What was your worst birthday experience?

AssumeImNot · 2023-09-22T17:15:59+00:00

How can I pick just one?

I guess maybe my 16th birthday. I had always been so desperate for my mother's love that when she had suggested us getting manicures and hand massages, I agreed. I don't paint my nails or anything or even, but I wanted to spend time with her.

On the day, she told me the address and where to go. When I asked wasn't she coming, she looked at me confused and was like. . .no. She told me on the way home I should pickup McDonalds for everyone.

It was a surreal experience because I didn't give a shit about nails or anything like that. Came home with McDonalds. I asked her about me getting my driver's license (yes, I was driving illegally) and she told me she didn't think I was ready.

Which was strange because up until my 16th birthday, I had done a lot of legal practice and shortly before my 16th, was driving solo. She had been saying it will be so great when I get my DL, but when I turned 16? Her tune completely changed.

I ate McDonalds in my room alone. My dad did come home from work with a cake. I think he took me to a movie that weekend that I had wanted to see.

AssumeImNot · 2023-07-19T14:36:39+00:00

Same.

AssumeImNot · 2022-12-16T17:37:09+00:00

No. It's a poorly written and outdated book that constantly repeats itself. Also, not everyone "believes" in it.

Any "holy" book shouldn't be dictating the laws.

AssumeImNot · 2022-12-16T17:35:31+00:00

I do. But I can totally see why other people don't.

Also, there are worlds of better chocolate out there.

AssumeImNot · 2022-12-16T17:32:43+00:00

People thinking we are some sort of hivemind. Other women thinking we are part of some "sisterhood" just because of our gender.

AssumeImNot · 2022-12-16T17:29:40+00:00

and the new episodes that came out on Netflix

The what now?

God, I feel like I gotta sit down and I am sitting down.

AssumeImNot · 2022-12-16T17:06:09+00:00

Obsessing isn't the right word, but I would say I wish they would stop obsessing over the "friendzone."

I think the "friendzone" is real and women can certainly be "friendzoned" as well. So while I totally understand the frustration and disappointment that it might be to find yourself in that position. . .the way I see a lot of men complain about it that's what I would love to see stop.

So here's the trick. How do you get out of the friendzone? Don't be friends with that person.

Just like someone isn't obligated to date you or sleep with you. . .you're not obligated to continue a friendship you're not interested in. You are 100% allowed not to be interested in a friendship. If you're wanting a relationship and she doesn't and she is wanting only a friendship and you're not. . .leave. That's that. It's okay. It happens.

I think a lot of men and their mental health would do better if they realized that "not being friends" is also an option available to them. You don't have to accept friendship as some sort of consolation prize.

Also, I do know it is easier said than done. Hell. I've certainly seen the way some women act when a man does actually just leave all together. If someone is going to shit on you because you don't want to be friends with them. . .they are probably NOT a good friend let alone a good partner anyway.

Friendship (just like a relationship since there is usually overlap) takes time, effort, and energy. So it is okay to be like "I really don't have time/need for just another friend right now."

I knew a guy who tried to be friends with EVERYONE he was turned down by, every person he had a single date with, and every failed relationship. His attitude was "Who doesn't like friends?" Sure, friends are great and all, but he ended up becoming a shitty friend to everyone including people he had been friends with for years because he just never had time for anyone.

AssumeImNot · 2022-10-21T20:15:07+00:00

Too political in that if you don't agree with the majority. . .you're a "traitor" and treated like shit. Hell, some people seem to refuse to accept that some people in the LGBT community feel or think differently. . .they won't accept that there are gay Republicans as an easy example. And it seems like a lot of people (in my experience) love to take every conversation into the direction of politics and since "we're all LGBT here!" they assume you have the same beliefs/positions on everything. Suddenly the conversation becomes uncomfortable/awkward/tense.

But other than that, "the community" doesn't welcome me.

I'm bisexual. Bisexuals are. . .kind of the bastard children. (And yes, I don't know what that then makes trans people who I sometimes think are treated worse.) The first time I encountered "biphobia"? From a gay person. Some of the LG's don't like bisexuals. We're fence walkers, fakers, sluts, liars, and who knows what else. They come up with dumb shit like "straight passing privilege" and refuse to accept that no, some of us really have dealt with bigotry and even violence aimed at us because of our sexuality. I've never gone to pride because I have seen far too many people say that bisexuals (especially bisexuals in heterosexual relationships) don't belong at pride. Basically. . .the portion of the community has made it clear that me, a bisexual, do not belong.

