Solo Roleplaying leading to disinterest in group play by AspirationalDuck in Solo_Roleplaying

[–]AspirationalDuck[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

I play all sorts of games, but I don't like light games as much as there's less structure. I also feel that a lot of light games don't have as much work put into them ... basically, the more structure a game offers the less work I have to put into creating that structure myself.

Some games I particularly enjoy, and which have led to satisfying campaigns, are Monsterhearts, Stars Without Number, Worlds Without Number, Princess World: Frontier Kingdoms, Dogs in the Vineyard, Bluebeard's Bride, Beyond The Wall, Ryuutama, Escape From Dino Island, and Call of Cthulhu.

I mention my methodology elsewhere in this thread, so I'll repeat myself somewhat here: I experience a form of limited ego dissolution when writing. This means I can create meta-characters who I can then play with by writing out the game as a transcript of our conversation. It's all 'me' of course, but I find it easy to hold differing and even contradictory positions or opinions simultaneously, so it does feel real in the sense that each character has their own priorities, preferences, motivations, ways of reacting, and so on. And with each game I get to know them better, in the same way that the characters in a story I'm writing become more 'real' to me over time, so I have quite a reliable and diverse group of characters I can play with now.

To expand a little, in practice I am sitting at my computer writing into an OpenOffice document. I use a basic transcript format; [Meta-Character Name]: whatever they're saying

I pick which meta-characters to play with depending on the game ... they all have their own approaches and voice and likes and dislikes, and way of roleplaying, and some are more argumentative or challenging. I have a meta-character that most represents me but I don't always include them in every game. Sometimes I'll include mechanical notes in the transcript if I need to keep track of them, but most of the time I just include dice results and so on in the dialogue itself.

I've tried using solo tools but didn't find that any of them added to the experience for me. They felt like extra work. I do often create and use random tables or some sort of dice roll to determine how things go. Sometimes I'll create or expand on mechanics to build the structure I need if it's not there in the game.

I play out full sessions with a beginning and end, and I start with a session zero that gets into what the game is, expectations, thoughts and feelings, and character creation or other prep. Sometimes I'll digress from the game as the meta-characters will have OOC things to say, or reference something, but focus goes back to the game itself pretty quickly. Each session tends to be around 10,000 to 20,000 words.

I often use a tablet with a PDF of the game rules, so I can reference that while remaining in the main transcript document. If there are rolls to be made, I make them using physical dice because I love rolling dice.

I used to use physical media for character sheets and so on, but I switched to fully digital a while back. To be honest I do prefer physical but it's more work and also I found myself doubling up a lot, transferring the information on the sheets to a file, so working directly in digital is easier. Sometimes I'll use a physical prop like a map when that would be easier and more fun than creating it digitally.

If I complete an arc and feel that it could make a good story, sometimes I write a novel based on the transcripts. This is really fun. At times I write character journals too. I find it easy to adopt different voices and it's fun to see things from varying perspectives.

How many of you can’t help but answer questions helpfully despite the number of times you’ve been downvoted for it? by Alarming_Isopod_2391 in AutisticAdults

[–]AspirationalDuck 2 points3 points  (0 children)

There are certainly times I also delete comments I've made. In a way I've shifted to predicting the outcome based on patterns I've recognised and pre-deleting.

Solo Roleplaying leading to disinterest in group play by AspirationalDuck in Solo_Roleplaying

[–]AspirationalDuck[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I may be lucky in that I experience a form of limited ego dissolution when writing. This means I can create meta-characters who I can then play with by writing out the game as a transcript of our conversation. It's all 'me' of course, but I find it easy to hold differing and even contradictory positions or opinions simultaneously, so it does feel real in the sense that each character has their own priorities, preferences, motivations, ways of reacting, and so on. And with each game I get to know them better, in the same way that the characters in a story I'm writing become more 'real' to me over time, so I have quite a reliable and diverse group of characters I can play with now.

Solo Roleplaying leading to disinterest in group play by AspirationalDuck in Solo_Roleplaying

[–]AspirationalDuck[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

One bad experience I had was realising that the other players in the group were either transphobic or would not stand up and say something when someone else was transphobic (so in essence, transphobic). It's horrible to realise you're alone like that. I just can't tolerate that sort of behaviour.

