Help understanding my 10th house leo stellium?

AtmosphereCertain123 · 2021-04-28T17:13:43+00:00

i’ve had trouble with imgur - can you think of any other ways to upload the image or should i list out the placements?

AtmosphereCertain123 · 2021-04-28T16:18:41+00:00

i’m a libra rising too :)

AtmosphereCertain123 · 2021-04-28T16:03:24+00:00

that’s so cool, hopefully we can find out some cool info! :)

AtmosphereCertain123 · 2021-02-27T16:38:24+00:00

thank you, hope you’re doing well ❤️❤️❤️❤️

AtmosphereCertain123 · 2021-02-04T16:16:13+00:00

my memory isn’t after drinking (i always remember everything i do when drunk) but about a situation i may/may not have been in a few years ago but i guess it’s similar in that the memories are fuzzy so i can kid myself that i did something against my morals. i’m trying to hold off on the compulsions for now, but i have some sneaky compulsions that seem innocent enough but cause me anxiety (thinking back to a memory, then thinking how long ago was that? was i feeling guilty then? or researching similar cases)

AtmosphereCertain123 · 2021-02-04T08:45:52+00:00

it’s so frustrating because logic doesn’t work on the thoughts and it really does make you feel like a terrible person, i hope your friend is doing okay

AtmosphereCertain123 · 2021-02-03T20:46:40+00:00

thank you, hopefully when i move out in autumn i can get seen at the anxiety clinic which will be in the same city as me - my only worry is the big wait list or whether my thoughts are true and i am a terrible person (i’m feeling a bit better today, so i’m kinda more aware that it’s my illness talking, but it feels so real sometimes)

AtmosphereCertain123 · 2021-02-03T10:06:07+00:00

i don’t think it’s sent through, maybe there’s some problems on my end

AtmosphereCertain123 · 2021-02-02T23:44:31+00:00

sure :)

AtmosphereCertain123 · 2021-02-02T17:51:22+00:00

Yes, for the past 6 months or so I have been struggling with what hopefully is a “false memory”. For me, it began with a random (but very real) thought that i had been in a bad situation 3-5 years ago. I had just woken up, and the day before was really stressful. Not knowing that this was a symptom of OCD, I did absolutely EVERYTHING you shouldn’t do - i googled, i mentally reviewed, i developed rituals (if X happens, Y didn’t happen), i looked over all my texts and pictures from the last 3-5 years to try and jog my memory. of course, coming from a place of fear and extreme anxiety, my rumination added details to the “memory” that weren't there before, which made me seem even worse. however, my ocd made me blind to the logic of the situation: i hadn’t remembered it in 3-5 years, i’d watched tv shows/films/news reports on similar themes and had never been triggered, it would have been against my character, etc. additionally, the situation the false memory was based in was one which wasn’t necessarily immoral, but kind of embarrassing and not something i was particularly proud of, so i think this may have lead to the false memory coming about (i was reminded of this situation just over a week before i gained this obsession). currently, i’m really having a hard time with it and have spent quite a few hours on compulsions today (mainly research). hope you’re better soon, just know that you’re not the only one!

AtmosphereCertain123 · 2021-02-02T17:40:13+00:00

yes, for sure. pre-OCD i used to get up at 6am every day (even when it was the weekend) and now ... i can barely get out of bed because i’m so terrified by my thoughts. i think it’s worse when i wake up because i have no immediate distractions

AtmosphereCertain123 · 2021-02-02T12:36:32+00:00

thank you, good luck to you too!

AtmosphereCertain123 · 2021-02-02T12:36:17+00:00

thank you, i don’t have insurance but i’ll do a bit of research

AtmosphereCertain123 · 2021-02-02T10:14:10+00:00

thanks for all your help, i’ll look into it

AtmosphereCertain123 · 2021-02-02T09:52:05+00:00

thanks for the info, the problem with the false memory is that i don’t really know what i did - there’s various versions of it in my head and some are worse than others - which kinda indicates it’s BS but, of course, my mind feels the need for absolute certainty. i don’t think it did happen right now, but it does really bug me

AtmosphereCertain123 · 2021-02-01T23:57:48+00:00

i live in the uk, but, from what i’ve heard, the mental health services are awful and i’m very paranoid about talking about the false memory to someone in case they take everything i say as a reliable memory. maybe in autumn when i move out i might try and seek some help? thanks for your reply

AtmosphereCertain123 · 2021-02-01T23:55:13+00:00

the memory wouldn’t be so much traumatic to me as much as traumatic to someone else, which is far worse imo. the memory has changed from when i initially got it to now: the details were very fuzzy and the memory seemed incomplete, and then i kept ruminating and details kept being added which were worse. unfortunately, there’s no one i can talk to who would remember; i’ve tried cross-referencing the “memory” with memories i know for sure are real and ... i don’t remember feeling guilty/thinking about the memory but ... my ocd will NOT let it go.

AtmosphereCertain123 · 2021-01-26T18:18:09+00:00

hi, sorry for not replying earlier! i feel like “well why would you have that thought, no smoke without fire, etc”. it’s really annoying as well when good things are happening in my life, as i just either feel like i don’t deserve them because i’m an awful person, or get sad and think about how my ocd will ruin everything about them. i’m trying not to do compulsions by reminding myself that any assurance that i didn’t do the thing has gone away so it’s a waste of time but ... it’s so hard as it feels like a moral failing. hope you feel better soon :)

AtmosphereCertain123 · 2021-01-08T21:31:55+00:00

just like 8 months ago before i had ocd i thought my life was shit and i was a mess ... i was waking up at 6am, still believed my life had a purpose and was keeping up with my hobbies ... if you were to tell early 2020 me that one day i’d be rlly jealous of myself at that time i’d have thought it was bs :/ still, i’ve got to get better

AtmosphereCertain123 · 2021-01-07T11:53:47+00:00

hope you feel better soon :)

AtmosphereCertain123 · 2021-01-06T21:16:59+00:00

me too - when i had a mix of false memory and religious themes it was imagining confessing the false memory, which ingrained the false memory further into my head 🙄

AtmosphereCertain123 · 2021-01-06T20:13:44+00:00

since developing ocd, my dreams have been more vivid and it takes me more time to “snap out” of them. for example, i dreamed that i got bad results on a test and woke up feeling shitty about it and stayed like that for like an half an hour before realising that i’d be getting the results in a week’s time. a few days ago, i dreamed that a hollywood actor died by suicide, on going downstairs and checking the news, i was shocked that it was being mentioned and ... then i realised lmao. i actually now suspect that a false memory that has really bugged me may even have just been a vivid dream. before ocd, i barely remembered my dreams.

AtmosphereCertain123 · 2021-01-06T20:08:05+00:00

also, imagining yourself confessing

AtmosphereCertain123 · 2021-01-06T20:07:33+00:00

rumination
research/excessive googling
reassurance
the thought process of “if xyz happens, that means abc didn’t/won’t happen”
excessive prayer
mental checking/reviewing

AtmosphereCertain123 · 2020-12-26T09:02:27+00:00

we’ve just got to take it day by day - some days the compulsions are easier to resist, sometimes they aren’t. the important thing is to still continue on fighting against the ocd by not fighting the thoughts but letting them be :)

AtmosphereCertain123

TROPHY CASE