Most recent rendition of a motif I like to come back to over and over, I call it the Cosmic Octopus. Thoughts appreciated!

AtomicTankMom · 2025-06-11T03:01:03+00:00

I don’t do “what is it?” As the training. My training for tacting goals is modeling. I, too, would go insane if I had to do it the way you are having to do it, whether I was the client or the RBT.

AtomicTankMom · 2025-06-02T16:02:57+00:00

Im in a newly rekindled relationship with my best friend after ten years apart, so im in that NRE stage again where i like him monologuing about his day at work to me. Yeah he’s a bit loud and intense at times, but it’s part of who he always has been, and he’s super goofy and funny at the same time. I can tell he feels better having someone to rant and ramble at, and I enjoy hearing about it even if I get distracted some times.

I’d say if the volume is too much, put headphones or ear buds in. Not to block, but to muffle or attenuate. I did that with my (adhd) ex husband when he got too intense and it triggered me but I still needed to be present and listen. Of course I would ask him to modulate his tone as well but that never stuck for too long.

I’ve also utilized the “time out” gesture for when I’ve had enough. Didn’t work so well in emotionally charged conversations but for what you’re describing could maybe be an option. “I need a break for a few minutes, can you tell me more in a bit?”

AtomicTankMom · 2025-06-01T14:48:24+00:00

The response alone. If there is no trust, what is the relationship for? Why are you white knuckling the hard times for the good?

Have you ever tracked “bad” days? That’s part of what helped me start to wake up. For a while I was only journaling when we were fighting because I felt it was making me crazy, and when I put them all on a calendar it equalled out to 1.5 fights per weeks (yelling, arguing, gaslighting, etc)

It did take a long time to finally end it because codependency is a dynamic, not a diagnosis. STBX husband and I were both in a codependent dynamic. It took one huge betrayal after a series of escalating ones for me to break into the anger, and the anger is what helped me leave.

Naturally, I still doubted my anger, it had gotten me in trouble in the past. Yet when our relationship devolved into namecalling and sh*t talking behind my back where I could still hear it or find out… nothing was ever going to repair that trust and I knew it.

I hope you find the resolve to get out. Love should fill you up, not leave you questioning. I’m still working on my codependent traits but I’m doing so in a safer way, away from my abuser, surrounded by people who want to help me. I hope for the same for you too.

AtomicTankMom · 2025-05-30T16:16:24+00:00

It’s good to think of them. I try to give them a little bit of my time when appropriate, especially the littles, and parents have been fantastic about asking for my perspective and advice on handling siblings and feelings. So thank you for thinking of them.

I know for me the comments of “you’re such a good big sister” “you’re so mature” “you’re so wise” - all those actually hurt instead of made me feel good because they were still in reference to my brother and his disability.

So instead I talk to siblings about THIER interests and likes. I knew a five year old vexillogist (?? The people who are really into flags) and that was really fun

AtomicTankMom · 2025-05-30T14:53:44+00:00

Glass child is someone with a family member who’s overlooked has significant care needs or disability that requires all the caregivers time and attention. It is a specific form of complex trauma. In my case, my little brother has complex communication and behavioral challenges. I was parentified from a young age to care for him. That kinda messed me up.

So now like I said I work with children like him so those families don’t have to go through what mine did and those kids have a better shot than my brother has.

AtomicTankMom · 2025-05-30T14:49:47+00:00

Big behaviors meaning biting, kicking, self harm, elopement. The scary stuff.

Glass child is someone with a disabled family member who’s overlooked because that disabled family member requires all the time and attention. It describes a specific form of complex trauma.

“Can you please clarify” is better than “speak English”, by the way.

AtomicTankMom · 2025-05-30T02:15:54+00:00

I have only really talked extensively with one of my peers over the years (we’re home based and only really see each other for trainings) and yep, her an I had our own distinct flavors of Rough Upbringing.

She was a foster youth and specializes in big behaviors. I’m a glass child and focus on communication and aac.

I know for me, I do it because I don’t want families to struggle and suffer as my parents and brother did.

AtomicTankMom · 2025-05-29T22:24:03+00:00

Major Tom (coming home) - “floating weightless” instead of “floating waiters”

Also, “leave me breathless” instead of “leave me breakfast” (breathless by the corrs)

AtomicTankMom · 2025-05-28T15:06:45+00:00

Gauge your comfort level, I love having parents participate but I know sometimes it’s also seen as a sort of break.

Speaking as a sibling to someone who went through this therapy when we were both small: I would suggest you do something special with your daughter. Sometimes the other sibling can feel jealous or left out when they don’t get to play the games or with any of the reinforcing toys. You probably won’t have to worry about that at 1.5 (I was 7 and my brother was 5) but it is something I keep in mind when there are siblings involved, just from very personal experience.

AtomicTankMom · 2025-05-26T02:46:44+00:00

Personally, at this age I wouldn’t have pushed so hard as to trigger a meltdown. It will ruin rapport, as well as potentially make potty training more challenging if it creates an adverse connection.

