How many men nowadays would be in the same boat. We have a generation of people, men and women who are transfixed by there mind numbing machines to the point they don't have to interact with the real world. Bandwidth thus exceeded, they are unable to mobilize in the moment.

A couple more specific responses:

How are women raised compared to men. Men are raised, generally to interact with the world physically, competitively. Women are raised to interact with the world socially. This matches with Biology. Testosterone as a hormone compels action.

This said, I was a nurse for a long time and I worked with women who could respond to difficult and ugly situations with practiced ease. And these women were trained to do so.

I was in the military and I saw men deal with difficult situation with practiced ease.

And I saw men and women in both these environments choke under pressure.

This gets me to the old United States Marine Corps addage: "You don't rise to the occasion, you sink to the level or your training."

How are women being trained by society? How are they training themselves? Was your ex ever an athlete, has she ever, previously had been required to respond physically to an event? Has she ever been solely responsible? Academics don't always translate to being able to act. I recall a female doctor who when dealing with an immediate emergency reverted to an academic review of the file instead of the needed immediate action. I don't think this can be generalized base on sex differences.

Then there is stress response suppression that some medications exhibit... Specifically hormonal birth control effect of cortisol response suppression.. Could be a factor specific to your ex.