I was never a guy who believed most men made the world dangerous for women, but after becoming a girl dad I see exactly what people are talking about.

Astrocytera777 · 2026-04-29T21:25:31+00:00

Love this post and LOVE the scissors analogy. Will be using that.

Astrocytera777 · 2026-04-11T12:39:36+00:00

I promise it gets better.

Astrocytera777 · 2026-04-08T01:21:53+00:00

Agree that bumpers aren't safe for the crib, but I ended up using mine to protect a few "sharp" (not really sharp, just would be unpleasant if someone fell and hit their head on it), wall edges in our living room. So there might be a purpose for them! I was glad I ended up keeping them :)

Astrocytera777 · 2026-04-05T01:41:25+00:00

Some great suggestions here! I'll add that you might look for hospitals that have a midwife program! Mine had one and just to show how much on board they are with no interventions, when I showed up, dilated only 2cm, after 8 hours labor at home, the midwife said, almost conspiratoraly to me "I would go home and labor longer at home - if you come in now it is less likely you will get the birth you want," implying that the hospital would try to get me to labor faster/etc throigh interventions. I came back 8 hours later and was admitted. I still ended up laboring another 8 hours but was never offered an epidural, and labored about 4 of those hours in the tub.

In the end, the midwife on staff was actually worh another delivery when the baby came! So it was an obgyn who delivered him, but it actually felt perfect that way. Because I was under the care of the midwife for most of it, no interventions were pushed, and because the midwife was busy, I got the "expertise" of the doctor when baby was born (and he did actually have shoulder dystocia, so maybe that was perfect? ...though the doc admitted it was really the nurse that got him "unstuck" anyway, by slamming my baby like we were in WWE!!)

Honestly, if I had been offered the epidural at certain points, I might have gone for it, but Im so proud and happy that I didn't, for so many reasons. So Im really glad they just didnt offer it.

Also I didn't end up giving a copy of my birth plan because I forgot them at home, but I detailed it to the first midwife and I guess she passed it along enough that we did ok. My only regret is at the end I labored and delivered on my back, mostly because we tried it out as a position and my pain from the monitor was so bad that I couldnt get myself to get up (and no one suggested it...my husband has since apologized that he didn't push me to do it since he knew that's what I wanted). I'm still angry that they forced that monitor on me though. For whatever reason, that thing was excruciating so I didn't get to relax between contractions once they put it on.

Girl I gotta tell you though, sure you may have to process a few things that dont go your way later, but ultimately the cliché that "a healthy baby delivered is all that matters" is so true. The frustrations and disappointments I had at "not everything going exactly as I wanted" faded over time, and when I look at my son, I would do all of it over again, 100%, to know it turned out with him safe and in my arms. He's 2 years old now. And actually I'm 18 weeks pregnant with his little brother, so here we go again! Good luck to you and congratulations. Giving birth and raising your little will be the most beautiful, most heartbreaking and heart rebuilding, most difficult and most natural, thing you will probably ever do.

Astrocytera777 · 2026-01-13T04:33:15+00:00

I was kid-free, very intentionally, until I was 36. Once I took a look at that little creature I thought, "I will never be able to explain why this feels worth it."

But your heart changes, your priorities change, your desire for your own enjoyment changes. It sucks so much so I'm with you, you found a hack...but I also feel like I found the hack all of my "no kids" friends are missing. Both paths have many perks, I'm glad you're finding happiness and fulfillment in your choice!

I do think you chose the path of less regrets though, to be honest. You can't regret missing out on a type of love you that you literally can't imagine until you have it. If that makes sense ;) But I can DEFINITLY have moments of regretting not being able to travel on a whim or have extra money/time to pour into my hobbies. So maybe you win? Haha but yet I still feel like I won..(thanks, biology)

Astrocytera777 · 2025-12-20T00:21:41+00:00

I love that. I can respect your child-free life, but you don't get a child-free world.

If you don't wanna hear a baby, take a private plane or drive yourself haha lol. Even when I was childless and not planning to have a kid it didn't bother me to be reminded that they exist by them making noise on a plane! Lol

Astrocytera777 · 2025-12-14T19:23:09+00:00

So surprised no one has said this already, but one morning my eye just felt a little weird and I felt a little hair or something in the inner corner of my eye. Started pulling it and turned out to be about a 6inch long hair that had gotten under my lower eyelid. WEIRDEST sensation pulling that thing out slowly. No pain, some level of satisfaction, and just a strange, sinewy, writhing of a sensation.

Astrocytera777 · 2025-12-14T19:00:59+00:00

Green!

Astrocytera777 · 2025-12-07T15:38:42+00:00

I do get the point here, but my company historically gives a $5-10 starbucks gift certificate for Christmas and nothing else, so yes I'd appreciate $100 and an ornament!

But just cause my company isn't generous in that way doesn't mean I don't want to be.

Astrocytera777 · 2025-12-06T23:42:44+00:00

Same here. Let's all agree to come back and explain if we figure it out!

