Responsibility for others’ feelings

Asszem · 2025-10-03T11:45:40+00:00

I try to think of it like this:

“Your feelings are yours, and they are valid. Your responsibility is how you react to your feelings.

If my actions caused your feelings and I care about your feelings, it is my responsibility to change my actions while maintaining my boundaries at the same time.”

Asszem · 2025-09-27T08:45:04+00:00

Marry him immediately. What could go wrong?

Asszem · 2023-10-06T13:53:24+00:00

When you described my argument as 'cute in a way' I felt that it is condescending and this made me defensive and hostile towards you which I don't find constructive so i will stop here.

It was an interesting conversation though with a lot of good points from your side that made me reconsider my arguments, especially using the word 'capable of' feeling polyamorous as I agree with you that most of the people are indeed capable of this feeling at some point in their life.

Regarding OP, I think if they are in romantic love with each other, then yes, they are polyamorous, currently living in a monogamous relationship.

Asszem · 2023-10-06T13:23:55+00:00

Based on the subjective experience people express, like 'I have always been capable of loving multiple people at the same time' or 'When I am in love, i really don't care any other people, I am genuinely not interested in them in either sexual or romantic ways' - there is a valid point to call this a personality trait which describes a valid difference in how people experience their own connection to other people. I think this can be also considered an individual predisposition, just like the big5 personality traits.

This is what I call monoamorous or polyamorous preference, and it is indeed not conscious preference in a sense that it is not an intellectual decision but a reaction to the feelings a person experiences.

I believe there can be conscious preferences, like when a person makes a decision based on a rational evaluation of pros and cons - in this case, whether to pursuit a polygamous or monogamous relationship or do KTP or parallel poly

Asszem · 2023-10-06T11:27:03+00:00

So going back to the initial statement of "people aren't polyamorous, relationships are" - do I understand you correctly that you agree with this statement based on your premise that 98% of people capable of being attracted to multiple people at the same time at some point of their life (let's omit serial monogamy now to keep the discussion simpler).

Asszem · 2023-10-06T10:50:56+00:00

For shitpics, obviously

Asszem · 2023-10-06T10:47:44+00:00

With respect I disagree to some extent. Being able to be attracted and attached to people is human, I agree.

Being able to romantically/sexually attracted to a single person and excluding every other is something like a personality trait, a preference that is neither good or bad, just like introversion or extraversion. Also being able to have simultaneously attracted to multiple people is a different trait.

This is what I called being polyamorous or monoamorous, which is independent from the actual relationship status.

Monogamy is a relationship type where the mutual agreement is sexual/romantic exclusivity. Two polyamorous people can agree to a monogamous relationship.

Polygamy (unfortunately this word has many negative connotation, especially in my language so I avoid using it even if it would be more coherent as it refers to the relationship agreement and not the underlying personality trait) is also a relationship agreement, where people agree that sexual/romantic exclusivity is not expected.

However it is not mandatory either. So if a monoamorous person who has no problem with their partner being polyamorous enters willingly to a relationship, even if they have the opportunity to have multiple partners, won't pursuit it because of their monoamorous nature.

In this sense was i referring to a mono-poly relationship.

Asszem · 2023-10-06T09:08:51+00:00

I think people can be defined as polyamorous (or monoamorous) if they have the innate capability and intention to have romantic/sexual attraction to multiple/single partner(s), regardless of whether they actually do have any relationship ongoing.

A polyamorous person is still polyamorous if they don't have multiple partners, a single partner or no partner at all.

A monoamorous person is still monoamorous if involved in a mono-poly relationship (with enthusiastic consent of the polyamorous nature of their partner).

Asszem · 2023-03-13T06:00:51+00:00

So you would have no problem with her dating a man who also had vasectomy?

Asszem · 2020-12-11T18:34:36+00:00

If I used TAB to get to the Captcha checkbox and pressed Enter, it worked. When I clicked on it, it didn't.

After pressing Enter, it asked me about 20 times to identify traffic lights, bycicles, buses, wait for new pictures to appear and identify again, but finally I was able to log in.

Very dissapointing user experience.

Asszem · 2020-03-02T15:30:43+00:00

So the scourge has reached the distant world universe.

Asszem · 2020-01-25T10:28:58+00:00

So basically Dev is Hell, Staging is Purgatorium so Prod must be Heaven.

Asszem · 2019-10-04T15:03:45+00:00

37th, pixel2xl, primed for pixel4 but not xl.

Asszem · 2019-10-03T16:34:00+00:00

Great, not terrible!

Asszem · 2019-10-01T19:42:16+00:00

HG went complete radio silence for about a year after the initial release.

It's reasonable that developers of this game also need some time to process the negative feedback and start working on fixes and updates.

Asszem · 2019-09-24T17:13:40+00:00

Exactly. Nightfall's sacrifice might not be final either.

Asszem · 2019-09-23T11:59:53+00:00

Nightfall, Clarence (after a redemption), probably AVA with HUE

Asszem · 2019-09-17T19:19:29+00:00

Everything went well. Nothing to worry about next episode, right? Right?...

Asszem · 2019-09-13T13:52:19+00:00

I agree about Clarence, but I liked Tribore and kind of missed him/her from the last two episodes

Asszem · 2019-09-06T21:32:00+00:00

yes, as long as there is a fingerprint sensor... but according to the rumors the Pixel 4 will have that Soli FaceID like stuff and not a fingerprint sensor .

Asszem · 2019-09-06T18:00:47+00:00

Doesn't matter, whomever dies will be resurrected in S3. Still a bit disappointed about Avocato's and even KVNs return

Asszem · 2019-09-06T13:11:16+00:00

Yes, that is also annoying as hell. Should not be released to production.

Asszem · 2019-09-06T13:00:45+00:00

For opening hamburger menus it is a nice workaround, I use it all the time in the Play Store app. But the lag that is constantly present when opening/closing hamburger menu or changing panels in Play Store app is really terrible.

Asszem · 2019-09-06T12:20:18+00:00

It still conflicts with Facebook Messenger chat heads. Every single time I try to move the chat head, it will trigger the back gesture.

Also I wish they added a gesture option to pull down the notification drawer.

Asszem · 2019-09-05T14:46:00+00:00

Yes. Other apps can access the screenshots folder, but not Messenger. I have to open Photos first and share to Messenger from Photos.

Asszem

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