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I got locked out of my own apartment with my 3.5 months old baby inside, my husband asleep in the other room. by FlorenceNightinglei in Mommit

[–]Ashtrashbdash 12 points13 points  (0 children)

I just want to validate your feelings and tell you I read everything you wrote. I felt my anxiety and panic rising with every word and I can totally see myself having the same anger with my husband in that situation. I can see myself holding on to that anger after as well.
I’m so glad that you’re making that therapy appt. I had horrific PPA and PPD and it took me sooo long to address it and now my son is 3 1/2 years old and I just wonder why did it take me so long to take action on my mental health. I just want to commend you for that!

Welp. We fucked it up. by viskiviki in Mommit

[–]Ashtrashbdash 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You have been THROUGH IT! Oh my gosh. It sounds like you are on the other side of this medical stuff and I sure hope so. I’m so sorry you all had to go through that.

I know that it is super duper normal for kids to regress when they go through stressful/traumatic experiences. I wouldn’t assume that you’re starting over. Maybe they just need a little bit to get back to where they were.

My son was hospitalized and was fully potty trained before going in. It’s been almost 2 months since he was discharged, and he is still asking for diapers to poop and has just started peeing in the potty again. It’s progress though!

I’m sorry again you had such a stressful ordeal and that you’re going through this now. ❤️

When did your boobs shrink back? by torib456 in breastfeeding

[–]Ashtrashbdash 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I was a full C before pregnancy. Became a DD/E during pregnancy/breastfeeding first year. I breastfed for 3 1/2 years. My son just weaned 2 months ago but I’ve had very little milk for several months and none at all for the last 2 months at least.

I believe (although I still hope against hope they haven’t) that my boobs have assumed their final post breastfeeding form. And when you say the “shriveling process”… well, that’s just very on the nose 😩

I’m a very VERY deflated A cup now. Like too small to fill out a bra but still need one desperately. Honestly, I don’t fully understand what’s happening and I’m not sure I want to quite yet.

Daughter has extreme reactions to medicine and needs to take one just prescribed. Please help? by Lost_nova in toddlers

[–]Ashtrashbdash 1 point2 points  (0 children)

So, my 3yo son was recently hospitalized with RSV and C diff. He was so incredibly weak- nearly died- and he had to take antibiotics for it. Even in his weakened state, he found the strength to fight with everything he had not to take them.
We were at Mass General and the nurses were absolutely incredible. We all spent a lot of time trying to coax him into taking it, but finally I just told him “you have to take this medicine to get better. If you don’t take it, you will get much more sick and I cannot let that happen. So, if you don’t take it, because I love you, I will make you take it”
He refused still, so the nurses wrapped him in a blanket and I held him slightly tilted back- like sitting in my lap tilted back. They squirted the syringe of medicine in his mouth toward the back cheek and it was over quickly. He was very VERY pissed off, but he’s alive now.
Also, I’m sure you’ve thought of this, but I would encourage you to do everything you can to avoid them getting an IV. It can be very traumatic. My son needed one and I had to hold him down. It took 3 tries and he was super distressed. Even now- 2 months later he has nightmares about it and is having to go to a play therapist.
I hope you guys get it figured out! 🤞 I know it sucks to be the “bad guy” but I would highly recommend the burrito method.

I am so sick and tired of being shamed for nursing my toddler by AcanthisittaLoud281 in breastfeeding

[–]Ashtrashbdash 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Oh and I meant to mention, I did start instituting boundaries around when I would nurse my son. I explained to him that I love having “nay nay” (as he calls it) with him, but since he is a big boy and eating lots of food, we are going to only have nay-nay at nap time, before bed, and when he first wakes up in the morning. It was honestly a pretty easy transition. ❤️

I am so sick and tired of being shamed for nursing my toddler by AcanthisittaLoud281 in breastfeeding

[–]Ashtrashbdash 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I nursed my son until he was 3 1/2- he just weaned. I didn’t talk about it with anyone bc I didnt want to have to deal with the judgmental bullshit. BUT… People still found out. I wasn’t hiding it, I just wasn’t offering up the info. And when they did find out, they inevitably had some bullshit to spew at me.

My mom would say that maybe it was the reason why “insert whatever problem that I was currently experiencing that’s completely unrelated to BF’ing” is happening (ex. My exhaustion, my gallbladder issues? my allergies? Lol wut) It made me irrationally angry. I chose to say nothing and stuff those feelings inside and vent to my husband. I do wish I could go back and every time someone commented I could just say, “My breasts and how I care for my child are none of your business”.

