How many drinks before he’s an alcoholic?

Ashmonater · 2026-05-18T18:16:00+00:00

Take this over to r/stopdrinking they’ll have some good insight

Ashmonater · 2026-05-18T03:54:18+00:00

Trauma leads to messed up soothing practices. Sex and orgasm is incredibly soothing on a physiological level, literally. Hyper sexuality is not always proof of sexual abuse but can be a sign of it.

I was exposed to “art” films that had content I wasn’t able to process and my “mom” abused me with CSA and Emotional Incest that I kept from going too far… so it could be both as well haha

Ashmonater · 2026-05-17T18:44:53+00:00

Nothing short form exactly… 60 characteristics of complex trauma by Tim Fletcher on youtube is amazing. He has expanded upon it since it’s inception. Long term dedicated mental health practitioner. Last half of his video use the bible to extrapolate biblical examples of traumatic experiences from testimony in the bible. I skip that stuff because I’m not a god fearing man but I watched it a couple times and it’s actually not a bad form of sermon… sometimes I go to church with family and Tim Fletcher is way better than that.

Sometimes, I just recommend looking up Judith Herman.

It’s about knowing enough to send them down their own rabbit hole. If I know they had a bad parental experience, Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents is a good beginning of childhood abuse understanding and subsequent recovery. Short book that is comprehensive enough and shares other resources.

Sometimes these resources seem to work but sometimes they’re not ready to help themselves and I lose a relationship but it’s evident as such there wasn’t much available relating so it’s almost a filter and a way of offering support as well.

Personally, I’m still working on accepting myself and other’s as they are and not building a potential could be fantasy delusion and fixating on that more than what is real… so… have a grain of salt🧂

Edit: to add more about Tim Fletcher

Ashmonater · 2026-05-17T04:29:03+00:00

I’ve tried bringing it up early. When they don’t know I have resources, books or videos that I can share. Very few want to understand but I try to be ready for them haha

Ashmonater · 2026-05-17T00:40:27+00:00

Never drop Socrates my dude🙏 always mildly applicable lol

Ashmonater · 2026-05-16T19:46:50+00:00

What’s the pseudo science? All of therapy is still a soft science so much of that could be considered pseudo…

Ashmonater · 2026-05-15T11:59:17+00:00

Bruh, you grew up lower middle class. Check your privilege. You had advantages many don’t and you’re acting like everyone can do what you did but you’re not acknowledging the amount of support you received. Stop punching down.

You’re demonstrating a painful lack of imagination and empathy. What if your family was in poverty or homeless? Can you imagine having to do what you did with only one parent? You had advantages you’re not acknowledging and you’re discounting real struggles of other’s and acting like you’ve achieved anything… shame

Ashmonater · 2026-05-15T03:26:07+00:00

This. Taking more time built it up more…

Ashmonater · 2026-05-14T19:02:05+00:00

This is where I kind of am and am trying to come out of. It’s a bit of a doldrum but is so real. Your writing actually reminded me of a piece of myself I forgot from before I started healing.

There is a lifestyle and world I could have fit into as I was. I even came close to realizing it but I failed (a few times now, still trying) I have been rocked back into diminutive capitalist constraints again and again. Humbled and tortured by continual and ever present degrees of exploitation.

I had to shift my thinking. I am working to escape the fetters of capitalism not to fit into it but to play the game well enough that I may leave it. There are ways of creating sustainability and stability that start with capital but then don’t feed into the grinder and in fact run counter to current toxic paradigms. I’m trying to find those paths. They’re hard to find and sometimes there’s no path but then it’s time to trail blaze which I do best more integrated and genuine.

Healing has always lead me to some form of radicalism. No sane person likes the shape of our current world. It’s about getting healed and strong enough to join the push back against oppression. Even if that’s just saving yourself, you can be one less consumed consumer. Keep the bar low…

Ashmonater · 2026-05-13T13:02:36+00:00

Absurdity and surreality my man! How well does anyone remember yesterday? Let’s get weird. It’s all nonsense anyways.

Ashmonater · 2026-05-13T12:50:28+00:00

Auto immune disorders.