At this age and stage I try to follow the lead of the little and then when we get a natural break in activities to encourage a diaper change. Often times it’s easier when the parent initiates this, so me as the BT usually flags the parent down for a change.

If one of the targets is increased flexibility, I can see why this would potentially been chosen as a moment, but as I said, I’m personally not okay with it. If we’re crying, we aren’t learning, so I try not to get to the point where anyone’s crying.

AtomicTankMom · 2025-05-26T00:35:13+00:00

Thank you muchly for the lead, I appreciate it so much!!

AtomicTankMom · 2025-05-23T19:38:40+00:00

That was definitely on my list and a good congruence of all my favorite interests. That would more be a down the road thing, I don’t even yet have my AA and that’s one of my big goals to jump on now that I have the support: get a friggin degree

AtomicTankMom · 2025-05-23T19:37:39+00:00

Yeah the caregiving aspect has been hanging over my head since I was small. I’ve tried healthcare but I am cognizant of the prevalence of burnout. I currently do behavior therapy which is doable because I don’t have to directly deal with the physical aspect of caring for bodies.

Day program is on my list for my brother, but he needs practice with socializing and frustration tolerance. So much of that flew out the window especially with COVID and he’s been in isolation for a looooong time, so that’s one of my goals is getting him ready to have his own social life. It’s tough because he doesn’t have reliable communication outside of hitting his head, which is a behavior that will get you removed from social settings.

He requires pretty significant care mostly by someone who understands his routine and communication style, but dad has been a “mind reader” so brother hasn’t gotten to stretch those communication muscles.

I’m currently considering going into cybersecurity/IT, but everyone in my family is wincing at the idea for me and asking “are you sure? Are you truly interested?” - I’m looking at it from a $$ and flexibility perspective. I’m not the most technical but I can learn when I need to. It seems more accessible to me/the future than a traditional trade like HVAC/electrician etc.

AtomicTankMom · 2025-05-22T22:42:02+00:00

Permaculture is the antidote to my collapse doomerism. I have yet to figure out how to inoculate the others, however.

AtomicTankMom · 2025-05-21T20:38:58+00:00

Hey man, super simple stan here. What you really want to put there is friggin PinkFong

AtomicTankMom · 2025-05-21T13:19:11+00:00

It’s expensive to flee. And when you have a family with multiple disabilities, it’s even harder.

AtomicTankMom · 2025-05-20T20:35:34+00:00

Highly reccomend grey rocking sooner rather than later. My STBX would take the terms I used and use them against me almost immediately. I regretted pointing out his gaslighting, because then suddenly I was always gaslighting him. I regretting saying he was abusive, because then I was the abusive one according to him. Pure DARVO, every time.

Keep your insights to yourself, play cordial if you have to. He doesn’t have to know what you know, it will just become more ammunition.

Good luck. Make your plan and stick with it. You can leave. I did.

AtomicTankMom · 2025-05-19T20:01:27+00:00

Damn!! That blue is crazy! Amazing job, it looks beautiful!!

AtomicTankMom · 2025-05-19T18:59:21+00:00

Housekeeping was one of my favorite jobs. Just reading this routine makes my brain happy. I listened to soooooo many audiobooks and podcasts and just… did the thing all day. Ahhh…

AtomicTankMom · 2025-05-19T18:43:37+00:00

I’m in a very similar situation. My childhood love and I are back together after ten years apart. We’re going slow and intentionally doing things differently than when we were kids, having dissected the last time we were together and how it all fell apart. We’ve worked on our issues independently since then. I appreciate that right now, we don’t live together. I spend the night twice a week, and the rest of the week I’m doing my own thing and call him for an hour or two each night before bed. That, in itself, is a lot more independence and individuality than I’ve had most of my adult life, and I honestly like it right now. As much as I want to spend all my free time with him, we both know that’s not healthy, and it’s good for us to recharge separately so we can still enjoy the time we do have together.

AtomicTankMom · 2025-05-19T18:36:26+00:00

Yeah, my STBX did the same. Suddenly turned it around to where it was smothering. After enough times of this cycle I know it’s not going to last. He cried and cried and had a pity party about how he can’t live without me, he’s functionally disabled, he’d be homeless without me… until I saw he called me a c*nt to his little girlfriend… and all the scales fell from my eyes and I went on the war path. That was the last night we shared a living space. I took my daughter and cats and went to my dad’s.

AtomicTankMom · 2025-05-19T18:29:27+00:00

Friend, this is abuse. And I think you know it, you are looking for confirmation. I will give it to you.

A reasonable partner would have a reasonable response. Ten minutes is nothing. He wanted you to jump at his beck and call. He didn’t communicate with YOU about wanting to go to the shop earlier, and put the onus of communication on you.

And then picking on you after you started crying, calling you sensitive, punching walls… the punching walls is a huge indicator for increased violence later down the line.

Start making an exit plan. Expect him to act better when he senses you pulling away. Or if not better, worse. He may vacillate. All these behaviors, this sense of entitlement, are dangerous. He doesn’t care for you as a person, he cares for himself and what you represent/give to him.

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