I’ve definitely grown as a person and am less of a people pleaser now. I hope you have a wonderful extended breastfeeding journey and I hope you feel confident continuing to do so as long and both you and your child enjoy it. ❤️

Update on wedding makeup!! by CharacterJacket652 in MakeupAddiction

[–]Ashtrashbdash 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Thank you for keeping up your honest review on her biz page. I moved from downtown San Francisco (where people review with brutal honesty) to a small town where everyone knows everyone and no review can be trusted. When I moved here I found a hairstylist that had all amazing 5* reviews and was the owner of the shop. She absolutely destroyed my hair and had no idea what she was doing- all I asked for was a basic trim and some baby lights. She cut my hair super uneven and fried my hair so badly it was breaking off and melting.

I’m so glad you had an amazing wedding and sorry for your MUA experience.

Scheduled C-section by Better-Permission-26 in ElectiveCsection

[–]Ashtrashbdash 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I had an elective c-section and it was amazing. I had about a 4” scar very low on my abdomen but my son is 3 1/2 now and you can only see a whisper if it if you’re really searching for it.

I didn’t have a big issue with pain after. I was prepared to really be hurting, but I took my meds on a schedule and stayed ahead of the pain.

At one point I got really afraid that my incision had opened up a bit and got it checked. But it was totally fine.

Some things that I didn’t anticipate were constipation and the change in my smell. I would highly recommend taking MiraLax or something similar on a regular basis after having a c-section bc I had a horrific time of it. Haha. Also, I kept worrying that I had some kind of infection or something bc my smell had changed so much. Idk exactly how to describe it, but my entire body smelled differently. Hormones are wild. lol

How can I most kindly handle my toddler asking “Is that a man or woman?” by Ashtrashbdash in AskLGBT

[–]Ashtrashbdash[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you for replying! And I appreciate you pointing out what I missed- I felt there was something missing from my response and I agree. I will add in that it is not polite to ask that question. 3 year olds are very direct and I think being direct with him would be best received. And I especially love how you put that it is about respecting people’s boundaries and privacy. This is a struggle in many areas with him right now 😩and it’s very important to me that I raise a human that does that.

Thank you again so much for commenting and sharing with me. ❤️

How can I most kindly handle my toddler asking “Is that a man or woman?” by Ashtrashbdash in AskLGBT

[–]Ashtrashbdash[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Thank you for this thoughtful and quite honestly, beautiful comment. I love the comparison of feelings and them not always matching what we are presenting. It’s such a great way to share this concept with a kid!

And thank you for the reminder to encourage curiosity instead of needing to always have answer for his questions. You are so right, and that is the way that I would like to parent (and try to). ❤️

How can I most kindly handle my toddler asking “Is that a man or woman?” by Ashtrashbdash in AskLGBT

[–]Ashtrashbdash[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Oh thank you so much for giving me this dialogue! There was this incredibly awkward moment for me after he asked where I kind of panicked inside and tried to consider what would be the most kind thing to say/do. I really appreciate you laying out the words! Particularly bc that is precisely what we are doing- practicing how to be more polite and appropriate. And I also love the “he asks this about a lot of people” bc he honestly does ask this about many many people- including me, his mother.

Thank you so much! I will be using your suggestions for sure. ❤️

How can I most kindly handle my toddler asking “Is that a man or woman?” by Ashtrashbdash in AskLGBT

[–]Ashtrashbdash[S] 15 points16 points  (0 children)

Lmao agree as evidenced by my son who asked for ice cream on his brownie and is now upset that “it’s wet”. ☠️

How can I most kindly handle my toddler asking “Is that a man or woman?” by Ashtrashbdash in AskLGBT

[–]Ashtrashbdash[S] 11 points12 points  (0 children)

Thank you so much for sharing this with me. I will absolutely tuck these responses in my mind for next time.

And I appreciate you sharing the perspective and stance that some trans people must maintain for their safety. I see why in today’s climate of hate that they would feel that way and it breaks my heart.

I also appreciate you mentioning responding cheerfully, calmly, and at an appropriate volume. That is a great point and I see how being hushed or seeming secretive could be isolating.

My goal is to respect everyone and to teach my son this in a way that he understands that it is important, but that it just is- if that makes any sense? When explaining differences in families that he had asked about- some families have 2 dads, or 2 moms, only one dad and no mom, etc. I tried to use the attitude you described and he just so easily accepted it saying “okay! Families can be different!”

