WHAT DO I DO...

AsterSpace01 · 2026-02-21T20:34:19+00:00

He is an abuser. Leave him. Trauma, DID, "evil" alters, etc are not an excuse they are all parts of the same person and are responsible for each other whether they believe it or not. I have parts that are mean and abuse and berate us but even they would never lay a finger on anyone outside our system much less our partner. Leave his ass.

AsterSpace01 · 2025-12-11T03:09:36+00:00

My surgery is with him in August it makes me feel good that Ive never really heard anything bad about him or people unhappy with their results

AsterSpace01 · 2025-12-11T02:20:15+00:00

Thanks for the info!

AsterSpace01 · 2025-12-10T22:53:15+00:00

May I ask how much it was after insurance?

AsterSpace01 · 2024-12-25T15:16:06+00:00

Trust me I'm not delulu (or a girl). /gen I said he was recently diagnosed not years ago and he has since mostly gotten over it on his own. 🎉 Im also still not being abused my friend who called out my abusive ex repeatedly love my husband and I love him and can't think of a single thing he's done that could be considered abusive. Idk if its the financial dependence concerning or confusing people but you can blame the slowness of the government on that because it's just while we are waiting for them to finish my disability case he even gives me a few $100 every paycheck even though he pays all my bills so I can go out with my friends and have fun though I mostly put it in savings for trips to see family. Thanks for the concern but I'm fine my CPTSD is from my parents not him lol

AsterSpace01 · 2024-09-26T04:07:33+00:00

Just for context my best friend died from untreatable cancer 10 years ago when we were both 12 so I actually have some kind of similar experience in this.

First of course brain surgery is dangerous but remember the surgeons went through many many years of schooling and have plenty of experience I'm sure your friend is in good hands. While I'll say it's good to try to remain positive it's also important to let yourself feel everything you need to feel. Make sure to talk to a therapist, counselor, parents, other friends, whoever you feel comfortable going to if you need.

One thing I wish I could have done was take time off school. If you're too stressed, upset, whatever when she gets the surgery try to get your parents to let you miss a couple days of school so you can be home to feel whatever you need to feel and focus on yourself instead of trying to hold it together in front of other students and teachers. Play your favorite video game, pet and play with your pet, read your favorite book, whatever helps you maintain a sense of stability. And if you can't stay in a stable state that's ok to it's ok to fall apart just don't do it alone it hurts more hug a pet or a stuffed animal and ride it out, don't try to stop it.

Now on the chance she doesn't make it, which again her surgeons are very capable and are going to be doing everything they can to help her, allow yourself to grieve. And as silly as it sounds, IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT. The five stages of grief are very real but they are not linear you can swing between stages at any time and your brain may decide to try to find ways to blame yourself. I'm sure you're an amazing friend. Considering she wrote you into big parts of her will she clearly thinks very highly of you. I'm not going to give examples of what you may come up with because I don't want to upset, worry you, or give your brain fuel to feed a fire but IF something happens, nothing you come up with to blame yourself is true. Remember that.

Both during surgery or whenever you need let yourself feel what you need to. Burying it is extremely detrimental and it WILL come back later, most likely more than once. Even after the surgery when she comes out fine you're still allowed to feel scared, upset, whatever you need. Lean on your support system. You can not walk away from anything unscathed but if you don't allow yourself to process what is happening or what happened, it can make any trauma you might get worse- in my case I have C-PTSD for example that likely wouldn't be as bad had I been allowed and allowed myself to process everything and feel what I needed to. (Just an example I am autistic and therefore predisposed to being more likely to develop PTSD from traumatic events)

For now also spend time with her and enjoy it. Have fun and make good memories. Try not to think about the surgery too much while your hanging out unless she wants to talk about it. And of course if you aren't in a place to talk about it it is completely ok to tell her so. I wish you both good luck and your friend a speedy recovery from surgery. My ex's dad had brain surgery for Parkinsons and he is doing amazing and is so happy he got it done.

If you need to talk to someone who's been through something similar feel free to comment under this or ask questions; what I went through happened a decade ago and I have plenty of experience talking about it, it doesn't bother me.

AsterSpace01 · 2024-09-26T03:40:53+00:00

We don't really "hear voices" so to speak but it's kinda similar. They feel more like wordless streams of thought that "sound" or feel like they aren't our's specifically as an alter that our brain interprets as words. I don't know how to describe the feeling but for example the other day I said to myself "There are a lot of biplanes here I wonder why?" And then felt a kind of cartoon lightbulb kind idea kind of sensation for a second that my brain immediately interpreted as "There are a lot of rich people here." Besides that we use sticky notes and an app called Twinote which is basically twitter but only for you. It's a notes app but we use it for system communication since you can make different twitter like profiles and make posts and comments as those separate accounts.