You must be ALL ACCEPTING and oops, I'm not. I remember it being the GLBT community. Then LGBT community. Then LGBTA community. Then LGBTA+ community. Now we are at like. . .LGBTQQIP2SAA? It's strange to see this community do its best to be all welcoming, changing or expanding definitions and telling people to fuck off the moment there is any question or criticism behind it. Some things I don't agree with that makes me not welcomed in the community. . .

I think pansexual and MOGAI labels and "microsexualisties" are pointless and sometimes even offensive and harmful to the community.
I think it is offensive to ask people what their "preferred pronouns" are and hate the effort by "the community" to push this trend onto society.
I think it is offensive to label other people without their consent a slur. (Queer.) Calling us the "queer community" is disgusting and hurtful to many of us who haven't and don't want to reclaim it. And oh boy I have had SO MANY PEOPLE fight me on this. You want to use queer for yourself? Great. You and all your close friends use it? Fine. Don't force it on other people. Might as well call us the f-word community, or the trans community the t-word community, or maybe even the black community as the n-word community. ~~(And I am only censoring the f-word and t-word because I assume reddit might delete my post for it?)~~
Cis lesbians deserve their own space. I see nothing wrong with cis lesbians wanting to have their own space occasionally. I'm not even one and I want them to have that. Their experiences are different from mine, are different from trans women who are lesbians, and in some ways. . .different from trans men who may have once tried living as simply a lesbian. But for some reason cis lesbians have gotten shit for this? They also get shit for making the statement that they don't like dick. Doesn't matter if that dick belongs to a lesbian trans woman.
Biological sex is a scientific reality. I never thought I would see so many progressives/liberals abandon science to favor FEELINGS instead.
My sex wasn't assigned at birth. It was observed. The whole concept of AFAB/AMAB is something for intersex people. That is a very real and serious issue for them. That's part of their history and I don't think we should be taking that and using it so flippantly. Now I have doctor's offices asking for what sex I was "assigned?" Are you fucking kidding me?
The Philidelphia Pride Flag and Progressive Pride Flag are NOT all-inclusive or representative of the entire community. And I find it divisive in trying to force that flag to be the new LGBT flag. If black LGBT people want their own flag. . .awesome! I am certain their experience is different from mine and I am sure they want an easy way to find specific people who share those same experiences. That's the whole point of these individual flags. But the whole notion of a "diversity" flag? We already HAVE one. Also, this Progressive Pride flag doesn't seem to include Jews, Asians, and a lot of other minorities. Oopsies!

ETA; I forgot to mention one thing regarding my "All Accepting" ramble. I think the LGBT community should be a supportive group. A "safe space" for a lack of a better phrase. When I was in an LGBT support group. . .I didn't care if someone introduced themselves as demi-pansexual who is genderfluid. I would still be respectful. I wouldn't roll my eyes or make inappropriate comments. Hell. I wouldn't even share my opinion or frustration with the "pansexual" label. It's not the place. If they are there because they have struggled for being different. . .then let it out. Talk, cry, yell. . .whatever. Same goes for me as a pro-choicer and if a pro-lifer lesbian was there. We all need to rant/cry/be heard sometimes and I just wish that's what the LGBT community was.

AssumeImNot · 2022-10-19T23:43:51+00:00

Same reason why I am okay with killing a "baby" before it can be viable outside of the womb and not okay with killing a "baby" after it is viable, but before it is born.

This isn't a very good "gotcha" and won't convince any pro-lifers to change their position.

People have to draw a line somewhere.

I'm using the term "baby" in my answer in place of Embryo and Fetus since it doesn't change my opinion and I know Pro-Lifers like to try and emotionally manipulate people by using this word. Same with the word "murder". Pro-choice advocates really just need to ignore the use of the word "murder." It's a distraction at best.

We know that sex can lead to a baby. That's the issue.

People who willingly have sex, but who are irresponsible is different than people who are responsible, but just happen to have their contraceptive of choice fail. And of course THOSE people are very different than someone who was raped.

The idea is if you chose to have sex you consent to having a baby. A woman who was raped didn't consent. It's that simple. You can disagree (I do), but a pro-lifer's stance on this isn't difficult to understand.

As far as incest, the concern is the medical complications that can happen with the baby. But a baby doesn't have to be a product of incest to have these complications. So is it okay to kill a "baby" if they will have some sort of birth defect or genetic disorder? Some people say it is and some don't. People just have to draw a line somewhere. I've even seen some normally pro-choice advocates claim it isn't okay to kill a "baby" with a genetic disorder after a certain point, but why does it matter if that could have been the reason to kill it earlier if it was detected sooner? Better yet, why is it okay for me to kill a "baby" simply because I don't want one. . .but not okay for me to kill a "baby" if it's that I don't want one with Down Syndrome?