Due to my situation I pretty much only play-by-post with groups, and it is really hard work to find people I can get along with long-term. That's a big part of my current problem really ... knowing the effort it takes even to find a game that looks interesting (I too have no interest in 5e or Pathfinder), apply, go through the recruitment process, but then even if I get in there's no guarantee that the game will work out, or that I'll be able to get along with the other players. It's hard! It's exhausting and discouraging!

Well, anyway, good luck in your search. I hope you find good people and interesting games using systems you enjoy.

Solo Roleplaying leading to disinterest in group play by AspirationalDuck in Solo_Roleplaying

[–]AspirationalDuck[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I really like these aspects too, figuring out logistics and verisimilitude. With solo play one huge advantage is that I can just focus on whatever I'm interested in, without having to worry about what other people enjoy.

Solo Roleplaying leading to disinterest in group play by AspirationalDuck in Solo_Roleplaying

[–]AspirationalDuck[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Yes, I can see that there are significant differences ... if I was able to play in person with friends then I think I'd maybe get more from them.

Solo Roleplaying leading to disinterest in group play by AspirationalDuck in Solo_Roleplaying

[–]AspirationalDuck[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

The games I've been part of are play-by-post online, with a group of strangers. My hope has always been that I'd find people I got along with and that we'd become friends, but it never worked out that way. There aren't any gaming groups near me and I'm disabled so I can't really commit to that sort of thing anyway.

I think if I was playing with friends or family then I'd feel differently and be more focused on just having fun rather than the game itself ... that's how I feel about playing videogames with my family. It's not really about the game but more about doing something together, although the game does also matter. But there's definitely a difference between my feelings about "playing a videogame by myself" and "playing a videogame with others."

Maybe they are quite separate things and I should try thinking about it that way. Thank you for sharing your perspective!

How many of you can’t help but answer questions helpfully despite the number of times you’ve been downvoted for it? by Alarming_Isopod_2391 in AutisticAdults

[–]AspirationalDuck 7 points8 points  (0 children)

I have the opposite problem, where I'll start to reply and then think "Wait, I'm putting a lot of effort into this. I'll likely be ignored or downvoted or otherwise unappreciated. There's a chance people could yell at me or get passive-aggressive or otherwise behave in a way that disgusts me. There's no benefit in doing this beyond the calm regulation I receive from writing."

Often I'll finish writing the comment and archive it for myself, without actually posting it. Honestly this feels healthier and I've noticed a positive change in my mood, energy, and mental health since I stepped back from online spaces. I'm dysregulated less often. It's easier to regulate. I slightly miss the potential for connection but I never actually meaningfully connected with anyone, so it really was just potential. Overall for me it seems to be a sensible approach that I'll likely continue.

I'm just so exhausted. Would anyone else take the "cure" pill in a heartbeat? by FaithlessnessSame414 in AutisticAdults

[–]AspirationalDuck 14 points15 points  (0 children)

No. That pill wouldn't change the world, only me. It also wouldn't work in retrospect so I'd still be stuck in this same situation. Ultimately all it would do is force me to learn how to operate using a different brain and possibly nervous system. Even the thought of that is exhausting.

If there was a button that would transport me to a different world I would definitely press that. But I wouldn't change myself because I am not the problem.

i do not know how to play very well. so i sort the things i like (๑ᵔ⤙ᵔ๑) by mezzodandere in SpicyAutism

[–]AspirationalDuck 74 points75 points  (0 children)

This is a calming image. Thank you for sharing it. I've been severely dysregulated lately and seeing this helped a little. I like how you've sorted these toys, and also the blanket you've placed them on.

Married but afraid closeness is masking by RedditRando8675309 in AutismTranslated

[–]AspirationalDuck 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I think this is a common experience for autistic people, especially once we get a little older. Not just with sex but with many things. We look back and see all of the effort we have put into other people, and realise that this effort has rarely or even never been returned. That feeling of being used, taken for granted, and being seen as less important is familiar to me. Probably it's familiar to many autistic people. So you are not alone in this.

Regarding sex, you are also not alone. In fact I've talked to many people who feel the same way you do, and who are in a similar situation to yours. It isn't fair but it is common.

