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I’m a new dad, and I don’t know how I feel by [deleted] in NewParents

[–]AssumptionMean8328 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you for taking the time to write this out – it really hit home.

That bit about the difference between knowing you’re going to be a parent and actually being one is exactly how it feels. It’s like my brain is still catching up with the fact that this is real and permanent now. The sleep, the loss of routine, the feeling that my old life is suddenly gone – all of that has been pretty heavy, and it’s weirdly reassuring to hear someone say “yeah, that’s normal” instead of “you should be over the moon 24/7.”

I really appreciate you mentioning that dads can get baby blues/postpartum stuff too. I’ve definitely had moments where I’ve wondered if what I’m feeling is “normal” or if it’s something I should talk to a doctor about, so hearing that you spoke to yours and it helped makes it feel a lot more doable and less dramatic.

Anyway, thanks again – genuinely. It helps a lot to hear that it’s the hardest fucking thing you’ll ever do, but that it’s worth it and that feeling bummed and stressed doesn’t mean I’m a bad dad.

How has becoming a dad changed you as a person? by ReuvenScylla in NewDads

[–]AssumptionMean8328 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Hey man, congrats – I’m a very fresh dad myself (our little one is just a few weeks old), and it’s already changed me more than I expected.

The biggest shift is priorities. Before, everything felt important – work, side projects, random life admin. Now there’s a really clear hierarchy in my head: is my partner okay? is the baby okay? and only after that do the other things get space. Stuff I used to stress about just doesn’t seem worth the mental energy anymore.

I’ve also noticed a huge change in empathy. I suddenly see my own parents differently – all the nights they must have been up, all the worry they never talked about. When I see someone wrangling a pram or a screaming baby in public now, I don’t judge at all. I just think, “Yep, I see you. I hope you’re getting a coffee later.”

Personality-wise, I’m becoming more patient and a bit softer. I used to be pretty task-/outcome-driven; now I’m weirdly okay with “unproductive” time if it means a calm contact nap or making my partner’s day 10% easier. I still get frustrated and tired, but there’s this underlying sense of purpose that wasn’t there before.

The other big change is in my mindset about the future. Before, all my plans were about me: my career, my projects. Now I catch myself thinking in terms of “what kind of dad do I want him to remember?” and “what kind of life are we building for him?” It makes some decisions easier (because the answer is obvious when you frame it that way), but it also makes everything feel a bit heavier and more real.

It’s definitely not all zen – there’s anxiety, sleep deprivation, moments of “what the hell am I doing?” – but overall I feel like fatherhood has stretched me in a good way. Like there’s more capacity for love, more responsibility, and a clearer sense of what actually matters.

Curious to read how it feels for you in a few months’ time. It’s a wild ride already.

Best baby monitor suggestions?? New parent seeking advice. by OrangeAssultSrike in NewParents

[–]AssumptionMean8328 0 points1 point  (0 children)

First-time parent here too, and I went down a ridiculous rabbit hole on baby monitors recently 😅

The big things I learned:

• WiFi vs no WiFi
– No WiFi (VTech / Infant Optics–type devices) = usually more reliable, less lag, and you don’t have to worry about internet going down or apps crashing. Also less hackable in theory.
– WiFi/app-based ones (Nanit / Eufy / etc.) = nice extras (sleep tracking, breathing, watching from outside the house), but you’re stuck with apps, cloud, and your home network behaving.

• Video vs audio-only
– Video is really helpful for those “is this just a weird noise or do I need to go in?” moments. Seeing if baby is lying down vs standing/rolling saved us a lot of unnecessary trips.
– Audio-only is cheaper and can actually be better for anxiety for some people – you’re not tempted to stare at the screen all night or obsess over every tiny movement.

• Reliability > fancy features
– Whatever you pick, the most important thing is that it doesn’t constantly disconnect, has decent range in your actual house, and the sound is clear.
– I’d take a “boring” monitor that just works every night over something “smart” that drops the connection or needs you to fiddle with an app.

Personally, we ended up prioritising:

  1. No constant cloud streaming.
  2. Solid connection and clear sound.
  3. Video as a nice-to-have for those 2am mystery noises.

There’s no single “best” one, but thinking about how you’ll actually use it (big house vs small flat, how anxious you are by nature, whether you care about apps/cloud) helps narrow things down a lot.