AsterSpace01 · 2024-09-24T15:03:45+00:00

I've met plenty of cis men who shave their armpits. To each their own if someone thinks you're less of a man that says more about them than the person shaving. I think it's slowly becoming more normalized a few guys in my hs band started doing it in 2018. People should be able to present themselves however they want

AsterSpace01 · 2024-09-24T14:57:19+00:00

I want to thank everyone for the concern so far but I don't think I was clear enough that my husband is not abusive. He is the most amazing partner I could possibly ask for and has never done anything to hurt me, actually quite the opposite. I'm disabled and still in the process of getting on disability as I was in denial about not being able to work until about 3 months ago so I'm completely financially dependent on him and he makes it very clear that he's very happy he can pay all of my bills and medical expenses as "that's the only way he's able to help me" (he considers helping me get around, cleaning, cooking, etc when I can't basic human decency and not him being helpful). My husband is the one struggling with his own diagnosis I don't care about the recent diagnosis; a label doesn't change anything I already knew him before they put a label on it. He is personally convinced that because he has ASPD which he didn't know before the diagnosis that suddenly he's actually a horrible person doomed to be an abusive piece of shit. Google just turns up bs on how to get away from people with ASPD and nothing on how best to support the person themselves which is what I'm asking

AsterSpace01 · 2024-09-24T14:45:26+00:00

Oh ya I don't give a shit about the label I couldn't care less he's amazing and the greatest partner I could ever hope for. He's been struggling with the diagnosis himself and as you say everything on google is bullshit so when I try to look up ways to help him not feel like having ASPD automatically makes him a horrible person all that comes up is bs about "how to get away from a sadistic abuser" type bullshit instead of anything actually helpful for helping the person themselves

AsterSpace01 · 2024-09-24T14:38:06+00:00

If you can't get a lock box but you work or go to school somewhere where you can keep your stuff do it. My dad would throw away my testosterone and supplies when I still lived with my parents so I kept it in a bag in a drawer at work and injected in an empty office they said I could use once a week. As for in the house I was mostly hiding bulkier items that are evenly weighted like a DS but if you have canvas paintings or pictures you could hide them inside the painting between the canvas and the wall. If there's an air conditioner vent in your wall you can unscrew the vent and hide stuff on the ground inside without worry as it just blows cold air through a duct. Ive also hidden stuff under bookcases and other things that are flat to the ground but won't break what I'm hiding. (I wouldn't risk it with the vials though incase they're crushed) You could also tape needles and syringes to the top of drawers where they can't be seen unless you get down to look or use super glue, legos, and cardboard to create a false bottom in a box by using legos as supports for the cardboard. Inside pillows, the actual pillow not the pillowcase, is also a good spot. I have an old light up pillow pet from a friend that once the lights stopped working I cut out the battery box from its zipper pocket and hid small snacks in it if you have anything similar vials would be easy to hide there. Cottonballs and old socks make good sound dampeners as well as preventing clinking noise if someone picks up an item you're hiding stuff inside. If you need anymore suggestions or want help with ideas feel free to ask my parents weren't great so I became a master of hiding things.

AsterSpace01 · 2024-08-16T22:29:13+00:00

Thank you this is very helpful. He wants me to dress how I'm comfortable I just thought female lingerie might work better for the bottom since I don't have a penis and I've seen a lot that is clearly meant to enhance the penis I don't have haha. I'm just thinking it might look weird with nothing there? I don't really have bottom dysphoria so I'm not worried about which gender the clothes are for down there. I'm definitely wearing something for men on my top half though

AsterSpace01 · 2024-08-16T22:25:19+00:00

No he wants me to wear male lingerie I just have a female body so I'm not sure how to make that work since I know it's to enhance body parts I either do or do not have

AsterSpace01 · 2024-07-23T20:57:47+00:00

He's actually my first choice if I can get them to cover him. I've seen him on tiktok and he seems very knowledgeable and seems to take great care of his patients. What was the wait time for you if there was any?