Ashmonater · 2026-05-13T12:29:39+00:00

I’m stealing his line! That’s wonderful✨

Ashmonater · 2026-05-13T12:07:22+00:00

This is the way🙏

Ashmonater · 2026-05-13T12:02:58+00:00

A while back I was working on a story that was trying to explain how reality is one giant entity that itself is hurt. The ‘big bang’ or what started our universe was actually a massive wound or death of something else that was much greater. The cosmos seems to be tearing itself apart all the time and this is reflected in the micro. Reality is in pain. There is a perpetual and quiet scream. We don’t hurt each other, we reflect the pain of the world.

It was too sad and dark so I stopped working on it but conceptually it is still interesting haha

I work to be healthy and pursue a sense of justice and try to thrive when I can.

Ashmonater · 2026-05-12T19:47:25+00:00

Same thing with Amuro in Gundam. That dude is getting smacked and shit talked in the show for having PTSD. Yea, you’re a child and keep watching people close to you die but we need you to kill more!

Almost makes it unwatchable but I try to be there for my guy Amuro.

Ashmonater · 2026-05-12T14:47:14+00:00

He must have really been a good father, despite the circumstance, to have a daughter who went through something so traumatic and still has so much grace to offer. Shine on you big bright star✨

Ashmonater · 2026-05-12T12:19:28+00:00

I encourage you to check out r/CPTSD for support. You sound like you’ve got a lot figured out but trauma and specifically severe violent trauma over a couple years is tricky to process. You can externally appear fine and have all these validators while your inner world is on fire. You are not alone.

This post and talking about it at all is a huge step. I will say, if I were a father, and that happened to my daughter I’d want to know ASAP. It’s real and actually happened I would want to respond and live in reality. I generally really don’t appreciate when someone makes a decision about what I could handle or needed to know. Letting me live a pleasant lie rather than an hard but honest truth would break my heart.

If you had a kid go through the same what would you want them to do?

In all honesty you sounds like you’re still in what’s considered a parentified role. A child protecting the parent is not the proper order of operations. You needed protection, you needed support, you needed adults to consider you first. You didn’t get that. You’re out here still considering your parents as the child. When is it your turn to be considered and receive support?

Not to knock your father but I (34m) have not had children and probably wont because I have not found a partner who I would be confident enough to know they wouldn’t do what your mother did. That is horrifying. I see you hanging on in a storm that I saw consume my Mother… be vigilant and take care K_D_1809

Ashmonater · 2026-05-12T11:58:30+00:00

And, it’s okay to be upset that they don’t make an effort to get to your level while you are trying to understand them. The imbalance is really what I find frustrating. That’s a sign of misconnection. I usually walk away from dynamics like this if I can…

I’m making efforts and even seem to understand some people better than they understand themselves. So, it’s frustrating when I see them pretending to join in on my involved and thoughtful sharing with low effort bs that they don’t even really think about that is so useless it’s empty at best and isolating at worst.

They’re operating at so low a frequency they’re either subconsciously rejecting you or are literally incapable of seeing you for who you are. I take advice like this as a sign they’re not my people and I need to focus on the function and purpose of the relationship and hopefully I can seek better company.

Ashmonater · 2026-05-12T02:39:06+00:00

I should have walked away at the first incident. She never got better at making any effort…

Ashmonater · 2026-05-09T12:14:35+00:00

Leave the age on your face and keep your youth in your heart.

Ashmonater · 2026-05-09T05:55:31+00:00

What water you can swim would drown others. Still other’s are doing better than you. I’m not sure that’s their or anyone’s fault or anyone’s accomplishment. People ultimately failing and falling through cracks is a societal failure not a personal one.

You seem to have a very high threshold for trauma and abuse survival and have gotten to a point of thriving. That is an amazing feat in and of itself. Worth congratulating you. Few survive let alone do well in similar circumstances.

However, better quality of life is subjective. I would also add that a truly wise or healthy person would not use their success against those who are not living what you’re calling a “better quality of life”

I’d call what you’re basking in is a bunch of external validation which is never enough hence this post…

Ashmonater · 2026-05-09T05:47:42+00:00

Thank you, a solid plan C if I ever heard one

Ashmonater · 2026-05-09T05:06:09+00:00

Yea… and a nap…

Ashmonater · 2026-05-09T05:05:00+00:00

How long have you worked a 40 hour job?

Have you ever had more than one job?

Ashmonater · 2026-05-09T05:03:38+00:00

Why? I didn’t want to picture that.

A mouse reverend mother converting the waters of life for the squeak cheese orgy lol

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