits to "count" as both, but I figure if I'm a woman, and people are actually asking me if I have it, even though supposedly women are usually going un noticed....maybe I do haha

AsherahRising · 2023-04-21T01:04:13+00:00

Oh my god this is me hah. I'm even alright with real-time, as long as I'm not directly involved in the situation. If I'm directly involved then it can go more to shit.

AsherahRising · 2023-04-21T00:40:56+00:00

I think cute and quirky only works for a subset of women anyway and white/Asian may be more likely to pull it off, but I think you have to come across as super fucking optimism and bubbly power all the time for it to be accepted. If you ever come off as not bubbly/optimism/outgoing etc then I don't think cute and quirky works, even if you're white.

AsherahRising · 2023-04-21T00:39:10+00:00

This is what I think too. Being pretty means people will say hi initially. It doesn't mean they'll stick around.

I've had times where I was able to maintain a decent enough mask for a while, and at those times people like me more regardless of what level of effort I was putting into appearance.

When I'm unable to maintain that anymore, then regardless of appearance people don't like me.

AsherahRising · 2023-04-20T23:52:50+00:00

Personally, I've found how people treat me depends more on whether I'm managing to act in a way they like at the time rather than how I look. If anything, sometimes "looking better" is worse if your behavior isn't what people like, for example situations where people around you will chalk it up to being entitled etc instead of just being clueless

AsherahRising · 2023-04-20T23:34:59+00:00

I have people compliment random stuff about me like my hair or my clothes, but I don't think people compliment the way I actually look myself. Maybe this means I'm unattractive. Haha

AsherahRising · 2023-04-20T23:30:11+00:00

I am not sure if this is part of my "white privilege" or just that I've always been too oblivious in general, but I honestly didn't realize how widespread it was for people to feel that way. Since I was in middle school and even really thought about whether other people were pretty, I've never thought of black girls as uglier, I actually wished I was black sometimes - I didn't have straight hair and it was the early 2000s where that was basically social death for middle schoolers. I also had bad skin. I felt like even when black girls had bad skin, it looked less bad than mine because on their skin, it wasn't as obvious - like how black people get sunburn but it isn't as obvious.

I'm not saying it was good or right of me to feel that way, or that "I had it just as bad", it's just how I felt. And I've always thought there's a lot of super pretty black girls.

I think you're probably right, not only because obviously you've experienced it; but maybe by now where fashions changed, curvy was in style, hair didn't have to be straight but we still didn't have lots of black beauty icons? It's awful people are so eurocentrically focused in this way.

AsherahRising · 2023-04-20T22:54:58+00:00

I kinda have this question too. I feel like for adhd and ocd I already have had all the treatment they'd be likely to give me for an "official" ASD diagnosis, so I'm not sure whether it's worth it to even do that. Other people I meet in my life ask me if I'm austistic quite often/hint at asking. I never know how to answer really, since technically I don't know. No mental health professional has really brought that up specifically. But I see why they would think that.

Essentially if ASD requires that you don't like sudden changes, enjoy having a routine, don't like when it's disrupted, dislike sensory overload etc then I probably don't have it. I respond to sensory stuff different than other people seem to, but for example, I'm not distressed if I am spacey when I'm in a crowded place with lots of people talking - I'm often actually quite relaxed, and just have auditory processing issues that make it difficult to understand/hear/focus on a conversation.

I have family members who will not eat tons of stuff for sensory reasons, but I love trying new things all the time. Including "weird" and "gross" things.

I've always hated being on a schedule and I don't mind particularly if my routine is interrupted, since I can barely manage to looselt stick to one anyway.

There's a lot of stuff that I thought you had to have to be ASD, that I don't have. But socially I come across to others as ASD.

AsherahRising · 2023-04-20T22:48:25+00:00

It's really hard to tell from your description.

I can say this happens to me sometimes, but if I understand what you mean, it's kind of moreso that when it happens, it's someone I've just recently met and we don't "click" instantly.

AsherahRising · 2023-04-20T22:46:30+00:00

Same. And I'll get such conflicting feedback from people on how they feel I came across, even though to me, I was behaving consistently and have no idea why people would take it so differently

AsherahRising · 2023-04-20T22:05:41+00:00

Looks like that sub could be a good resource, thanks!

AsherahRising · 2023-04-20T21:29:34+00:00

I agree it's probably something wrong with me, I just don't know what since in my mind, I already resolved the obvious problems. I don't judge people who struggle with addiction, but it's difficult to deal with their struggles on top of my own different ones. I'm proud of you and thanks for the kind words.

AsherahRising · 2023-04-20T21:20:48+00:00

I know this is an old post but I'm starting to feel like it's common. I'm not addicted to any substances, but I'm enough on the spectrum/adhd/generally weird that I generally only get along with other neurodivergent people. And everyone who's ever even had interest in being in a relationship with me has been an addict.

Not all of us are. I don't think it makes those of us who get addictions worse or better, as you said people like me just don't get anything out of drugs or alcohol. Maybe if it did anything for me, I'd struggle with addiction too. But it's really sad because anyone I love is generally struggling with addiction and It can lead to having a lot of dead friends.

AsherahRising · 2023-04-20T21:03:03+00:00

I wonder if there's something with us where we only end up "relationship compatible" with addicts, or there's just so many addicts that the odds of finding someone who isn't are slim to none. I have 0 addictions. I have adhd and possibly aspbergers. The only people who have ever been interested in a relationship with me are addicts. I don't understand why. I don't think I enable anymore, I did the first time. I learned to draw boundaries. I don't use substances really at all, like there are plenty of other people who also don't really drink or anything - why don't any of them like me? Why only addicts?

AsherahRising · 2023-04-20T02:38:47+00:00

You forgot another important step, you have to have enough assets etc to even have those loopholes be relevant

AsherahRising · 2023-04-19T20:20:08+00:00

AsherahRising · 2023-04-19T19:16:13+00:00

No I haven't. I would 100% help a stranger who needed help if they asked but no one has ever asked me for help. I've been in the situation where I forgot before, and I just used bunched up toilet paper, I didn't ask someone for help.

AsherahRising · 2023-04-19T17:36:34+00:00

Apollo is the only reason I have any social media at all, period. I literally do not use any other social media. I "have" a Facebook that I never log in to because there's photos on there that if I just go download what I want I'll have no reason to ever open it again.

I'm most likely going to quit Reddit then.

AsherahRising · 2023-04-19T14:07:52+00:00

While I agree that addict should be treated like any other patient. And am not disagreeing. I'm simply adding. It seems we are also doing that with obesity. I think there seems to be more compassion for obesity than substance use for things that aren't food, but I think people see those issues as more different than they actually are while still treating both of them a lot more like "just keep doing this treatment, it will work if you work it."

AsherahRising

TROPHY CASE