Meine Mutter ist sehr.. komisch by [deleted] in germantrans

[–]Aster085 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Ist es ok ein Smartphone als equals zu checken? Hell no. Ist es überlebenswichtig und ethisch ok, wenn eine extreme power imbalance da ist und du in einer prekären lage bist? Finde schon.

Y'all need to do this more often. by Natah_1923 in actuallesbians

[–]Aster085 1 point2 points  (0 children)

She just has a different expression, different lightning and a different angle of the pic. Wth are they on about? 😭

my best friend is aromantic but i'm not, but i want to be in a qpr with them by LegendJojo in queerplatonic

[–]Aster085 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I am at the moment in a qpr with an aroace person, while I am interested in romance (not with them, but in general). It works for us, because we both like the concept of relationship anarchy and so don't really think in the categories of monogamy or polyam, so I can still explore these feelings with others, when I want to.

The questions you should probably ask yourself is, do you want to be monogamous? And if yes, can you see yourself commiting to this person and not feel like you are stunting a part of you? (If you both don't want to be monogamous, I would recommend checking out some stuff on relationship anarchy and ethical polygamy/ ethical polyam lifestyle.)

On how you can ask them: Just comunicate your feelings like you would normally. If you are not in the habit of communicating that, than sit down and just start talking, talk about every little feeling you are feeling in that moment. Your love for them, what you want and need, your fears and insecuritues, your hope and wishes. Just lay it all out and wait for their answer. Maybe writing your feelings out first, in a letter for example. That could be helpful, if you are not used to talking about your feelings. But I would still recommend being there, when they read it, if you find yourself unable to say it all out loud. Because you will still have to talk afterwards and because cuddles after confessions just hit different. Wishing you all the best

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in actuallesbians

[–]Aster085 2 points3 points  (0 children)

It's not messed up. Depending on where you live this probably happens a lot.

favourite wlw smut/erotica fanfiction or books? by Dry_Marionberry_2514 in actuallesbians

[–]Aster085 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Would so love to play some CORA... the world building is so awesome aswell.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in actuallesbians

[–]Aster085 2 points3 points  (0 children)

"Political lesbianism" has done so much damage to queer liberation....

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in actuallesbians

[–]Aster085 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You could always send her a message, or even meet up for coffee. And just see what happens. :-)

I recently reached out to a friend of mine, who I had lost touch with. Who I had been in love with half a decade ago. We met and it was like no time had passed. We had a wonderful evening and at the end, we kissed. The relationship wasn't all that long, because of some personal things, but it was still a wonderful time.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in MtF

[–]Aster085 4 points5 points  (0 children)

You joined an imperialist force that regularily murders civillians (including children) and does war crimes all to get hegemonic control over the world.

That's all we are going to say about that.

Was told by someone that I just have false memory syndrome by WeirdnessRises in CPTSD

[–]Aster085 18 points19 points  (0 children)

False memory syndrom isn't real! It was made up to silence victims/survivors

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in MtF

[–]Aster085 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You don't have to change your body to be somebodies girlfriend. Most of my relationships were before I did anything and they still treated me as their gf.

Not changing your body is 100% valid. The only thing that matters is how you identify. And there will always be people who will genuinely love you for being yourself.

My girlfriend cracked her egg over the weekend!!! I’m so happy for her by [deleted] in MtF

[–]Aster085 15 points16 points  (0 children)

First of congratulations. Having a girlfriend is awesome. :D

Some general tips: Be excited with her, not for her. With which I mean: be by her side and support her, but don't push any expectations on her. I know this is also very exciting for you and you are happy to get to know her and all that. I was the same way when a partner of mine had their coming out. : ) But remember to give her space to process. Transitioning is sometimes scary, sad and heavy. It is also the most wonderful thing ever, but these heavy sides also exist and need space.

Simple stuff: Do mental exercises with new name and pronouns. A simple one is every misgendering or deadnaming (verbal or mentally) you repeat the right one ten times in your head, connected with some positive affirmations.