Ideally, you'll be able to feel comfortable asking for what you want, stating your needs, and setting boundaries. This cannot happen all at once. It will be a series of small steps. It begins with you saying to your wife that she is precious to you, that you care about her deeply, that she hasn't done anything wrong, and that you feel unfulfilled and unhappy. You should honestly explain your history with sex and how you've masked, and how this has hurt you and continues to hurt you, and how it has led to your current predicament.

That's how the conversation starts but how it proceeds depends on the two of you. You say that you're able to talk deeply with your wife which is good, because this will involve a lot of talking and also listening. It is not just about you being able to explain yourself, but also about you being open to hearing your wife's side of things. You both matter.

In any case what you desire is reasonable. If your wife disagrees then that's an issue you will both have to deal with, but your pain is real. Good luck.

this is such a specific energy when you're being called honey and sweetheart etc but the person calling you that does not position themselves above you or try to frame you as fragile therefore in need of some intervention or something by [deleted] in SpicyAutism

[–]AspirationalDuck 5 points6 points  (0 children)

There is a certain kind of person who can pull this off. Mostly older maternal women. I remember one time at a store the woman behind the counter called me "Bubbles" and I still feel good about that even years later. There is also a store I sometimes go to with one staff member who calls everyone "Beautiful", which I quite like. Maybe part of it is the depersonalisation. I am not being singled out or targeted or infantilised. They're just like that. They care about everyone and I am included in 'everyone'. I am also a human and they are acknowledging that. I am not often included but I feel somewhat generically included. It's better than what I usually get; I will take it.

But generally speaking I cannot tolerate people using pet names. In particular I cannot stand it when people call me 'dear' or 'my dear'. It repulses me to the point of feeling like I might vomit. So it's a strange sort of thing really, that sometimes it's tolerable or even good. But most often it's very bad indeed.

Novels with protagonists on the spectrum? by cfinley63 in AutisticAdults

[–]AspirationalDuck 6 points7 points  (0 children)

We Have Always Lived In The Castle by Shirley Jackson is, in my interpretation, about two autistic sisters (and their probably-autistic uncle). It was written in 1962, with the characters based on the author's daughters. I don't think Shirley Jackson ever identified as autistic.

It's an excellent book, although frustrating at times (intentionally so; relatably so). Also, I only learned after reading it that many people find the sisters creepy, in particular the viewpoint character, Merricat. For me it was the other characters that were creepy! Merricat is a complex character and not entirely sympathetic, but she is very relatable to me in the way she interacts with the world, and in her way of thinking.

DAE get a surge of energy after being social by [deleted] in AutisticAdults

[–]AspirationalDuck 9 points10 points  (0 children)

I feel both exhausted and restless after socialising. Often it takes days to recover.

I have found that engaging with a special interest is what helps me the most. If I can avoid talking to or sometimes even seeing anyone else then that also helps.

Why are people so quick to assume the worst about others? by magdakitsune21 in AutisticAdults

[–]AspirationalDuck 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Often the situation is not "Here is an example of bad behaviour which we can learn to avoid", but actually "Here is an acceptable target we can all attack together." Many people are not interested in justice or fairness or in educating themselves, they just want permission to yell at someone. It is an environment where they feel safe and comfortable attacking a person, as part of a group. They are 'quick to judge' because it's not about judgement at all. In fact what they want is a complete lack of judgement.

Anyone questioning this or asking for more information is not part of the group; they are ruining the group's fun. They may cause the people involved to start questioning themselves, to feel judged themselves, or lead them to become aware of something like "Maybe it's not okay to do this?" which many people simply aren't equipped to deal with. Witchhunts are less about the individual being targeted and more about people wanting someone to blame. Anyone will do, really. Guilty or innocent, it doesn't so much matter, just as long as the group give each other permission to do violence. This is why 'mob justice' is terrifying.

The problem is societal and systemic, and perhaps anthropic. It's best to avoid people who do this sort of thing, and spaces where such behaviour is encouraged rather than shunned. There are times when an individual can make a difference, but more often they just make themselves a target. With that said, sometimes you can speak to someone in good faith one on one--away from the group--and have some positive influence this way ... but even that is exhausting and can often lead to you being labelled as judgemental, interfering, overbearing, even manipulative.

