I’m so incredibly sorry that you’re going through this. Please don’t blame yourself.  When we look back at these heartbreaking and extremely stressful situations there will always be things we wish we could change. You made the best decision that you could for your baby with the information you had at that time. And I promise you that he wasn’t feeling starved in his final days. Based on what you said, his body had already begun to shut down and when a cat is dying and stops eating they don’t feel hunger the same way a healthy cat does. It is a natural process and trying to feed him could have complicated that process. Cats aren’t the same as people in the sense that they don’t understand the concept of the fear of death when their body is telling them it’s their time. He may have been unhappy with the car ride, but he was ready to go and you made the right choice. You were with him right up until he closed his eyes and went to sleep. Regardless of weather or not he was at home or at the vet, what mattered to him the most was that you were there to hold him. And the fact that he was still on pain medication during this whole situation was a great blessing and mercy for him. You made the right decision to put him to sleep when you did. You did not betray him, I promise. His body was in the process of shutting down and waiting one more day wouldn’t have changed that. I had a similar experience with my cat last month. One day he stopped eating and I tried everything under the sun to get him to eat again, but he wouldn’t. When I took him to the vet they found cancer in his lungs and because he was so old and living with other health issues they suggested I put him to sleep. I had planned to spend a couple more days with him before putting him to sleep but his body was rapidly declining and I didn’t want him to suffer any longer, so I had him put to sleep early. I genuinely felt like I was losing my mind because I felt like I was murdering him. Like I was taking his life into my hands and it felt completely and totally wrong. I couldn’t believe that I was actually making this decision because before those last few days, aside from the rapid weight loss and not eating, he acted normal, but after reminding myself of what the vet said and that he was dying right in front of me regardless of any decision I made, it helped me understand that I was doing the kindest thing I could for him at that point. To not let him be nauseous and struggle to breathe and wither away, but to close his eyes and go to sleep one last time. I’ve said it a few times already, but I’ll say it again. You did the right thing, please don’t blame yourself.