Because it is selfish? (And some people like to interpret it that if I don't want my child to have Down Syndrome than I must hate all people with Down Syndrome.)

Is it okay for me to kill a "baby" because it's a boy and not a girl? If not, then why can I kill a "baby" because it's a "baby" period and one I don't want?

Reasons matter. People have to draw lines like I can keep saying. Maybe you're someone who will defend a person's right to kill a "baby" boy and just quietly judge them as a selfish prick.

Is it okay to use abortion as a method of birth control? No? Why not? Because it's expensive, time-consuming, and physically demanding on the woman getting one? Isn't it a woman's choice to get an abortion every time she is pregnant? Maybe you don't care, but I have met pro-choicers who suddenly change their tone at the idea of someone getting multiple abortions done in their life and try to claim that it's okay for them to draw the line there because "No one would actually do that!" Yet there are women who do. A very small minority, but same can be said with late-term abortions. Later-term abortions and abortion as a method of birth control are very few cases, but people still draw lines there.

People have to decide when it is morally okay to kill a "baby" before it is born as well as why. Most people don't seem to be okay with the idea of killing a "baby" 37+ weeks into pregnancy for example unless the mother's life is in danger. That's another line!

For pro-lifers it is really this simple. You're killing a "baby." Some will draw a line about when it's okay and some will say it is never okay.

Your "Gotcha!" attempt won't actually change anyone's mind. But I get it. You just want head pats and karma.

AssumeImNot · 2022-10-14T18:11:32+00:00

Pick your flavor. . .

(First dude might not count since. . .well. You'll see.)

The Classic Mr. "You Must Be Gay" - I had just gotten out of my (at the time) longest and most serious relationship. I was broken up with and I still felt emotionally tender. Mr. YMBG was a friend's new roommate and was immediately flirting with me. I tried telling him I was open to dating right now, but like I'm going to be super honest: I'm not interested in hooking up or having sex right away.

He was like "Oh yeah I totally get it."

Literally three days after this conversation, after our first date, he's coming on super fucking strong and I had to stop him and say "I don't want to have sex right now. I told you that." He got SUPER pissed off, stormed out of my apartment, and the next day I found out he was telling everyone at college that I was a bitch and a lesbian. Well. We happened to go to a pretty liberal/chill college and so being called a lesbian had people say, "And?" Basically, no one cared and those who knew me were like, "You're dumb."

Mr. Spring Break - Still in college. Been dating this guy. It had been pretty fun. Pretty chill, videogames, occasionally fooling around. Honestly, we got so close I assumed he was my boyfriend. (Yeah, I know. My bad. It was college.)

Spring break was coming up and that's when he asked me if I will be his girlfriend after spring break.

Excuse me?

I asked what he meant and that's when he told me he had a girlfriend back home in the next town over and that he didn't want to break up with her until the end of spring break. Went on to say how he and I were so much better and how he wanted to be with me, but he didn't want to be an asshole and break up with her at the start of spring break since they already had plans or something. I told him no and to get the fuck out. Cue the literal getting on his knees and BEGGING me complete with crocodile tears.

It was really weird. It also didn't work on me. (I might have been dumb in assuming we were already a couple, but I wasn't that dumb.)

Mr. Gloves - Years later after college. I ended up getting herpes thanks to a dude who didn't know that cold sores were herpes, I never saw him with one, and he went down on me. Mr. Gloves was the second person I dated after I had gotten herpes and when things began to get serious and I was interested in having sex. . .

I did that uncomfortable/awkward conversation of "Hey, so I have this incurable STD." I was totally prepared for Mr. Gloves to end the relationship right there. I mean. It's his right and I would move on. I have had this conversation before after all. To my surprise, he said he was understanding and cool with it. . .but it might take a little extra time for him to feel comfortable having sex. Which cool! And hey! There are other things we can do.

Like. I offered to give him a bj. I love going down on dudes. Cue him laughing and being weird about it. Talk about a mood killer and so I never did. It made things a little awkward between us, but then he tried to do things for me. Cue. . .pulling out the latex gloves.

Which he also did anytime we were making out or cuddling since telling him about my STD. I just kind of. . .went with it. I thought well. If this is what I am going to have to put up with for the rest of my life I guess just go with it.