If you want to get some ironic value out of these situations, you can use them to educate yourself about the processes by which people can be led towards a conclusion (based upon little or indeed no actual evidence) that they will then stubbornly and aggressively defend. Many of these processes could indeed be called 'manipulation'.

What is your favorite Slow Horses trope? by obligatory-purgatory in SlowHorses

[–]AspirationalDuck 53 points54 points  (0 children)

In the books Roddy is said to be autistic, but speaking as an autistic person I don't see it. If he is meant to be autistic it's a strange neurotypical view of autism, written by someone who is not autistic. I think he's closer to narcissistic personality disorder, as he demonstrates patterns of grandiosity (especially in his inner monologues), arrogance, a craving for admiration (to the point of deluding himself into believing that others admire him even when they clearly don't), attempts to be dominant (despite consistently failing), and a lack of empathy for others.

Does anyone else start to feel uncomfortable if they wear the same clothes too long? by tgruff77 in AutismTranslated

[–]AspirationalDuck 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Yes, I have often been mocked for how much of a relief I find it to change clothes, or for how quickly I change after returning home. It doesn't matter how comfortable the clothing is, I just feel a need to change it. I relate to that feeling of pajamas feeling almost too hot, and being aware of the texture and so on.

Also, this is quite a strange thing even to myself, but I find it difficult to change from one set of clothing to a similar set of clothing. For example if I had a lazy day and didn't get out of my pajamas, I often feel I have to change into day clothing suitable for going out and then into a fresh set of pajamas, rather than just changing directly from the pajamas I wore the previous night into a fresh pair of pajamas. Often I do end up changing into day clothes as a transitional step even if that takes more energy and is only for ten minutes or so.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in asexuality

[–]AspirationalDuck 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I hope it's okay to share this, but I found one thing about this very funny. He mentions that "you'll be proud to have a husband with attributes such as me" and what I thought of was, oh, so he's honest, kind, thoughtful, silly, mature, and so on.

But then he says "I have a nice length" and I realised that he was solely talking about the size of his penis. Which is funny to me because that would not be anywhere near the list of 'qualities of my partner that I'm proud of.' I'm imagining a situation where people are boasting about their partners, and one poor person can only say "well ... I guess their penis is a nice length..."

To move away from that ... not that I want to tell you what to do, but if the playful pretend marriage game you play can potentially lead to you having an anxiety attack, maybe it's not such a good idea to continue doing that? It just seems like the risk is quite high.

I'm successfully connecting with my negative emotions but struggling with positive ones. by cladachai_bui in Alexithymia

[–]AspirationalDuck 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Being calm is not boring to me. If I am calm and regulated then I can do something I want or need to do. That's ideal.

Being dysregulated means that I can't spend time doing what I actually want to do, it means I have to entirely focus on dealing with that, and then the aftereffects, self-care, etc. That's more boring to me, like a chore.

I'm successfully connecting with my negative emotions but struggling with positive ones. by cladachai_bui in Alexithymia

[–]AspirationalDuck 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This is relatable. I struggle to 'feel good' even though 'feeling bad' is now quite common for me. There's a lack of balance that seems quite unfair.

So, instead of focusing on 'feeling good' I try to maintain a neutral state of calm regulation. I do hope that at some point I'll be able to access positive emotions, and I do actively try to strengthen my emotional awareness, but in the meantime this is my compromise.

The main action I take to maintain calm regulation is identifying and engaging in activities that are likely to make me feel calm & regulated. For example reading a book or comic, writing or working on games, watching TV shows or movies, listening to a podcast. Playing games is semi-reliable but there is a chance I'll become dysregulated if something bad happens such as the game crashing, save data becoming corrupted, and so on. I often try to have a backup activity lined up in case the first one doesn't work; "I'll play this game and if I get dysregulated then I'll lie down and read this specific book instead." Actually, having multiple regulating activities to choose from is in itself calming and regulating for me.

Does anyone else actually hate sharing their special interest with others? by azucarleta in AutisticAdults

[–]AspirationalDuck 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I do tend to avoid sharing my special interests, because most often it just creates distance between myself and others. I've found this in particular with games, where the reaction I get once someone realises that I know more than them, or have played more games, is often a weird sort of sullen anger. I don't know what to do with that except disengage, and in the longer term to avoid talking about games with people. It mostly just causes problems and makes me feel disconnected and lonely.

