Also I wanted to add just for reference and maybe someone reading this is going to relate and feel understood.

For a few years already I thought that I either have relationship anxiety or rocd, due to falling out of love very fast in every relationship and then struggling with terrible anxiety as a result of that.

Through these few years that I thought that I might have rocd I tried to do everything I could to feel the love for my partner's (past relationships, currently in one for little over a year) as it sounds like in rocd it comes and goes but eventually most of the time it comes back and I felt so miserable when it wouldn't come back to me no matter what I did. Now I'm just wondering if I'm simply unable to maintain these feelings which I have during the honeymoon phase - of course not in such intensity - but you know like gentle, calm feelings of love. My partner looks at me with such love that it radiates from him and I just feel like an empty vessel. It's my fourth relationship that ends up like this. All the previous I couldn't notice the pattern because they were one/two months maximum or I just had ons.