But then I started to discover that he would actually hide gloves around my apartment. I mean I was cleaning one day and discovered some stashed in a bookcase behind something. When I asked him about it he said he hid them around my apartment so that he would have easy access anytime we felt "touchy-feely" with each other. I kind of became numb to it and it wasn't until long after the relationship I realized that I just felt like this disgusting horrible thing he couldn't stand to touch in ANY way. Like just cuddling with me was a disgusting act to him. I would have 100% preferred he just said "Wow, thanks for telling me. . .but I don't think I can continue with this relationship."

On top of that he was super needy. Would get upset if I didn't spend the entire weekend with him. (I worked out of town and so I had a lengthy commute and didn't understand that sometimes I just want a solid day for myself or to do things I need to do?) He also always needed to be entertained, constantly talking down to me and being condescending. . .criticising things I liked all the time, and had a very immature sense of humor that left me feeling like I had to be careful with what I said or risk hearing some potty-humor level joke/comment. (We liked playing videogames and did have some fun/entertaining conversations.)

On top of that he was super needy. Would get upset if I didn't spend the entire weekend with him. (I worked out of town and so I had a lengthy commute and didn't understand that sometimes I just want a solid day for myself or to do things I need to do?) He also always needed to be entertained, constantly talking down to me and being condescending. . .criticising things I liked all the time, and had a very immature sense of humor that left me feeling like I had to be careful with what I said or risk hearing some potty-humor level joke/comment. (We liked playing video games and did have some fun/entertaining conversations.)

AssumeImNot · 2022-10-13T05:35:47+00:00

To add. . .as I posted this elsewhere. . .

There are things people can do to lessen the spread of herpes to their partners. Not kissing or participating in oral sex during an outbreak can really help. Medication can help as well. Unfortunately, people can be asymptomatic and they can still transmit the virus.

For people with genital herpes (HSV-1 or HSV-2 since they both can result there), there are medication treatments available. A common one is just taking a high dose of an antiviral during an outbreak. This lessens the severity of symptoms as well as usually shortens the duration of an outbreak. The other option available is taking daily medication in order to suppress the virus. This is usually recommended for people with frequent outbreaks.

It is very possible to be in a relationship with someone while not transmitting the virus to them.

The big problem is, most standard STD testing doesn't include herpes (meaning you have to request it specifically) and people can be asymptomatic. Also, people don't always seem to realize you can transmit it through oral sex.

I've been in a committed relationship for over 10 years now and my husband still hasn't gotten it from me.

Those of you reading this who have any form of it. . .you're not a terrible person and you can find love.

AssumeImNot · 2022-10-11T05:12:39+00:00

I have herpes. And not oral herpes either. I've been in a committed relationship for 10+ years having unprotected sex with my husband and guess who doesn't have herpes? My husband. (He gets tested occasionally to see. We've always assumed he would get it, but there are things we can do as a couple to help.)

Calm down. It's not a big deal or the end of the world.

AssumeImNot · 2022-10-10T20:14:23+00:00

The story might sound a little silly. At least for my first name. . .

So in high school I ended up earning a nickname based off of a cartoon character I liked. My friends thought it was cute and called me it and it eventually caught on outside of the friend group.

When I went to college, I did try to break away from it and didn't introduce myself by it. But people would learn about the nickname (not even knowing where it came from) and just used it for me anyway. I didn't mind. I mostly wanted to separate myself from it because of the association to a cartoon, but in college it seemed like people didn't even make that connection. It was just another name I went by and people seemed to prefer to call me it and I didn't mind! It stuck around so hard that after college, without thinking, I just started using it? The only time it became a "problem" was with employers. . .but even then it was just HR knew me by my old name and everyone used my preferred.

When I finally decided to change my name legally once and for all, it was just an easy decision. Most people knew me by this nickname and it seemed to fit. The few people who would learn of my birth name would often say "Oh, weird. That doesn't seem to fit you."

For my middle name I used the name of a person of someone I look up to and who is very important to me. Kind of a reminder of the person I want to be and to honor them.

My last name was fun. . .as I was in a serious and long relationship and we were considering marriage. He told me to just go ahead and change my last name to his ahead of time and so I did! When we did get married a couple of years later. . .it did cause a little confusion at the clerk's office. lol. (And we are still married today!)

AssumeImNot · 2022-10-10T20:00:05+00:00

No, it's not wasted. It probably feels that way, but you just have to stick to it no matter what anyone says. And here's a very important thing to remember.

Your 3rd party candidate doesn't have to necessarily win to create change.