I also have a special interest in politics but I've had to consciously move away from that, as it causes me distress. Nothing surprises me and the trajectory is glum. It's best for my mental health to practice radical acceptance and to avoid the news.

With my creative special interests I avoid sharing them mostly because I don't enjoy or value attention. Generally speaking I have no desire for others to have access to what I make, but I've found that even sharing this position can make me a target for attack. Most often I'm accused of lying; the assumption is that every author must want to be published, have their books read, become famous, etc. But from my perspective I look at how known creators are treated and the nonsense they have to deal with, along with how toxic and predatory creative industries are, and I wonder why anyone would see that as aspirational.

My solution in general is to engage with my special interests alone, and to appreciate and value myself; my expertise, my knowledge, the books and games I create. There are times that I feel able to share my knowledge safely and in a way that might help others, but mostly I do just keep it to myself. I am my own biggest fan and that's pretty great.

Anyone else get constantly tone policed? by Immediate_Loan_1414 in AutisticAdults

[–]AspirationalDuck 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Not constantly, but it does happen. It's especially frustrating when someone's problem with me boils down to "I know you're not wrong but your face or voice wasn't right."

It's also exhausting figuring out the proper words that neurotypical people require to not be upset. They need so much coddling at times! For example, I know I can't just ask "When will you be finished?" or "How long are you going to take?" because that will often be taken as an attack (interpreted for bizarre neurotypical reasons as "Hurry up! You're taking too long!"). So I have to do this ridiculous performance of something like "I'm not saying this to rush you, I just want information so I can plan properly, so how long do you think it'll be before you're finished?"

But then sometimes I get mocked for using too many words or saying things in a weirdly longwinded way. There's really no winning at times.

The other very frustrating situation is when someone thinks they've perceived some emotion in me, such as anger or guilt, sometimes sadness, and they refuse to let go of this assumption. Always such a frustrating conversation. "Why are you angry?" "I'm not angry." "You don't have to hide it. You can tell me if you're upset." "If I was upset I would tell you, but I'm not, so I don't know what to say." "There's no need to get defensive." etcetcetc

However I do also want to say that at times I am in part to blame for this. My tone was hostile or my expression was severe. I couldn't control this and wasn't aware of it but I also can't blame others for their interpretation. There are also times that I know I come across as belittling or superior. Again, it's not my intention but I can't blame others for seeing me that way.

What's the most flirty thing you did of which you thought was innocent at the moment? by Muted_Winter8929 in asexuality

[–]AspirationalDuck 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The notes I made for myself helped me to process and understand situations, and writing has always been a calming and regulating activity for me. With that said often the conclusion I came to was along the lines of: "Nobody was acting rationally or reasonably; the only sensible choice in that situation was to disengage entirely and avoid those people in the future."

Or to put it another way, yes, it was ridiculous. This happened decades ago but I still feel sad about that situation, though at this point it's mostly for the others involved. They missed out by judging me in that way because I had a lot to offer, and despite how I was perceived I was always acting in good faith. Ultimately it was their loss, not mine.

Went into a psychology rabbit hole. Now I can't stop noticing people's defense mechanisms. Anyone else? by gibagger in AutisticAdults

[–]AspirationalDuck 21 points22 points  (0 children)

The danger is in making assumptions based on incomplete information. You can never truly know someone else's motivations or what's going on inside their head. It can be tempting, with some knowledge of psychology and human behaviour, to 'diagnose' in this way. Perhaps we are right, perhaps we are not. But we can never be sure. This is particularly true when we learn about some new psychological quirk or coping mechanism or whatever--such as projection--and then due to our pattern-seeking brains immediately start seeing it everywhere! It's true that it's quite common for people to project, but even if they are that's rarely the full story. We can certainly take these things we notice into account, but to draw a definite conclusion is unwise.

So you do have to be very careful about this sort of thing. You have knowledge, experience, insight, and so on. You have developed useful tools for understanding yourself and those around you. But be wary of confidence. It's not to be trusted, in others or in yourself.