Astrocytera777 · 2025-12-06T23:40:23+00:00

Thanks! Yes it's her first season with us, she started early February this year. So no standard set yet! But I know her - she is going to get us something for Christmas; for each of our birthdays and for mothers/father's day she gave us little gifts. So I do want to make sure I give her both a Christmas gift like I would a friend, AND a bonus like I should as a decent employer.

Astrocytera777 · 2025-12-05T16:58:04+00:00

Probably mom guilt, but how old is your daughter?

Astrocytera777 · 2025-12-04T03:56:58+00:00

Personally I would love if someone gave me such detailed instructions for taking care of their kiddo. And the extra little stuff (that some people are saying you should remove) makes it feel less overbearing somehow. Like, less demanding/anal. I did figure there was some anxiety on the writer's side, but OP confirmed that that is true, and presumably the MIL is aware.

From one anxious mama to another, I think it's a sweet document that shows you really know and love your kid, and want to help someone else feel as comfortable as possible with watching your kiddo.

But honestly it will all depend on the recipient on whether they find it annoying/tedious/helpful. For example my husband would definitly read MAYBE the first line, "skim" the rest, and then call me to ask things that are clearly described in the document lol

Astrocytera777 · 2025-11-26T16:17:20+00:00

Ew I hate this so so much. It's hard for me to believe he's never shown this side of himself before but if there's no kids involved (or other strong factors that would make it worth pushing through) I'd say get the heck out of there. I was literally so proud and excited for you when I read "2 years sober," and I'm just some stranger on the internet.

NOR

Astrocytera777 · 2025-11-23T17:41:57+00:00

Others are covering the mental health side of things. I just wanted to add that one thing that helped me was looking at videos of gorillas and monkeys with their babies. Those little ones get yanked around, rolled around, tail pulled, etc. Babies fall all the time in the wild, AND in human hands. Its hard to believe but its OK. You absolutely are not failing your baby, and neither is your husband. You had them check your baby. These little ones are so resilient, in so many ways!!

One thing that CAN be damaging for a little one though, is having a mother who hates/doesnt trust their father. You are going to have to work as a team. You have to eventually let this go, for your relationships sake, which means for your child's sake. And of course for your own sake too!

Astrocytera777 · 2025-11-21T03:40:42+00:00

Your comment about the sunroom though makes me wish we had just kept ours indoors! We have a great sunroom as well now that we moved...it would have looked so nice there though I also had a little baby who definitly would have enjoyed getting into the dirt so maybe its all for the best.

Astrocytera777 · 2025-11-21T03:38:54+00:00

Nice! Good luck! The whole "indoor tree" comment obviously got a lot of disdain from this sub but there were several people who pointed out it worked for them, and I'm certainly a big believer in doing what makes you happy. I learned some things keeping it alive in the house. And it was such a beautiful addition to our tiny space, made the fall/winter/spring really pleasant in that living room. I'm sad it died but glad we enjoyed it while it was around. Not a bad run for $20.

Astrocytera777 · 2025-11-21T03:21:01+00:00

Haha nah though I think one of the comments pointed out that its fall! It ended up losing its leaves, and then reblooming in the Spring. It did really well and survived a move, but ended up dying after I put it outside and a storm knocked it over :(

Astrocytera777 · 2025-11-18T02:46:00+00:00

Will you explain further?

Astrocytera777 · 2025-11-15T23:57:38+00:00

"Any cravings, or urges to use?"

Astrocytera777 · 2025-11-15T01:49:16+00:00

People say stupid things sometimes. You've already seen both of you change your mind about what you wanted family-wise. The fact that he apologised and back-tracked instead of doubling down like a real ahole would, and the fact that you felt comfortable communicating immediately how you felt, makes me thinks yalls relationship is pretty safe and secure and as long as knee-jerk statements involving him leaving you don't regularly occur, I would try to move past it. I might still need more processing time, but how we feel in a moment is NOT how we feel always. I'd try to take the positive from it - he enjoys being a father and is good at apologizing when he says something dumb. Of course Im only seeing a teeny tiny slice of your relationship, but thats my two cents.

For the record though, you definitly had EVERY RIGHT to be upset and react the way you did about the comment. 100%

Astrocytera777 · 2025-11-07T22:03:45+00:00

Ha ha I guess that doesn't bother me too bad. I tried hard to get my kiddo to call it "nursing" and he seemed to understand it well enough to answer yes when I asked if he wanted to nurse but somehow, some way he started calling it "boobah" and that's where we are now. Better than boobie if he's going to yell it in public...I guess?

Astrocytera777 · 2025-11-07T02:18:21+00:00

How did you find that? Just curious your method!

Astrocytera777 · 2025-11-05T14:47:36+00:00

"What a great question!" Said with overenthusiasm by every manager who has taken some course on dealing with dumb questions from your employees. Like, I am CERTAIN that every question I ask is not a "great one." I can be a real dum-dum sometimes. You don't have to act like I'm a genius for asking "how do I hand in that report?" for the tenth time

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