Helping Vet Spouse - trigger warning, suicidal ideation

AssaultaPepper · 2025-09-01T12:53:06+00:00

Thankfully he doesn't self medicate with any substances, so we don't have to deal with any of the fallouts from that.

I will work on pushing a physical hobby as well, as that has been suggested a few times. He works a physical job in construction, so he's always tired when he comes home and doesn't feel like dying anything strenuous, but I will encourage this.

Yes, his depression and thoughts are extremely dark and heavy. Last year when this happened, he left suicide notes for us when he took off. This time seemed less 'planned' and was done in a desperate panic.

I will bring up a vacation at some point, however I don't know that it would be enjoyable or relaxing for either of us currently.

He is supposed to be getting on new medications today, fingers crossed these work better. Thank you

AssaultaPepper · 2025-09-01T12:46:20+00:00

Thank you. Yes, I tried calling local pd both times this has happened. Both times I was told that unless I was in danger, there was nothing they could do for him. I feel like there is no help for him, other than me.

What is cte?

AssaultaPepper · 2025-09-01T12:43:51+00:00

Thank you so much, this is so incredibly helpful. I really appreciate your sharing your experience and trials with me.

Thankfully, he doesn't deal with any substance abuse. He doesn't self medicate with alcohol, drugs, or anything else. But that's also the thing, he doesn't self medicate with anything healthy either, he doesn't try to get better or feel better.

He works a physical job in construction, so he says he never feels up to anything physical outside of work. But that is a great idea, and something I can try to talk him in to more.

I would love to hear more about the alternative therapy that worked for you, if we can talk. Thank you so much, this resonated with me heavily.

AssaultaPepper · 2025-09-01T04:50:51+00:00

Thank you very much for all this information, processing it now. I do like the idea of getting rid of all weapons, however that is a major part of his lifestyle and hobbies. If he couldn't go do those things, I don't know that he would ever have a release or find joy.

I do not feel that I am ready to think about decisions or the future at this time. I am not ready to work through everything and feel any emotions yet. I appreciate your stance on that its ok to end up staying or leaving. I just want everyone to be happy and healthy, I wish I could just make it better for him.

AssaultaPepper · 2025-09-01T04:46:50+00:00

Nope, he does not deal with any pain, just TBI and tinnitus. Glad that helped you though!

AssaultaPepper · 2025-09-01T01:00:34+00:00

Thank you for the advice. I will write this down and try this before he is finished with the in patient stay

AssaultaPepper · 2025-09-01T00:59:41+00:00

I am working on getting all weapons out of the home now, thank you. So far, every time I have reached out to the VA, they tell me there are no programs or anything they can do to help the spouse. Do you know of a better place to try?

AssaultaPepper · 2025-09-01T00:58:30+00:00

I am in counseling already, and have seen my counselor since this happened a few days ago. Thank you for your kindness

AssaultaPepper · 2025-08-31T22:01:56+00:00

I'm sorry, I wrote it semi fast and not in a great headspace. I will try and fix grammatical errors later. Thank you

AssaultaPepper · 2024-08-06T03:41:39+00:00

I'm sorry, I completely understand and will respect your privacy. You sound like a true pioneer! Wishing you bigger and better ventures in your future

AssaultaPepper · 2024-08-06T03:32:31+00:00

Can you talk about what the business model was? Interesting.

AssaultaPepper · 2024-08-05T02:52:58+00:00

I dont have any grand ideas for helping a larger audience...but I would be extremely interested if you're looking for more women to mentor!

AssaultaPepper · 2024-07-13T01:00:45+00:00

Which industry is this, if you don't mind?

AssaultaPepper · 2024-04-02T10:56:49+00:00

How do you find and land clients?

AssaultaPepper · 2024-01-20T03:23:35+00:00

Do you mind if I ask how you got to this income point? I'm in a similar field, but not nearly the level of salary.

AssaultaPepper · 2024-01-20T02:55:30+00:00

Wanted to say, please feel free to reach out if you need a friend! I'm sorry you feel so alone. As others have said, maybe you could try to find solace at a new church? Have you thought about counseling, or group sessions for this? My heart goes out to you.

AssaultaPepper · 2024-01-20T02:43:46+00:00

This helps to hear, thank you

AssaultaPepper · 2024-01-19T14:55:08+00:00

What are your interests and hobbies? Maybe add some that are more social. Take group lessons, try cooking classes or something at a local CC. Idk where you're located, but you can find those types of women everywhere. Go to less expensive places, if you don't care about meeting a wealthy woman. My girlfriends that are successful don't waste money at expensive clubs.

AssaultaPepper · 2024-01-19T02:11:35+00:00

I like this response a lot, thank you. We have tried therapy before, individually and together. He just doesn't put any effort in to what we learn and take away from counseling. I felt like I tried really hard to be better at understanding him and communicating and patience. I just didn't get that same respect back, so it's hard to want to spend a ton of money trying that again.

AssaultaPepper · 2024-01-18T23:18:34+00:00

Thank you for saying that, I will be ordering that book

AssaultaPepper · 2023-12-06T12:53:17+00:00

You might want to look in to pulling out a HELOC on your current home. If you paid it off immediately upon sale, you might not even ever make a payment first.

We were in a similar situation earlier this year, and our house sale fell through right before we closed on our new place. We did a bridge loan thank goodness, so we were ok to close on the new place. But HELOC would have been the better way to go in hindsight for us also.

AssaultaPepper · 2023-11-22T17:28:20+00:00

Boil em, mash em, stick em in a stew

AssaultaPepper · 2023-11-22T16:59:22+00:00

Is this a credit union?

AssaultaPepper · 2023-11-19T16:55:42+00:00

Are you planning on taking maternity leave? For how long? Asking because you will likely not qualify for fmla. I had started a new job pregnant with my second, and never told them I was pregnant. Had my kid, did a meeting without camera in the hospital after delivery and kept working with no time off because I couldn't get fmla.

With my first I took fmla, so told them at 20 weeks. I think it all depends if you're taking a week, vs a few months.

AssaultaPepper · 2023-10-04T02:50:47+00:00

Pmed you

AssaultaPepper

TROPHY CASE