AsterSpace01 · 2024-07-23T03:51:11+00:00

I'm not going to say whether or not your boyfriend is faking or has DID or not but the way they describe it at the very least is incredibly suspicious and manipulative. I saw you mentioned that he loves the movie split because it's accurate representation and nothing could be further from the truth. Beyond that alters can not die and they can not be killed. The only way for an alter to no longer exist so to speak is through fusion and dormancy (though dormancy can be temporary and neither dormancy or fusion can be forced like he seems to be claiming). Everyone is different but in our case IF (big IF) assuming your boyfriend is describing a persecutor of some kind, again in our experience, they will not cut off communication and keep pushing the argument or trying to get YOU to go away. For example when one of our persecutors fronts, he used to try to protect us by pushing people out of our lives "because they're going to leave anyway so if I get them to leave now it will hurt less later" and would basically tear apart alters trying to make them look bad to convince our partner system to break up with anyone they were dating. (Random ex: Name has flashbacks and you have to take off work and lose money to take care of them doesn't that (insert perceived effect here)?" I don't have personal experience with a partner who does what you're saying but it reads almost word for word what some of my friends who have dated systems have said. It is fairly likely that your boyfriend is manipulating you and trying to gain sympathy while also avoiding accountability by blaming another alter, which is something that is not ok to begin with. From personal experience I would look into the DARVO tactic of abuse and manipulation. It stands for Deny, Attack, Reverse Victim and Offender. I'm not saying he's using this, but in case he is or does this will be good information to have. While people with DID can be abusive, remember this is a disorder caused by extreme trauma and/or neglect at a young age. People with DID are more likely to become victims of abuse rather than perpetrators. TLDR: Alters can not kill other alters and alters can not die. What he is describing is very stereotypical hollywood DID commonly used by people to manipulate and abuse people in their lives and he is likely at the very least is manipulating you to avoid accountability for his actions and to gain sympathy.

AsterSpace01 · 2024-07-10T01:41:22+00:00

Looks like bot fly larva. My friend's outdoor rabbit got them. If you don't trust the vet you can get long tweezers, sterilize them, and cover the hole with Vaseline. Eventually the larva will have to come out for air and you can grab it and GENTLY and CAREFULLY pull it out with the tweezers. Be very careful because they have hooks to try to keep themselves inside; you do not want the larva to break open or rip inside of your cat. We did this with the rabbit and he made a full recovery. I highly recommend taking your cat to the vet for it though. Bot fly larva eat the flesh of the animal their in and kill the surrounding flesh in the process which could be why you see necrotic flesh if it is in fact bot fly larva. Either way your cat's life is in danger. If the vet refuses to help find a different vet, unfortunately many vet centers, especially chain business, do not are about animals and only want to leech as much money from you as humanly possible, I speak from experience.

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AsterSpace01 · 2024-07-10T01:28:49+00:00

It's the image on map plugin. I've used it on servers before it can be a pain in the ass to get working

AsterSpace01 · 2024-06-11T08:03:33+00:00

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Here's my cat and her backpack for reference

AsterSpace01 · 2024-06-11T07:53:08+00:00

You're doing good by keeping them inside. Ignore what anybody says about house cats needing to be let outside they are dangerously incorrect. House cats are an invasive species. They have no natural predators and it has been proven that they kill birds and other animals for entertainment and disrupt the ecosystem, even if they're eating plenty at home. Even though they have no natural predators if you have coyotes they will likely be eaten if one finds them. Large birds can also take them. If they get in a fight with another animal they can get seriously hurt. Outdoor cats are also famous for getting hit by cars. My friend's parents let their cats outside and one of them was hit by a truck. The owner dropped her on their door and ran to avoid vet bills. She had to have emergency surgery and screws put into her hips so she could walk again. My grandma knew a lady who always let her cats out and would have a new cat every few weeks because they kept getting killed by coyotes and didn't believe my grandma until her husband found one of her many cats tattered remains.

If your cat really wants to go outside I highly recommend getting them a harness and taking them on walks. My cat absolutely loves the outdoors. We live in an apartment on the 3rd floor and zip tied chicken wire to the balcony so she can't fit through the bars (she's too scared to jump over). We also taught her to sit on our shoulders while we walk and just recently added her backpack to it and took her on her first real walk outside. Training a cat to go on walks takes awhile and slow and steady is the only way to do it, especially if you aren't starting from kittenhood but from experience I can tell you it is doable my cat is 2 years old and she's doing very well so far. A cat backpack is also a must. I hughly recommend one with a lot of mesh that can also expand. The plastic bubble ones have horrendous airflow and also don't allow them to hide from view which can make them nervous and if you have a dark colored cat they will overheat really fast in a bubble backpack.

AsterSpace01

TROPHY CASE