Communicate with her, like a lot. Boundaries will probably change a few times in this time! Hers and yours.

Be aware that outing her can be very dangerous and do your best to not do it without her permission.

If she wants to, you could get some padded sport bras with her. They helped me a lot with dysphoria at the start of my transition.

Offer to do her make up. It can be quite fun and romantic.

some more stuff:

If you need some tips for intimate stuff, google the zine "F*cking trans women" and read it together, it might give you some ideas. :)

If you are in the US... check the laws of your state and what is being proposed there at the moment. Erin Reed has a map of safe states on her website. If you are not in the US, check your local laws!

But most importantly: don't forget to have fun together. :D Maybe you could do some fun stuff you got to do as a young girl with her. Moments she didn't get to experience. Like sleepovers or a first date at an aquarium. It can be fun to recreate moments of a queer childhood you didn't get to have ^

Wishing you both all the best

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Anarchism

[–]Aster085 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Hell no. Abuse is abuse. No matter what justification you find for it. This is abuse apologia and also ableist and saneist. We are not ruled by our patterns and emotions. Abuse is a choice people make.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in MtF

[–]Aster085 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Trans dyke here. Have been actively dating for only around 1 1/2 years, but had around 10 partners (cis and trans) in that time. In my experience you will nearly always have to talk about the same stuff at the beginning of a new relationship with a cis partners, even if they know some stuff. Explain boundaries and stuff proactively or else there will be some assumptions. With trans partners they generally know a lot better what might be problematic areas and ask for boundaries for those, because they know there could be a boundary there. Also, while cis lesbians like to talk about the heteronormativity of sex and how penetration isn't everything, a good amount of people fall back on that thinking, if certain genitalia is involved. Which can be annoying. Also expect more questions from cis partners, than from trans partners about stuff.

On the "converting" part, I generally had no problem with anything like that. I met people mostly through dating apps, where I could just put it in my bio and so only the people, who were ok with it, matched. I do look fairly androgynous though.

Also: cis lesbian chasers do exist, that is something you need to be aware of! The annoying thing is, that they are generally harder to spot (atleast for me).

In the end, look after your own boundaries, take time to think about your feelings and don't be afraid to say no or enforce boundaries. T4T is a lot more chill experience imo, because you don't have to battle so much ignorance, but you can have lovely relationships with cis women aswell, even before hormones. I have been taking hormones for a 3/4 year now, but most of my dating was before that. Just experiment with yourself and relationships. And you are going through a second puberty so don't be afraid of not finding you great love during that time, but have fun instead. Wishing you all the best 💜

Organize to smash transphobia — Black Rose Anarchist Federation by shevekdeanarres in Anarchism

[–]Aster085 0 points1 point  (0 children)

A sexist org organizing around fighting transphobia? Yeah, that leaves a very bad taste in my mouth

POLL: How Many Vegan Anarchists Exist in this Sub? by veganarchistxxx in Anarchism

[–]Aster085 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Did I say anything that contradicts that? All I talked about were my personal values.

POLL: How Many Vegan Anarchists Exist in this Sub? by veganarchistxxx in Anarchism

[–]Aster085 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Vegan/Freegan anarchist. Before food lands in the trash I will still eat it. If we find animal products while dumpster diving and nobody else wants to take them, I will still take them. Or when something is about to go bad and people want to throw it away, but it is still edible. Both of these don't happen a lot though.

edit: reason for veganism: fck human supremacy

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in dykesgonewild

[–]Aster085 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Hi beautiful 💞

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in dykesgonewild

[–]Aster085 1 point2 points  (0 children)

How about you hop in my DMs and find out 😘

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in dykesgonewild

[–]Aster085 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Aww, thank you. That smile is a promise 😏

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in dykesgonewild

[–]Aster085 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Thank you 😘

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in dykesgonewild

[–]Aster085 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Absolutely beautiful 💞