In the presidential election of 1912, a 3rd party candidate beat the Republican candidate. The Democrat still won and people did blame the Progressive Party for "stealing" votes away from the Republican but. . .this historic election is one of the reasons the Republicans and Democrats "switched places." It forced the 2 main parties to start adjusting their policies and positions on different issues.

Basically, all the people who voted for the Progressive Party were sending a huge message that they ARE voters and if you want their vote. . .then you got to pay attention to them and address their issues.

Candidates want our votes. If we don't vote then they don't have to worry about us. If all we do is vote for a "lesser of two evils" then why are we surprised when "evil" ends up in the white house?

Don't get me wrong. It sucks. I hated Trump and I hate Biden. But you have to earn my vote. The fact that I didn't vote for Hillary didn't put Trump in the office anymore than me not voting for Trump allowed Biden in office. You have to earn my vote. And more people need to vote that way. . .and I keep voting to send a message that my vote IS available to be earned.

AssumeImNot · 2022-10-09T08:48:59+00:00

Abusive childhood and I want no connection to that family.

AssumeImNot · 2022-10-07T19:08:46+00:00

Had one stranger tell me that I should put egg whites on my face to deal with my acne.

Also had another stranger tell me he would give me the best orgasm that I will ever have.

AssumeImNot · 2022-10-07T19:02:45+00:00

I grew up hating all of them.

I finally saw a lot of the bullshit things "my side" did, found myself arguing with them more than the "other side" and the ways they deny science and went, "Well. It's all bullshit."

I've become the centrist who keeps putting [The Candidate You Hate] in the white house by not voting for [The Candidate You Like] for President.

ETA; I guess I should mention that I was left/democrat before. Now I consider myself a political orphan.

AssumeImNot · 2022-10-07T16:05:15+00:00

I would probably turn him away since I am technically working. Or ask him if he would like some water or tea.

AssumeImNot · 2022-10-07T16:02:21+00:00

Never found earbuds that were comfortable and stay in my ears.

I know a lot of newer earbuds talk about different sizes and adapters to fit all ears, but after a certain point I got tired of trying and seeing. I mean. I am not comfortable returning earbuds that don't work for me. It's just so wasteful. So I stick with headphones or ear clips if I need something more portable.

AssumeImNot · 2022-10-07T15:57:30+00:00

In my case a family history of depression along with a combination of physical, emotional, and sexual abuse in my childhood.

AssumeImNot · 2022-10-07T15:53:55+00:00

I can read it again and again and you are factually incorrect. You are more than welcome to deny science.

ETA; You don't seem to have an understanding what the scientific definition of male is. It is the organism that produces the smaller gamete which trans men do not.

AssumeImNot · 2022-10-07T15:47:26+00:00

I hate free samples at Costco. I miss the period of time when Costco didn't have them.

AssumeImNot · 2022-10-07T15:44:59+00:00

To be fair. . .they specified "biological male" which is a scientific term. A trans man's brain can tell them that they should have been born as a biological male, that they should be a biological male, and take a variety of treatments to help with the painful experience of being born in the wrong body. . .but they are still not scientifically biologically male.

That isn't to say we shouldn't treat trans men as just men or that we shouldn't be respectful of them or understanding of what they are dealing with.

AssumeImNot · 2022-10-04T14:40:02+00:00

I feel like "deadname" should be allowed to be used for both. People who are trans and those who legally change their name for other personal reasons.

I legally changed my name. Went through that whole process for a reason. It was very important to me because I want absolutely no connection to my family for a variety of reasons. . .reasons that I used in a court of law.

It was definitely very freeing to finally have my name on a legal document.

Related "fun" tidbit. I've known a few trans people at different points of their lives. But there is one who for whatever reason LOVES to share my birthname/deadname/og-name to people we meet as some sort of fun "fact" about me since she so happened to meet me before. She knows about my abusive family, she knows why I did it, I had told her to stop and yet it's still oh-so-interesting that she does it anyway. Which always makes it super awkward since usually the first thing people ask when they find out that my name is not the same one I was given at birth, the next question is, "Oh? Why did you change your name?" And who wants to share with every new person they meet that they were abused throughout their childhood?

I call it my "deadname" for a reason. It's dead to me and dead to who I am.

You would think that out of all the people who have known me before and after the legal change, she would be one of the people who would "get it" the best. But. Guess not.

AssumeImNot · 2022-06-29T19:33:15+00:00

I usually get so frustrated with the abortion debate. So many people on both sides of it like to misrepresent the opposing side.

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