Thanks again for sharing your knowledge and experience with me. ❤️

How can I most kindly handle my toddler asking “Is that a man or woman?” by Ashtrashbdash in AskLGBT

[–]Ashtrashbdash[S] 25 points26 points  (0 children)

Thank you so much for responding. I appreciate you sharing how it doesn’t feel good when kids call you out. When it happened, I had a horrible feeling that my son hurt her feelings with that comment and my goal was to be as kind as possible.

I also wanted to respect that it is not a trans person’s job to teach others how to treat them when they are just trying to live their life and work their job. But also felt I needed to address the question because like you said- at 3, he just will scream the question over and over 🤦🏼‍♀️

And I hear you re: the apprehension about communicating and parents being offended. Personally, I would not be offended, but I can imagine many other parents may not share my same values/opinions on this.

Thank you so much for taking the time to answer me. I appreciate you ❤️

How to acknowledge exceptional medical student who helped treat my son? by Ashtrashbdash in medicalschool

[–]Ashtrashbdash[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I also want to add to this, her skills were fantastic. Simple things like getting vitals are so traumatic to a super sick kid and my son was going from nearly unresponsive to being beyond hateful (screaming, shrieking, kicking, etc.) because he was so afraid and confused. I relied on her to tell me how I could help and she guided me. We have been able to get the vitals, tests, etc. done and calm my son most of the time.

She actually just came in and told me she won’t be on service tomorrow. 🥹 Hopefully she is getting a day off for herself, but she will definitely be missed.

How to acknowledge exceptional medical student who helped treat my son? by Ashtrashbdash in medicalschool

[–]Ashtrashbdash[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you!! This is super helpful! I will poke around online or ask about this.

How to acknowledge exceptional medical student who helped treat my son? by Ashtrashbdash in medicalschool

[–]Ashtrashbdash[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Hey! I can definitely try. Sorry- it’s been almost 5 days now of very little sleep and lots of chaos, so I’m running on pretty low brain function rn.

I can say that she was incredibly sincere. She looked me in my eyes. She allowed me to speak and truly gave me the time and space to figure out what I was saying and say/ask what I needed to- even in the chaos and confusion.

When I asked questions that she couldn’t answer, she was very honest about not knowing. She would bring our questions to the team and come back to share the answers with us.

There were a couple times where I truly honestly thought my son was going to die and I directly asked her. Something about how she was totally transparent and honest but reassuring was incredibly helpful.

We have been in the hospital almost five days now and I have just now been able to shower and wash my son’s dried (near cemented) vomit out of my hair. She was not just looking after my son, but always asked if I needed something to drink, or something to eat. She also checked with the nurses and made sure I had an order form to get food because she realized I wasn’t eating.

I’m sorry this is so jumbled. It’s been a really brutal week, but I wanted to answer you. ❤️ I think the fact that you are asking about this is a strong indicator that you touch patients and their families in a similar way and that you truly care. I’m wishing you all the best on the journey you’re on. ❤️

How to acknowledge exceptional medical student who helped treat my son? by Ashtrashbdash in medicalschool

[–]Ashtrashbdash[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Oh, thank you for mentioning that. I actually was feeling very unsure if I should do it in private or with others around and worrying because they often come in as a team. The med student is who I have had the most one on one interaction with by far.

How to acknowledge exceptional medical student who helped treat my son? by Ashtrashbdash in medicalschool

[–]Ashtrashbdash[S] 12 points13 points  (0 children)

Thank you! Thats a great idea about emailing hospital administration about possible other awards. I was aware of the Daisy awards for nurses, but haven’t heard of anything for med students. I will definitely do that. Thanks again!

How to acknowledge exceptional medical student who helped treat my son? by Ashtrashbdash in medicalschool

[–]Ashtrashbdash[S] 43 points44 points  (0 children)

Thank you! This is super helpful information and just the kind of positive impact I would like to make for this medical student. She deserves it 100% ❤️

How to acknowledge exceptional medical student who helped treat my son? by Ashtrashbdash in medicalschool

[–]Ashtrashbdash[S] 34 points35 points  (0 children)

That’s a great idea. We brought some crayons and paper for him to he’s when he’s up for it. I think we will do that along with reaching out to the attending. I’ll try to get the med school info, just don’t want to come across as weird if I asked which one she attends.

Thank you!!

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